SWNOVELS Thrive: Chapter 22
Therapist: Happiness is sometimes hard to find. It’s okay to feel down some days.
Jay: I know that’s true but I also think we’ve just programmed ourselves not to look for happiness. If we stop to take a second, joy is all around us. And if we work for it, we’ll be the happiest we’ve ever been.
Jay
“Okay.” Mikka looked frazzled, and I loved that I’d done that to her. She wiggled her ripped jeans back and forth a few times. “Let’s go try Lorraine’s pie and get this over with. We’re still on dates with other people.”
“Wait.” I halted while she continued walking over some wavy floorboards. They creaked under me like they were sighing at my weight as I rocked back on my feet, trying to roll back the instant anger I felt at her words. “I’m not going back to my date, woman.”
She wiped a finger over her mouth when she looked back at me, still trying to get rid of the evidence that I’d had her in the fun house. “I’m not going to tell Brady we did the dirty in here and now I can’t continue the night with him.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because!” Her arms flew up as if I was crazy. “It’s weird and…”
“And what?” I followed as she spun and stalked out of the room toward the exit. We walked down a colorful ramp with shimmering strands of rubber hanging from the ceiling. The accordion music bounced all over the place, a little like my emotions.
“And I don’t think the town needs to know about us right when they are just starting to accept me.”
“Who cares if they accept you or not? You’re here with me.”
She stopped, the exit door in front of her. She didn’t look at me, but I knew she wanted to. After years of knowing her, years of watching how she handled things, I’d begun to see what I really enjoyed about her. She was headstrong as hell. She didn’t show weakness, not even when she felt it.
But Mikka was honest. She could admit fear to me because she knew the strongest thing you could do with fear was overcome it. “I want them to like me, Jay. For some reason, I really, really want everyone in this town to like me.”
Her voice broke as she confessed, and I wrapped my arms around her from behind. I whispered into her soft hair, “You have to know it’s impossible not to like you.”
She sighed. “I wasn’t likeable in my hometown and I wasn’t in college either. People respected me. They didn’t like me, though.”
“What’s not to like?” I asked.
“I was the little Asian in a white neighborhood with big glasses and big dreams. I didn’t let anyone outdo me, and I learned quickly that most of my friends had nasty things to say behind my back. I stole a lot of people’s thunder.”
“They were jealous.”
“Yes. And malicious. Still, it makes me want to have a place where people enjoy me for who I am, and I like to think I’m getting that here, even if it’s for just a little while.”
My arms slid off her, and I walked around to face her. “I’m going to agree to not saying anything. I won’t agree to him touching you.”
She lifted that bare shoulder that I wanted to bite and then lick better. “Fine. Same goes for you and Sandy.”
I slid my arm around her waist and yanked her to me. “I’m tasting your mouth one last time before we face the music.”
I kissed her again, and this time I worked her lips so well, they looked a little bruised when we came up for air. She was panting like she wanted me, like I was her oxygen, and her eyes ate me up when she glanced down at my crotch.
“Woman, I swear to Christ, you look there again and I’m going to check to see how wet you are for me. Then, we won’t be going anywhere at all tonight.”
“Oh my God. Go!” She shoved me in the shoulder and pushed out of the exit doors before I could.
Brady and Sandy started a slow clap. Lorraine whooped, and then I glanced around. Practically the whole town, including my brothers, Jax and Jett, were there slow-clapping with them.
I swore low and soft, and Mikka followed suit. Her string of curses was longer and much more fluent than mine.
“Leave it to you to beat me at a damn swearing contest too,” I mumbled to her.
She smiled at the crowd, but the blush rising to her cheeks made me wonder if she really felt comfortable. “This is completely and utterly embarrassing, Jay,” she said through her teeth.
“Okay, everyone,” I bellowed. “Can we get back to the festival? We’re not here as entertainment.”
Brey and Jax shooed a few people away, and my oldest brother stood with his new wife, looking unamused. We all hugged, and Jett mumbled that I needed to think about my actions before I executed them. I laughed at him and told him he needed to loosen up.
Brey whispered in my ear, “Way to kill the rumors about you and Sandy. Now they’re going to name the fun house after you and Mikka.”
“Baby girl, keep your mouth shut,” I muttered as I hugged her. “You going to manage to stay out with my brother more than an hour tonight?”
“Probably not.” She flipped her dark hair over her shoulder and smiled at my brother. Those two always had hearts in their eyes, like they could seriously hole up away from the world together and still be completely fine because they had each other.
Brey had always been my best friend, but I’d known she could live without me. It was my brother she couldn’t live without.
Lorraine strolled up to Mikka, and I watched the older woman straighten my PA’s hair. There wasn’t a real reason to hide anything now. We’d just got a standing ovation, one that the town wouldn’t have given had they not accepted her as family. Lorraine fixing her hair was just another confirmation of that.
I wondered what it would be like to be back, to fall back into step with the people who knew you most, knew your background and what shaped you. Hundreds of people had gathered for the festival, and many of them knew me beyond my acting career. They didn’t care about that status, though. I even glanced around to see if anyone had filmed me coming out of the fun house. No one had. No one cared.
I was just Jay to them.
It made me wonder if I wanted to be anything else to anyone else. “Do you ever want to move back to Greenville?”
Brey didn’t answer immediately. She stared over at Mikka like I did, taking in Lorraine introducing her to Jett and Vick. Jax stood near but didn’t take his eyes off Brey much. She smiled at him and nodded once before she looked at me and said, “I think I’m pregnant. So you’ll be an uncle soon. And I’ve considered it. But what I went through here is very different to your childhood.”
“You…” I stuttered and then stopped. I hadn’t known she’d wanted a baby, never really considered it. The idea plowed into me and caught me so off guard I found myself not being able to school my shocked expression.
“A lot to take in?” She smirked. “I’m only eight weeks along. And you’ll be a godfather obviously.”
I scooped her up and spun her around. Jax practically barreled through the crowd to get over to us. “Put her down,” he growled.
“Relax.” I winked at Brey because we were both used to him being overprotective.
“He’s ten times as bad now that I’m carrying our offspring,” she grumbled.
“I’m about to be a million times as bad if he doesn’t put you down, woman.”
I spun her one last time just to piss him off and then set her down. “I’m happy for you guys.”
“I’m happy you finally know,” Brey said. “I never thought keeping a secret would be this hard. It’s still really early, but I had to tell you. Vick and Kate know too.”
I almost gave her shit for telling her other best friends before me, but I understood. She’d been tiptoeing around, navigating new waters with me, feeling me out on our runs.
“Shit. Should you be running?”
Jax said, “No.”
She said, “Yes,” then glared at him like he was a maniac. “The doctor wants me to continue my normal exercise routine. He’s just ridiculous.”
“I’m not ridiculous, I’m careful. You’ve got precious cargo…”
Jax trailed off when he realized I wasn’t listening. Instead, my eyes had cut to Mikka laughing behind us all. I could swear Brady was smiling down at her like she was the magic lamp he’d just recovered too. Jealousy flooded in and washed away all my other emotions. I wasn’t used to it nor did I know how to handle it.
“And finally we see my brother giving a damn,” Jax mumbled, “Guess we don’t have to worry about her signing an NDA. She might be signing a marriage certificate instead.”
As Brady’s hand went to the small of her back, I tried not to bare my teeth. “Fuck off, Jax. You barely look away from Brey, let alone let another man touch her.”
“So, you’re saying she’s as important to you as I am to Jax?” Brey asked, catching on to something not even I was ready to admit to myself.
“She’s as important as something,” I mumbled and nodded to them. “I’m happy for you both. I’ll take you out for dinner soon, baby girl. But now, my woman needs saving from a man she’s not supposed to be with.”
Brey didn’t ask any more questions, didn’t push the issue. She stared on like she knew, and maybe she did. She’d known me most of the time I’d been into girls. We’d had our share of talks about who was worthy of each other’s time. I’d known her time was priceless, that no one deserved her, but Jax made her happy. She’d felt I deserved someone who wasn’t just a roll in the hay.
“Be happy, Jay,” she whispered, and I knew her words meant for me to be careful, to do what was right, and not fuck it up if that’s what I wanted.
“Meek!” I yelled her name louder than I needed to, but people already knew what we’d done in the fun house. I stalked over to her to remind her in case she’d forgotten. “I’m about to buy you the best pie you’ve ever tasted. Brady and Sandy can find their way around the rest of the festival, right?”
Mikka had the audacity to look embarrassed, like those two weren’t some of the most promiscuous people in town. Glaring at me, Brady ground out, “You realize you’re stealing my date?”
“Man, she wasn’t ever your date to begin with and your ass knows it.” I pointed toward the pie stand in the distance. “I can smell the warm apple from here. Lorraine needs our votes. Let’s go.”
Weaving through the screaming kids and throngs of families had me smiling. Our fun house experience solidified where this woman should be.
By my side.