Chapter 32
I shut my eyes as soon as I feel his soft lips on mine.
I wouldn't believe it if it wasn't for the freezing cold water flooding on us in a brisk, his hands pressing me against his body more and more as if we aren't close enough and his lips shielding mine causing me to strangle my breath with every passing second.
I don't dare to open my eyes, afraid that what if all it's a dream and if I do, it will end. And I don't want this moment to ever end. But when the thunder crashes again and he tightens his hold, I realize it's not a dream.
This is happening. My first kiss.
This is happening.
It was the payment then?
A feeling that never lived in my mind overwhelms me from the core of my heart causing an unworldly intoxication to curse through every vein of my body.
He kissed me before but it can't be compared to others. It's totally different. Soft yet harsh. Gentle but claiming. Forbidden and addictive.
He isn't kissing me really. He is just touching his lips with mine. So softly. As if devouring its taste and relishing the moment. With the hand I have on his chest, I feel how fast his heart is beating. He is slowly consuming me with this unknown feeling I know only he can give me. When I am about to give up, something hits me.
What am I doing?
It...it can't happen.
I try to push his chest with all my strength though I am so weak now but just when he feels me trying to move, he grabs my wrist and slowly tangles it around his neck despite my powerless protest. He holds me more tightly if that's even possible and flushes my body against him now that there's no centimeter difference between us.
And right then, at that moment, I understand I can't get away from him.
No matter how much I try, he wouldn't let me go.
He puts more pressure on my lips like he is trying to destroy some unseen boundaries that aren't letting him in. Like he wants to feel me in every way possible. And then at last, I give in his divine kiss. I can't fight anymore. I lost. I lost to his enormous power, the dominance he has on me, the power that makes me forget everything. But I don't regret it.
For the first time in my life, a loss gives me indescribable pleasure.
I wanted to lose.
From the beginning.
I don't know for how long we stand there pressing our lips together when he suddenly starts moving his lips slowly. His lips feel so soft yet, they have this outrageous power to make me lose my mind. And I can't take that burning sensation anymore. My stomach clenches in pain and at this point, it becomes unbearable.
A cold wind blows again and gets through the thin fabric of my wet dress as I shiver. He feels that and puts his arms around me closely trying to dispatch the warmth of his skin to mine.
I hold his shoulder tightly for balance as it feels like I will fall now.
Just as my soaked hand touches his skin, he lets out a slow growl and increases the pace. His lips move demandingly against my trembling ones as I keep losing my senses more and more. I can't keep up with his pace. He was angry. I thought he would be harsh but he isn't. Like his anger vanishes slowly as he tilts his head and deepens the kiss more and more.
When he softly grazes my bottom lip, I can't stop myself as a loud gasp escapes my lips and both of my hands go around his shoulder and I hug him so tightly. The coldness isn't affecting me anymore, the heat of the kiss and the heat radiating from his body make me feel like I am on fire.
I don't know how much time has passed, finally, when he pulls back, I am panting like I am taking my last breath. I can't stare at his face. All of a sudden, I feel so shy. I look down and put my face on his chest. "Look at me." He says breathing heavily as he keeps his hand moving on my back up and down in a calming manner.
I can't.
I don't know how it happens but soon I find myself crying in his chest. I don't even know why I am crying. I just feel like he stole something precious from me.
He removes his hands from my back and holds my face up, making me look at him forcefully. His fingers go behind my ears and his thumbs brush my cheek softly as if trying to wipe the tears off that are blending with rain. The corridor is full dark but it's still a bit enlightened because of the light in the room and for that, I can see his face. His eyes are looking down at me with so much warmth in them that melts me from inside.
I have never seen him like this. He seems like he has put all his guards down and now I am seeing the real him.
It's unbelievable that this same guy was here a few minutes ago.
He jerks my face a little as he speaks slowly, "Why are you crying? It was supposed to happen sooner or later, wasn't it?"
He brings my face towards him more, "I don't regret it a bit. Do you?" He says, his voice dashing with the sound of the rain. He presses his lips together as the water pours on them and they glisten like shimmer.
I don't know.
If it feels wrong even a bit, it feels right a thousand times more.
I blink continuously as tears fill my eyes.
"You... you took my first kiss." A sob breaks my throat.
He chuckles at my words and places his hand on my wet lips. His thumb softly brushes my bottom lip and a droplet falls on my face from his dark eyelashes.
"If that's the reason you're crying for..." He smirks, "Then I should let you know that..." He pauses as his gaze shifts to my lips.
"I will make sure of it that I am the first and last one on the earth who has the right to touch these."
With that, he crashes his lips against mine again.
This time it's harsh. Like he didn't just say those words, he is trying to prove it by his actions.
"And touch YOU."
He sucks on my lower lip as he cups my face firmly with his hands. His lips move aggressively against mine and I step back a little with him as the force hits me. My hands clutch his shoulder and the pain in my stomach comes back. As if everything inside me whirling like a cyclone.
We don't even notice how time is passing. None of us cares about the rain, about the icy coldness anymore. Just us.
Hot tears stream down my face as the realization hits me.
This is how I wanted my first kiss to be. I always dreamed of having my first kiss in the rain with someone special who will be my first and last. Everything is happening just perfectly.
But...
Is Ethan that special someone?
How will I know?
My wet hair is stickily falling on my shoulder. He places his hand on my shoulder blade and removes the hair backward, sliding his hand behind my neck keeping me in place.
And with every moment, I find myself losing me in him. Just he is enclosing me, my heart, my body, my soul with his presence, his thoughts, and his kiss.
It's for the sickness in the morning, for standing in the icy cold rain for God knows how long or for the kiss; I don't know but I feel myself slowly giving in. My legs can't take my weight anymore. Everything seems hazy as our mouths apart and my head gently falls back but he holds it with his palm. I try to catch him but my hand slips and falls loosely. I try to speak but no words seem to come out of me.
"H...hold me," I whisper somehow as I feel my breath hitching and my heart beats so loudly.
"I will. Always." I hear him say and I let my body fall on his hand that's holding me tight.
I try to keep my eyes open but I fail and they close bit by bit and the last thing I see is his face and his sparkling dark eyes above mine.
Before the darkness consumes me completely and I lose my senses, he says something that throws all my confusions away and I realize, yes, he is that special someone.
"I love you."☐☐☐☐‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒