SWNOVELS Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Cam pulls his shirt over his head. His pants and shoes are discarded quickly too.
Then it's my turn to look.
Muscles ripple. Cam's always been strong. His shoulders are twice the width of mine. He's lost weight since I saw him last, and rather than make him look ill, it just brings out the definition of his muscles more. His height and build seem larger somehow.
His abs ripple. Biceps flex.
Every inch of this man calls to me.
He's so hard and it takes all the discipline I have not to reach out and grab his-
His lips catch mine.
Then I'm tumbling. No, jumping into a passion that is as fierce as it is familiar.
His tongue traces mine.
My pulse races, my blood rushes, and my body comes alive in ways that I haven't felt in so so long.
He draws back on a gasp, his hands tangled in my hair. His eyes are wild and full gold.
"Goddamn I've missed you." His voice is low and gravelly.
He kisses me hard. Then his hands are all over my skin, touching, squeezing, plunging. He's learning my body all over again.
When he touches my core, I melt into his hand.
He rumbles his pleasure, his head dipping to my nipples, his mouth tracing, teeth tugging, while his fingers do incredible things to me down below.
He hasn't forgotten a thing.
No, if anything, it's better than before.
Better than in those dreams.
He's real and here. And my body contracts around his fingers as I explode so fast, I can barely stand up. Even as he's pumping me through that orgasm, I'm already asking for "More." "Yes, Mia. Always."
Cam didn't just give me pleasure in the past, he killed me with it. Wringing out more passion than I thought I could possibly endure.
We drop to the ground.
I grab him, stroke him. I revel in how he gasps and the way his balls tighten up like he's already seconds from coming too.
He grabs my hand.
"No." I run my thumb over the top of him and savor the hiss of his breath.
He smiles against my mouth.
It's that grin that stops me.
Because it's sweet and true, and as filled with love now as it was back when I made love to him for the first time.
But we can't go back to that. Can we?
I draw back. It takes only a second, but I watch as his eyes close and his features fall.
He gathers me close. "I'm sorry, Mia...for everything."
I tense.
I'm not sure I'm ready for this conversation.
"I never meant to hurt you. Honestly, it's all a jumble in my head. I can see myself accusing you of things, of kicking you out. I... struck you." He rubs his hands over his face. "I was mindless with this need to protect my mate. I know that. But you are my mate."
How long did I want to hear these words? How long did I play out exactly this scene in my head with Cam begging for my forgiveness?
I thought it would bring me joy, or at the very least, peace.
Instead...I just feel tired.
"I've loved you from the start, Mia. And just knowing that I've been at the mercy of some spell that could let me hurt you- it tears me apart."
He's gutted over what happened.
I see it. His guilt and pain are real.
And deep down, I know that. I think maybe I've always known that.
It's probably why I've never been able to fully break away from this man.
"Why didn't you ever tell me I was your mate? You never gave me the words, Cam. You never tried to mark me."
He looks wistful now. His eyes are even more wounded, if that's possible. "I wanted to," he says quietly. "Every time I made love to you. Every time I told you I loved you, I kept hoping and waiting, praying your wolf would wake up and recognize mine."
I slowly stand up and he does too.
"I couldn't force it, Mia. No matter how much I wanted to-how much I still want to. And knowing that my love has been one-sided for the last twenty years... That's not been an easy truth to carry around." I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Nala? Why?
She turns a circle inside my head and faces away from me. Ignoring me.
But he is our mate. I insist.
I know he is. I know it in my heart.
She barks once, as if to say, 'duh.'
But that moment... the one where our wolves would connect and cement our mate bond...that moment never came.
He reaches for my hand. "We have time, Mia."
Do we? I'm not so sure.
"Why don't we run?"
Is he thinking what I am? That maybe our wolves will finally figure out the rest. Because if they don't, then all of this talk is meaningless.
We either are mates.
Or we aren't.
And I've already proven to myself that I'm capable of connecting with someone else.
I want to tell Cam that. To just get the truth out there and in the open, but it seems cruel. We've only just reconnected, and for him, he's been manipulated these last few years.
I can't imagine what that must be like...to not wholly be in control of oneself.
He kisses me once more, and when he draws back, he holds my face. "Listen to me, whatever happens now with Conn and Nala...it's fine."
"But Cam-" It's not fine. I see that now.
He's named me his mate, and in the next few minutes we will shift and run, and I'll know if he's mine. Or not...