Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

Lanky rotated the bracelet in his hands studying the creature that embellished it.

“Hey, Shorty, do you think this thing is a squid, or is it supposed to be an octopus?”

“Lemme see.” Shorty scooted closer to Lanky to examine the bauble. “You know, there’s a difference between arms and tentacles. Tentacles are longer than arms, are retractable, and have a flattened tip that is covered in suckers. Octopuses have eight arms and no tentacles, while other cephalopods, such as cuttlefish and squids, have eight arms and two tentacles.”

“Thank you, Mister Cousteau! Where did you pick that up?” Lanky quipped.

“What? I read!” Shorty replied.

“I didn’t know staring at cereal boxes while having breakfast counted as reading!” Lanky taunted.

Shorty hung his head.

“I’m just teasing, buddy! Where did you learn that?”

Shorty mumbled something unintelligible.

“What?”

“It was on the back of a box of Frosted Fish Flakes!” Shorty sighed. “It was one of Salmon Sam’s Fishy Facts.”

“You eat fish-flavored cereal? Gross!”

“It is fish-shaped, not fish flavored! And it isn’t gross. It’s tasty.”

“Whatever you say, but I ain’t eating it!” Lanky grimaced.

“Octopus,” Shorty replied.

“What?”

“There’s an octopus on your bracelet. There aren’t any flattened tips so there aren’t any tentacles. Octopus.”

“Oh, thanks. What do you have?” Lanky nodded at Shorty’s hands.

“It looks like a lizard or a gecko, I guess.”

“Is there a way to tell the difference? Maybe you could check the back of a box of Lizard Loops or something!”

Lanky burst out laughing. Veins started to rise in Shorty’s temples, but he broke into laughter as well.

“You are such an asshole!”

“Yes, I am! Tell you what, I’ll trade with you if you want.”

Lanky offered up his bracelet.

“No, I’m good,” Shorty replied.

“Are you sure? This one has suckers!” Lanky urged in a sing-song kind of way.

He held the bracelet closer to Shorty and rotated it back and forth as if to make it more desirous.

“Do you want to trade?” Shorty raised his eyebrow.

“I do prefer land-dwellers to sea creatures,” Lanky replied hesitantly.

“I’ll trade under one condition.”

“What?”

“That you’ll eat a bowl of Frosted Fish Flakes when all of this is over!”

“I guess,” Lanky grimaced, holding out his bracelet.

During the exchange, Shorty bobbled his new bracelet and dropped it to the cavern floor. As it fell, Lanky vanished.

“Lanky?” Shorty blinked. He scanned his surroundings to find that everyone was gone. “Guys, this isn’t funny!”

He ran about the cavern looking behind rock formations and into alcoves.

“C’mon, Guys, you’re freaking me out!”

He checked the center of the giant pulsating dream catcher fearing that they may have somehow been sucked into the underworld.

“Now what?” he said to himself. He returned to his starting point with the notion of retracing his steps. A reflection flashed off the metal octopus laying in the dust. He bent down and picked up the bracelet.

“Are you really going to make me eat that fish food?” Lanky said as he examined the gecko wrapped around his wrist.

“Lanky!” Shorty squealed as he threw his arms around him.

“What’s all this about?” Lanky peeled his friend off him.

“You disappeared! All of you disappeared!” He pointed in a sweeping motion.

“We didn’t go anywhere. We’ve been here all along.”

“I’m telling you that you were all gone! I checked the whole cave and you guys were nowhere to be found.”

“That sounds a little crazy, bud-dee,” Lanky’s voice cracked. His clothing sagged and he felt his pants slipping. Suddenly, a seemingly taller, younger version of Shorty stood before him. This version also had way more hair than a second ago.

Lanky’s eyes widened. “Hey, do you guys see this?” He turned toward the rest of the group to see Reese, Joey, and Gary standing with much younger versions of Lenny and Leslie.

“This isn’t good!” Reese groaned. “He’s jumped life streams. He must have jumped years backward.”

“Why haven’t you changed?” Lanky crackled.

“The three of us have some, um, extenuating circumstances,” Reese opted not to mention her being undead.

“Why would Lanky shrink?” Shorty probed.

“I had a growth spurt when I was thirteen. Until then I was pretty small.”

“So, you’re twelve! How long ago was that?”

“Thirty years!”

Shorty’s head rocked from side to side as he calculated his current age. “That means I’m seventeen! Woohoo, I’m gonna lose my virginity this year!”

“That is way too much information!” Leslie laughed.

“If we’re thirty years in the past, why is that thing still here?” Lanky said, pointing at the protective dreamcatcher still hovering over the portal.

Reese looked at Joey. They both shrugged.

“I believe it is because it is attached to the trammel, which is an access point to all of time or non-time. It’s in limbo.” Lenny offered.

“Who wants to go up into the mansion and see what it looked like in the nineties?” Lanky urged.

“I do! Let’s…”

“No, no, no, no, no!” Reese stepped forward waving her hands. “You don’t know what time it is out there!”

“What do you mean? If I’m seventeen-ish it would be somewhere around nineteen-ninety. Wouldn’t it?”

“Not necessarily. He jumped back thirty years within your intended life stream which made you thirty years younger. If he jumped ahead another fifty years you be close to seventy. But if he jumps beyond the years that you were meant to be alive you will end up in that life stream at the age you are when you jump. That is the way DeLeon uses the armor to reset his clock.”

“So, it’s not the nineties?”

“It could be. It could also be the eighteen-nineties or the fifteen-nineties or any time that is not part of your intended lifespan for that matter. There’s no way of knowing. I suggest you stay put. We’re safe inside a cave that’s been around for centuries. It might be very dangerous out there.”

“Tho, we’re just thupposed to thit here and wait for Dorian to come back?” A lispy little voice came squeaking out of Shorty as a cowlick sprouted from the back of his head. Freckles across his nose and cheeks appeared with a comical popping noise. Lanky slowly hunched over then dropped to his hands and knees and then disappeared into a pile of clothing. The muffled squawk of a frightened infant came from within Lanky’s t-shirt. A split second later the pair looked like their normal selves.

“Yeow! I think I’ll ride this out right here, thank you very much!” Lanky confirmed and sat back down.