To Love Jason Thorn

Seven years later…

“Thank you for letting me have your phone, Amanda,” I whispered as I was hiding in my closet.

“Why are we whispering?”

“So Dylan and Jason can’t hear me.”

“Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, come on Olive, what if he realizes it’s you texting him?”

“But I do want him to realize it’s me.” I thought about that for a second, and then changed my mind. “Well, okay, maybe not at first, but eventually.”

Amanda sighed on the other end of the line. “I’m not so sure this is a good idea, Liv. What if he tells Dylan?” She gasped. “What if they recognize the number and think it’s me?”

“Oh, stop it. How could they possibly recognize your cousin’s number? If you don’t open your mouth, no one will know. And it’s just for tonight. I won’t text him again. My parents are gone, he is staying over, it’s the perfect timing.”

“Olive!” My brother banged on my door. “The pizza is here, come down if you don’t want to find an empty box.”

“Break the door down, why don’t you,” I muttered to myself. Opening the door of my little closet, I yelled back, “I’m coming!”

“Okay, I’m heading downstairs. What time is it?” I asked Amanda, getting up from the floor.

“Nine. When will you text him? You have to let me know what he is saying.”

“I can’t text you while I’m texting him. I’ll be too excited. I’ll call you tomorrow to let you know how it went.”

“Nope, I’m coming for breakfast then, who knows when you’ll call me. Plus, I need to get the phone back to my cousin. They are leaving tomorrow afternoon.”

“Fine, then I’ll see you tomorrow. Wish me luck.”

Throwing the phone on my bed, I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. My strawberry blonde hair was falling down on my shoulders in soft waves, my eyes were sparkling, and my face was flushed with excitement over the possibility of what might happen later that night.

I looked down at my shaky hands and laughed at myself.

All I wanted for that night was to text Jason and talk to him as if I was someone else, like an admirer. You see, I’d had it all planned for days. I was going to text him, of course keeping my identity a secret, preferably when Dylan was not by his side, and then simply talk to him. Maybe I could ask him who he would want his admirer to be… Wouldn’t it be something else if he said me?

So far the plan was working smoothly. Depending on how the rest of the night went, I would make my move accordingly.

“Olive!” my brother thundered from downstairs.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep refreshing breath, hid the phone under my pillow, and walked out of my room.

“What are you yelling for? I said I was coming,” I said when I spotted Dylan sitting alone in front of the TV.

“Pour the drinks and bring out the pizza,” he answered, not even looking at me.

“Why can’t you get up and do it yourself?” I shot back.

“Just get on with it already. I’m about to start the movie.”

I opened my mouth to—

“Hi little Olive,” someone whispered right next to my ear, causing me to jump.

“Jason,” I whispered back, my hands jumping to my chest to keep my heart in place. “You scared me.”

He chuckled, showing me the dimple. “I know.”

I laughed back, my eyes shining with love for the boy I’d known for seven years now.

Tugging at a piece of my hair, he winked and walked past me with a cold water bottle in his hand. He pushed over Dylan and sat right next to him.

Eyeing the small seat next to Jason, I asked, “Do you want anything other than water?”

Turning his head, he smiled at me. “Thank you, beautiful. I’m good.”

I melted into a small, very happy puddle on my mother’s favorite carpet.

“Stop flirting with my sister, you shithead,” Dylan muttered, but I was too occupied with my dreams to tell Dylan to shush—not that he would listen to me.

Grabbing Dylan’s soda and a few paper plates for the pizza, I went back into the living room.

“Pour your own drink,” I said, dropping the bottle a little too harshly on the coffee table in front of him.

“How many slices do you want, Jason?” I asked, kneeling on the floor and not quite meeting his eyes.

Dylan sighed and muttered, “Here we go again.”

He didn’t like that I always gave the first slice of pizza—or cake, or pie, or any type of food actually—to Jason.

Putting his water bottle down, Jason reached out to help me up. “You are not sitting on the floor.” He pulled me up to the couch. “I’ll handle the pizza.”

Plopping down next to him, I let him divvy up the slices between the three of us.

“Two slices good?” he asked, giving me the first share.

Be still my heart.

“Yes, thank you.”

When he leaned back and shot me another quick wink, I forgot all about my pizza and reveled in the fact that I was about to spend two hours sitting right next to Jason watching a movie. It was the perfect night to text him.

“What are we watching?” I asked, taking a small bite from the huge slice.

“Nothing you’ll enjoy. We are already spending our Friday night babysitting your ass so you don’t have a say in the movie choices.”

“Don’t be an asshole, Dylan,” Jason murmured with his mouth full.

“So you’re saying you prefer to stay in tonight instead of going out with the girls?”

As my eyes filled with tears of embarrassment and something else I couldn’t name, I put my plate down and attempted to get up, only to be pulled back by Jason.

“Children,” he said in a tone similar to my dad’s. His warm hand was still closed over my wrist, keeping me seated—or more like paralyzed. “I promised Emily I would babysit both of you just in case you decided today was the day to kill each other. So, cut the crap and start the movie already. The girls aren’t going anywhere, Dylan.”

Still embarrassed, I cleared my throat to get their attention. “You guys don’t have to stay in for me. I’ll be okay, Dylan. You know I don’t mind staying alone.”

Looking at my miserable face, Dylan finally shook his head and reached for his plate. “Nah, it’s okay. Jason is right; the girls aren’t going anywhere and we’ve wanted to watch this for weeks, now is as good a time as any.”

The movie started and they both settled back as all my excitement for the night slowly trickled out of me.

When Dylan jumped up and said, “I’ll get the lights,” I was still playing with the paper plate in my lap.

Could he have a girlfriend?

I was sure he didn’t have one. Neither did Dylan actually, not since he’d broken up with his on-again, off-again girlfriend Vicky.

“Don’t worry, little one, it’s not a horror movie or anything. It’s action, you’ll like it,” Jason whispered into my ear before Dylan took his seat again.

Hearing him use the pet name he’d always liked to call me, I managed to put a sincere smile on my face when I looked up at him.

“Thank you. You guys can leave after the movie, you know. I won’t tell Mom and Dad when they come back tomorrow.”

“Are you kidding? I was looking forward to a quiet night in. Pizza and a movie with a beautiful green-eyed girl by my side?” He gave me a light shove with his shoulder. “Your brother is the stupid one, not me.”

Dylan turned off the lights and hopped back onto his seat. Luckily this time I was melting into another puddle on my mother’s not-so-favorite couch. I stayed that way until the end of the movie because Jason’s shoulder stayed plastered to mine the entire time.

About to die from sensory overload, I still had a stupid smile on my face as I headed to my room for the night.

Let the texting begin…

***

Around 1:30 AM, huddled under my covers, I listened to Dylan’s bedroom door open and close for the second time. The TV in his bedroom was on, but their voices were low. Either they didn’t want to wake me up or they were about to go to sleep, though I highly doubted that was the case.

Reaching for the phone under my pillow, I tried to get a handle on my breathing and erratic heartbeats.

As much as I was dying to text Jason, I was also scared out of my mind.

My fingers as cold as ice, I quickly sent the first text of the night.

Me: Hi Jason.

Original, I know.

I waited to see if I would hear his phone go off, but I couldn’t hear anything. My heart in my throat, I sat up in bed and dropped my head back on the headboard. Maybe Amanda was right. Maybe, this wasn’t the best idea I’d ever come up with…

Jason: Who is this?

There might have been a squeak that escaped from my mouth when the phone lit up in my hand without a sound. In the darkness of my room, an unexplainable rush going through my body, I started talking to Jason as a stranger.

Me: I don’t think you’d know even if I said my name.

Jason: We can’t know if you don’t try me.

Me: My name is Michelle. We go to the same school.

Jason: Hmm… You’re right. I don’t think I know a Michelle.

Me: Can’t exactly say I’m surprised.

Jason: And why would that be, my new friend Michelle?

Already lost in a different world, my fingers stopped flying over the buttons when I heard Dylan’s door open and close quietly. Not knowing whether it was my brother or Jason, I hid the phone under the covers so the light wouldn’t draw attention.

Me: There are always so many people around you. Doesn’t give many opportunities for new people to introduce themselves, I guess. But then again, maybe you already know me.

Jason: That’s interesting. Our friendship is so new, Michelle who is not really Michelle, and you’re already lying to me?

Me: I wouldn’t say it’s lying. Let’s say I’m one of your many admirers and a little shy one at that. Just wanted to talk to you.

Jason: Let’s play your game. What would you like to talk about?

Me: I have no idea. Maybe you can start with where you are and what you are doing?

Jason: Easy enough. As I’m already sure you are not a Michelle, you must already know my friend Dylan, I’m over his place.

Me: I know of him and I know that you are close friends, that’s about it.

Jason: Would you like me to introduce you two? It’ll be like a second introduction for us, too.

Me: Not necessary.

Jason: As you wish, new shy friend. What else would you like to talk about?

Me: Do you have any guesses as to who I could be?

Jason: Oh, another game. You sure are full of games tonight, mystery girl.

Me: It’s not exactly a game for me.

Five minutes passed but no texts came in. When it hit the ten-minute mark, I got anxious, worrying if he already knew who I was and had put a stop it. Getting up from my bed, I started pacing my small bedroom. When the space wasn’t enough, I sneaked out of my room and quietly went downstairs to grab a bottle of water and distract myself with something else.

Padding into the kitchen in a tank top and pajama bottoms, I stopped short when I found Jason staring out the small window over the sink.

“Jason?” I whispered.

Turning to me, he whispered back, “Hey, little one.” His chocolate eyes looked tired for his young age. “What are you doing up so late?”

Spying his phone on the kitchen counter, I forced my gaze away. “Bad dream, I guess. Couldn’t go back to sleep.” Acting nonchalant, I opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. “What were you looking at?”

“Just at my house.”

“Your mom okay?”

“I don’t know, Olive. I really don’t know.” Letting out a deep sigh, he absently reached for his phone and walked over to me.

“You can talk to me if something’s on your mind.”

He stopped right in front of me, his eyes almost invisible in the dark.

“I can?”

“Of course. I know you worry about your parents sometimes. I can listen if you need to.”

“You’re right, little Olive. I do worry about them, but they are the last thing I want to talk about.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, looking down at the floor.

“No need to be. Come and get us if you need anything, all right? I don’t think we’ll go to sleep for a few hours yet.” A gentle tug at my hair and he was gone.

I waited a few minutes before I padded back upstairs.

Just as I was about to go into my room and run for the phone, Dylan peeked out of his room.

“What are you doing, Olive?”

Damn it! Didn’t he have anything else to do other than make my life miserable?

“What are you doing?” I asked back, a little peeved and a little nervous.

He cocked his head, his eyebrows knitted.

“Go back to bed, Olive. It’s late.”

“I was doing exactly that before you stopped me.” I lifted the water bottle in my hand so he could see. “I went downstairs to get a drink, Dylan. I wasn’t doing anything.”

Neither one of us backed up. Just because his friend was staying over, I couldn’t leave my room to get a drink?

“Leave her alone, man.” I heard Jason’s voice coming from behind Dylan.

“Goodnight, Dylan,” I said at last, then slipped into my room without waiting for an answer. Who knew what was up his ass…

Jumping into my bed, I searched for the phone under my covers and had a small freak out when I couldn’t find it. I relaxed when I realized it was under my pillow.

The silly excitement rushing over me once again, I checked the messages only to find no new text messages from Jason.

Settling down, I told myself that I would only send one other text and then maybe try my luck in the morning before Amanda came to get the phone.

Me: What? No guesses? I’m surprised.

Jason: Sorry, I was busy. Which game were we playing again?

Seeing my first opening, I couldn’t help myself and jumped on it. Would he mention me?

Me: Busy? Busy with what? Already found a new friend, huh? You really are quick.

Jason: You amuse me. I was cornered by Dylan’s sister. Not exactly in the arms of another girl.

Not knowing my heart was about to get broken for the very first time, I swallowed the pain the word ‘cornered’ had caused and forced myself to text him back.

Me: It’s almost 2 AM, and you were with Dylan’s sister? This sounds good. Do tell me more.

Jason: She is just a little kid. A clingy one maybe, since she always follows me around, but still a kid. She sometimes forgets that. I’m much more interested in who you are. I’m ready to play. Are you ready to be discovered by me?

I read the text a thousand times, or maybe it was a million. A tear escaped from the corner of my eye, and I drew the covers over myself and lay back.

Gently, I put the phone down and pushed the covers off of my face to stare at my dark ceiling. At some point it buzzed with two new messages, but I ignored them. No, that’s not true, I remember reaching for the phone and deleting everything before the unexpected words could hurt me again, but at that point it was all blurry for me. I couldn’t read them even if I wanted to torture myself.

Clingy?

Cornered?

My heart broken into pieces, suddenly I couldn’t bear to see Jason in the morning. Couldn’t bear to sleep in the room across from him again.

Swinging my legs down from the bed, I didn’t realize I had kicked my own phone into my closet door.

Seconds later, Dylan burst into my room.

“Did you hea—Olive, what happened?”

Wiping at my tears, I looked up at my brother and more fresh tears slid down my already wet cheeks.

When he sat down on my bed and gently put his hand on my back, I threw my arms around him and hid my face in his neck. His arms came around me.

Warm and safe.

I heard footsteps at my door, but I was too scared to lift my head and come face to face with Jason. I didn’t think I would ever be able to look him in the eye again.

My breath hitching against Dylan’s neck, I said, “I’m sorry, just a bad dream.”

“It’s okay, little sis,” Dylan said. He hesitated, then added, “I’m sorry, too.”

The next few days were pure hell for me, having Jason sleep right across the room from mine, sitting right next to him at the dinner table. The worst was when I looked at him and found him smiling at me but knew it meant nothing at all.

Maybe it never had.