Timid: Chapter 19
“Missed you,” Jackson whispered as he wrapped me up in his arms. The stubble on his jaw tickled the skin on my neck as he kissed my bare shoulder.
“I missed you too.”
It had been a week since Jackson had confronted his mother and discovered his little brother. And in that time, we hadn’t spent a single night together. Instead, Jackson’s focus had been exactly where it should have been.
On Ryder.
When we arrived at the bar after leaving Melissa Page behind—hopefully for good—Thea was waiting by the door to welcome us. Hazel came in two minutes later. And while I sat with Ryder and discussed pizza toppings, Jackson pulled them into the back and explained the situation.
From that moment on, life became a flurry of activity as we all tried to get Ryder settled into his life here. Hazel took it upon herself to get his room set up in Jackson’s house. Thea was in charge of getting Ryder clothes that fit and decent shoes. I made sure Ryder was enrolled in school and had all the necessary supplies.
So while the three of us were taking care of logistics, Jackson was with Ryder. Around the clock. They toured town. They ate meals together. They spent evenings on Jackson’s living room couch watching movies.
And since I’d wanted them to have a chance to bond, I’d stepped back. I saw them both during the day as I came and went from his house, but at night, I stayed home alone.
We both knew it was the right call. Ryder had needed time in his new home without Jackson’s girlfriend around. But now Ryder was comfortable in their house, and on Monday, he was starting school.
He was settled.
So last night, Jackson had insisted I start spending the night. For the first time in a week, we were waking up together. For the first time ever, it was in his bed, not mine.
“I like your bed,” I told him.
“I like you in my bed.”
I wanted to ask him why he’d never wanted me to stay here before, but I didn’t want to touch on any subject that could make him uncomfortable, not on his special day.
“Happy Birthday,” I whispered.
He kissed my hair. “Thanks, babe.”
I loved that I was the first person to tell him. I’d told him at midnight, after we’d had sex and were cuddled in each other’s arms. We’d gone at it hard last night, both of us needing something hot and wild to ease our stresses. It had been a challenge to keep quiet, but Jackson had swallowed most of my cries with his mouth.
He’d done the same this morning.
“How about breakfast?”
“You and your breakfasts.” He chuckled and his arms hugged me tighter. His smile tickled my shoulder. “I wouldn’t say no to your french toast.”
“Perfect.” I’d brought over a huge haul of groceries yesterday and had an extra loaf of bread just in case that was his choice. “I hope Ryder likes french toast.”
“I’m sure he will. That kid seems to eat just about anything. Makes me wonder how often he got regular meals.”
I sighed. “I was thinking the exact same thing last night.”
We’d gone out to dinner at Bob’s Diner for Jackson’s birthday and all ordered a double cheeseburger. Even I had trouble eating an entire one.
Ryder had inhaled two.
“I’ll give it to the kid.” Jackson sighed. “He’s taking this in stride.”
I nodded. “He sure is.”
Ryder had been closed off at first. As we all buzzed around him, frantically setting him up in his new life, he’d stood by and watched with few words. But after a couple of days, he’d begun to relax.
As Hazel set up his room, he’d pitched in, moving furniture as she gave direction. He’d found a new friend in Charlie. Thea had taken them both shopping for school clothes and since Charlie preferred boy clothes to girl, they’d bought matching shirts.
And with me, he’d become my right-hand man.
When I went to the grocery store, he came along and pushed the cart. When I had to stop by the camp to ensure everything was okay, he came along too. Ryder had taken one look at my camp and fallen in love, begging me to sneak him into one of the camps next summer.
After just a week, he was laughing and joking with Jackson and me like he’d known us his entire life. The only time he’d clam up was when we asked about his past.
“He won’t talk about your mom.” I’d tried a couple of times to broach the subject, just to see how he was holding up. But Ryder had just frowned and gone quiet. Much like his older brother, he seemed to bottle things up.
“Can you blame him?” Jackson asked.
“No, but I worry he’s holding too much inside.” It had been like pulling teeth just to find out what school he’d gone to so I could call and get his records transferred. “Maybe he’ll talk to you.”
“Maybe,” Jackson muttered.
The sound of clanking pans came from the kitchen, interrupting our conversation. Though I had a feeling it had been over anyway.
When we’d first started dating, Jackson had been so forthcoming about his past. Honestly, it had surprised me that he’d shared so much with me about his childhood on our first date.
But ever since his mother had shown, he’d shut down.
It wasn’t just that he was busy with Ryder either. There was something going on with him. The problem was, I didn’t have any specific examples to confront him about. He was still sweet and sexy and my Jackson. But there was something heavy surrounding him.
When we were having a serious conversation, he’d end it with something short. Maybe. I’ll think about it. We’ll see. They all meant he was done talking, and I’d heard them more in the last week than ever before.
“Ryder must be hungry,” Jackson said as the clanking in the kitchen continued. “It’s been over five hours since he ate so he’s probably on the verge of starvation.”
I smiled. “Then I’d better get started on breakfast.”
Jackson let me go and I slipped from his bed and into the en-suite bathroom.
As I brushed my teeth, I studied the room. It was outdated, much like the rest of Jackson’s house. The laminate counters and vinyl floor were clean but had been well used. This home had been built in the seventies and was full of wood paneling in the bedrooms and living areas, making the entire place seem like a man cave.
Still, I loved being here in Jackson’s space. This house had such potential to be a bright and happy home. The bathroom could be easily updated with lighter colors and newer finishes. The living areas just needed to be refreshed. And with new cabinets and countertops, the kitchen had the potential to be a dream.
I finished with my teeth and went back to the bedroom, passing Jackson as he went to the bathroom. As I pulled on some pajama pants, a bra and one of his sweatshirts, I made a mental list of improvements for his room.
It wouldn’t take much to create the perfect bedroom. The paneling had to go and a bigger closet would be ideal. Visions of me and Jackson waking up here, morning after morning, filled my head. I pictured my clothes in his closet and my books on his nightstand.
I hoped I’d get the chance to update it one day.
When another sound echoed from the kitchen, I gave up my interior design dreaming and walked out of the bedroom and down the short hall to find Ryder studying the stove.
“Good morning,” I greeted as I tied up my hair.
“Hey.” He smiled. “How do you turn this thing on?”
“It’s a gas stove so you have to light the burners.”
“Oh.” He searched the counter, probably looking for matches. “I was going to make some breakfast.”
“How about I do the breakfast?” I went to the stove, taking over his position in front of a frying pan. “Do you want to be my assistant?”
He nodded and we got to work. An hour later, Ryder had learned how to not only light the stove but also make french toast. And the three of us were devouring the biggest batch I’d made in my life.
“Don’t eat that one.” I plucked a mangled piece of french toast from the bottom of the pile before Ryder could grab it.
“Why?” Ryder asked, his mouth full of food.
“It’s all woogidy. I’ll eat it.”
Ryder stopped chewing. “Woogidy?”
Jackson chuckled, taking another two pieces for his own plate. “Willa makes up words.”
“Woogidy.” Ryder grinned. “I like it.”
I shot a so there look at Jackson. “Thanks.”
“So what do you want to do today for your birthday?” Ryder asked his brother.
Jackson winked at me. “I had a request to go fishing before the lake freezes. Figured we could take the boat out today.”
Ryder and I high-fived.
“Cold?” Jackson asked.
My teeth chattered. “I’m okay.”
He frowned and stripped off his thick, canvas coat to drape over my shoulders. The body heat trapped in the flannel lining warmed me instantly.
“What about you?” I asked. “You’ll freeze.”
“I’m good.” He kissed the top of my brown stocking cap.
We were in the middle of Flathead Lake on Jackson’s boat. The sun was shining down on the water. The air was cool and crisp. But the slight breeze wafting over the water had seeped through my jeans, sweater and brown puffer vest. I’d been fine in town, but as Jackson had sped his boat across the water, I’d turned into an icicle.
“I should have worn my snow gear.” And I would have except I’d wanted to look cute on Jackson’s birthday and wear my new Wellington boots.
“Yeah.” Jackson grinned. “Next time dress like Ryder.”
I giggled and looked at Ryder sitting at the back of the boat. His fishing rod was gripped firmly in his gloved hands. He’d even brought along his backpack, full of whatever extra provisions he’d packed inside.
After breakfast, Jackson had told him to get ready and wear warm clothes. Ryder had immediately gone to change, emerging from his room in the snow pants, winter coat and Sorel boots that Thea had bought him earlier in the week. He looked ready for the ski hill, not fishing.
But at least he was warm.
“Do you think we’ll catch anything?” I asked.
Jackson shrugged. “Maybe.”
“I hope we do, but even if we don’t, I’m glad I got to see your boat.”
Jackson’s fishing boat was the nicest one I’d ever seen, larger than any waterskiing boats docked next to it at the marina. The aluminum frame was shiny and I loved the sound of the waves slapping against the hull.
The bow was closed in with a railing and the roof above Jackson covered his driver’s chair and my passenger seat. The two bucket seats in the back swiveled around completely. And the massive twin engines meant it hadn’t taken us long to get to the middle of the lake.
“I hadn’t planned on buying one this big, but when I saw it, I couldn’t pass it up.” Jackson looked adoringly around the boat.
“I’m glad you didn’t.” Fishing next summer would be a blast. “How’s it going, Ryder?”
“Good.” He nodded, staying focused on his fishing pole.
“Are you excited to start school next week?”
“I guess.”
“You’ll get to be in my best friend’s English class. Her name is Leighton and she’s a teacher there. My dad teaches there too, but you won’t have him for a few years. He teaches high school science.”
“If I’m still here by then,” he muttered.
My eyes shot to Jackson. He was just as surprised by Ryder’s statement as I was. Why wouldn’t Ryder be here? Did he think Jackson would get rid of him?
“Why don’t you set that pole in the holder?” Jackson asked.
Ryder shook his head. “I got it.”
“Just for a minute.” Jackson stood from his seat, striding to the back of the boat to help Ryder with the pole. Then he took the empty seat at the back. “Look kid, we gotta talk.”
Ryder’s entire body tensed. “Are you getting rid of me?”
“What? No.” Jackson put a hand on Ryder’s knee. “What did Mom tell you about me?”
“Not much. Just that I had an older brother but he didn’t live with her.”
“Because she dumped me. She took me to New York and left me with her sister. Except her sister didn’t want me so I went into foster care. Long story short, I jumped from home to home until high school. It sucked but I got to meet Hazel and Thea, which eventually led me here.”
“Mom left you too?”
Jackson nodded. “Yeah. She did.”
“But she never came back?”
“No.”
Ryder’s head fell, his entire frame slumping in his seat. “She comes back for me.”
My teeth gritted together. The cold from earlier was completely gone now that I was angry. Jackson had suspected she’d left him before, and he’d been right.
I hated Melissa Page. That woman was such a bitch.
“She’s left you before?” Jackson asked.
Ryder nodded. “She does it a lot. She leaves me for a while, then comes back to get me. She promised me last time was it. That we were coming up here to see you and be a family. But it was just more of her bullshit.”
The curse word from his mouth startled me.
Ryder cussed with ease, so I knew it wasn’t the first time. I didn’t like that it made him sound much older than twelve. He shouldn’t have things to cuss about at that age, not yet.
Though for his mother, I’d say bullshit too.
“So she comes back?” Jackson asked.
“Yeah. She disappears but comes back eventually to take me with her.”
“Not this time.” Jackson shook his head. “She’s not taking you again. You’re here.”
Ryder studied Jackson’s face, like he didn’t believe that could be true. “Really?”
“Really, kid. We’ll make sure she can’t take you again.”
Tears welled in Ryder’s brown eyes. He sniffled, trying to clear them up, but a week’s worth of high emotions was too much. He broke down, slouching in his seat, and cried. Jackson’s hand stayed on his knee the entire time.
Jackson looked at me, his face a mixture of fury at his mother and pain for his brother. I gave him a reassuring smile and hoped he knew he wasn’t in this alone.
Melissa Page might not realize it yet, but she’d lost both of her sons. Now that they’d found each other, they wouldn’t need her ever again.
It took a few minutes for Ryder to calm down, and when he did, he pulled in few shaking breaths before looking at Jackson. “I don’t want to go with her again.”
“You won’t,” Jackson declared. “I’ll go talk to a lawyer on Monday. We’ll figure out a way for me to become your legal guardian. But that means you need to tell us all about the past. I gotta know what happened with you and Mom. No surprises.”
“Okay.” Ryder nodded. “Like what do you want to know?”
“Well, to start, let’s go over where you were living. Las Vegas, right?”
Ryder had given us enough information about his school that I’d been able to call and get the records transferred up to Lark Cove. But other than the school’s name in Las Vegas, we didn’t know much else. They would only transfer the records to the school so I hadn’t gotten to see them.
“Yeah. We lived in Vegas for a while with Mom’s boyfriend. Christopher.” Ryder rolled his eyes. “He’s an asshole.”
“Why’d you guys leave Vegas?”
“Christopher dumped Mom. They got in a big fight one night, and the next morning, Mom loaded us up and drove us to Denver. That’s when she got the idea to come looking for you.”
Because she’d needed a place to leave her kid.
“Where did you live before Vegas?” I asked Ryder.
“All over. Kansas. Alabama. Iowa. I was born in West Virginia.”
Which meant after Melissa had abandoned Jackson in New York, she likely hadn’t gone back to Pennsylvania where he’d been born. She’d slowly made her way out West.
“What kind of jobs did she have?” Jackson asked.
Ryder shrugged. “None really. She always had a guy or something. A couple times we lived alone, but it never lasted.”
“And who’d she leave you with when she’d disappear?” I asked. “Was it other family? Or your dad?”
“No. I don’t know my dad. She never told me his name. Mostly, she left me with her friends and neighbors. It was never for long. A couple weeks and then she’d be back. The longest was a month.”
If that pattern continued, it meant she’d be back and back soon.
As harsh as it sounded in my head, I wished she’d do to Ryder what she’d done to Jackson—leave and never look back. It would be hard for Ryder, but I still felt like it would be better for him never to see that woman again.
“Did she say she was coming back?” Jackson asked.
Ryder shook his head. “Not this time.”
Jackson and I shared a look, wishing for the exact same thing.
We both wanted Melissa Page to just become a bad memory.
The fishing pole in the holder whizzed and the line strung tight, ending our conversation. Jackson and Ryder both jumped into action, springing for the reel. I took out my phone and walked to the back of the boat, videoing the entire thing as the guys brought in a beautiful rainbow trout.
We took a picture, commemorating Ryder’s first fish, then set it free.
After the excitement from the first fish, we didn’t talk about Ryder’s past again or their mother. We just enjoyed our afternoon and looked on as Ryder caught three other fish.
I’d made us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the boat, but by the time we made it back to Jackson’s house and parked the boat in his garage, I was starving.
“I’m so hungry,” Ryder and I said it at the same time, then shared a look and laughed.
“How about we all get cleaned up and go out to dinner in Kalispell?” Jackson suggested as we all came inside the house and piled coats onto his living room couch.
“Sounds great.” I smiled.
“Cool! I’ll get in the shower.” Ryder disappeared down the hall to his room on the other side of the house from Jackson’s bedroom.
“I know what I want for my birthday,” Jackson said, stepping close.
“What’s that?”
He bent and gave me a soft kiss, pressing his hips and the growing bulge behind his jeans forward. “Shower with me?”
I let out a soft moan. “Well, I might have gotten you a little something else, but a shower sounds nice too.”
I’d gotten him a new pair of boots for his birthday. The soles of his others were coming loose so I’d splurged. These were the same style as the ones he already had, but new and the nicest brand on the market.
“Maybe we should get a little dirty before we clean up?” I whispered as he kissed my neck.
“I like the way you think, Willow.”
“Willow? You jerkface!” I poked his side, trying not to laugh.
He grinned. “Still too soon to joke about that, huh?”
“Since it’s your birthday I’ll let it slide.”
“Thanks.” He kissed me again, this time letting his tongue linger a bit on my bottom lip. He pulled away, but instead of heat in his eyes and a playful grin, Jackson’s face had a hint of worry.
“What’s wrong?”
He sighed. “I just keep thinking that she’ll be back.”
“Me too. But if she does, then we’ll deal.”
He dropped his forehead to mine. “Thanks for everything. For helping get Ryder settled this week. For helping me.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” I wrapped my arms around his waist, snuggling into his chest. “We’re a team.”
He hummed.
But he didn’t say anything else.