To Hate Adam Connor

Adam

I swam to the other end of the pool and came up for air. My arm muscles were burning, and the pounding in my head was getting worse as the hours slipped by. I wiped the water off my eyes and spotted Aiden sitting in the same exact spot he’d been occupying for the last thirty minutes, eyes focused on his iPad, face happy.

I looked over his head and my eyes caught sight of his nanny, Anne, standing just outside the door of the house. We had two nannies. The other one was Marta. She stayed with Adeline, half nanny, half assistant to Adeline, and Anne stayed with us when it was my week with Aiden. She gave me a shy smile, and I nodded at her. It was good that she was keeping an eye on Aiden.

Leisurely, I swam back to my son’s side, making sure to splash some water close to his seat before I got out. He was looking over his shoulder and laughing at something. When he realized I was close, he took off his headphones and grinned at me.

Just looking at him constricted something in my chest.

“What’s up, bud?” I asked, walking toward him.

“I’m bathing in the sun, just like Mommy.”

I chuckled. “Good for you.”

“Are you ready to do pushups now, Daddy?”

“Not today, buddy,” I said as I reached his side and grabbed my towel.

He lost the big smile on his face and gently put his iPad down. “Am I not a good teacher?”

“Not teacher, trainer,” I reminded him.

“Did you find a new trainer? I can do better. I really can, Daddy. I can work you harder.”

I laughed quietly and sat next to him. “Why would I look for someone new when I have you? You’re working me really hard, little man. I can barely keep up.”

The worry in his eyes disappeared, and he patted my arm with his little hand. “Okay, you can rest today. Can we do pushups tomorrow if you rest today?”

“I have to take you back to your mom today, remember?”

Copying me, he sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. His feet didn’t even reach the ground yet. After giving me a quick glance, he smacked his hand on his knee. “Oh, man. Tomorrow? Will you come and take me tomorrow so we can do pushups?”

“You have school tomorrow, Aiden.”

“Oh,” he whispered, and his eyes dropped to the ground. “You think Mom will let me come back here after school so I can help you do pushups?”

“How about we work out together when you come back next week?”

“Can I tell my friends I’m your teach—trainer?”

“Of course.”

He jumped down and started bouncing on his feet, everything okay in his little world again. “They’re gonna be so jealous when they see my muscles!” He lifted his arm up and flexed his impressive little muscles, pressing and prodding with his index finger.

The more I looked at him, the more persistent the ache in my chest got.

Christ!

Why would Adeline do this to me? Why would she hurt me by limiting my time with my son when she had no interest in spending time with him?

Almost six months before, she’d sat right across from me in a hotel room in Canada and told me she needed to get a divorce. It was completely unexpected; hell, I’d fucked her hard and fast only twenty minutes before that. Thinking she was messing with me, I was stupid enough to laugh, get up from my seat, and press a kiss on her forehead.

I remember jokingly saying, “You’re breaking my heart, sweetheart,” but when she rose up and faced me with that serious look on her face—that look where she stayed silent until you understood what she wanted, what she needed, and gave it to her—I knew she meant it.

We talked until the sun came up, and she told me becoming a mom so young had killed her creativity. She told me she wasn’t as passionate about her career as she used to be, and that it was Aiden’s fault, that he was taking over her life. She explained that she wanted to go back to the times where she didn’t have to audition for the movie she wanted to be in; she wanted them to be handed to her. She explained in not so many words that she was starting to regret the decision she had made five years before, that she had made the wrong decision, that she couldn’t bond with Aiden. And then she reminded me, again in not so many words, that while she was happy our marriage didn’t seem to have a negative effect on my career, it was time for her to be the most sought-after actress in Hollywood again.

Aiden hadn’t been in our plans, not when we were both at the peak of our carriers. We were young, successful, and in love. The world was our playground, but then a pregnancy changed everything. Adeline herself made sure it changed everything. Before I could wrap my head around being a dad, I was married. Sure, I was in love with her. She was my world and all that crap you believe at the age of twenty-three, but when I watched her walk down that aisle toward me, it didn’t feel as right as it should’ve felt.

It was early.

I felt trapped.

It was a setup, and it was necessary.

But I learned to ignore that gut feeling I’d had for that brief moment and told myself there was no reason for us to wait when we loved each other enough. A few years down the road I would’ve married her anyway, right?

So I married the girl I loved for an unborn little baby because we couldn’t have a scandal as big as Aiden. That was what my own family had told me.

My face must’ve hardened, ’cause I felt tiny fingers pulling on my face and patting my cheeks. “Can we swim now, Daddy?” Aiden asked, looking into my eyes.

“I thought you didn’t want to swim.”

“I didn’t, but now I do. SpongeBob is over, so we can swim now.”

“We have three hours to get you back to your mom, Aiden. It’s gonna have to be a quick swim, okay? Then you’ll help Anne pack the toys you want to take with you.”

He nodded eagerly and gave me a quick kiss that melted my heart.

“Go get your arm floats,” I said in a gruff voice, and he ran off, squealing.

Aiden’s version of swimming was sitting on the second highest step, splashing water, playing with his toys, and pretending to be swimming for a total of ten seconds as he kicked and punched the water. Our old house—the house that was now Adeline’s—didn’t have a pool, so when he first came to stay with me and saw one, he was ecstatic. Learning how to swim, however…he didn’t like that at all.

Five minutes into our pool time, Dan came out.

“Dan, look at me! Look!” Aiden yelled, pumping his arms furiously as he showed off his swimming skills to our longtime bodyguard and friend. At least I had gotten him out of the divorce.

“Look at you go, big man,” Dan said as he came to stand next to us.

“Slow down, Aiden,” I said, helping him sit down on the steps before he hit his chin. He glanced up at Dan and gave him a big grin.

“Did you see me? Did you see how good I was?”

“I did. Well done, big man.”

“But did you see how fast I was?”

Dan nodded. “You’re practically a fish now.”

Aiden doubled over and laughed, his eyes big and happy. “I’m not a fish, Dan.” He got up and lifted his arms. “I’m a boy, look!”

As his laughter died down, he focused on his toys and made all kinds of noises as he dipped his plane in and out of the water.

Leaving Aiden with his toys, I moved to Dan’s side. “Something wrong?”

Frowning, he looked over his shoulder then turned back to me. “No. Michel has been lighting up your phone for the last hour. I thought you’d want to know.”

“Fuck,” I groaned. “I forgot about him.”

“You want me to handle it?”

“No, it’s okay. I need to ask him something first.” Turning away from Dan, I dragged a complaining Aiden out of the pool and took off his arm floats. “Dry yourself off, then you’re going in to help Anne.”

“But I just got in, Daddy. Please! Five more minutes.”

I crouched down in front of him and wrapped him in a big towel.

“You’ll have more time next week, okay? I’ll teach you how to swim without the arm floats.”

The closer we got to the time I’d have to drop Aiden off at Adeline’s, the moodier I got. I’d spent my entire morning closed up in a studio, going over some voiceovers the director wanted me to redo. The second Matthew had said he had what he needed from me, I’d raced back home so I could be with Aiden for the last few hours I had him. Since our divorce had been finalized, all I’d been doing was running around, trying to make enough time for Aiden while juggling all the shooting and promoting. Thankfully, we were getting closer to wrapping things up for The Only Hour, and I was looking forward to taking a breather and spending some time with Aiden. First I had to do something about the custody issue that was always in the back of my mind.

Aiden was a good kid. He’d always been that way, even before the divorce, but lately the mess we’d made was starting to get to him. He didn’t act out, didn’t throw crying fits like other kids would’ve done, but every time I dropped him off at Adeline’s place, he’d get this scared look on his face, as if I was leaving him there for good and this would be the last time he’d ever see me. Every night I made sure to call him so he could hear my voice before he went to sleep, and every single time he broke something in me by asking if I would promise to come get him soon.

Especially hearing those unsure words, thinking about an entire week where I wouldn’t have him with me…fuck, but it was starting to get to me.

Trusting Aiden would listen to me and follow us inside, I headed back in with Dan.

When I saw Anne in the kitchen with her phone in her hand, I reminded her that we would have to leave soon. She nodded and walked past me toward the backyard.

“Give me five. I’ll check the front gate to see if there are any paparazzi hiding around—I flushed out three this morning. Then I’ll get the car ready,” Dan said and walked outside.

Nodding, I returned Michel’s calls.

“Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you since this morning, Adam.”

“What do you need, Michel?”

“I talked to your parents and they think it’s a better idea to go ahead with the press release to cut off the rumors about the custody issue, Adam. We need to deny it, and we need to deny it today. You should consider doing this their way.”

Michel was the head of the publicity team that had handled the Connor family business for the last ten years, but our time together had come to an end. It would’ve been better if I’d had the time to handle it face to face, but I didn’t have time to go to his office and fire him there in person. I gritted my teeth and listened as he explained what they had come up with.

“Michel, I’m done doing things the way my parents want. I’ve told you that a thousand times. Look where they got me with their plans.”

“I understand where you’re coming from, Adam. Still, think about it and get back to me.” Either he was ignoring my words or just dismissing them entirely. “If you think a press release won’t be intimate enough, we’ll secure you a few interviews on a few select shows. With the amount of requests we’re getting, you can have your pick of them. Let me see who’d be the best choice in this situation.”

“Michel—”

“Give me one second. How about James Holden? He just took over the late night show and his numbers are going strong. We’ll provide him with the questions so things won’t get out of hand.”

“Michel,” I started again as he fired more names at me. I opened the fridge and reached for a water bottle. Michel had been a family friend even before becoming the head of the PR team, which was why my parents were okay with him knowing almost every secret they were trying to hide from the media. It wasn’t that the guy wasn’t good at his job; actually, he was one of the best in the industry. He already had a long list of clients waiting for him to take them on, and I was about to make someone’s day by opening up a spot for them. “With everything that’s been going on, I forgot to ask—are you still representing Adeline?”

The line went quiet for a beat. “What do you mean am I still representing your wife?”

I ground my teeth. “Ex-wife.”

“I’m sorry, Adam. It takes getting used to, you know. Well, of course we’re still representing Adeline. Actually, I talked to Helena earlier today and she thinks it’s smarter for you two to get in front of the cameras together and show the world that you’re a united front, that you’ll always do what’s best for Aiden and stay friends, but I assumed you wouldn’t go for that. Is that why you asked?”

“No.” His use of the word ‘world’ raised my hackles again, as if I gave a shit what the world thought of my relationship with Adeline. I managed to keep my anger under control and continued. “There won’t be any need for scheduling interviews, Michel.” I tapped my knuckles on the counter after I put the water bottle down. “I know you’re good at what you do, and I wish I had the time to do this face to face, but I’ve decided to get a different PR team.”

“Give me a second, my office is too crowded right now.” I heard a door click shut. “What do you mean? Is that why you asked about Adeline? I can put together another team to handle her PR if that’s the problem.”

“That’s not necessary. You can keep her on. I just think it’s time we went our separate ways. You do a great job for my parents, and from what I can see in the media, for Adeline too, but I don’t think we’re a good fit anymore.”

“Adam, why don’t you come down to my office so we can talk about what you want? This isn’t the right time for you to make big changes like this or to be irresponsible in your life. You need to focus on your image and let your team handle the rest. I highly suggest we create an opportunity where they can snap some photos of you and Adeline with Aiden.”

I let out a long, humorless laugh and shook my head. “You really have your priorities straight, don’t you? Unfortunately, you’re not that high on my list, Michel. Yes, I’ve had to make big changes lately, but this is definitely not one of them. I’ll have my attorneys contact you about our contract, and we’ll take it from there. You’re a beast, Michel, you really are a PR guru, but it’s just not working anymore.”

Ignoring his words, I ended the call and felt like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders. This was the easy step. Finding another PR firm was going to be a different nightmare altogether, one I didn’t care for but knew was necessary.

Noticing Dan come back inside, I headed for my room to take a quick shower and change.