Un2Dead (Book One of the Un2Series)

Over the past twenty-five years Wit had grown accustomed to the night. Trading sunlight for moonlight and rainbows for the northern lights hadn’t been as hard as he thought it would be. Lately he was finding the darkness to be a lot less appealing considering how it had become linked to being knocked unconscious. He opened his eyes and searched the shadows that surrounded him, hoping to get a bearing on his location. Slowly, the rippling turquoise squiggles floating in black ink before him became outlines of the gallery’s contents illuminated by a lone bulb reflecting off of the water in the koi tank. He pushed his hands against the floor to straighten his slouched back. He rolled his head to loosen his neck. A rubber band of pain snapped from his brain to his scrotum, causing him to abruptly end the neck movements. He rested his head against the glowing pane of glass that separated him from the ancient fish hovering behind him. The koi bumped the glass then swam along the face of the tank eventually falling within Wit’s peripheral vision. He turned his head and watched the fish swim past another figure slouched against the tank.

“Joey,” Wit whispered, “is that you?”

No answer.

“I’m pretty sure that was Jayne that cleaned my clock.”

Still no answer. Wit crawled closer. He realized something wasn’t quite right with Joey’s profile. It pretty much ended before the nose started. Then he noticed Joey was holding his own head in his lap. Wit fought the urge to vomit and won, somewhat. He spat out the dollop he could not suppress.

“Aw, Jesus, Joey, what have they done to you?” Wit lowered himself to speak into Joey’s ear.” Are you still in there? Please, still be in there.”

Wit waited for a response. None came. He propped himself against the tank, numb. He exhaled a long slow breath, shuddering as the last of it exited his body.

The koi returned, bumping the glass hard enough to cause Wit’s head to bounce ever so slightly. It turned and dove toward the bottom of the tank. Once again the koi returned. It breached the surface of the water and slapped it with its tail. A spray rained over Wit and what remained of Joey. Wit was initially irritated but the water droplets left a cool refreshed calm in the tiny rivulets they left behind. A sense of serenity surrounded him as he turned to watch the koi churn in its tank. It swam quickly from the front to the rear creating waves of increasing size. The water rocked gently at first. With each passing of the koi the waves intensified. The koi continued to dive and rise in an underwater figure eight creating a mini-tsunami that crashed over the face of its tank. Wit felt a surge of power course through his body. He gasped as if to catch his breath after being dowsed with ice water. Joey’s headless torso followed suit. It convulsed and fell to its side as air and water sputtered from the top of the open conduit that was once a throat. Joey’s head rolled with the tide onto the edge of the rug near the bookcases, settling on its ear, facing Wit. It looked directly at him and blinked.

“Holy crap! Joey!” Wit yelled as he half-crawled, half-slid through the puddle across the room to Joey’s severed head. He grabbed a fistful of hair and toted Joey’s crown back to the tank. He plunged it deep into the water making sure all of the head got sufficiently wet. “I hope to God this works!” A column of water followed Joey’s head as Wit quickly extracted it from the tank. He knelt beside the still twitching torso and realized he needed it sitting upright in order to properly align the head with the neck. Joey got a close-up view of an armpit as his head was tucked beneath Wit’s arm while he righted the struggling trunk. Wit held Joey’s head by its ears before him and looked him in the eyes.

“Hang in there, buddy! I think you’re gonna be just fine!”

Wit gingerly positioned Joey’s skull above his spine. As soon as Joey’s severed parts were close to being aligned they leapt from Wit’s grip and snapped together like the magnetic toy Scottie dogs Wit remembered buying from a vending machine as a kid. The re-healing played exactly like DeLeon’s healing of the hand trick except for the violent jerking and twisting that accompanied muscle fibers re-knitting and bones seeking their sockets. The last spasm was followed by a loud clack of teeth on teeth as Joey’s jaw reset.

The reassembled Joey remained propped against the koi tank. Wit watched carefully for any signs of life or afterlife. Joey slowly rolled his head. He ran his hand over his jaw line and traced the welt that was still healing just beneath his ear. He wobbled as he rose, gripping the front of the tank. He gathered a handful of water and swallowed it. The fishy tasting water tingled as it flowed down his throat. He reached into the tank with both hands and splashed himself. He cupped his hands and squeezed them together squirting a stream of water at Wit.

“Thanks, Danny. I owe you one.” Joey remained hanging over the edge of the tank. The koi swam up so Joey could pet its head.

“Thank you, too,” Joey added as he ran his hand over the koi’s shimmering scales.

Wit put his arm around Joey’s shoulders. “Buddy, I thought we lost ya.”

“You might wish you did after you hear . . . . Why don’t we take a seat? I’ve got a little story to tell you.” Joey guided Wit to the sofa and sat facing him. “I want to make one thing clear before I get started.”

“Okay.”

“You and Reese and Sunny mean the world to me. Under no circumstance would I ever purposely do anything to hurt any of you. You have to believe me when I say this. You do believe me, right?”

“I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

“You can say that again,” Joey thought. He summoned what courage he could and started to explain everything. “Promise me you will listen to all I have to say before you make any hasty judgments.”

“I promise, I guess. Joey what could you . . . ?”

Joey put his hand over Wit’s mouth, stopping him mid-sentence. “This is hard enough as it is so just listen. “

Joey gathered his thoughts for a moment. He began speaking in a low apologetic tone.

”I haven’t been totally honest with you about my past. I am no stranger to most of what you see in this gallery. I was with Ponce de Leon when he located them, for lack of a better term. I was his right hand man, his body guard.”

“You knew Ponce de Leon? What was he like?” Wit was actually impressed.

“He was and will always be an asshole. He’s very cordial at first. He sucks you in with his charm and then fucks you over as soon as he gets the chance. Sound familiar?”

“ Yeah, he’s kinda like this DeLeon.”

“Not kinda, he is this DeLeon.”

“What?”

“That jerk wad who brought you the viper and now has you locked up in a room in his mansion is the one and only Juan Ponce de Leon. You’re a vampire because of his quest for immortality. Hell, I’m a vampire for the same reason. The prick doesn’t care about anyone or anything but keeping himself alive for all of eternity.” Joey coughed as his newly rejoined vocal chords got a harsh workout.

“So you knew this guy when he brought us the snake? You knew he needed it to recharge the armor? Why me? Why involve me?” Wit struggled to understand.

“The answer is a simple one. Despite being a world conqueror DeLeon is deathly afraid of snakes. I was supposed to help you watch over the viper until the time was right, and then bring him the element he needed for the armor. There weren’t any evil intensions. He was just scared shitless of snakes. It was Trevor that fucked things up.”

”Who the hell is Trevor?”

“Trevor was Jayne’s boyfriend. You may remember him as ‘The Ribcage’.”

“Jayne? The blonde? The one that just kicked my ass for the second time in a week? That Jayne? She’s been involved in this since then? How does she fit into this mess?” Wit’s voice became increasingly screechy as he rambled.

Joey hesitated. Wit shrugged at him, urging him to continue.

Joey hung his head and quietly said, “She’s my sister.”

Wit sprang up from the couch. He paced wildly, not knowing quite what to do or say.

“Let me guess, Ponce is dear old dad.”

“No. Ponce is not my father. You watch too many sci-fi movies. I told you I was his bodyguard back in the day. “

“Ponce de Leon had a sixteen year old bodyguard?” Wit huffed.

“No. I was in my mid-twenties.”

“I’m confused.”

“Let’s go back to the beginning. Sit back down. I’ll go slowly. Stop me at any point if you have a question.”

Wit begrudgingly took a seat.