SWNOVELS Thrive: Chapter 24
Therapist: Is it healthy, Jay?
Jay: Most things in life that are worth it aren’t healthy.
Therapist: It’s not a time to risk sobriety.
Jay: You don’t get to pick the time. You just get to pick whether or not you take the risk.
Jay
I left her with that time bomb of a phone, knowing that it held a potential explosion. I went to bed thinking about how she’d unraveled in front of me, relaxed into the woman I knew her to be, and then wound up like the woman I always knew she could be.
Mikka had been a friend for far too long. I should have taken her on the beach the first day I met her and never looked back.
Tossing and turning in my bed, I pictured Dougie texting her. I wondered how long he’d continue pursuing her, how long I’d be able to keep from ripping him apart.
Mikka didn’t know it because I hid the frustration growing in me, but I held back rage at knowing he’d harmed her. Things were building between us, and I wasn’t sure either of us could handle the consequences.
I got up to run before the sun rose. I skipped hanging out with Brey and tried to de-stress. I showered and waited outside her door when she opened it the next morning.
“Whoa! What are you doing?” She jumped when she saw me in her doorway.
I stalked in and crowded her right into the dresser. I grabbed her hips and lifted her onto it so I could wedge myself between her legs. “I want your phone.”
Her face fell. “For what, Jay? I can’t—”
I grabbed it from her back pocket where I knew she kept it now that I had her book bag. She snatched it back and glared at me. “I’m your designated babysitter. I need this for check-ins.”
“Fine. Then, block him so that you don’t turn into a bundle of nerves every time your phone goes off.”
“I…” She hesitated.
“What the hell are you hesitating for?” I bellowed and then recoiled at the fury that roared out of my lungs.
She didn’t. She poked me in the chest and said, “You can’t throw stones at him, and I can’t either. We all have our problems, Jay. What if he ends up needing me? What if he gets into some type of trouble? I owe him a lifeline.”
“What?” I whispered, my stomach knotting at her words. “How could you possibly think he deserves anything after the pain he’s put you through?”
“It wasn’t all bad,” she replied, rubbing a hand over my chest as if the motion would soothe away the pain of her words.
“I only saw the aftermath, Meek. It was bad enough.” My hands automatically found her ribs where there weren’t any spots anymore—I’d checked the night before—but I still saw them every single time I looked at her. I still saw her strength, her spirit as she sat there like nothing had ever been wrong.
“I promise you, Jay. It looked worse than it was.” Mikka embodied everything I respected in a woman. She plowed forward into uncharted territory and no matter how gritty she survived. Women didn’t complain, that was for men. Women didn’t find the wretchedness in the evil of the world, they found reason to still believe and hope for one drop of good. Even when she encountered the nastiest fucker, she still doubled down, willing to keep searching.
I didn’t know what it would take to convince her. I just knew I had to.
“One mark on your body is bad enough, little one. He put dozens there. I can’t begin to imagine what fucked up logic makes that okay or makes it not so bad.”
“Jay.” She sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“Uncomplicate it for me, then.” I leaned forward and put my arms on either side of her. I stared into her dark eyes, trying to see into her soul and dig down deep enough to find the root cause of her belief. I needed to pinpoint it so I could cut it from her, dispose of the faulty seed that had somehow been planted there.
“He’d never ever hit me like that before. I know that sounds crazy but he didn’t used to do it all the time.” She whispered the words and hunched over to shield her face and maybe her embarrassment.
I tilted her chin back up. “Don’t hide from me. You’re a wrecking ball, remember? You don’t have to hide from anyone.”
“But I do,” she blurted out. “Don’t you get it? We were the tipping point. Me and you. Us together because we couldn’t keep away from each other. I told him and it crushed him. He turned into something ugly. I cheated, Jay. There was going to be a price for that.”
“Oh, bullshit, Meek,” I threw back. “He made you believe that. What we did was bad, but I could have fucked you in that hallway and it still wouldn’t have been equal to the price you’ve been paying.”
“Oh my God!” Her eyes widened, and then she looked behind me at the closed door.
“What?” I said, not looking over my shoulder as I continued loudly. “You nervous Lorraine is going to hear about our sexual encounters?”
“Could you please be quieter?” She tried to keep a straight face, but I saw the corner of her mouth lift. This little town and all the people in it somehow boosted her spirits even in the darkest moments.
“Quieter or louder?” I said even louder this time.
She put her hand over my mouth and shushed me.
I smiled before I nipped it.
Her eyes bulged. “What are you doing?”
“Seeing if you still taste as good as last night.” I waggled my eyebrows. “Don’t worry, you do.”
I saw the blush of anger creep up over her cheeks, and when I glanced lower, I saw it on her chest too. The conversation was taking a turn and so was my libido.
She yanked her hand away. “You’re so immature.”
“If you put your hands down my pants and repeat that with a straight face, I’ll do whatever you tell me.”
She glanced down. No one would ever call me that with their hand wrapped around my dick.
Her eyes narrowed. “It might be big, Jay, but it doesn’t make you any more mature. I’ve seen bigger with men even more immature than you.”
Her insult shot straight through me, effectively deflating my ego as she shoved me back so she could hop off the dresser. I couldn’t stop myself from asking, “You’ve seen bigger?”
“That’s all you took away? Really? I retract my statement. He definitely was more mature than you.”
I followed close behind her as she turned to go check herself in the bathroom mirror. “How many men have you slept with?”
She spun around and poked me in the chest. “You have some audacity asking me that. You want me to ask you?”
“Sure. And I’ll be honest. Too many to count.”
Her mouth snapped shut into a thin line and I saw the worry creases between her eyes. She didn’t have to say a thing for me to know she was working through her odds, figuring out if she was a good competitor. It was her nature, her drive to succeed, and I mostly respected it.
Here, it pissed me off. She wasn’t comparable to any of them. She was beyond them, and this wasn’t a competition.
It was just us.
“Look at me.” I grabbed her chin and got her attention. “Stop thinking. I promise you none of them compare to us together.”
“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head and turned back to the mirror.
I watched her in it over her shoulder. “It does because we matter.”
“I’m your PA, Jay.”
“You’re my everything, woman.” Her brow furrowed like my statement troubled her, but I wasn’t taking it back. She needed to know where we stood. “That means I need you to be nothing to Dougie back home. I need you to trust that this is a good thing.”
We both glanced down at the phone outline in her pocket. “If I give up on him, I’m—”
“It’s not giving up when the assignment ends up not having a right answer, Meek.”
She nodded but blinked rapidly. I was witnessing her overcoming her own addiction, witnessing the denial, the withdrawal, the acceptance, and the anger of it all as she pulled up his name. “I tried so hard.”
“You did, but a relationship takes more than one person trying. There’s no inadequacy in knowing what you’re worth. You’ve fought countless times for a bigger paycheck or role for me. I’m pushing you to fight for a better life for yourself too.”
A tear escaped and fell to her cheek where I swiped it away. She blocked his number quickly and then slammed her phone down.
“Take my mind off this, Jay,” she demanded as she hopped up on the bathroom counter.
I didn’t hesitate for a second. I took her on the counter, in the shower, and in her bed.
I took what I knew would be mine for the rest of my life because I wasn’t letting any man near her ever again.