SWNOVELS Unholy Vows: Chapter 27
The grounds of Casa Nera were pristine in the late December afternoon. The woods beyond the walls were still wearing their fall foliage, and the sky was a clear, pale blue. The faint scent of woodsmoke hung in the air, like someone was burning leaves nearby.
Gravel crunched underfoot as I walked away from the biggest house on the compound and headed around the back. Sonny dogged my steps, staying at least a few yards behind. Here and there, I glimpsed armed guards on patrol. I recognized one of them as Tony, the guy whose face I’d patched up my first night in Casa Nera. The night I’d promised Renato to worship him. Tony waved at me, smiling broadly. I returned his warm gesture.
Around the back of the sprawling mansion house was a small wooded area, a vegetable patch with a greenhouse, and a tiny stone building. Today, for the first time, lights blazed inside the small windows of the cute building.
“What is that?” I asked Sonny, waiting for him to catch up.
“It’s the late Mrs. De Sanctis’ chapel. Renato’s mother’s. He keeps it well-maintained. She loved it in there.”
“Can I see?” I was already toward the doors.
Sonny hustled after me, hanging back in the doorway, like he was scared to step across the threshold onto holy ground.
Renato’s mother had her own chapel? It was small and quaint, like it had been transported brick by brick from Italy. The kind you might come across in some pretty mountaintop town, with its red bricks, ivy-covered façade, and lead-paned, stained-glass windows.
Inside, a cross hung on the wall over the simple altar, and to the right, a marble Madonna looked benevolently across the humble pews. This wasn’t a church to show off in. It was the church of a true believer. It wasn’t ornate or impressive. It was simple and beautiful. Candles were lit on nearly every surface, the air heavy with incense.
I drifted down the aisle and slid into a pew. I hadn’t been inside a church since before my Da died (except for my wedding, of course, which hardly counted). Because of the pain I’d felt as a young kid, feeling abandoned and unloved by the adults in my life, I’d turned my back on my father’s beliefs. I couldn’t see my faith returning anytime soon, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel comforted by the peace and stillness of the place.
I closed my eyes and let that peace sink through me. Please. Someone show me the way. I wished someone would answer, because I was in real danger of falling in love with a devil and had no idea how to stop it. The thought of the bug circled my head and tormented me. Should I just destroy it?
“This was my mother’s chapel.” Renato’s voice made me jump. I opened my eyes and glanced at him. He lounged in the doorway, staring at the marble Madonna.
This morning had been the filthiest and greatest sexual moment of my life. I’d had no idea I was capable of four consecutive orgasms. Hell, until I’d met Renato, I hadn’t known I was capable of an orgasm that involved another person, period. I’d always been too tense, distracted, or hurrying toward the finish line. I’d always been too worried what the guy was thinking about me. Always too in my head and cut off from my body.
Not anymore, however. My husband didn’t allow me space to run away or hide from him. He didn’t even let me hold on to my precious sense of control that helped me keep my head clear. He was a whirlwind that I had no choice but to surrender to.
And I was dangerously close to becoming addicted.
Renato sauntered into the chapel and sat next to me on the creaking pew. “My father never came here. Not enough people around to demonstrate his faith to. He had another place in the city. There was a fire there. We don’t use it anymore. For him, faith, like love and loyalty, was a performative act. If no one was watching, did it even matter? Not to him.”
Inspired by his openness, I reciprocated. “My Da loved to go to the local Catholic church in our neighborhood. We had so many friends then. Everyone loved him. He was a character, you know? Larger than life. We were so poor, but we never really knew it, not until he was gone. He could make being hungry a game somehow. He always knew what to do, and I never have,” I trailed off, feeling suddenly awkward about how much I’d shared.
“You do just fine. Your sister isn’t an easy person.”
I bristled. “You don’t know her. She’s not looking for trouble. She’s a good girl, the best one, she just fell in love with the wrong guy. Love can do that…not that I’d expect you to know that.”
I sensed Renato’s eyes swing to me. “Meaning?”
“Meaning…I haven’t seen anyone else get close to you, and you married me, a perfect stranger.”
“Have you?” he interrupted.
“Have I what?”
“Ever been in love?”
No. Never even close.
“I love my sister.” It was a pure statement of fact.
Renato nodded and then raised an eyebrow. “Sure you do, but that’s not what I asked.”
“If you’re talking about romantic love, then sure, maybe, here or there.”
“Maybe, here or there?” Renato repeated, sounding amused. “It seems like you don’t know any more about it than I do.”
I shrugged, and his expression tugged a reluctant grin to my face.
“Why do you seem happy about that?” I demanded. I didn’t want to argue with him, because, after all, he was right. I’d never been in love with any of the men I’d dated. It felt too pathetic to confirm his words, so instead, I played with the rosary. “You know, when we were really little, my Da used to tell us to grab a rosary bead and make a wish.”
“That’s not how rosary beads work,” Renato started.
I rolled my eyes. “I know. I’m just saying. He wanted to make all of our wildest dreams come true, and he didn’t achieve any of it. Instead, we were alone.” I broke off.
“What was your wish?” Renato asked, relaxing back and sliding his arm along the pew behind me.
“I can’t tell you that, obviously. Then it won’t come true,” I pointed out.
He grinned at me. “My sister – you’ll meet her one day – she always wanted to be an artist. I never wanted anything like that. My dreams weren’t a profession or possession. I wished I could make her feel safe. I wished I could have saved my mother. I wished I could be the person the people I loved, trusted.”
I turned a shocked face to Renato. That had been raw, startling honesty, and I wasn’t sure why he’d decided to share with me.
He pushed a hand through his thick waves. “Force of habit. Confessing in church.”
“I wished I’d never be alone again,” I blurted, inspired by his honesty. It felt too imbalanced not to reciprocate. “I wished that someone in the world would choose me, not because they had to, like Lucy, but because they wanted to. I wished I’d be enough for someone.”
Renato’s eyes, fine like aged whiskey, met mine. He raised a rakish eyebrow at me. “I find it very hard to believe that no one has tried to choose you over the years. I find it hard to believe you felt like you needed anyone to. You’re a very capable woman.”
My cheeks warmed at the compliment, and I gave a halfhearted shrug to hide my embarrassment. “Well, the scars from being picked last in gym are deep and everlasting, every shrink knows that.”
Renato chuckled and gave me an appraising look. “You don’t know how to take a compliment, do you, bambina?”
I took a deep breath and tried to steady my pounding heart. My depressing conversation with Lucy the morning before returned to me. I should stick to safer ground around Renato, or I’d risk losing my head completely. “Lucy is worried that she’s going to be a prisoner forever. That you’ll marry her off to some made man and get rid of her. She’s worried that her life is over before it’s even really begun.”
“I promised you I’d take care of her. I can assure you marrying her off isn’t what I consider taking care of her. Of course, since you’re my wife, Lucy is now my younger sibling as well. I’ll treat her like she’s Sofia, my sister.”
I stared at him distrustfully, though I couldn’t stop the hope flourishing in my chest. Like always, he read my feelings as if they were written on my forehead.
“My word is my bond, remember?”
I nodded, trying to stay cool. I knew it. I knew he wouldn’t go back on his word. I had no idea why I was so certain. It didn’t make any sense. It was illogical, and yet it was true. My heart pounded like I’d been sprinting.
Then, Renato went and made my pulse thump even harder. “Once all the dust settles, your sister will need to make a real life here. She needs a clear head for that. You do, too, if you’re going to finish your nursing program.”
I spun around to look at the enigmatic boss. He was cloaked in the half-light of the chapel. I couldn’t read his expression, which was nothing new. “You mean I get to finish my degree?”
He inclined his head. “But enough of this part-time nonsense. You’ll go full time and be done with it. These things shouldn’t drag on.”
I reached out and embraced him before I could stop myself, hugging him around his shoulders. Given how broad they were and how I was sitting beside him, it didn’t make for a firm hold. He grabbed me when I nearly toppled off the pew.
“What? Are you happy?” he asked, looking down at me.
I nodded vigorously, and Renato smiled. I had the feeling that not many people saw him smile. I tucked it away inside my heart.
“If you’re so happy, come sit on my knee,” he said quietly, and the mood veered suddenly into hot, dangerous territory.
I hesitated a moment, thrown by the request.
“Don’t overthink it. Just do it,” he said.
“Renato,” I started with a sigh. The man was determined to corrupt me, and here in a church, no less. He really was a devil.
“Ren.”
“Ren,” I corrected myself. I pulled back, his command hanging in the air, unanswered. I cleared my throat. “Why did you come in here?”
“To see you.”
“Don’t you have work to do?”
“I always have work to do,” he said wearily. Pinching between his eyes, he suddenly looked exhausted. “Believe it or not, I’d rather make my family money by cleaning it in my casinos than shooting people in seedy warehouses by the shore. My father’s legacy has taken a long time to clean up and make profitable.”
He seemed so tired for a moment, and so burdened, something in my chest moved. I knew that look. I’d worn that look. When you just felt done with everything, but people depended on you, so you forced yourself to keep going.
I stood before I could question myself, moving along the pew and perching on his lap. He was frozen with surprise for a second and then wrapped an arm around my middle, helping me balance. I tried to sit up, but it was uncomfortable as hell, so I sank back and rested against him. His arms came up to hold me in place. My mind skipped happily to the thought of studying full time.
“I know I don’t have to thank you for something I had a right to do anyway,” I started.
Renato tutted. “You’re as bad at giving compliments as receiving them.”
“But…thank you. I know it’s a headache for you and you didn’t need to let me, so, thank you.”
I twisted back around, exhilarated by the conversation. It felt like I was finally moving forward after being stuck in limbo for a week.
“I never convinced you, though,” I added, remembering that infuriating conversation where he’d goaded me to find a way to convince him to let me study.
“Didn’t you?” he murmured.
We were both quiet, the peacefulness of the setting washing over us. He was warm and steady beneath me. I couldn’t figure him out. Was he a lighthouse in a storm or the waves that would crash me against the rocks? He seemed like both and neither at the same time.
What would become of Renato’s mercy once he found the bug? There would be no hiding from his wrath then.
Worry about that later, kid. Tomorrow, you could be dead.
Right, Da. The way I’m going, it’s certainly a possibility.
One thing I knew for sure. I had to get rid of the bug.
We had dinner in the dining room. Lucy and I ate in silence. Renato was out, working in his office at La Leonora. The vibrance of the AC strip felt a million miles away from the quiet peace of Casa Nera.
After a mostly silent dinner, I headed toward the library. Now that I’d decided to destroy the damn bug, I couldn’t wait to do it. It didn’t take back the fact that I’d planted it in the first place, but it would help my case once he found out. I knew in my heart that he would, sooner or later.
The library was still as I let myself in. The last time I’d ventured in here was the night before, when I’d been looking for a book to read, somehow figuring in my drunken state that it would help me sleep. I’d considered taking the bug then, but Giada had crashed in like a drunk baby elephant and I’d lost my moment. I hadn’t been sure, then. Now, after the chapel this morning, my mind was made up.
I stepped into the room and closed the door. A fire burned in the corner, illuminating the armchair and side table that sat across from it. That was where I’d found The Prince.
At the other end of the long room, the door was ajar to his office. Just like last time, I sneaked through the space into his study. Rounding the desk, I shoved my fingers into the potted plant and sorted through the lumps of soil. I had a moment of pure panic when I couldn’t find it, but then my fingers brushed the tiny, hard shape. I pulled it out and stared at it. Was I really doing this? Had I really decided to trust Renato?
Yes. Between him and the cops, he was the devil I knew.
I headed back to the library and crossed to the fire. At the fireplace, I held my hand over the flames and opened my fist. The bug fell into the fire, a slight popping sound signaling its demise.
It was gone.
It felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders, only to quickly be replaced by another.
I left the fireplace, adrenaline surging through me. Could I really trust him with my and Lucy’s safety? He’d killed two men who had disappointed him right in front of me. He valued loyalty above all else.
The time to come clean would have been when the police had first made contact and given me the bug. But I’d been angry and impulsive and made a mistake. Which I have now corrected, I tried to reassure myself as I grabbed a book from a shelf of English novels. I liked the library. It had such a cozy feel, I decided to stay there a little longer. Besides, my brain threatened to melt from too much trash TV. I was more than ready to get back to studying for my degree.
I sank down in the library chair. A sweater hung over the back that smelled like Renato. I pressed my face into the material and took a long inhale. Mm, that was the good stuff.
I must have dozed off there in the chair. When I woke, a big, tattooed hand lifted Tess of the d’Urbervilles from my lap.
“Hardy doesn’t make for light reading,” Renato said quietly.
It was the third time today he’d surprised me with a sudden appearance, and the third time my heart had jumped to see him. I turned my face up to him. He was in black again, his face tight and unreadable. Whatever his business had been tonight, it had taken a toll on him. I thought of the chapel, when he’d admitted to how tired he was. He’d felt like a kindred spirit at that moment.
“Here, sit. I should go to bed,” I mumbled, half asleep. I stood and stepped past him.
He snagged my wrist before I could take two steps. “Stay.”
He sat and spread his legs slightly, pulling my attention to the hard-on pushing through his trousers. I blinked at it, wondering what the hell had caused that.
“You, bambina. Just you. The thought of you waiting for me at home.”
I hadn’t realized that I’d spoken out loud. He flexed his hips, and it seemed for a second like he might burst through the zipper.
I swallowed hard, desire kicking me in the stomach, hot and wet. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Then I noticed a strange shine on Renato’s chest. I reached out hesitantly, and when he made no move to stop me, tugged his shirt to the side and took in the new inked tallies, covered by a clear wrap. Two lines had been added to his loss count.
A visceral flashback of the other night hit me, and the new dad, Paolo, dying on the ground. Renato had become human to me in that moment as he’d comforted his dying man. He had stopped being just a monster, a creature of darkness without feelings. He had feelings. He had honor. He had a code. He was just a man, and men could do terrible things to each other, but I would bet my life that this man would never do terrible things to me. I didn’t know where that conviction had come from, only that it was suddenly there inside me.
“Will you stay with me, anima mia?” My soul.
I nodded and took the book from him. He watched me closely, perhaps wondering where I was going to sit and what I was going to do. A sudden desire stole my breath, and I wanted to do it so badly, I couldn’t stop myself.
This morning had been all about me, all about my pleasure, and it had been a gift I’d never though I deserved to receive. I wanted to affect him like he affected me. I wanted to hold him by the balls and feel powerful for once. Not only that, but after the bug fiasco, I wanted to apologize, and there was no way I was confessing to it. I could apologize like this, without ever revealing why.
I handed him my book, opening it to a random page. “Read to me.”
He watched me over the book, his strong eyebrows pulled forward in a slight frown as I lingered at his knee, and then understanding dawning as I sank to my own.
I reached up for his fly and tugged it down, then needed his help for the belt buckle. His cock pressed against the material so hard it was unyielding and difficult to maneuver.
Finally, I freed him, my confidence wavering when I took in the thickness of him. Even his length was beautiful, marbled with veins and flushed pink, the tip wet. His desire for me.
“You can take me, bambina. I could come from just your eyes on me,” Renato said quietly.
I drew a deep breath and circled him with my fist. He was so big. Why had I thought this was a good idea? Right. I wanted to even the playing field between us. I wanted to pay penance. That was it.
I moved my mouth to his cock and let spit drip onto the mushroom tip. His fingers tightened on the book.
“Keep reading, or I’ll stop,” I murmured, moving my lips over the sensitive head as I spoke.
He gave me a look of approval, cleared his throat, and started to read.
“I was born bad, and I have lived bad, and I shall die bad in all probability. But, upon my lost soul, I won’t be bad towards you again, Tess.”
I bobbed on him, pushing my mouth down around his girth as far as I could, which wasn’t that far, admittedly. His voice grew tight nonetheless, and one hand came to rest in my hair. I lost myself in that moment, trying my best to turn him inside out, like he did me, and him reading on and on, his voice wavering now and then as I swirled my tongue around his head or dipped in into the tip. When my mouth got sore, I leaned my face against his thigh and simply rested there, his dick lodged in my throat, and started again when I had the energy. His calm, measured reading while I sucked him turned me on.
When my jaw was aching and my panties wet as hell, he reached down and took my jaw in his grip. “Enough, wife. I’m only human, and I don’t plan on coming anywhere that isn’t your sweet cunt. On my lap, now.”
He tugged my shorts down, then he urged me to face away from him and sink down. As I lowered, he entered me.
I gasped, sitting on his knee, impaled on his cock, I was so full. Renato hummed his approval in my ear and picked up Tess of the d’Urbervilles again and started to read.
I squirmed on his dick. With his free hand, he played with me, circling my clit as his hips made shallow nudges upward.
I leaned back against him and let him spread my knees as wide as they could go, his fingers flicking my clit and moving down to the place where he was buried inside me, and then back. Even the slight thrusts were getting to me. I wanted it to last all night, and I wanted him to fuck me hard and come inside me.
After a few minutes, he snapped the book shut.
“Fuck, I can’t even pretend to concentrate while you’re rocking on my cock like this.” He dropped the book on the table, and his hands went to my hips. My feet were planted on the floor, and now he encouraged me to rise a little and then sink back down on him.
“That’s right. Ride me, bambina,” he grunted.
He dragged my T-shirt up over my ass, so my panties, pushed to the side, were on full display. He lifted me and lowered me, setting a pace that made me bounce like crazy on his lap.
His hands spread my ass cheeks and further pushed my panties aside so both my holes were bared to his eyes.
“Touch yourself while you fuck me, bambina. Touch your pussy and come on me,” he instructed, his voice strained.
I rubbed my clit as I rode him, his cock dragging along places inside me I hadn’t known existed, the new angle opening up another world. I flushed with heat and that lingering shame that always hit me whenever Renato was inside me and it felt so good. I tensed, the veil of shame I’d learned young descending over me and tugging my pleasure away.
Renato tutted, seeing the change in my posture. “You are perfect, Charlie. Perfect and good and pure as the driven snow. Nothing you do or feel is wrong, anima mia. Nothing. Now, come, milk my cock with that tight little pussy and soak me with your cum.”
As I came, my vision turned white for a long moment, and all I could say was his name over and over like a chant. He followed, spilling inside me, lighting me up with his warmth. When the pulsing stopped, he pulled me back against him, tucking my legs up so his cock could stay right where it was, sealing his cum inside me, and rocked me faintly. It was so warm by the fire, and the feeling of being in his arms, safe and satisfied, pushed all other thoughts from my head, except one.
I was passing the point of no return with this man, and I had to stop my descent.