Touching the Heart of Ace

I heard the bathroom door open.

Robbie sat on the edge of bath tub staring at me. He took my wet hand and rubbed gently on the back of my hand.

??Is she awake???

??No.??

He changed the visual to the nursery on the monitor we recently installed in the bathroom. My bathroom to be precise. So, I could take long baths, without worrying about Princess. Robbie was silent, and silent Robbie made me nervous.

I took my hand off him and washed myself. I walked into the bathrobe Robbie stretched for me.

He was still not talking and I was steadily getting worried. What did Jason say? Or was that mom? ??Angel???

I met his gaze in the mirror as I blow dried my hair.

??Jason is only looking out for you, you know???

??He talked to you.?? I rolled my tongue in my mouth. That was a low blow from Jason??s side. This decision was solely on me. Robbie had no idea I was going to take care of Princess.

??Baby...?? I glared at him. When did they become best friends? Of all the times, they decided to be chummy to fight me on one thing I was so sure about.

Robbie sighed and pressed me to his chest.

??There are only two people in this whole world I would let to advise me on decisions related to us. One is your mother, other is Jason.?? I felt like crying. No one wanted to know what I wanted, they did not care. ??My Angel, you are precious to me in the way I can never describe. And I trust Jason because I know he will never do anything to hurt you.??

??HE IS HURTING ME NOW.?? I didn??t mean to shout. Then water filled in my eyes and I was sniffling.

Robbie was not getting it; Jason was not getting it; Mom wanted me to only come here on weekends. It would not do any good and I was able to change mom??s mind.

Was it because he did not want me here? Robbie had begged me to come here several times before but I never set foot in this house because he bought this after his marriage; supposedly to start a family. When I changed my mind and he did not want me here anymore.

??Sweetheart.?? There was a definite warning in his voice. Oh really! Was he going to kick me out if I was not going obey. He could try. ??There is nothing that would make me happier than to see my Angles?? faces every single second of my life.??

??Doesn??t look like it.?? I turned my face away and Robbie forcefully turned me to him. I glared at his chest. Why did he not need me here?

?? You are not dropping out of college. You are going back, on Sunday. I have everything figured out.??

??It is my life and I decide what I want to do.??

The bastard chuckled, his face hardening. ??You decide all you want, but you are going.?? He checked his phone and tried to walk away.

My nails were digging on his elbow but I was not backing off. ??What! You don??t get to do that to me. I am staying and that is final. Don??t think you know what is good for me, Robert Brantley.??

??I know you and that is enough. Don??t fight me on this, you know it would change nothing. Cry all you want; you have three days.??

Why was no one seeing the things my way? I heard a whimper from the bedroom monitor. I pulled myself together to check on my baby.

??She is not your baby, Goose. Stop saying like that. It will only bring pain, not just to you, but to her, her dad and her mom. She is not yours.?? Jason had said that to me when Robbie was at office. He visited after a few days of our lash out still trying to take me with him.

??I know she is not. I... I love her so much.??

?? You can??t love a baby at the first sight!??

??No! You can??t. I can and I do.??

??You are not here for her. You love her daddy not her.??

I had no one who would understand. What I had for Robbie nowhere came close to the love I had for her. My love for my baby was different. I did not care if Robbie wanted to be with Janice as long as Lia was happy and healthy.

??You promised you would do any funny business in the hospital, Dave.?? There was accusation in his statement.

??Yes. And he did not try to do any funny business.?? Jason was sceptic. ??He kissed me the moment the nurse left the room and I expected him to take it further... he didn??t. I was prepared to give him a whole speech of how we could not do it in that hospital but...?? I chuckled self-depreciatingly. ??...he hasn??t touched me yet, if you are worried about it.??

Jason was deep in thought. ??All these days???

??All these days, in fact, the last time when we were intimate was the night before he left for the hospital.??

Jason frowned still staring at me. ??Why???

I shrugged. ??But honestly Jason, if he comes for me again, I don??t think...?? I did not finish my sentence.

?? You miss it.??

I nodded, ??I promise I will never go after him, I will never try to... that is all I can... Please don??t... take her away from me. I love her so much, Jason.??

He rubbed my back soothingly, his eyes filling with tears again. ??I sometimes hate how you much of an angel you are. We have to be selfish, Goose. Now that Janice is out from the hospital...??

??What???

Jason stopped in the mid-sentence, ??You don??t know.??

I scowled and Jason looked even more confused. ??She has been discharged. It has been a week. She was staying at your home for a few days. I thought she would come here after. Maybe in a few days. Robert has not mentioned it???

He had not. When I had casually asked him when she would be back yesterday he only shrugged. I thought she was at the hospital.

??Her postpartum depression went away that fast? I thought it took time and serious counselling and medication.??

??Ace...??

??What???

??She has no depression.??

What was Jason talking about? I remembered that the day, everything went downhill doctors speculated depression. Why else would she reject my Princess?

??They cleared her off of any metal trauma and she definitely has no depression.??

I had so many questions and everything was making my head and heart hurt. Robbie would never tell me anything related to his life truthfully.

Always the same answer. ??It is my life, Angel.?? Huff! I heard it too many times that the pain I used to have in our early days had faded to numbness. Robbie came home before I could ask Jason more questions.

I thought Jason would understand me, clearly not! He went for Robbie. Trying to take my baby away from me. I loved her and they could do nothing about it.

A giggle pulled me to reality, and I picked her up, gently patting on her back. ??Why is everything in my life so difficult, Baby Angel???

She gurgled.

??I am not leaving you until your mom comes back. I am going to stay a few months too if she is still not okay to take care of you.??

I thought Janice had depression and it took several months, if not years, to take care of that. Was she coming back? Was that why Robbie asking me to leave? If that was the case, then I should not be here. I fed her while Robbie was having dinner.

??I will go back.?? I said to him and I ignored the pain when he smiled at me. He really did not want me here.

I walked to and fro burping my baby. ??Is Janice coming back on Sunday???

Robbie slowed his chewing but he shrugged. And I did not pester. It was okay though, if her mother was coming back, Princess had no need of me. Would she be okay when switched to breast milk? I wished it Janice had agreed to pump. Then it would not be a shock to Princess, but....

??You eat, I got her.??

I nodded giving her back to his father.

??Let him eat, Baby Angel. He must be hungry.?? Robbie said to his daughter when she leaned to me again. I smiled and gave my baby a handshake making her giggle.

??You are picking on your food.??

I stabbed on a piece of chicken and took a bite.

Was everyone so replaceable? According to Jason it was. Would it be so easy for me to replace Robbie? It would be I think, I meant, I almost got myself a boyfriend but he fell in love with someone else. Maybe it was not a big deal. Everyone was not meant to be in a fairy tale love life. It would not be so special if everyone had it, right?

?? Are you crying???

Was he asking me? I drank some water to take away the heaviness from my throat.

??If this about college, you are still going. I don??t...??

??Jeez, I get it, okay? You don??t have to remind me every five seconds. You don??t care if I cry or scream, I have to go. I am going; I??ve told you already.??

I stood up, picking up the plates.

?? You haven??t eaten anything.??

I did not bother to reply. It was not like he cared. Would he stop loving my body if I went skinny? Janice was a bit chubby from pregnancy. He knew where to find me if he wanted a change of taste.

Ding.

Another message from Jason. I opened the text only to avoid Robbie??s hard stare. He did not need to glare at me like that. I would leave the moment Janice comes home. I would not wait till Sunday if she came back early.

What are you doing?

Where is Robert?

Did Robert talk to you?

Goose, reply me.

I replied him that I was leaving on Sunday or when his wife came back, whichever occurred first.

Got the answer you were looking for, right?

I cancelled his call. It was not like my opinion mattered. This might be time to go to the vacation I wanted. I was serious about taking a break from the semester; if Robbie did not want me here, it was his choice.

I leaned down to pick up the sleeping baby from Robbie but he twisted his body away. ??I will put her to cradle. We need to talk.??

I shrugged and went to the living room, not even bothering to put on the T.V.

Robbie started his lecture again as soon as he was back. How he was completely okay and capable to take care of his child, how I was not needed here - only in nicer words, how I wanted this education because apparently I loved studying... I snorted at that.

??What???

I shrugged.

I loved studying because that was the only thing I was good at doing. That was the only place I felt wanted and appreciated. Everywhere else I stood out like a sore thumb. It was easy for me to understand algorithms and computer because whatever I commanded it had a value. It would give me the result I was looking for.

Unlike everywhere else.

Robbie and Jason was right. What was I trying to find in my life anyways? Programming was easy. Maybe I should start working as a programmer somewhere. But what if I was not wanted there too? I could do programming myself but that would disappoint mama, because I did not know how to sell it.

?? You are not listening to me.?? Robbie exhaled harder. He was angry. He did not need to be.

?? You want me out on Sunday.?? I stated and he nodded. ??Okay.??

I stood up and his phone rang. ??Tell Jason, he was right.??

Robbie ground his teeth. ??Ace, talk to me.??

I was confused. What did he want me to talk about? I agreed to what he wanted. I went back to my bedroom when he simply stared at me.

I turned around in my bed, the heaviness in my heart only increasing. Jason was right, Lia needed her real parents. Just like the parents needed each other.

Have a spot for me if I come there? I texted Liz.

Always. When?

Someday.

I had time to figure out everything, it was not like I was needed anywhere at the moment. I tried to sleep but it was not coming to me.

I felt my bed dip.

??Why do you fight me in everything???

??I am sorry, I...?? I hated when my throat ached like this. The words would not push through easily. ??...am not fighting anymore.??

I tsked in annoyance when my phone went off again. I switched it off. ??If it is not too much of a bother, tell Jason to stop calling me.?? ??Angel... baby... You don??t understand...??

??Yeah, I don??t... but it won??t change anything, will it??? I would not have to wait till Sunday to be honest. I would ask mom to come here for a few days. Robbie hugged me, climbing on the bed. He started talking again on and on about the same thing he was telling me before.

??You don??t have to explain yourself.?? He did not.

The baby monitor went off and I frowned, almost jumping up. Then I thought of what I was supposed to do. ??She is crying.?? I pushed Robbie on his shoulders.

He sighed and stood up, scratching his head. ??I am not trying to...??

??If she wakes up completely, she would not sleep anymore. Then she will be cranky in the morning.?? I suggested, not knowing if Robbie was willing to take my input seriously.

He went to his daughter anyways and that was all that mattered. But she did not stop crying even after fifteen minutes. So, I went in search of the reason.

Robbie was trying his very best but she was not having it.

??Can I hold her??? I felt so vulnerable standing at the door, not knowing if I was welcomed.

??Can you... what kind of a question is that Ace? Do you think I will not allow you to... You are...??

??Save it.?? He did not care and I understood. I picked her up from him and sat on the rocking chair, already asking her all about the nightmare she had.

??Ohhh... but you are an angel sweetheart, the monsters cannot come near you... you are precious and adorable and beautiful and...?? I wished I could sing so I could sing her a lullaby. I was worthless. What

was I trying to do anyways?

??Remember the story we read yesterday, how duckling baby got her Momma back? Momma walked through hills, swam rivers and oceans, fought with angry wolf-man and got her tiny sweet baby back? Sleep tight honey. No monster will hurt you, my Little Baby.??

I carefully placed her back on her cradle.

??Why did you skip the last sentence???

I frowned in confusion. ??You always end with saying you will do all that to get your baby back.??

I shrugged. ??I am not her Momma, am I???☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐