Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

The threesome careened toward the scaly opalescent carcass. Griffin pulled up hard, mustering all his remaining strength, but he couldn’t prevent the inevitable.

“Tuck and roll!” he shouted. His passengers’ toes scraped along the surface of the snallygaster’s abdomen. Griffin released his grip and hoped for the best.

DeLeon attempted to curl into a ball but couldn’t contract quickly enough. His right shoulder made contact first, which caused him to flip. As he landed, his heel dug into the beast’s belly. His ankle twisted, his lower leg snapped and then folded, planting his foot directly behind his knee. The momentum flipped him once again, smashing his chest into the beast. He continued to cartwheel until he slammed face-first into one of the snallygaster’s pectoral fins.

Dorian, on the other hand, completed his tuck and rolled to an eventual stop. He unwound, splayed out on his back. “Thank you, enhanced pinkie powers!” he exhaled. He looked up to see Griffin circling above.

“Well, you survived the crash unscathed,” Dorian commented.

“I didn’t crash. You crashed. I flew.” Griffin executed a loop to stress his point.

“Uggh!” DeLeon moaned, his face still pressed against the fin. He pulled himself upright into a seated position. A searing pain crackled up his right side. He looked down at his leg, laying limply beside him. “That can’t be good,” he rasped.

Leslie ran to assist the crumpled conquistador. Dorian scrambled across the scaly terrain and knelt next to him.

“Are you okay, I mean, besides the obvious?” Leslie asked.

“I’ve felt better,” DeLeon chuckled. “How’s my face?”

“Your face?”

“People want their rockstars pretty.”

Dorian scanned DeLeon from side to side.

“You look like you.”

“We’re okay, except for a few swords through the back of the throat. Not that anyone asked, mind you!” the choir chimed in.

“The damn thing is still alive!”DeLeon growled.

Leslie vaulted to the top of the creature’s abdomen and ran to the base of its throat. He raised his sword above his head and prepared to strike.

The snallygaster raised its head.

“Please! We’ve changed our minds!” the choir begged. “We thought it would be awesome to be a mythical creature. As it turns out, it kinda sucks.”

Leslie lowered his blade.

“If you slay us, we’ll be gone forever. Let us return to whence we came.”

“Do you mean Charlie?”

“As sad as that sounds, he’s better than this.”

The snallygaster gestured at itself with its tiny talons.

“You landed on top of him. I don’t think there is a Charlie for you to return to.”

“We can feel him, like a pebble in a shoe.”

Leslie turned to the others for their approval.

“I’m fine with anything that removes them from the Chronostream. Let them return to Chuck!” DeLeon voted.

“Fine by me,” Griffin offered from above.

“Me too!” Dorian agreed.

“You heard them. You’re free to return to Charlie, whatever that entails.”

“Thank you,” the choir sighed. The snallygaster closed its eyes and laid back its head. The beast was still and silent.

The group looked from one to another, exchanging shrugs. They waited for something to happen. They waited a bit longer.

“Now what?” Dorian asked.

DeLeon felt something hit the top of his head. He pulled an obol from his hair. A second obol bounced from DeLeon’s head and fell to his lap. He glanced up at the fin he was using as a backrest to see it crumbling at its tip. Obols began to rain upon him.

“Guys, we better get moving!” he advised. “And I’m going to need a little help!”

Griffin dropped down to perform an airlift. He grabbed DeLeon by the forearms and took flight. DeLeon howled as his shattered leg flopped and dangled.

“I’m okay,” he reassured Griffin. “Just get us in the clear.”

Leslie and Dorian hurried away from the collapsing snallygaster as the once magnificent plumage and scales resumed the form of crudely shaped ancient coins. The massive beast decayed and crumbled. At first, the falling coins produced the tinkle of loose change. The sound rapidly evolved into the jangling of chimes in a windstorm and then exploded into the roar of a thousand slot machines. Heaps of obols crashed behind them in waves, chasing them to the edge of the cavern. The avalanche of coins subsided, leaving mounds of silver strewn across the grotto floor.

“It looks like a fairy tale. A treasure that’s been hidden deep within the earth by citizens of an ancient civilization!” Leslie marveled. “Think about what could be done with all of that!”

“That,” DeLeon gestured to the ocean of coins, “is as big a problem as the snallygaster was. A fortune like that could alter the Chronostream just as much as the beast.”

“Couldn’t we each take a few with us to the future? Ancient coins would be worth something to someone. A small bump in our finances couldn’t hurt, could it?” Dorian suggested.

“Go ahead. Take a few coins. They’re only pieces of someone’s soul. I’m sure they would be happy to know that you sold their essence to put extra toppings on your pizza,” DeLeon scoffed.

“Well, look who has grown a sense of morality!” A voice echoed from within the cavern.

Atop one of the mounds at the center of the grotto stood Reese, her sword in one hand and the breastplate in the other. Charlie lay crumpled at her feet.

She stepped over Charlie and waded through the coins to join the group. Leslie threw his arms around her.

“Thank God, you’re okay!”

“It takes more than a horde of dead guys to best this gal,” she chuckled.

Reese exchanged hugs with Dorian and extended her arms to a reclining DeLeon before noticing his injury. He acknowledged her with a wink and a grin.

“How did you gain control of the armor?”

“Are you familiar with the phrase, Never kick a man when he’s down?”

“Sure.”

“Well, they never met Charlie.”

“Apparently, someone else has adjusted their morals!” DeLeon chuckled.

“How did you manage to kill that thing?” Reese pointed over her shoulder.

“We didn’t,” Dorian answered. “They decided that they wanted to, in their words, return to whence they came.”

Charlie rose to his knees and brushed off a few loose obols. He hoped that he didn’t hear what he just heard.“You don’t mean?”

The group nodded in unison.

Obols at the fringes of the piles started to stand on edge. They began rolling across their brethren and headed toward the ferryman.

“The toothpaste is going back into the tube!” DeLeon laughed.

Charlie hung his head and sighed,” This is going to be highly unpleasant.”