Throttled (Dirty Air Series Book 1)

I try to pinpoint the exact moment my friends started ditching me. Was it after Germany? Or France?

I can’t exactly place it, but ever since the summer break, I barely hang with Liam and Jax. Every week, they come up with excuses about being busy. By the time we show up in Singapore for the Grand Prix, they’re nowhere to be found. Yet again.

The only time I see them is during a press conference after Saturday’s qualifier. I ended up driving well and have pole position for tomorrow, securing the best spot at one of the few night races we have. At least things with racing look promising.

Do they not want to hang out with me because I win a lot? The Championship gets competitive after all. Maybe they keep their distance for the brand’s sake since teams don’t encourage us to hang out and play nice. But when I think back on times in the past, they never got this way, which means it has to be something else.

I hang out all alone in my hotel room, overlooking the city, checking out the view of the famous trees and Marina Bay Sands buildings. Singapore bustles with activity before the race. People flood the sidewalks, looking like ants from my suite’s balcony.

Despite all the action, for the first time, I feel lonely.

I’m putting it out there. My therapist would be proud.

I sit on the couch for a few minutes, processing what it feels like to have no one around. My friends rarely respond to my messages. We haven’t planned a night out, a strange occurrence for them in the biggest party city on the Prix schedule.

Even Maya avoids me ever since I kissed her in the Milan restaurant two weeks ago. She sticks to Santi’s side like a stage-five clinger, playing it smart because I’d never do anything in front of him. But she won’t give me a chance to explain myself either. I want to tell her I’m ready to try with her, the whole deal, no more fucking around.

I can’t stand how she evades me. So I do what usually calms me and drones out the thoughts in my head. I pull up Maya’s vlog on my laptop and click yesterday’s upload. My heart drops at her stunning smile, her brown eyes staring into the camera with happiness as she holds a lens to her face.

“Hi, everyone, welcome back. This week we are in Singapore and it’s honestly one of the coolest cities we’ve visited so far during the Championship. I’m here with Sophie, Jax, and Liam.”

Now I have my answer about my friends’ whereabouts. My teeth clench at the sight of them all smiling into Maya’s camera like they didn’t ignore my two texts to hang out.

“We’re here at the Gardens by the Bay. Viewers asked for a Web’s Most Asked Questions with Jax, Britain’s favorite playboy. Liam decided to tag along because he has a serious case of FOMO.”

You’re not the only one, buddy.

“We decided to do a combination deal here. It’s the best of both worlds. I asked viewers what their most pressing questions were about these two clowns. I wrote down the top ones because my Instagram was flooded with options. Ready?”

Sophie grabs the camera and films Liam, Jax, and Maya sitting on a bench with the supertrees in the background. Fan-fucking-tastic. A few people walk behind them and wave at the camera.

A burning sensation settles in my gut.

“Some are embarrassing, and others are outright silly, but I can’t be biased. I picked whichever ones were asked the most.” Maya smiles as she pulls out a paper with a list of questions.

I remember the time I told her she can’t be biased. Guess she keeps me in mind someway, making me smile.

My laptop bounces to the rhythm of my knee, nervousness and curiosity coursing through me about where this will go. Most of the questions she asks Liam and Jax are about F1 and the guys’ racing careers. Seven minutes pass before Maya asks about personal issues. Can’t help feeling like a stalker watching them like this, but she does post it publicly. Screw it.

“Jax or Liam. Or both. The lady subscribers wonder about your relationship status?”

They both high-five each other behind Maya like they’re five years old.

“I can answer for myself. I’m single and ready to mingle. Meet me at the Singapore party after the Grand Prix if you’re interested in hanging out and getting to know me.” Jax rubs a tattooed finger across his chin. Liam grins, not answering the question, that sly little shit.

Maya pretends to gag. “You heard it here first, everyone. I am not dating either one of these guys. We’re all friends.” She nods enthusiastically. Liam stays silent, winking at the camera and tapping his fingers on his thigh.

Do they hang out this much? How did I miss this?

I pull up Liam’s Instagram profile. His most recent images are of him and Jax, or the four of them out touring whatever city the Prix is in. Plus, a few hard-to-miss posts of him and Sophie.

When did he clean up his act?

Jax’s profile looks similar. He has a picture of him and Maya in a photo booth from a gala event. I recognize the background because I was there too, yet I don’t remember seeing Maya there.

Where did they even find the time for all of this shit? But more importantly, could I make time for something besides racing?

I land myself on the Singapore podium. Second place. Woo-fucking-hoo.

This time the champagne showers don’t feel as fun. The crowd roars but I ignore them, my eyes landing on Maya standing behind a barrier as she cheers Santi on. My eyes stay glued to her for minutes. Her grin falters when she catches me looking at her, but she regains her composure. Jax and I end up spraying champagne on Santi since he impressively won the whole thing. This Prix is a challenge. Humidity is disgustingly high, making it hard for us to race with our heads fully in it. I think I lost at least five pounds after racing today. Not joking, sweat still drips down my back, clinging to my race suit.

Attendants escort us to the press conference after we all have a weight check, an ice bucket bath, and a quick shower. The idea of answering more questions fills me with dread because I’m not in the mood for reporters.

It stuns me to find Maya in her usual corner of the press conference. She gives me a tight smile before Sophie whispers something in her ear, her throat dipping back as she lets out a laugh. Carefree and so damn beautiful. I lick my lips at the sight of her, the hollow part of her neck easily becoming one of my favorite places—to kiss, to touch, to nip.

I’m thankful for the table in front of me because I don’t need that problem on camera today.

Since press conferences can be boring as fuck, I run through my plan for tonight. I can’t skip out on the Singapore after-party Maya mentioned. She glances at me, making my lips tip up into a naughty smile, the first one I’ve given her in a while.

Her eyes widen.

If only she knew what was coming. I’m done playing games; I’m getting my checkered flag.

I pull out the big guns for this. And by big guns, I mean Sophie because she’s the equivalent of a grenade launcher and semi-automatic rifle combined. Without her on my side, the plan is hopeless.

I text her after the press conference to please meet me in my hotel room. She grumbles about it until I text her with praying hands and a promise for chocolate-chip cookies. Girl hasn’t changed in all the years I’ve known her.

“What do you want, Slade?” Her icy glare could make a normal man cry, but instead, I grin. How formal of her to use my last name.

I make myself comfortable on the couch since Sophie refuses to sit. She stands in a power pose, ready to take me on, hands on her hips. An intimidation stance that barely reaches past my head.

“I’m coming to you for help because I really need it. And trust me, I do.”

Sophie blows a bubble with her gum before popping it, the sound breaking the tension in the room. She looks like a Barbie version of a mob boss.

“How can I help you? I don’t even know what you want.” She likes to play dumb, batting her eyelashes at me.

“I think you do.” Let’s cut the bullshit.

“I want to hear you say it. The first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have one in the first place.”

Yup. This is why Liam can’t help being around her. She gives him a run for his money, all sassy and shit.

I suppress a groan and tug at my hair. “I like Maya.”

Her blank gaze gives nothing away. She blinks a couple of times, waiting for me to continue.

“And I messed up. I thought I knew what I wanted. But in reality, I didn’t.”

“Tell me more.” She sits down, her pose looking like my therapist.

“I took her out on a date. I’m sure you’re aware of that.” She nods. “And it didn’t exactly end well. I told her I could only offer physical stuff. No attachments or frills, and she wanted more.”

“No duh. And what do you want now?” Her gaze reminds me of her dad, staring into me like she can sense my sincerity.

I look away from her intense scrutiny. “I think I want more.”

“I don’t think you should do anything unless you know you want more. Maya’s the sweetest. She doesn’t need someone who isn’t willing to go all the way. Like make sacrifices for her.”

My fists tighten in front of me. “I can try. I never even wanted this before. But seeing her all the time, from far away, I feel terrible. I struggle to not go up and talk to her, or even kiss her. I want a chance. But I need your help.” I glance at Sophie.

She looks at me with a genuine smile and warm eyes, the opposite of how she was when the conversation began. “Share with me what you have planned. I’ll see what I can do on my end.”

I’m nervous because I don’t know if Sophie will hold up her end of the deal. Hell, she concocted half of the plan after she deemed my original one unfit. Once I told her I seriously wanted to date Maya, Sophie became a lot more willing to help, coming up with a few ideas she thinks Maya would like. She nixed my original plan to show up at the Prix after-party, telling me Maya doesn’t function well past 12 a.m. Lucky for me, Singapore Prix weekend includes events until the following Monday because they love to party over here.

I sit at an empty table at an exclusive restaurant. Sophie secured a private room that will force Maya to give me her undivided attention for at least an hour, but I hope for more if I buy a good bottle of wine. Because who can resist that? My fingers tap against the table, a nervous tick I picked up from the fidgeter herself.

Finally, after what feels like forever, someone knocks on the door.

“Okay, you guys. This is the strangest dinner plan ever—” Her voice cuts off when her eyes land on me sitting alone.

Her eyes widen while her mouth drops open. She’s dressed up in a sexy black cocktail dress with her dark hair flowing around her face in waves, adding to her gorgeousness. I take a deep breath to settle my own nerves.

I stand and walk up to her slowly to prevent her from fleeing.

“What’s going on?” Her eyes dart around the room, taking in the two seats, before they land on me.

“Let me explain over dinner.” My hand clutches hers as I walk her toward the chair across from mine, hoping she decides to stay. I pull out her seat and usher her into it. A compliant Maya may be my favorite version of her.

“I’m confused. I’m guessing Sophie is in on this plan?” She lets out an adorable soft curse under her breath.

“Correct. Let’s order a drink first because we both can use one.”

We get situated and order our food right away at Maya’s persistence. I take her biting on her lip as a guilty yes that she wants to leave as soon as possible.

I sigh before speaking. “I had two months to get you out of my system. And trust me, I tried.”

She flinches at my words.

Fuck, come on. I suck at expressing myself. “Not like that. I mean, I had to sit with my own decisions.”

She relaxes in her chair. I take another deep breath, calming my nerves. Think before you speak.

“I thought it would get easier with time. But you avoided me, which sucked. I went from seeing you every day, and talking to you and spending time together, to nothing.”

“I wasn’t trying to ignore you.” Her eyes flick across the room.

I give her a pointed look.

“Okay, fine. I was trying to a teensy bit. I told you what I wanted, and you rejected me. I can’t expect you to change any more than I expect myself to. It’s not fair to either one of us.”

“Well, I have changed, and I want to try to give you what you want. Spending all that time alone, I realized I want what you want. To spend time with you before and after races, like going on dates, hanging out at events, being lazy in bed together after mind-blowing sex. Give me all the strings attached.” The thought of rejection makes my stomach drop.

Her eyebrows dart up. “How do I know you won’t back out the moment you get scared?”

I don’t blame her for being skeptical when I haven’t exactly proven myself yet. “You don’t. And I don’t either. But it’s what I can give you for now. The real question is are you willing to take it?”

She can back out at any moment. I can tell she thinks hard about it by the way she works her bottom lip between her teeth.

She looks down at her hands. “I guess we can give it a try. What changed your mind?” Something warm spreads through my chest, eating away at the uncertainty and nervousness from before. Her agreement is all I need.

I lift her chin up, craving eye contact. “I mean it when I say I spent a lot of time alone. I reflected on what was stopping me from trying this out with you. Our chemistry is—” her lips capture my attention—“explosive. But I also know there’s more. I like being around you, especially when you give me all your attention. I like when you film me without asking because you’re afraid of me saying no, even though you can get me to agree to anything. I love the way you laugh almost as much as the way you find your shoes interesting when you get nervous. I really like the special noises you save just for me when I kiss you, or the smiles you give me when no one is looking. I’m serious about trying it all with you. No holding back. I even met with someone to talk about my own issues and reservations, because when I do something, I go all in.” Clearly came down with a severe case of word vomit.

She looks as surprised as I feel about revealing my secret. And fuck, vulnerability scares me, but I can trust Maya. I need to trust her. For once in my life, I don’t view leaning on someone else as a negative.

“I’m proud of you. That’s a huge step.” She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. A buzz similar to sticking my finger in an electrical socket courses up my arm.

I nod, not wanting to break the moment by hashing out my parental issues. “I’ve missed being around you.”

“I have too. It’s not the easiest thing—avoiding you when all my fans are dying to hear and see more of you.” She shoots me a wink. “I had to fill the time with other interviews.”

My breath hitches at the easygoing smile on her face, finally getting the grin I’ve waited weeks for. She fills me with hope. It’s a new feeling, wanting someone to believe in me while desiring to prove myself worthy of her.

“We should give the subscribers what they want. I watch your videos.” My cheeks heat up at my admission. I chug wine before I continue, needing extra help tonight. “I may be partial, but I think I’m better clickbait than Jax or Liam.”

Her giggle fills the room. It’s the best thing I’ve heard all week, even better than winning second place.

And it hits me.

Shit.