Un2Dead (Book One of the Un2Series)

Four moderately-sized bunnies with clean-shaven necks munched casually on lettuce leaves in a wire cage that sat on the kitchen counter. They were totally unaware that it was also feeding time for someone else. Plastic drop cloths covered most everything in the apartment including Joey who had one draped over him like a poncho. Wit stood nervously in the center of the kitchen wearing only his bright yellow rain slicker. To his right a galvanized 30 gallon trash can had been outfitted with a large cleaving device fashioned from parts of a paper cutter. Reese was on Wit’s left wearing his scuba suit and swim mask since hers no longer fit due to the baby bump. No one was of the opinion that this first feeding would go smoothly.

“I cannot stress enough how important it is that we are all on the same page.” Joey stood facing the couple, speaking in a calm yet stern tone.” Hopefully this will go off without a hitch. Let’s review what each of us does one last time. I will take the rabbit from the cage and ready it. I will hand it to Wit and he will . . . .”

Joey nodded to Wit.

“I will take Bugsy by the ears and hind legs and bite into him like he’s an ear of corn,” Wit added eagerly.

“A very colorful way of putting it, but yes. If you do it the way I told you everything should be fine. If, however, you screw up then what do you do?”

“Remind me, what happens when I screw up?”

Joey repeated the details very purposefully.”If you inadvertently turn Bugsy it will become very apparent, very rapidly. His eyes will go black and he will shake violently and try to break from your grip. You will remain calm and continue to hold the bunny at arm’s length. Turn and hold the bunny so its neck is beneath the shear. I will sever the head from the body. You drop the carcass into the can.”

“Oh, God. Oh, God. I don’t think I can do this.”

Reese closed her eyes and shook both of her hands frantically in front of her.

“Like I said before,” Joey repeated, “you don’t have to be here for this.”

“Yes, I do. If this is going to be a part of our lives, I need to understand everything. And could we please not give the food a name.”

“The point is not to kill the bunny,” Joey reminded them.” We all want Bugsy to live the rest of his little fuzzy life happily munching on lettuce and making more little bunnies. Bugsy only gets whacked if Wit turns him.”

“Great! No pressure here! I’m sure you have a huge amount of faith in me considering that you have the entire apartment wrapped in plastic like my Grandma’s couch. What’s that all about, anyway?” Wit’s voice cracked as his confidence waned.

“If you miss getting the headless carcass into the garbage can, it will get messy.”

“Meaning…”

“It takes a minute to die. It could start running around the apartment.”

Reese hunched forward slightly. “I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

“Focus. We can get through this. Are there any questions?” Joey was trying his best to keep things moving.

Wit raised his hand.”How do I get my fangs to come out? Are you even sure I have them? I don’t feel different. Maybe I’m not even a vampire.”

Joey leaned against the counter next to the cage of bunnies.” Trust me, Danny, you are a vampire. Until you learn how to drop your fangs at will, you will need some type of external stimulus in order for your fangs to drop. Strong emotions will draw them out. Things like fear or pain sometimes even arousal will trigger it.”

“Oooo, arousal. I think I’m going to like this.” Wit turned, pulling Reese’s hand toward “Little Wit.”

Joey stepped forward and inserted his arm between them.

“So if we’re all ready, I would like to get started.” Joey stepped back and aligned the pair side by side. He placed his hands on Wit’s arms and squared his shoulders. “Close your eyes, clear your mind, count to three.”

Wit did as he was told. Then he turned his head toward Reese. “One, two three!” he shouted as he tore open his raincoat.

“Okee-dokee,” Joey said as he drove his knee into Wit’s package, dropping him to the floor.

“Why?” escaped from Wit’s mouth sounding much like air escaping from the tightly stretched neck of a balloon.

“Pain is the most effective means of getting the fangs to drop, next to fear. I didn’t think I could scare you very easily, especially with a kitchen full of bunnies. The arousal method tends to distract the subject a bit, if you get my drift. So let’s have a look at those chompers.”

Joey extended a hand and urged Reese to help Wit to his feet. Wit closed his raincoat and looked at Joey.

“Whoa, I haven’t seen that before.” Joey took Wit by the chin turning his head from side to side in order to take better look.

“What? What? “Wit instinctively turned toward Reese, who recoiled upon seeing him.”What’s wrong?”

Reese regained her composure and stepped forward taking Wit by the hand.”No, Baby, I was just startled. Really.”

She reached up and brushed his hair back, her hand shaking ever so slightly.

“Calm down. Take a look.” Joey turned and grabbed the toaster, handing it to Wit so he could see himself.

“I thought vampires don’t have a reflection.”

“We’re vampires, Danny, not invisible.”

Wit studied himself in the side of the toaster turning it and his head to see himself from all angles. Not much had changed except for the teal eyes and the jet black slits for pupils. There was also a pair of exceptionally long fangs extending from beneath his upper lip.

“It must have something to do with the viper bite,” Joey explained. ”Do something for me. Open your mouth so I can see your fangs.” Wit opened his mouth and leaned forward. Joey manipulated Wit’s lips like a veterinarian examining a horse. ”Can you open it a bit more and tip your head back a bit? That’s better. How about a bit more?”

Wit stretched his jaw once more. He felt a slight pop as it unhinged and dropped to his sternum. Joey continued to examine him unfazed.

”It appears there’s a whole lot of snake in you. Your fang structure is different from mine. The unhinging the jaw thing is pretty cool. Look, I’m a lion tamer!”

Joey pulled on the sides of Wit’s mouth and inserted the top of his head. Reese was walking a fine line between giggling and vomiting.

“Ud eh ouw!” Wit removed Joey’s head from inside his own. He grasped his jaw from either side and snapped it into place. ”Could we please get on with this? I’m starving.” He massaged his jaw from side to side.

“Please, Joey, I don’t know how much more I can handle. Let’s get this over with,” Reese pleaded.

“Okay. Sorry. Places, everyone. Aaaand . . . action!”

Joey turned and removed a bunny from the cage, holding it upright in front of him. The bunny wiggled and twisted trying to get away. Joey tightened his grip and brought the bunny’s nose in line with his, staring deeply into its eyes. The bunny’s struggle slowed until the rise and fall of its chest and the twitching of its nose were the only noticeable movement. Joey rotated it sideways and turned it over to Wit.

Wit handled the horizontal rabbit as if it were a bomb that could go off at the slightest joggle. He stood with his feet shoulder width apart and brought it slowly toward him as he opened his mouth at a rate that would allow the bunny to reach his fangs at the exact time his mouth was fully open. He paused for a moment and looked at both Joey and Reese who were unconsciously mimicking his movements. He blinked slowly and sank his fangs into his first victim. Blood flowed slowly and evenly into his mouth. Small gill-like slits opened beneath his tongue, siphoning the liquid and delivering it to Wit’s circulatory system to mix with his blood and nourish his hungry body. The flow of blood stopped as the bunny went limp. Wit pulled the barely breathing morsel free from the ends of his fangs and handed it to Joey’s waiting hands. The trio let out a collective sigh of relief. Joey placed the rabbit back in the cage where the remaining entrees hopped over to sniff their comrade.

“Nice job, Wit.” Joey gave a thumbs up. “Very clean bite. The bunny will be fine in an hour or two. So, what did you think of your first taste?”

“It tasted like salty broccoli. Does it always taste like broccoli? Please tell me it doesn’t always taste like broccoli.” Wit scrunched his nose and stick out his tongue.”Blah.”

“Rabbits taste like broccoli because of their diet. Humans will have more flavor, unless of course you feed on a vegetarian. They taste a lot like rabbits.”

“Remind me to stay away from them! I’m still hungry. Can I have seconds?”

“Sure. Just let me . . . .”

Before Joey could finish his sentence, Wit reached into the cage and grabbed a fresh bunny, bringing to his mouth quickly, and with a bit too much confidence, bit vigorously into the bunny’s throat. The second course squealed like hydraulic brakes as it wriggled furiously to escape Wit’s jaws.

“You didn’t let me prep him! He needed to be in a trance state!” Joey yelled. “Whatever you do don’t let him escape!”

In an attempt to keep the rabbit from breaking free, Wit instinctively bit down harder. His fangs pierced through the neck completely. Bunny blood gushed from Wit’s mouth causing that evening’s dinner to gush from Reese. She turned and headed for the bathroom for an encore.

“Wit, spit that thing out! You don’t want it in your mouth when it turns!”

Joey grabbed the rabbit’s flailing hind quarters and twitching ears and pulled. Wit’s jaw popped and his chin once again rested on his chest. Joey couldn’t free the bunny from Wit’s fangs. He released the ears and grasped the paws that dangled directly beneath the still pulsing wound. Before Joey could attempt a second extraction, Wit’s jaw snapped shut around Joey’s hand with the force of a bear trap. Joey’s eyes went black. It took every ounce of strength he had to suppress the primal urge of tearing off Wit’s head. He planted a foot in the middle of Wit’s chest and pulled. Bugsy’s blood-soaked carcass sailed back past Joey’s head and splatted against the apartment door while his head sprang from Wit’s mouth and landed in the middle of the plastic covered futon. The drenched duo lay on their backs viewing the crimson constellation they had just created on the ceiling.

“I don’t think I’m ever getting my security deposit back,” Joey chuckled. ”Danny, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I guess. Except for one little thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m still hungry.”