Their End, My Beginning

Author's Note: In this chapter is the summary of what Ryder felt from the time they first met after 3 years that is from chapter 4 after flashback. I hope it wont confuse you that is the reason why i wrote my note. Now you can continue.

*Ryder POV

The first time we met after 3 years, I heard a sweet voice shouting my name after a very long time, the heart I thought didn't exist started to beat wildly, at first, I couldn't believe it was she, the love of my life standing behind me. I could recognise that voice even if I am in a crowded place, I was that madly in love with her, but I can't invite her into my messy life. The perfect life she was having will be gone the second she enters my life, and that was why I gave many cold looks and looked at her as if she was a stranger when she was nothing but that, and said those three hateful words 'Who are you?" I didn't know what went through my mind at that time, but the moment those words were said, I regretted it. I haven't regretted anything as much as I regretted saying those words. I felt as if I drank some acid. My throat was burning, Christ, everything in me was burning with guilt and regret. I felt that the heart I thought was not there before I saw her was now dead. And I don't think I could ever forgive myself for the pain I saw in those beautiful hazel eyes.

When she said her parents were dead, I felt my world shattered I wanted to cry. My second parents are also dead. After the death of my parents, I have turned into what they call 'icy, cold-hearted, beast". I knew my parents would not be proud of what I did back then to get to where I am today. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if they said 'he is not my son'. When I saw those eyes of hers, that I wouldn't mind looking at 24/7, tearing up, I didn't want nothing more than to run to her and hug her and console her. It took everything in me to not run to her and hold her in my arms.

During the funeral I was there witnessing everything, I was mostly looking at her the way she looked at the entrance of the church as if she was waiting for someone and the disappointment in her eyes realising that someone hasn't come yet. And when I realised that someone was behind me, I had to grip the bench I was sitting on harder, that I knew that some wood splinter must have got into my palms. And I wasn't wrong, I had to put so many band-aids on it and because of that I couldn't even hold a pen without hissing.

I was like a proud parent when I heard her speech and how she handled everything very efficiently. I shouldn't have even had a doubt because she definitely was strong. The day I heard of my parents' death I became a maniac drowning my pain in alcohol. I couldn't even give a proper funeral for them it was Kat's parents who did everything and I couldn't be more thankful to them. I know that they tried to contact me, but I was so depressed that I didn't want to be near them. I guess being lonely took a great toll on me, and I think that's another reason why I became the way I am.

Even when it was 8pm she didn't leave the graveyard and in the past, she wouldn't even cross the path that lead to church after 6pm and now she was crying, sobbing in front of her parents' grave. And knowing the reason why she cried more was because of me was like as if someone stabbed me again and again in the same wound, making it bigger.

I couldn't do anything all I could was watch her by standing behind a tree. I wanted to console her or at least hold her in my arms. I couldn't control my urge anymore that I started walking towards her. All of a sudden, as if she realised I was there, she turned her neck so fast that I thought she broke her neck. She stood up and searched for me. The pain I felt at that moment was worse than what I felt when I knew my parents were dead. I wanted to go near her, but that meant she being in danger and I wouldn't even in my unconscious do anything that causes any harm to her. So, I left from there.☐☐☐☐☐☐