Thristy for us

Not much later, I was having too much trouble staying upright on my feet. Was it because of that power I felt, was it because of fatigue or the booze? All questions I ask myself and cannot answer. Colten joins me in my room which I share with Ellen who is more not there than there is, having found a new girlfriend. No, I am not ashamed of her sexuality. I fully support her choice. We have been roommates since Miranda threw my stuff out of our shared room.

Confusion returns from the thoughts that fill my head, which is why I decide to retreat to bed when Colten leaves for his room a little later. Happy to be alone, I lay down and let my dreams take over me. Dreams that take me back, to a place far away from here. A place I recognize from somewhere, but can’t place. Until poof. I bolt out of my dream all sweaty, with only that phantom left with all these corpses in my head that reached for me but couldn’t grab me. The dreams that creep me out, why don’t they go away?

I hear the key in the lock and Ellen enters, smiling, happy until she catches my gaze and takes me in her arms. The arms that pull me back, from the depths of my mind. Happy for the distraction, I rest my head on her shoulder until she pulls back and begins to talk about her friend Elena. I am only half listening to her words, as my thoughts take over from me again. “I am thinking of sharing the room with Elena, who I have been dating for a month,” Ellen says. A month? A month I miss in my memory strikes me. “Avery, are you listening?” I hear Ellen ask, bringing me back down to earth with her on my bed. “Sorry, lost in thought. What did you say?” She starts her explanation again, of how she is in love with her, and they are thinking of getting a room together.

Which leaves me alone in our room. Not that I don’t like being alone, but these days I feel more alone than usual. Whether someone has disappeared from my life that I miss. I shake off the thoughts as I change my clothes and wait for Ellen to come out of the bathroom to walk to campus with her. On campus, it is already very crowded with everyone on their way to their classes.

Which for a weekday would be the most normal thing ever. But not on a Saturday, what is going on here? On Saturdays, the campus is normally deserted until this Saturday, when everyone walks to their class full of life. And not like the zombies who normally come off their parties at 8 a.m. from the night before.

Ellen herself looks surprised when she notices that even our class is busier than usual. This is not even a mandatory class, but an extra class we attend. We can barely hear the teacher because of the hubbub created by all the students in class. Who clearly doesn't care if another person can't learn something? Sure, even Saturday is going to ruin them for me, I sigh inside me. Ellen runs her gaze over a few people she recognizes and starts to catch up with. Which leaves me alone and frustrated.

After half an hour of that noise, I don’t see the point in just staying. Walking down the hallways, I see Colten standing and talking to Wyat. Not just talking, but more in a heated discussion they are in.

I move closer to catch words between them. “You kissed her! You know she doesn’t belong with us, man!” Yells Wyat through the empty hallway. The hallway he suspects to be empty, where I am now secretly eavesdropping on them, a little farther away from their lockers. “I like her. It’s just a snack, no more and no less,” Colten says with a chuckle I recognize from him when he wants to come across as the loose boy he is. Though he hides so much of his own feelings because of it, feelings that I have found but cannot agree with. Of course, I’m not in love and neither is he. It’s more of an attraction, not that I’m going to sleep with him. “Bullshit, you want her! I can see it in your eyes, Colten!” Continues Wyat urging him to ignore me. Ignore, as he had always done, towards me. The two had become pro at pretending I was not there.

How glad I am that Colten is fighting Wyat’s behavior, only it angers me that he’s doing it behind his back. Yes, Colten comes to me in the evening, which has happened twice now this week after this conversation. We talk, kiss and just have a good time. Though he would never confess this to Wyat. Even though Wyat is too busy with Miranda, he can always make time to make for us a hard time to be together, just as friends.

Colten comes storming into my room, furious that Wyat has again forbidden him to see me. He even dared to give Colten a choice. If he wants to continue living in his room with him, he has to break things with me. Which makes Colten stay with me that night.

Our night together, we just watched a movie together and fell asleep next to each other. That night I had another weird dream. I dream of Colten attacking me and Wyat pulling him off of me. A feeling I couldn’t shake off that morning, it felt so real. Even Colten was acting stranger than usual that morning. He didn’t know how fast he could get out of the room after straightening his clothes back up. It makes me anxious and happy when Ellen does come into the room a little later, though with not-so-good news, unfortunately.