Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

“I’m here to pick up my uniform,” Cadence replied to the face on the video security screen.

“Name?”

“Cadence Pedant. I have a friend with me. I hope that’s okay.”

Dorian leaned forward and waved at the screen.

The staffer sighed, “He needs to stay with you. No photos. Got it?”

They both nodded.

“Okay. Do you know where the staff entrance is?”

“Do you mean the entry off of the kitchen, back near the garages?”

“Yes, pull back there. Someone will meet you at the door.”

The gate began to open as the screen went black. Cadence turned to her carmate.

“Dory, you better behave. This job means a lot to me. If you screw this up I may never forgive you.”

“I promise to be on my very best behavior.”

He crossed his heart.

Cadence pointed at her eyes with her index and middle finger in a “v” formation, then turned the fingers toward Dorian and then back at her.

Dorian glared back at her and mouthed an exasperated “Okay!”

Cadence pulled through the gate and rolled toward the back of the estate.

“I don’t want you touching everybody,” Cadence said while looking straight ahead without looking at Dorian. “I mean it.”

“I promise to only touch when appropriate.”

“I will tell you when it is appropriate. Got it?”

“Yes! Jeesh!”

Cadence pulled her car into the same spot she had parked the day before. Dorian leaped from the passenger side while Cadence double-checked her face in the rearview mirror. She was out of the door by the time Dorian reached her side of the car. He stopped and waited as a sign of his intention to behave.

“Good boy!” Cadence joked, patting him on the head.

A kitchen staffer, quite small in stature, pushed open the screen door using his backside as he wiped his hands on the skirt of his apron. His silver hair was pulled into a braided ponytail that hung down to his tailbone. A black bandana capped his head. He wore stylish pince-nez glasses that were tethered by a silver chain to a hook that hung over his ear. They magnified his eyes and enhanced the laugh lines that had crinkled when he smiled. The similarities between him and Granny weren’t lost on the pair.

“I assume you are Cadence?” he called across the porch.

“Yes, I am. This is Dorian,” she said as she pointed to the guy standing beside her.

“C’mon up!” he said with a wave of his hand.

The two moved from the car and up the steps to the waiting staffer.

He extended his hands to Cadence.

“Sorry, they may still be a bit moist. I’m Leonard, but around here they call me Lenny.”

Cadence placed her hand into his and he gently patted it with his other.

“Nope, dry as a bone,” she replied.

He turned to greet Dorian.

“Nice to meet you,” he said reaching forward.

Dorian raised an eyebrow at Cadence who grimaced back “of course you can”.

Dorian watched, in what seemed to be slow motion, his hand engage Lenny’s. As they touched a glow appeared around the clasped hands. A blue-green halo surrounded Lenny as if he was outlined in neon. A similar glimmer bordered Cadence, but hers was a vibrant orange. Dorian glanced back at the handclasp and saw that he too had a halo, but his didn’t resemble the glowing lines that traced the others. Multi-colored specks swirled around his framework, encasing him in electric fuzz like static on a television screen. A static shock transmitted between hands abruptly severed the handshake, ending the greeting.

“Yeowch!” Dorian cried, wiggling his hand.

“Shocking, indeed!” agreed Lenny. He kneaded his palm with the thumb on the opposite hand. He focused his stare on Dorian for a moment and then turned his attention to Cadence.

“So, you’re a friend of Mike’s. How did you come to know him?”

“An open mic night. I was performing. He was the stage-manager-slash-tech-guy.”

“He is a nice man. Have you ever had his chili?”

“No, but I’d like to, based on what I’ve heard! Will I be working with him?”

Lenny stroked his beardless chin and looked at Cadence. He took her by the shoulders and stood her squarely in front of him.

“Let me see,” he continued sizing her up. He circled her as he pondered. He stopped when he reached the point at which he started. “DeLeon lets me decide what job suits the new hires. I have a pretty good track record of pairing the right person with the right job. I think you look . . .”

“Orange,” Dorian said under his breath.

“Excuse me?” Lenny paused, taken aback.

“Nothing, I was just talking to myself,” Dorian hadn’t realized that he had spoken out loud.

Lenny refocused on Cadence. “Hmmm, I think I’d like to keep you here in the staff kitchen for a little while. It may be a selfish move on my part, but I have a feeling that it’s where your skill set will prove most useful.”

“I have to warn you, I’m terrible in the kitchen!” Cadence cautioned.

“I’ll say,” Dorian chuckled. “I’ve seen her burn water!”

“It’s nothing a little coaching can’t fix,” Lenny assured her. “Trust me. I know it is where we will get the best out of you, at least for now. Let me show you around.”

Lenny led the pair past a granite-topped island surrounded by a half dozen stools. “This is a spot where one or two of us might grab a quick snack, but for the most part we eat our meals through here.”

He directed the pair through a doorway at the far end of the kitchen into a long, narrow, walnut-paneled room that contained an equally long, narrow dining table surrounded by three dozen upholstered velvet chairs. The table was headed by a more elaborate, throne-like version of the rest of the seating. An actual bejeweled crown hung cocked on one of the finials to the right of the headrest. Three silver candelabras, each centered beneath crystal chandeliers, ran the length of the table. The whole room looked as if it were plucked straight from a nineteenth-century bio-pic except for the stainless-steel napkin-catchup-mustard dispensers that sat between candelabras.

“Zee employee dining salon,” Lenny said using a comically overdone French accent.

“Whoa!” Dorian marveled. “A wee bit over the top, huh?”

“It’s original to the house. It’s a really nice change of pace for most of the guys considering they have spent a lot of their careers living out of suitcases and eating from paper bags. It’s the closest thing to a home life some of these guys have ever had.”

Cadence and Dorian nodded. Lenny gestured down the hallway to their right. “That is the way to the ‘overnights’, rooms that we can use if we need a place to stay a day or two.”

“Like a motel? Do we clean up after them?” Cadence asked. “That, I know how to do!”

“No, no, no,” Lenny quickly asserted. “If you use a room you have to clean it. House rules. If you don’t take care of the room, you lose the privilege. We provide the staff with only their meals. They are expected to wash their dishes and clean up after themselves.”

As if commanded, one of the doors opened and a twenty-something wearing a hoodie and plaid flannel lounge pants entered the hallway carrying a short stack of dirty dinnerware. He nodded at the group as he passed them and headed to the sink. The sound of running water was soon followed by a crash and a “Son-of-a-bitch!” The dishwasher grabbed his hand and winced. Lenny was at his side in a flash. He shoved the injured appendage under the water to rinse away the blood and access the damage. The gash turned red immediately and the blood flowed quickly.

“Ooh, that looks pretty bad!” Lenny pushed a wet dishcloth onto the wound and motioned for him to apply pressure. “Follow me,” he said as he took him by the elbow.

“Did he mean us?” Dorian asked Cadence.

“I don’t know,” she replied.

Lenny and the injured moved quickly across the kitchen and then rounded the corner. Dorian and Cadence turned to look at each other and shrugged.

“Come quickly!” Lenny’s voice beckoned from the hallway.

The two darted off in pursuit.