Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

“Did you say something?”

“I was responding to a voice in my head. Nothing for you to be concerned with,” Charlie replied.

“This thing that should not concern me, is it the same thing that is causing a delay in our transaction? You claimed to have everything under control.”

“It’s just a hiccup. Everything is fine.”

“I’m beginning to think you’re nothing more than Hell’s Uber driver!”

“What’s an Uber?” Charlie asked, a bit perplexed.

“It’s what people use instead of a taxi. Man, you don’t get out much, do you?”

“Why do you think I was willing to make this transaction? I’ve been down here traveling up and down the same stinking strip of stagnating water for centuries!”

“Like a gondolier, to boot! They can’t get you a motor for that dingy?”

“They feel the pole is the appropriate means of propulsion. It’s hard to get the big guys to update anything around here.”

“Yet they let you dress in narrow lapels and use a tablet.”

“They made some dress code concessions in the sixties. We were issued the tablets when management made a deal with the manufacturer. A little advice, you should cover the camera. Trust me.”

“So, what’s the E.T.A. on the breastplate?”

Charlie stared, perplexed once again.

“Estimated time of arrival. When do you expect my armor to be returned to me?” DeLeon grumbled.

“It can’t be soon enough, as far as I’m concerned! I want out of here just as bad as you do. Oh, to move about freely through time! Do you realize that I have no control whatsoever over what time period I am in? Someone comes up with the toll and I’m summoned. Today I was dispatched to the early two-thousands to pick up a proxy to be exchanged for some joker stuck in the late fifteenth century, uh, no offense intended.”

“None taken.”

“The prospect of seeing what would be considered current-day topside was so exciting! What do I see when I get there? A bunch of losers in a cave surrounding an ancient gazebo. Like I haven’t seen a freakin’ stone gazebo surrounded by misfits like a billion times!”

“This is a delightful little story, really it is, but could you get to the part about the armor already?”

“The original guy that was meant to take your place was this big blonde specimen. Muscles head to toe. I was unable to take him because your people screwed up the ritual. But I couldn’t have taken him, even if I skirted the system, due to an additional element that disqualified him as the proxy. It was unfortunate because his relationship with the wearer of the armor at that time would have made him the perfect choice as bait. I had no choice but to take her instead.”

Charlie motioned towards Cadence, who sat quietly staring at the bandaged end of her arm. She raised her forearm to a vertical position and shook it at Charlie.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Charlie asked.

“I’m flipping you off with a phantom finger.”

“I like her! Maybe I’ll take her with me!” DeLeon chortled. “What’s your name?”

“Cadence.”

“Hello, Cadence. My name is Juan. Some call me Ponce. Most people know me as . . .”

“DeLeon.”

“Correct! You’re a fan?”

“Yes, and an employee. I started working for you a day or so ago.”

“How do you like your employee orientation so far?” DeLeon laughed.

“It’s been a bit choppy.” Cadence gestured with her stump.

“Clever!” DeLeon smiled.” It looks like I owe you some severance pay.”

“Why would you fire her? That doesn’t seem fair!” Charlie chimed in.

“He’s not going to fire me! It’s a play on words. Severance. Sever-ance. Sever. My hand was severed. Jeez!” Cadence rolled her eyes and gestured with her remaining thumb toward Charlie.

“Apparently, daemons aren’t great at wordplay,” DeLeon surmised.

“He’s not that great at this ferryman thing either.” She waved her stump again.

“Hey! Everybody knows that you’re supposed to keep your arms and legs inside a moving vehicle! You can’t blame me. If anyone is to blame it would be your beefy blonde friend!”

“He was just trying to save me from being dragged to hell by some asshole.”

“I’m not an asshole. I’m a guy doing his job. If you would have come along calmly, we would have still ended up here and you could be flipping me an actual bird instead of an invisible one.”

“From what I heard you’re a guy trying to get out of doing his job!”

“Ooooh! She’s got you there, Charlie!” DeLeon chided. “Shall we get back to the point? Where’s my armor?”

“It will be here soon enough. When you change the bait, you attract a different kind of bird.” Charlie paused and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you trying to tell me that someone else is wearing my breastplate?”

“So, I’m not good with words, huh?”

“Actually, ‘fish’ would have been a better choice than ‘bird’,” Cadence suggested.

DeLeon nodded in agreement.

“Fish would have been a better choice than bird,” Charlie mimicked. “Yes, her boyfriend is wearing the armor and is on his way.”

Cadence scrunched her face, “I don’t have a boyfr . . .Dorian!”