Trouble : Boston Bolts Hockey

Track 16

VULNERABLE

I swallow the lump in my throat as I climb the porch steps. I never thought I was a jealous person, but I’m beginning to think I’ve been wrong all this time. Cade is leaving before we’ve defined what this relationship is. Without a label, I can’t expect him to twiddle his thumbs while he travels with his team.

And I won’t ask him to commit himself to us. He has to want us. Choose us. Decide that Declan and I are enough. But for that to happen, Declan needs to fucking show up, and today, he didn’t.

For as much as I defended him tonight, Cade had every right to be upset. Declan should have been there, and if he absolutely couldn’t, then he should have given us a real explanation.

He had to have seen the hurt on Cade’s face when he shrugged him off, saying that tonight just wasn’t good for him. He had to know he was crushing the person he so obviously loves.

And people say women cause unnecessary drama. God, these men are infuriating.

Declan’s car is in the driveway, but I’m still startled when I find him sitting in the darkened living room.

Just the sight of him boils my blood, though my tone is cold as I ask, “What are you doing here?”

Declan eyes me warily, jaw tight. Like he expects my anger, even welcomes it. And he says absolutely nothing.

My frustration ignites, turning into blazing anger.

“Infuriatingly stupid man,” I mutter, striding past him, heading straight for my bedroom.

I slam the door, giving in to the urge to make a show of my anger. But as I fall against the cool, solid wood and tip my head back, my breaths coming out unevenly, my anger bubbles over.

I fling the door open and storm back into the living room. “You know what? I’m not doing this,” I say, propping my hands on my hips and glaring down at the man on the couch.

He looks up at me wearing an expression that almost looks like relief. Like he wants me to yell. Like he’d rather I curse him out than walk away.

And god if that doesn’t break me.

My heart cracks in two, and I deflate. My anger remains, but it’s turned down to a simmer.

This man has been patient with me since the moment I met him. He’s protected me and gone out of his comfort zone for me. The least I can do is give him my words.

“With Jason⁠—”

“Don’t compare what we have to what you had with him.” His jaw is rigid, and gone is the softness in his eyes from only seconds ago.

I square my shoulders and heave a deep breath, centering myself. “Then let me talk. Because he didn’t.”

Nostrils flaring, he fists his hands in his lap, focus fixed on me, waiting.

I round the coffee table and drop one knee to the cushion beside him. With my hands on his chest, I straddle him. Then I pull him in close and hold him tight. “I want to start this conversation as your safe place,” I say, my lips brushing his ear, “Because you’ve become mine.”

Shuddering, he loops his arms around me and squeezes.

For several long moments, we stay like that. Silent. Holding one another. Our hearts beating wildly but in sync.

Finally, he breaks the silence. “I’m scared.”

My battered heart pinches at the vulnerability in his tone. “I know.”

With a heavy sigh, he pulls back and regards me, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m falling for both of you, and you’re leaving.”

Tears prick my eyes as I run my fingers through his messy hair. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

Brows pulled low, he dips his chin and focuses on a spot somewhere around my throat rather than holding eye contact. “But you have a life—and you don’t need to stay here anymore.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat. Tamp down on the trepidation that has kept me from opening up completely to both men. “What if I want to stay? What if I want you? You and Cade and us and this.” My voice wobbles.

Honestly, what I hope for is probably too good to be true. But I have to say this. He needs to know the depth of my feelings. And it’s hard to deny that sometimes, especially when this hard man is so soft beneath my fingers, what I long for feels so real and tangible.

I rest my palm against his pounding heart. “I want this, but you need to want it too. I can’t fall for another person who’s going to break me.”

He brushes a thumb over my lips, the move sending a shiver down my spine. “I would never hurt you.”

Head tilted, I give him a sad smile. “Not opening your heart to Cade and me is hurting me.”

Declan takes a few steadying breaths. “I’m in love with my best friend.”

My heart floats at the admission, and my smile turns easy. This all feels so delicate and new. “I know.”

“And I’m fucking gone for you, Melina.” His eyes dart furtively between mine, as if he’s dissecting my reaction. “You own me, sweetheart.”

His voice is tortured. Like he doesn’t know how to convey what he’s feeling. Like he’s desperate for me to believe him, and he’s not quite sure I do.

Holding myself still, I assess him. My body is taut with tension, because honestly, I am questioning it. “Maybe it’s meant to be just you and Cade. Maybe—” My heart sinks, and I worry my bottom lip, knowing that what I say next will likely bring on the tears. “Maybe I was the glue that brought you two together.” I sniffle. “But I don’t have to be involved forever.”

Declan shakes his head, the movement so violent it jostles me on his lap. “No, sweetheart. We’ve had decades to figure it out, yet it only works because of you. You’re what makes us us. I’m awkward as fuck when I’m alone with him now. Hell, I gave him what was probably a mediocre blow job yesterday, because when we’re alone, I can’t help but fuck around with him.”

I laugh and smack his chest, feigning offense. “Excuse me, are you saying that doesn’t happen with me?”

The laugh that rumbles out of him sends waves of delight through me. God, is it a beautiful sound. Deep and gritty and full of affection. He smiles, suddenly cocksure. “Sweetheart, if I could live inside you, I would.” He sweeps a thumb across my cheek, strumming it reverently. “But I can also sit with you for an entire night and not feel the least bit compelled to force conversation. Just being in your presence puts me at ease. That’s special.” He angles in close, tightening his arm around my middle. “That’s love.”

He brushes his lips against mine, and my heart stumbles and falls over itself.

“You are my soulmate, Melina, mine and Cade’s. We wouldn’t be us without you. But with you,” his voice grows smooth, confident. “With you, I think we could really make it.”

Warring between smiling and bursting into tears, I bite my lip. “Cade was really upset.”

Eyes downcast, Declan frowns. “I hate that I hurt him. I just—I was so afraid to lose you, to lose him, and I didn’t know how to ask him to stay. I should have asked him to stay.”

“Why didn’t you? What happened this morning between the time you left our bed and the time we found you in the kitchen?”

His frown deepens. “I heard the two of you making plans to leave. You said you were going back to New York, and Cade was leaving⁠—”

God, the way all of this could have been avoided if I’d just spoken up earlier. If I’d said something last night.

With my finger, I tip Declan’s chin up and meet his sad eyes. “I was considering it, yes. My mother called and told me that Jason was arrested and that my brother bailed him out.”

Declan’s jaw locks. “I’ll kill them both.”

I press my fingers to his lips. “They got into a car accident on the way home. Jason’s in a coma. Or he was as of yesterday.” I shrug. “I don’t know his current status, and I honestly don’t care. When my mother called and asked me to come home, it was like a switch flipped inside me. I realized there was nothing I could say to them—no words I could conjure—that would ever get her to be on my side.” I sigh. “And I don’t know. I guess recognizing that freed me from trying so hard. From thinking too long on it. And I think that’s how I got my voice back. I’m not trying to be the person someone else thinks I should be.” I rub my thumb against the frown lines beside his eyes. “You and Cade helped me find my voice. Helped free me by just loving me for me. And now I can’t stop the lyrics from flowing. So I wanted to get into the studio and get them all down before I lost this creativity streak. And my studio is in New York.”

“Do you want to leave?”

My answer is far easier than it should be. “No. But I don’t want to hide away either. It’s been so long since I’ve written music, and yesterday, it felt good to do it again. I felt like I was finally reclaiming a piece of myself.”

Declan watches me as if he’s deep in thought. Then he seems to accept what I’ve said and nods, his hands settling on my hips and squeezing. “Can I show you something?”

I don’t hesitate, knowing I want him to show me everything he’s got. “Okay.”

He doesn’t let me go as he lifts me, and I squeal as he heads toward the basement door. “You going to put me down?”

In answer, he holds me tighter, with one hand on my ass, then opens the door. “I won’t drop you.”

“I know.”

As he climbs down the steps, I don’t even consider worrying that he might drop me. Declan has brought me an innate sense of safety since the moment I met him. Even when I’m unsure about every other aspect of my life, I’m comfortable with this man.

“It’s not done yet, but the guys are coming over in the morning to finish it up.” He turns on the light, and as the space is illuminated, I suck in a breath. “This has been down here since Liv left for college, so it probably needs to be tuned,” he mumbles, setting me on the edge of a worn piano. It’s a dark brown wood and nothing fancy, but…

“And Shawn knew a guy who had a guitar.” He points to the instrument settled on a stand in the corner. Then he scans the walls, which are only half covered. “We got a good portion of it done today, but by Tuesday, this space is yours. If you want it.”

“Declan,” I whisper, though once again, I don’t have the words to convey the depth of my emotions.

“It’s not a fancy music studio like what you probably have in New York, but it will be soundproofed, and…” He sighs again. “Please, Melina. There’s nothing I won’t do to keep you. I know I don’t deserve you. You probably want a nicer studio, a bigger house. And if that’s what you really want, I can look into⁠—”

I cover his lips with my fingers. “What I want is you and Cade. My home is with you. Wherever the two of you are. I can’t believe you—” I shake my head, blinking back tears. This is unbelievable. He built a soundproof music studio. For me. Sure, it isn’t extravagant, but it’s the thought, the action, that shows me that he’s all-in.

“I don’t need a fancy studio, and if I want to make upgrades, I’ll pay for it. I’m not with you for your money.”

Declan chuckles, the lines around his eyes crinkling, making me fall more in love with him. “That’s good. I love what I do, but I’ll never compete with you or Cade when it comes to that stuff.”

I hook my feet around the back of his hips and pull him close, settling my arms on his shoulders and my chin on his chest. “I love you, Declan. Just you as you are. No bells or whistles needed.”

He presses his lips to mine, and when he pulls back, he rasps, “I love you so damn much, sweetheart.”

Everything about this moment is perfect except… “I wish Cade were here.”

Declan brushes my hair back. “Me too.”

“You know what that means?” I ask as I regard one half of my happiness.

“Hmm?” he murmurs, dipping low and pressing a kiss to my collarbone.

“It’s time to grovel.”

Eyes flashing, he pulls back and gives me that devious smirk. “You trying to tell me you want me on my knees, sweetheart?”

His teasing tone instantly banishes the weight that’s been holding me down all day.

“No. Though that wouldn’t hurt.”