Unfamiliar Territory

I wasn’t planning on waiting long to talk to Mouse. I figured the longer I waited, the more difficult it would become. But for the next week I couldn’t summon the nerve to talk to her. We had two classes together, and I would sometimes see her in the hallway or at lunch, but she was always buried in a book. Initiating conversation through eye contact alone would not be enough. But every time I approached her and tried to talk, something would hold me back.

“Once you get to know the real us, you won’t feel that way anymore. You won’t want anything more to do with us.”

“I’ll kill them! I’ll rip them apart!”

“Everything else will just...fall into place.”

Then my stomach would tighten, my throat would close up, and I would walk away. It wasn’t until the return of the fog that things began to progress.

The fog had been such a frequent visitor to this town by now that the students had gone to some great extremes to think up a name for it. They had polls, advertisements, debates. When several popular names had arisen, there were groups of students who campaigned their chosen names in the hallways. The Devourer, The Shepherd of the Lost, The Whiteness. It was like voting for class president, only much stranger.

Eventually, a name won. The Sorrow. It worked because it was both haunting and respectful for the victims who still had not turned up. The name was still fresh in my mind when I stepped outside that morning and saw it had returned--lingering in my neighborhood. I did my routine inspection of my surroundings for the dog. The fog was not as thick as previous times, but I did not rule out Hero lurking somewhere in the distance, waiting for me. I walked down the sidewalk with my body wrapped up in my jacket. I kept the hood low over my face.

I wasn’t far from my house when I caught sight of it. A ghost, barely visible through the mist. It wore a long white dress that swayed from side to side as the phantom walked. When I slowed down, it started to fade into the fog. When I sped up, she became clear. A small girl with her head hunched over.

I had seen other students in my neighborhood before, but they all traveled in packs and made sure to put plenty of distance between me and them. This girl was alone and lost in her own world. I picked up my pace, and she grew closer, clearer. My breath escaped into the air. I watched her long brown hair—tied into pigtails—bounce against her hips. I stopped walking and let her disappear back into the Sorrow.

Lights in the distance, like a pair of eyes piercing through the obscuring clouds, raced through the fog at an incredible speed. I could barely make her out anymore, but she was still walking. Head down. Lost in her own world.

The lights grew brighter—closer. Wherever she was going, the lights were going as well. I reached out to her fading image. I tried to call out, but...

...words were failing me.

I ran and grabbed her by the arm.

She had yet to step out on to the road, but I still pulled her back as the truck flew by. A book fell from her hands. Black with bright red letters. Before I could discern it any further, an intense, stinging pain on my cheek forced me to release her arm. The book fell to the ground.

She still had her hand out. Her eyes were wide behind her glasses. “Oh, my god, I’m so sorry,” she said, lowering her hand and eyes. “I thought...I’m very sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I said, fighting the urge to rub my tingling cheek. She didn’t say anything back, so I walked behind her and picked up the book that had fallen. “You dropped this.”

She turned to face me. She stared at the book for a moment before taking it gently from my hand. With a slow release of air, she opened it and appeared to start reading. I craned my head; it looked like long, complicated poems.

“Thank you for stopping me,” she said. I quickly reined back, but she did not look up from the book. “I must have really spaced out. Sometimes I do that, you know.”

“I think spacing out is common,” I said, smiling. “Spacing out and almost getting hit by a car? Probably not so much.”

She neither saw my smile nor laughed. I patted the side of my leg and examined our surroundings. No dog, no people, no houses. Nothing. Like we were the only two people in the world.

“Well, I guess I’ll get going,” I said, taking a step back from her. “Maybe I’ll see you la—”

“Wait!”

That was the first good look I got of her face. Small and heart-shaped. Her eyes looked even bigger since the last time we spoke. They stared up at me without blinking. I did not blink either.

A smile came across her small lips and she giggled, bringing the book over her face. “Guess you’re a boy after all, huh?”

An ache in my chest. I lowered the hood over my face. “Afraid so.”

“Get that a lot?”

“Only, like, every time I meet someone new.”

“Wow, must be pretty bad. You are the new student after all, you know.”

I peeked out from my clothes. She had lowered the book again so I could see her smile. Something tugged at the corners of my lips. “Oh, it’s not that bad. I mean, you just cry and move on. Such is life.”

She laughed. It was light and bubbly. She covered her mouth with the backside of her hand. “I guess so,” she said, still smiling when she lowered her hand. “We live pretty close to each other, you know. Did you know that?”

“Actually, no,” I said. “I’ve been here for almost two months and this is my first time seeing you out here.”

“I usually take my bike. I’m not really a fan of walking, but with the fog being out it’s not so safe, you know?”

“No kidding.”

“Though, turns out walking isn’t too safe either,” she went on, her book sinking as her arms fell closer to her sides. “Thanks again, you know, for saving my life.”

“Yeah, of course, glad I could be there,” I said quickly, waving it off like it was nothing. “Hey, I think that truck looked like the one that went into the lake about a week ago.”

“Oh?” she said, looking into the fog. “It’s probably just a coincidence, you know.”

“Yeah, it had to be,” I agreed. “It didn’t look like it would be getting out of that lake anytime soon, or that guy getting back behind the wheel again.”

“Did the fog...The Sorrow, take him?”

“No, that dog everyone keeps talking about at school saved him.”

“Hero?”

“That’s what they call him.”

Don’t think about his smile.

“That really happened?”

“Yeah, I was there.”

Do not think about that smile.

Mouse turned back to me. She was smiling again. I flinched when she grabbed my hand. We both had forgotten to wear gloves but, despite the weather, her small hand was warm.

“Well, it’s good to see people are already living up to his example,” she said, looking up at me with those large brown eyes. “Thank you.”

Her face had gotten so close to mine. Behind her was the road where she almost died. Beyond that was nothing but The Sorrow. We were alone. We could have been the only people left in the world. Was this when I should...?

“Hey, look, you don’t have to keep thanking me or anything. Just say you owe me one and we can move on, alright?”

I said it as a joke. I looked back at her when I felt something soft. She had my hand against her chest, near her heart. Suddenly, everything changed from cold to very, very warm.

“Very well, my princess, I owe you one,” she said. She brought my hand to her lips and kissed the fingers. I fell back a step, tearing my hand free. I held my fingers as they continued to tingle while Mouse looked very amused. “What? Don’t you read any of the tales of the knights of old?” she said, laughing that gentle laugh of hers. “That is one way knights swear oaths.”

I stared down at my hand, then at the book she held at her side. “Really?”

“At least, you know, that’s how they swear oaths to their fair princesses,” she said winking before taking a great bow. “Now, would my fair princess allow his valiant knight to escort him? The horrors lurking within The Sorrow are far too dangerous for someone as delicate as you, your highness.”

“You’re hilarious,” I said, but smiled. It was easier the second time. I caught another glance at her book as I ‘curtsied’, much to her amusement. “Very well, Sir Knight your...er...princess much appreciates your services this cold and lonesome morning.”

“Splendid! Most Splendid!” Mouse declared, straightening up and grabbing my arm. I was nearly pulled off my feet as we hurried across the road in the direction of the school.

“So, uh, what’s the rush exactly?” I asked. I held on to Mouse’s arm to keep from being dragged.

“We must make haste to the castle, my princess! We have dallied here for much too long and the dangers here are very real, you know!”

Her pig tails swayed back and forth as she ran. I followed them and smiled a little. Maybe she did pull them off, after all.

We didn’t drop the knight/princess lines until we got to school and students took notice of how we held each other’s arms. She released me almost immediately, but, as we walked, she kept close, her head held high. She brought the book up to her chest, but did not open it.

“So, I gotta go this way,” Mouse said as we entered the school, nudging her head towards a hallway.

“And I gotta go that way,” I said, pointing down a different hallway.

“Then this is where we part.”

I was expecting another bow, or another attempt to kiss my hand, but she simply stood there. Our eyes met and she reopened the book. “We should meet up again, you know, this was fun,” she said, seeming to read her book at the same time.

There was a strange twisting in my guts. A reminder. “Definitely a new experience for me,” I said. “A good one, though. How about we meet up somewhere for lunch?”

“Okay, yes, sounds good,” she said, still not looking up from her book. “How about we meet at the cafeteria? It’s easier to get what you want when you’ve got some help shoving through those crowds, you know.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Great, okay. Well, I should get going.” Mouse started making her way down the hall, still buried in her book. I watched her walk away a bit before I began my own way down the opposite hall.

“My name’s Mary!”

I turned around and saw that she had stopped halfway down the hall, her book at her side, her eyes on me. Did she forget that we already knew each other’s names?

No, she was smiling. Something told me this was about something else. A restart.

“I’m F-” My voice cracked and I coughed. For once, I was grateful.

“Call me Alex!”

Not much to my surprise, the topic of the day was The Sorrow. People speculated which one of us would be next and if Hero would make a heroic return. Some doubters still argued it was a fluke, or that the few students that were there were just spreading false rumors.

I wished those doubters were right. Hero or not, there was something really off about that dog.

I started to nurse a terrible nausea when I sat in my seat for the first class of the day. I thought back to just under an hour ago—when I was walking into the fog. Watching Mouse almost disappear—almost forever. If I had left home on time, if I had been too slow to reach her, the topic of today would have been very different.

My stomach did a few flips and I was about to go to the bathroom when someone whispered near my ear: “That was so smooth, Foxy. Keep it up and the mission should go off no problem!”

I jumped in my seat. A few of the nearby discussions of The Sorrow and Hero fell quiet. When the gossipers saw us, most went back to talking. I heard my name on some of their lips, but I chose to ignore it in favor for the new emotion rising up from my stomach, threatening to overtake my nausea.

“You were spying on us?” I hissed, barely able to keep my voice low.

Mutt grinned. “Yup! Me and Kat watched the whole thing. That was pretty cool how you saved her, Foxy. To break the ice like that. Way cool.”

I thought again of grabbing her arm. A second late, and she would have been hit. Instantly, the anger was overtaken by that sick feeling pulling at my insides. With an inaudible groan, I let my head fall to the desktop.

“It wasn’t like I planned it,” I muttered. The cold surface of the desk helped, somewhat. “And I don’t exactly feel comfortable with you guys watching me... woo somebody. If you’ll remember, I wasn’t comfortable doing any wooing in the first place.”

“Sorry, Foxy, it wasn’t my idea. Mr. Mallard wanted us to keep an eye on you in case things go wrong.”

I closed my eyes to shut out the bright lights. My head was starting to hurt. I needed to throw up.

“Go wrong?” I repeated. “What, like she might attack me if she learns the truth? You guys must have really pissed her off.”

“Maybe.”

I opened my eyes. Mutt was staring at his hands. His eyes were watery and I raised my head back up when he sniffed. “Mutt?”

“So, what’s your next move?”

His smile returned. His eyes were dry. He looked at me like the emotion I had seen was never actually there. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I had imagined it.

“Uh, I don’t know. We’re supposed to meet up for lunch. I could ask her if she wanted to do something this weekend, I guess.”

Mutt nodded before he seemed to realize something. “Oh, yeah, Mr. Mallard wanted me to remind you not to wear your hat until Mouse is back with us.”

“I remember,” I replied, watching him closely. Would I catch something else? “I’m keeping it nice and safe in my backpack so I don’t lose it.”

That probably wasn’t too smart, either, but I wanted to keep it close. Kat made it. She made it for someone like me to wear. If she could only see me wearing it then maybe—

“You okay, Foxy?” Mutt asked. His smile vanished and he stared right back at me like I was the only one in the room. “You look upset.”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.” I looked away from him and out the window. Not smooth, but seeing what was outside gave me an idea. “Whenever the fog comes back it sort of makes me scared something bad will happen, that’s all.”

I had to be careful around him. This wasn’t the first time he could tell something was wrong just by looking at me.

“Don’t be scared, Foxy. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

His words were sudden, and they shook me to my core. I held my arms together and gripped them tight. I tried to breathe normally, but I could hardly breathe at all.

When would it stop? When would the fog go away? When would people stop disappearing?

When would that dog stop stalking me?

When would everything be normal again?

Someone grabbed my shoulder and I jumped up from my seat. The desk screeched across the floor. Everything went silent. They were all watching me, all of them except for Mutt. He looked at his outstretched hand before slowly closing the fingers into a fist. He turned forward in his seat and placed both hands in his lap.

“Sorry,” he said, so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.

I sat back down and laid my head back against the desk. It wasn’t as cold anymore. The whispering started again, but this time it was no longer about the fog or the dog. I didn’t need to hear the words to know.

Mouse was reading her book as we walked out of the cafeteria. It was different from the one I had seen earlier that morning. It looked new, but still had a blank cover. We hadn’t said a word since meeting up and my headache still had not gotten better.

Maybe this was a mistake.

She only shook her head when I suggested an empty table for us to sit. She walked with a purpose, despite having her head buried in a book. I found, if I slowed my pace, she would keep walking ahead of me. Maybe if I just let it happen, she would—

“Are you feeling alright, Alex?”

She didn’t stop her pace or look up. I hurried to reach her side, hoping she didn’t notice. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I spied her out of the corner of my eye as she turned a page of her book. The words were so small. It was no wonder she had to wear glasses.

“Are you sure? You are much paler than you were this morning, you know...” she glanced my way, “...and you didn’t get anything to eat.”

I looked down at my empty hands. Damn. Couldn’t even summon the effort to fake it, Alex?

“Oh, well, about that...”

“If you are feeling unwell, you should allow me to take you to the nurse’s office. It is a knight’s duty to serve her maiden you kn—”

“I’m fine!”

Mouse flinched as her fingers gripped the edges of her book. Something tangled together with the sick feeling in my stomach. I ran a hand through my hair. “There’s somewhere special you wanted to go, right? Let’s go there.”

She brought the book closer to her face. “It’s right behind the school. Those stairs that are right out back.”

“Yeah, I know where you mean.”

“Are you okay with being outside? It will be cold, you know.”

“I’ll be alright. I think the cold will do me some good, you know?” I grinned down at her but she kept her eyes in her book. We continued the walk in silence.

More whispers floated to my ears as we passed the other students. No doubt more rumors were starting, more stories. I wiped the smile off my face and continued to rub my forehead, my cheeks, my eyes. Everything hurt.

What are you doing?

The fog had gone. I could see the roads, the houses, cars and people. A cold wind blew in my face as we stepped outside and I let out a sigh. Mouse giggled as we found spots together on the small stairs. “It’s not so bad being outside. You know, when there’s not that big cloud covering everything,” she said, resting the book in her lap.

“Yeah.”

It was still much colder than it should be, but being out here, being able to see further than a few feet, and being here with her. It wasn’t so bad. It was almost normal.

“Here.” She held out half a chicken wrap to me.

I held up my hands. “Thanks, but—”

“Eat,” she pressed, shoving the food into one of my open palms. “If you don’t, I’ll be very upset with you. And you don’t want that, trust me.” She furrowed her brows, as if to make a point.

And she almost appeared fierce—for an instant reminding me of someone else. But then she made a funny noise in her throat and had to hold up a hand to her mouth as she laughed. She let go of the wrap and I had to scramble a bit to keep it from falling. My antics only seemed to make her laugh even more and soon I was joining her. The cold air filled my lungs. It stung, but it felt good at the same time.

When we eventually calmed down, Mouse went straight into eating. She took small but quick bites. Almost like nibbling, but at a very rapid pace. I held in the desire to laugh again. Maybe that’s what got her that nickname. While she ate, she did not talk, but she did open her book up again. When she finished her food, she continued to scan words and flip pages, though one of her hands had tightened again on the side of the book. A stray finger kept rhythmically tapping against the page.

“Mou—”

“In case you were wondering, I wasn’t actually reading while we were talking earlier,” she said, still staring down at the small words. “I’m not that rude, you know.”

“I honestly thought you were able to do both. Talk and read, I mean,” I admitted, smiling to myself. “Kinda silly, now that I’ve said it out loud.”

Mouse smiled as well. “I’m not that weird,” she chided, poking me once in the shoulder before letting her arm drop. “Okay, you know, maybe I am. I mean, I was still pretending I was reading.”

She went quiet again. Her book still lay in her lap, but she no longer held it. Her smile was gone. I watched her as I let my own slip away. “Mind if I ask why?”

Mouse took in a slow breath and let it back out. She moved the pages of her book around, settling on a page near the center before she said: “I suppose it’s because I get nervous, you know, when I talk to you.”

I swallowed. I looked down at my wrap—the half she gave me. Maybe now was a good time to eat? I took a bite, but I couldn’t really taste anything. It was like my mouth had gone numb. Mouse hadn’t said anything else. Maybe I should say something? I swallowed again. “No, I didn’t know.” I tried another smile, but it hurt my face. “I didn’t realize I was such an intimidating guy.”

“You’re not!” she said quickly, looking up at me with wide eyes. Her expression softened when she saw my smile and she stared back down at her book. “I’ve never done this before, pretending to read, but I guess I haven’t really talked to anyone since I—”

Something flashed behind her glasses—across her eyes. She took in another deep breath as she closed her book. I thought again about following Stallion’s silent advice; running down that hall, and never looking back.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve talked with anyone,” she started again, looking back at me with a small smile. The look behind her glasses was gone, as if it had never been there. “Kind of silly, you know? I think I would have acted strange if anyone had tried talking to me. But, when I talk with you, I don’t feel as...I don’t know, vulnerable if I’m looking at a book while I do it.”

“You didn’t seem to have that many problems when you smacked me earlier today,” I joked. Her face went red and she started to hide her face with the book again. I waved my hands in front of me. “Joking! I was joking!” I rubbed a hand over my face. What, exactly, was I doing? “Sorry, probably not the best thing to joke about.”

I looked up when she laughed. Her book was on the stairs next to her. She was looking at me. Right at me. Her smile made me forget, for a moment, who I was.

“Yes, well, I suppose I had other thoughts on my mind.” She cleared her throat and was suddenly invested in the designs on her dress. “Almost dying and having such a cute boy save me, for instance.”

I laughed. She didn’t. Her big brown eyes looked up at me as I struggled for what to say. Right at me. Was her face red because she was getting sick, too? Was that why I suddenly felt so warm despite the frozen tundra that surrounded us? It reminded me of how I felt when Kat looked at me. When she touched my face. When she wished me luck.

That sick, twisted, knot returned to my stomach. The reminder.

Should I ask her now? Was this the right moment?

“You know, if you wanted to take me on a date, I don’t think I’d say no,” she said with a wink. “In case that helps with your decision.”

I let out a loud breath which made her laugh. She kept her hand over her face when she finished, using her free hand to twirl a long strand of her brown hair. “Ah—I know it’s sort of sudden, you know, having just met each other and all that,” she said, twisting until her finger was almost consumed by hair, staring at anywhere but me. “Buh-But I think there’s something there, between us, you know, and...and I’d like to eh-explore that if you’d...”

She was cute –pretty, even. She was sweet, clever, funny, interesting. And I learned of all that after spending less than a day with her.

Maybe that’s why I shouldn’t do this. There could be another way. If I just explained everything...

“I know you didn’t have to hang out with me today,” she went on, releasing her hair and folding her hands in her lap. “You saved my life, but you could have just left it like that. You were the new kid. Whatever life you had before, you could have had a fresh start here, an easy start.”

She wasn’t looking up from her hands. I raised a hand towards her—but hesitated. Thought better of it. “What do you mean?”

I put my hand back on the stair when she brought her gaze back up to me. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I said I knew of you because everyone talked about you, remember? You know about me for the same reason, right?”

“That’s not—”

Mouse held up a hand.

“Mary—”

She pushed the hand onto my mouth. My words caught in my throat.

“I know they talk about me,” she said, quietly. “They don’t exactly keep their voices down about it, you know?”

Her hand twitched against my lips. I gripped the stairs. She slowly took her hand back, examined the nails for a moment and put it back in her lap. When her focus shifted back to me, her easy smile returned. “You knew who I was to them. What I was. But still you chose to save me and chose to be here with me today.” She closed her eyes for a moment and brought her hand up to her chest. She took in a few steadying breaths. When I was caught again in her gaze, I felt the world stand still inside me.

“I would be perfectly content if we just become friends, Alex. But, I would be happy if we could try to become more than that.”

Did she read this sort of confession in one of her books? It felt surreal, fictional, and nothing like how I expected this day to go. The pain in my stomach was still there. The intense heat was making my nausea worse. I opened my mouth, took in the cold air, but...

...I didn’t know what to say.

“Alex?”

Her dress was white with gold trimming. There were thin, dark patterns –like the shadows of tree branches—criss-crossing down one side of it. She had on black leggings underneath, but with no jacket she must have been incredibly cold.

“Are you sizing up the product before you decide whether or not to buy?”

“Nuh-No!” I exclaimed, slapping a hand over my eyes. “Sorry! That’s not...”

She was laughing again. I peeked through my fingers to see that she was almost doubled over, but still trying to keep a hand over her mouth and her laughter quiet.

Did she and Mutt share in each other’s jokes and easy to rouse laughter? Did Kat have smart, thought-provoking conversations with her? Did Stallion have someone with whom he could just sit with and enjoy the outdoors?

Could everything that was wrong with the club be because she was no longer a part of it?

If I told her everything now, there would be no going back. It could ruin the chances of her ever returning. But, if I continued to lie, if I pushed this further, if she falls in love with me, I could fix it. I could prove my loyalty.

I could bring them back together.

“Okay.”

Mouse stopped laughing--almost at once. She straightened up, just as I had, and stared me in the eyes. I looked back. Compared to Kat, keeping a straight face was nothing. Lying to her was nothing.

“Let’s go on a date.”

She clenched her hands together. Her glasses fogged over as her smile grew the widest I had seen all day. “Great! I mean, you know, awesome. Cool. How about we keep it casual? There’s this spot at that park near the school, you know the one...”

And after that...

“...I was thinking, after our exams, about two weeks from now? We can go there, just talk...”

...maybe she will forgive me one day...

“...let’s meet there in the evening, about an hour before sunset! I know that’s a little specific, but...”

...maybe we could start over and be friends.

Mouse had to leave before the bell to renew the book she had been reading. We waved, said our goodbyes, and promised to meet up after school to walk home together.

Then, I was alone. The wrap in my hand was ice cold with only one bite taken out of it. I slowly unclenched my fingers and watched it fall apart against the ground.

“Hey, man, weren’t you told that littering was un-cool?”

I angled my head back and saw Stallion. Half of his large body was hanging out of a window as he looked down at me with a wide, toothy grin.

“How long have you been up there?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Who, me? I just got here,” he tried anyways, the smile never ceasing.

“Really?”

“Yeah, man, your swagger can be seen even from here. You can’t tell me you didn’t seal the deal.”

“If you want to put it so crudely,” I said, standing up and placing my hands on my hips. “And what, exactly, were you prepared to do from way up there?”

“Not sure I know what you mean?”

“You can stop the act,” I said. I rubbed my forehead. Another headache. “Mutt told me Mr. Mallard wanted you guys to spy on us in case things ‘go wrong’.”

“Well, Mutt has never been good at keeping secrets.” Stallion shrugged before pointing his finger at me, like a gun. “But its fer yer own good, ya hear?”

What was with the sudden cowboy accent? Was that supposed to make me feel better?

“No, I don’t hear. Or fully understand. You guys can trust me. I’m not going to mess this up.”

Stallion looked to say something, but it was drowned out by the ringing of the bell.

“What?!” I called.

“It ain’t you we’re worried about,” he said, waving as he pulled himself back inside. “Well, I’m off, my man, good luck with making it to class in time!”

“Wait!” I called. Stallion stopped. “So, then, you did only show up just now?”

“Nope, saw everything. Sorry, man,” Stallion said with a laugh and, without another word, he closed the window and disappeared.

Dammit.