SWNOVELS Tirone: Chapter 43
How deep would you drown before you were saved? How long would you endure punishment in order to be redeemed? How much pain could you take if absolution was the reward?
For me, burdened with guilt and shame all my life, I’d take it all. The real question was, how long could I stand before the pain shattered me?
Tonight, I was coming face to face with the answer. It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
The lounge vibrated with one of the MC notorious parties for no reason except being another power move in the psychological warfare between the Night Skulls and the mob. Laius, however, said it was for me to get my head off things after my last anxiety attack.
I’d stopped getting those when Tirone and I were together, just like the nightmares. He was my therapy. The only form I could get. I couldn’t risk seeing a therapist. Doctor patient confidentiality wasn’t in the mob dictionary. If the Larvins had ever decided to look into me and found a therapist that had all my secrets, they’d have gotten them, and they would have found me through the therapist after murdering them, of course.
But living with the MC, partying like there was no tomorrow, despite what Laius claimed, wasn’t therapeutic. It might have worked for him, but it didn’t help Tirone with his own issues and anger bursts—like Laius had hoped instead of sending him to real therapy—or kept my PTSD under control. If anything, our mental health had taken a new low.
I wouldn’t blame the MC, though. I was Jocasta Larvin. The unwanted child. The bastard marred with sin. The girl doomed to misery. The Irish with no luck. Catastrophes followed me wherever I went. The past wouldn’t leave me be, seeking my long-overdue death, and the future was bitter with a psychopathic revenge for the forbidden waters I’d drowned in.
Under different circumstances, living here could have been the happiest time of my life, and a party like this one and loving, protective arms like Laius’s could have been all the therapy I needed. But for now, I grabbed a bottle of bourbon.
Laius, all smiles, shared it with me at first, but after several swigs, the smiles vanished. “Easy on the booze, Jo.”
I took another swig, feeling the burn down my throat. “It’s a party, ain’t it?” I drawled awkwardly, my voice taking a husky edge.
“I’ve never seen you with a fucking beer. Now, you’re gulping down bourbon…from the bottle?”
“Well, I’m not afraid of liver cancer. I’ll be dead way faster.” I pointed my fingers like a gun. “Pew! Pew!”
“You’re not gonna die, Jo. I promised you I’d protect you, and I promised you the Larvins would be dead before they touched a fucking hair of yours.”
But could he protect me from my worst mistake? The psycho monster that had been violating me under his roof? The devil he fathered? The son I’d made him promise not to hurt?
I’d been thinking about Tirone’s demand since he dared make it. Every corner of my mind refused it, begged me not to fall for another one of his traps. He couldn’t be telling the truth. He just wanted to break me. Even if I agreed to that stoop so low in sin and taboo, even if I managed to arrange for the impossible and had Tirone watch me with his father only to fuck me right after without being caught, he’d never let me go.
However, part of me clung to the sliver of hope he could be telling the truth. What if that forbidden scenario was going to be his cure and my freedom from the prison of his excruciating obsession? I knew I was being an idiot to even consider going through with such sickness or believing a word Ty would say, but what did I have to lose? He’d fuck me again and again whether I liked it or not, and I’d just take it so I wouldn’t hurt Laius or ruin my marriage. Until I couldn’t. Until all was lost like Tirone wanted.
Indulging that one last wish could be my salvation or the final straw. Either way, it’d be over. If it worked, the three of us would be saved. If it failed, then at least, I’d tried.
Remember the last time you tried something so desperate to save someone you loved? The sight of the blood coming out of my mom’s skull assaulted me. I lifted the bottle to my lips, but Laius yanked it out of my hand.
“Hey!” I tripped off my own feet. “That’s mine.”
He held my elbow to steady me. “Enough, baby.”
“You’re not my daddy, Furore.” I chuckled, my head swimming. Then, biting my lip, I glided a finger over his rock hard chest. “Unless you want to be.”
A shadow of a smile twisted his lips while his eyes rolled. Then he leaned in for a whisper. “Is that what you want? You wanna be Daddy’s good girl?”
“Oh, there’s no good girl here tonight.”
“Then maybe Daddy can show you what happens to naughty girls like you.”
I pressed my body brazenly to his and bent his head for a kiss. Then I licked under his earlobe and whispered, “Make it hurt, Daddy.”
“Fuck.”
“But first I want to dance. Can you dance, old man?”
With a snort, he twirled me to the dance floor. We joined the writhing bodies, practically mating, not just dancing. Even in jeans and a tee, I felt overdressed. Shirts were flying off both men and women. Some girls had even lost their shorts.
Then my eyes met Tirone’s. He held my gaze, the darkness dwelling in them menacing, his hands all over Candy’s tight ass while she offered him the full view of her breasts.
I spun, his obscene demand ringing in my head, my body shivering with the painful memory of what he was doing to me when he demanded it. I fought the tears, moving my back against Laius’s front, my head lolling back on his shoulder. “I want another drink.”
“You’ve had enough.”
“Not tonight.”
“Fine. I’ll get you just one more beer.”
“No. I want something that doesn’t taste like piss. Tequila. Do you have any?”
He dragged me to the bar and ordered a couple of shots. Then he, seductively, put a slice of lime in my mouth, poured salt on my neck, licked it ever so slowly, and then took his shot and maneuvered the lime out of my mouth in a kiss.
Flushed, I fanned myself. That wasn’t my first body shot, but with Furore, it reminded me why I chose the father over the son. If only life hadn’t been so cruel to doom us like that…
He handed me my shot. “Your turn.”
I followed his lead before the despair swallowed me. When I took the lime out of his mouth, his hands were in the back pockets of my jeans, cupping my ass and guiding me to the firmness in his pants.
His eyes danced with mischief. “Time Daddy taught you a lesson, naughty girl.”
I was going to comply and forgo the drunken plan I’d been making to go through with Tirone’s demand. I wasn’t thinking straight, and it was only the booze and desperation throwing me into doing Tirone’s bidding. Risk was never my friend. I’d better stay on the safe side. I’d rather get punished for sins that weren’t even mine than hurt another one I loved.
Then I saw candy’s tongue snaking inside Ty’s mouth, while his eye daggers stabbed me. Nausea turned my stomach into a knot. I should be encouraging him to have a relationship with any girl, even if it was that bitch. Perhaps with time he’d get obsessed with her and leave me the fuck alone, but my fucking body wouldn’t let me out of my misery. Seeing him with her literally disgusted me. Then it blinded me with blazing jealousy that baffled me.
He was using my body for his sick pleasure when I was married to his own father, and I was jealous he was fucking a random bitch? What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I still have any feeling for Tirone Lazzarini? Why deep down would I still want to keep him close even if the only way for it was letting him continue to abuse me?
This needed to stop. Now. What I had for Tirone wasn’t love, and neither was what he felt for me. This was twisted sickness that needed a cure. And if that cure was the ultimate forbidden and taboo among a father, his voyeur son and his forced into cheating wife, so fucking be it.
“But I haven’t showed you how naughty I could be, Prez.” I pushed him on the couch and straddled him. I guided his hands back to my ass, only this time under my jeans. Then I took off my t-shirt.
Lust glistened in his eyes but reprimand fumed. “What the fuck, Jo?”
“What? Everybody is naked and humping here. Why can’t I?”
“Because you’re fucking mine.” He covered the visible parts of my breasts in my bra with his body. “I don’t want anyone to see you.”
“Then tell them not to. You’re Prez, and your ol’ lady misses coming in front of an audience. Remember?”
“Fuck.” He was pissed, but his solid erection had more power over him. His eyes shot death glares at anybody who dared look at the uptight teacher turning into a slutty club girl, not knowing how dirty I already was. They all minded their own business. Except for one who wouldn’t no matter what. I’d strategically positioned us so that Laius’s back was to Tirone, and my husband was distracted by my brazenness to double check if my ex was ogling me. Laius stared at my body. “I’ll make you come, but I ain’t gonna fuck you here.” He bit my neck. “You need to be punished real hard for this first.”
Fine. That could work, too. The harder the better. In Tirone’s sick fantasy, he’d be saving me. It’d give him the narrative he was looking for. I hoped he’d be smart enough to take a hint and stop letting Candy fuck his mouth with her dirty tongue so he could go hide in my room on time. “Bring it, Daddy.”