Their End, My Beginning

It is 8:00pm now and no sign of Ryder I have no idea what made him not want to come today even after my pleading even though I was being dragged out by his bodyguards. My parents cared, loved, and saw him like their own son. I used to feel jealous seeing the way my parents care for him but felt happy that my family love him and I don't have to convince my parents; he is the one for me. That was something I didn't want to happen after seeing my friend's love life. They had to either go against their parents or forget their love. I was one lucky girl.

I can't believe all these is happening to me. The life I thought was perfect is being turned upside down. Hell, the perfect life I had is no longer there making me feel dead. If someone had told me that this was going to happen, I would have made him to go to asylum. Well, now, I know the things I thought were perfect were not permanent. God, how I wish this is just a dream and that my dad would wake me up with his sweet kiss and a pat on my head.

I sat in front of their graves, cried and cried, telling them everything. From the moment I found out about the accident, I couldn't breathe, felt that the ground should swallow me up, wished I was with them. I kept on asking for their help, kept screaming and crying. No amount of words can describe how I feel right now. These feelings are suffocating me I want to escape this but how.

Suddenly, I felt the wind blowing on my face. I felt something tugging in my heart. My stomach fluttering with butterflies. Why do I feel strange, the feeling that I got whenever I see Ryder in a distance, just that thought made me stand up from the ground and turn around but saw no one? I am imagining things again. This has started from the moment I was in hospital. I better go to uncle Nat's house and lay on the bed and after I close my eyes, I would no longer imagine things, otherwise I will turn crazy.

And so, I did the exact thing; I was too tired to change my clothes. The moment I lay on the bed, I fell into deep slumber. I saw a beautiful dream where my parents, Ryder and I were spending our time together like old times. How I wish I just stayed there. Forever.

The following days were like a blur to me. I got into a routine of waking up, eating for the sake of living, laying on bed. I didn't talk to anyone. Uncle Nat tried to talk to me to cheer me as possible, but seeing that I will not change my routine he just left me to be. What I felt strange was the fact that I didn't see or hear anything from Mandy.

In past even if I was sad for a silly reason, she used to stay with me and cheer me up. Now when I am feeling worst, I haven't even had a glimpse of her after the funeral.

After 3 days, at midnight I heard the doorbell I ignored it like I used to and then my uncle called me down. I went down cause he never called me even if it was a mail for me. What shocked me was the sight of Mandy standing on our door porch on soaked in rain with red puffy eyes. I called her in and the moment I came near her; she hugged. Not minding getting wet, I hugged her back, and that made her burst into tears. I, who was avoiding everything to not cry, also burst into tears.

I took her to now called my bedroom, knowing that uncle Nat didn't mind Mandy staying with me. I gave her my clothes; she took it and went to bathroom to change and I also changed into new clothes. When she came back, I asked nothing, loving the silence and we both laid on bed cuddling and crying ourselves to sleep.

What made me woke up next was Mandy's sobs. I asked her what's wrong, and she apologized. Now I was really confused.

"Why are you apologizing Mandy?"

“Because... I... uh... because I wasn't there with you the past 3 days to help you." She was lying. Which made me more confused, seeing that she never lied. Which made her bad at lying to me. But I chose to ignore it, seeing that it wasn't a perfect time to question her. I know when the time is right, she will tell me herself.

"It's okay Mandy, actually I wanted to be alone." which was the truth.

"I never thought of our lives to be like this." I could see it in her eyes that there's a behind meaning to it. "We had plans. To go job hunting after our graduation or help our fathers in managing their business and now."

"What's the problem in that we can still do that. Thanks for reminding me that, I wanted a distraction from this. And burying myself in work is the best way to do that. I am going to go to the company tomorrow." said with apparent determination in my eyes. This grief is suffocating me, I can no longer handle it and this is the best way to forget about it even for a while.

"What!! NO! I mean... isn't it too early. When you go to the company people will show their sympathy and that will only make you remember what you are trying to forget and I know you are not the person to be cold to them and hence you will go talk to them and seeing their sympathetic eyes will make you even more miserable."

"I don't mind that, Mandy. And you yourself said that you didn't think our lives to be like this. Our lives need not be like this, but the way we decided it to be. And so, I decided I am going to the company tomorrow." I said with a finality that said no more discussion.

I could see the conflict in her eyes. I don't know why she is acting this I mean this is what we wanted, and this is what I am going to do. At least in that way I can get out of my grieving stage even though not forever, at least for a while.

And I thought sympathetic eyes were all I was going to get and prepared myself for it. How wrong was I that I couldn't prepare for what happened afterwards?☐☐☐☐☐☐