Un2Dead (Book One of the Un2Series)

Leslie slid hanger after hanger across the chrome-plated tube that circled the top of the kiosk of t-shirts in front of him. He pulled a shirt from the rack, held it in front of himself and flattened it against his chest, checking it for size. Leslie noticed Gary as he glanced over the top of the display. He turned to allow Gary a better view of the shirt.

“Whatta ya think? I can’t decide between this one and the blue one.” Leslie pulled an example of the blue shirt next to the black one he was holding.

“You do realize that those are girl shirts, don’t you?” Gary replied.

“Yes, I know that they are meant for girls but I like the design better. I can wear a woman’s plus size when it comes to things like t-shirts. Besides, the men’s shirts don’t have any with rhinestones on them.”

“You don’t strike me as the rhinestone type.”

“I have my moments. I think I’ll stick with the black. Large, black and fancy. Just the way I like ‘em.” Leslie winked.

Gary looked away, somewhat flustered.

“I mean t-shirts! Although. . . .” Leslie gave Gary a quick once-over. Gary quickly side-stepped behind a pile of signed copies of DeLeon’s autobiography, picked one up and pretended to look through it.

“I’m just teasing! You’re not even my type.”

“Oh, really?” Gary was oddly offended.” So, what do you want in a man?”

“Me.”

“Of course, you. Who else would I be talking to?”

“No. Me. The answer to your question was ‘Me’. I want me in a man.” Leslie laughed. Gary shook his head and sighed which wasn’t the response Leslie had expected. “Oh, you’re serious? I didn’t realize.”

“I figured I might try to get to know you better now that you’re part of our family.”

“I’m part of the family?” Leslie was taken back for a moment and then began to tear up.

“Well, we shared really secret stuff nobody else knows about ourselves with you. Either you’re part of the family or we’ll have to kill you.” Gary stated very matter-of-factly as he flipped through the photo section of the book. He set the book back on top of the stack and glanced over at Leslie who was now wide-eyed and much paler than a moment ago, void of any tears. “Relax! Now I’m teasing’” Gary reassured him. The two went back to searching through DeLeon memorabilia.

“I used to have a boyfriend. We’re not together anymore. He said I embarrassed him. He said I was too over the top,” Leslie said as he draped a silk scarf round his neck and tucked it under his collar.“It’s obvious the guy didn’t appreciate what he had.”

Gary walked over, shuffled through the scarves and handed a Leslie one covered with a teal and purple paisley pattern. “This one suits you better.”

“Thanks, Gary. How about you? Do you date?”

“I didn’t even think about dating for the longest time. There are so many things to consider. My biggest challenge was whether I thought of myself as a man that turns into a dog or am I a dog that turns into a man. Until I figured that out, dating seemed kind of obscene in a way.”

“I can see that. Until I figured out who I was, dating felt wrong. It felt forced. Once I stepped out of the closet things became much clearer,” Leslie agreed. So, is there someone special in your life?”

“Yes, there is. She is wonderful. She is smart, funny, loves the outdoors. She would love to settle down and have a whole bunch of little ones. That’s where the problem lies,” Gary sighed.

“She doesn’t know about you yet, does she?”

“No. I’ve managed to make excuses for only being able to see her at certain times. I’m pretty sure she knows that there isn’t anyone else. She talks more and more about us starting a family. She has been more than patient with me. What am I supposed to say? I don’t know what kind of spawn I’m capable of producing.”

“Have you considered getting snipped?”

“I have, but any type of wound I receive heals itself. I lost a whole limb once. It took a week but it grew back. I’m virtually indestructible that way.”

“Do you think she will leave if you tell her about your situation?”

“I was planning on telling her but this road trip came up. Wit could be in real trouble and needed my help. I plan on sitting down with her as soon as we get back. I hope she’ll stay. I really do love her. ”

Gary rubbed the back of his neck. Leslie walked over to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

“I’m sure this lady of yours . . . what’s her name?”

“Charisse.”

“I’m sure that if Charisse cares about you as much as you obviously care about her everything will work itself out.” Leslie gave Gary’s shoulders a squeeze. Gary squeezed back.

“Thanks for listening, Leslie. Joey and Wit are great guys but they aren’t very helpful when it comes to relationships.”

“My pleasure.” Leslie started, “Funny coincidence, I have a gorgeous Afghan hound. She’s one of the great loves of my life. Her name is Charisse, too.”

“I know,” Gary replied.

The gift shop filled with a stunned silence. Neither Gary nor Leslie quite knew what to say. Gary watched as Leslie’s veins became a purple three-dimensional lightning bolt against a rapidly reddening forehead. Leslie broke the silence speaking slowly, weighing each word very carefully.

“You mean to tell me that my Charisse is your girlfriend. That you are planning to have relations with my baby girl. Is that what you are trying to tell me?” The last few words passed through a severely clenched jaw inches from Gary’s face.

“I could only imagine what you must be thinking, but give me a chance!” Gary stepped back enough to put Leslie at arm’s length. ”Charisse made me finally realize that I am a dog. My mother was a dog. My father was lupine. The fact that I transform into this creature that resembles and functions as what you would call a man is a curse to me. I long to be with Charisse every hour of the day. I would think that you would understand what it is like being trapped in a body that keeps you from being accepted as what you know you truly are in your heart of hearts!”

“You had Wit buying condoms for you! What am I supposed to do with that little nugget of information? Sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the dog-fucking tree!”

Leslie swung his sledge hammer-sized fist at Gary’s head. Gary ducked but fell backward tipping over a table of acid-washed jeans. He held up his arm to shield himself from any follow-up wallops thrown his way.

“I swear it isn’t what you think! I would never do that! I was going to put one on before I turned back into a dog. I was gonna duct tape it on, or something. I was so afraid of losing her. I was willing to try anything!” Gary whimpered like a cur being threatened with a rolled up newspaper.

The violet ridges on Leslie’s forehead faded and flattened as his anger slowly subsided and was replaced with compassion. It was easy to assume that one would choose to be a man over being a beast, especially when it was a man doing the assuming. Gary could no more choose who or what he was than any other being. Leslie took a deep breath and tried to use some of the calming techniques his therapist had taught him. He slowly exhaled.

“Gary, this is going to be awkward at first, but I’m willing see where it goes. When we get home, I want you to come by the house so I can meet the real you. Okay?” Leslie extended his hand. “Shake.”

“Sure, as long as you don’t ask me to sit and roll over as well.”

“I didn’t mean . . . ,” Leslie stammered and tripped over his words.

Gary chuckled. “You better get used to the bad jokes. Wit and Joey seem to have a neverending supply of them.” Gary grasped Leslie’s hand and gave it a firm shake. Leslie pulled him to his feet.

“Does it bother you? The jokes, I mean?” Leslie asked as he brushed dust from Gary’s shoulder.

“Not really. They have never been mean-spirited and they usually will only joke about things that I joke about. I’m sure to snap at them if they cross the line. See, I did it right there. You really can’t and shouldn’t avoid it. It’s all good as long as they’re laughing with me and not at me.”

“I wish I was less sensitive about the jokes. I mean, look at me. I’m a walking punch line.” Leslie slowly spun in place.

“All of us have our little issues. Take Joey, for example. He looks like a teenager but he’s four centuries old. He hasn’t gotten much more than some ‘over the sweater’ action for some time now. What respectable mature woman is going to go for a sixteen-year-old kid? Wit isn’t exactly the brightest bulb, either. He’d be lost if it wasn’t for Reese. Did you notice how he treats that El Camino like it’s one of his children? Call it a truck. It makes him nuts!” Gary laughed.

“I’ll do that.” Leslie righted the table and tossed a tangled pile of jeans onto it. “Gary, I have to ask.”

“Ask away. I’m an open book.” Gary began gathering denim as well.

“Duct tape? Really?” Leslie stifled a laugh.

“I’d rather not talk about it.” Gary continued folding and stacking and focused on not making eye contact.