Trouble : Boston Bolts Hockey

I’m not even remotely surprised when the text comes in a half hour later. Declan probably started panicking about the time he hopped in the shower. He’s no doubt trying to figure out what the fuck he agreed to. And how to get out of it.

I sure as fuck don’t want him to back out, and I can guarantee Mel doesn’t either. But he needs to want this just as badly as we do.

Declan: I could just talk you through a demonstration, and you could do this with Melina tomorrow night instead. No need for me to be involved.

I scoff as I read his text, my grip on the phone tightening.

Maybe it’s wrong that I want this so much. That I want my best friend to touch the woman I’m borderline obsessed with. And not only do I want him to touch her, but I want him to fuck her.

I’ve been involved in plenty of threesomes, and it’s always been for the hell of it. To have a good time. Nothing more. Hell, even the one I had with Declan all those years ago didn’t mean anything. The girl was a friend from school. Declan had been visiting, and we’d all been drinking. She and I started fooling around, and when Dec offered to go hang in the other room, she’d looked at me and said she didn’t mind if he stayed. And then…

I shake my head. This is nothing like what happened back then.

Besides, after that night, he changed. It was spring break, and he went home. Despite how many times I texted and called, hoping we could hang out, he never replied. I didn’t see him again until summer break, and even then, he was still off.

Instead of returning to college that fall—he started working at the fire department, and slowly, things got better between us.

Despite how hard I tried, though, it was never the same. And he was different. But maybe that’s what growing up does to a person. He wasn’t drinking and partying like I was. He was at home working and helping his mom with the bills.

Though things eventually got better between us, from then on, I watched my behavior toward him, convinced I’d taken things too far that night. I like men; he doesn’t. I suppose I can understand his discomfort when I overstep. Even when I touch him innocently, he pulls away. There’s a wall between us, and it’s best that I remember it. Even so, I keep working on our friendship, keep reaching out, because it’s the most important relationship in my life. The one constant.

So should I be worried about crossing a line again with him?

Maybe.

Probably.

But if I keep our focus fixed on Mel, give her what she wants, I think we’ll be okay.

And he wouldn’t be texting me if he didn’t want to do this. He would just straight-up say he didn’t. That’s how he is.

Although he has spent his entire life putting the wants and needs of others before his own.

So it might be best to just come out and ask him. Make sure this is what he truly wants. Then assure him it’s what I want too. Because it won’t be meaningful if he does it for Mel and me only.

I’d never use him for my own pleasure.

Me: I don’t know how to tie the ropes. You do. And for what it’s worth, I’d love to see you do it. But if you aren’t comfortable, we don’t have to do this.

His reply comes so quickly that the dots don’t even dance.

Declan: I’m not uncomfortable.

Declan: But you need to tell me if you get uncomfortable.

I huff a laugh and rough a hand over my mouth. That won’t happen.

There’s nothing he could do to her that I wouldn’t be totally on board with. Just the thought of him touching her has me so hard I can barely breathe.

Me: FaceTime me when you guys are ready.