The Worst Wedding Date

I am doing this for Emma. I am doing this for Emma. I am doing this for Emma.

If I repeat it enough, knowing my why will make this tolerable.

In the meantime, the minute the bathroom door shuts behind me, I drop to the floor and peer under the crack between the door and the tile.

Theo’s standing there in his underwear, frowning—no, scowling—at the bathroom door, looking like Theo, but also looking like a grown man who could crush a rock with his bare hands and then use that intense gaze to will it to put itself back together again.

I hold my breath.

Or try to.

He stares at the door for a long time. Is he waiting for the water to turn on? Can he see me peeking at him from under the crack? What’s he doing? Why isn’t he moving?

Is he actually a robot?

Does he need some sort of restart?

I’m about to leave the bathroom with some lame excuse that I need a cup of water from the small galley kitchen in the white-walled suite when he finally turns around, casts one last glance back at the bathroom where I’m starting to get a crick in my neck from watching him under the door, and then he twists the knob on the second bedroom and slips inside.

Finally.

I leap to my feet, creak open the bathroom door as softly as possible, and go against every inclination inside me as I creep across the living area to the extra bedroom.

Ignoring someone’s specific instructions and requests is relatively foreign to me. Especially when it matters as much as it apparently matters to Theo.

But if he has cats in this suite, and the resort doesn’t know, he could get thrown out.

Theo getting in trouble would be another damper on Emma’s wedding week.

I’m reaching for the door when I hear it.

Not just the soft mewing of cats, but Theo’s voice. And that is what has me stopping in my tracks.

“Who’s a good kitten?” he croons softly. “Who’s such a good kitten?”

Oh. My. God.

That is possibly the sexiest thing I’ve heard in ages.

I squinch up my nose. Assuming he’s talking to a kitten. And not some woman he has in there and is screwing around with.

Yep.

More likely.

Has to be. If he truly has kittens in there, I might melt, and I cannot do that.

It’s Theo. I don’t care that I noticed he has a tattoo of his mom’s name in the midst of a field of roses on one bicep, or how intriguing the you are enough in script on his other bicep amidst a field of thorns is. I don’t care that I was mistakenly intrigued by him before I realized who he was at the pool.

And I don’t care if he’s saving every stray cat on this island himself.

For Emma’s sake, I need to leave my feelings out of it and see what’s going on in this room. Figure out how to solve it. Make sure Theo doesn’t get caught by the resort staff with animals in his room.

I don’t know how he got them in here. Or why. But it doesn’t matter.

The point is that he cannot get caught with animals here.

I probably owe it to Emma to investigate, but I’m reasonably certain the reaction my ovaries are having to listening to Theo baby-talk kittens—no matter how much I’d rather that was a woman so that I could dislike him—puts my own self-preservation momentarily higher.

I dart back across the tropical rug and past the worn ivory couch and chair set in the living room to the bathroom just outside the first bedroom.

And yes, my eyes totally snag on the bag of knitting next to the rumpled bed inside that bedroom.

And the ring light stand.

And the ridiculously large present wrapped in silver bell wedding paper. And by ridiculous, I do mean ridiculous. At least two feet on every side.

Theo’s voice is muffled by the other door, but I can still hear the soft tones, and it’s causing definite issues for me in the lower belly area.

But who wouldn’t be a little soft toward a guy who’d baby-talk kittens? And those were definitely kitten sounds.

Unless he’s screwing with me.

Dammit.

He is.

He’s screwing with me. And I almost fell for it.

Like I’ll let on that I fell for it.

I dive back into the bathroom, go against every bit of training I’ve gotten since I was old enough to remember the phrase we’re in a drought, Delaney, don’t waste water, and turn on the water full-force while I grab my phone and open my texts.

Talking to Emma is out of the question.

But talking to Sabrina?

This is a must.

Hey. You around? I have…a situation.

SABRINA

Join the club, hon. Where are you?

Theo’s bathroom.

SABRINA

WHAT?

Not like that. Em asked me to babysit and staying in his bungalow is the most efficient way to do it. Bigger question—she said you’re mad at him. What’s up?

SABRINA

Are you serious? Which one of us has held a deep-seated grudge against him since the Ugly Heiress incident? Which one of us got drunk to recover from the suspicion that his naked boob blanket-cape that he wore all over town was ordered from her parents’ company? Which one of us still talks about how her only fender-bender in her entire life was courtesy of Theo and his old beater truck? And YOU are asking ME if there’s a reason I’m mad at Theo?

That’s the most avoidy response to a question in the history of avoidy responses.

SABRINA

Em asked you to babysit him? That sucks. What are you going to tell your parents?

I’m just a BUFFER for a couple days. It’ll all be cleared up before they land. If you won’t tell me why you’re mad, can you at least hang out at the door here to make sure he doesn’t leave while I’m taking a shower? I don’t want to let Em down my first hour on the job.

SABRINA

Considering you saved him from becoming toast at the pool…

YOU WERE THERE? I wanted to hug you and say hi.

SABRINA

I was NOT there. Sullivan cousin text chain activated. I mean, we kept Chandler out of it, but then, we were talking about him… If it helps, 95% of the family agrees that we also need to do all that we can to keep Chandler and Theo separated until Em’s finally part of the family, but the triplets definitely can’t hang with Theo and also stay on Chandler’s good side.

I figured. Too bad none of your aunts and uncles are spry enough to keep up with him anymore.

SABRINA

I hate that you’re the best person for the job. And at the same time, I love that Em has you to ask so that she can breathe easier. How’s the bungalow? Does it smell? Has he clearly had female guests? Is he walking around naked to try to make you uncomfortable so you’ll leave?

Is that what he did to you to make you mad at him?

SABRINA

Hello, avoidy yourself.

Seriously. Why are you mad at him? What can I do to help make this better?

SABRINA

Laney, I love you. I ADORE you. And I know you could fix Hell itself if you had the chance. But this one… This one, I need you to sit out.

Oh my god. How bad is it?

SABRINA

I’ll put on my big girl panties and play nice and tag in to babysit him for a while, okay? Here. Look. I’m right outside your bungalow now. He’s not escaping while you shower.

SABRINA

*picture of the door of the Plumeria Bungalow, complete with the saggy flamingo costume on the porch*

THANK YOU. Also, I’m totally getting you drunk on mai tais later so that you’ll tell me whatever’s going on.

SABRINA

Priority here is getting Emma hitched to my cousin. I can’t wait until she’s legit my family legally too. You can get me drunk once we’re home.

Promise?

SABRINA

By the time we get home, it’s far more likely you’ll want ME to get YOU drunk to forget babysitting Theo.

It’s just for a couple days. Just until Chandler cools down. And until another space for me opens up.

SABRINA

And now I’m seriously debating if Drunk Laney would do a better job babysitting Theo than sober Laney… You might be a little too optimistic here.

Stop. This is fine. It’s a small favor for Emma in the grand scheme of things. Theo’s so mad that I’m invading his space that I think he’ll avoid Chandler on his own so that I can come stay with you and Claire instead until more rooms open up.

SABRINA

This is not a small favor.

No, it is. What’s a couple days of my life in exchange for one of my favorite people in the world having less stress for her wedding week?

SABRINA

Okay, Saint Laney.

You’d do the same for me. So would Emma.

SABRINA

Except you have no weird family members that your parents would let you invite to your wedding, and one has to DATE in order to have a reason to GET MARRIED, and we all know how that’s going since Christopher the Boring.

Maybe I’ll use one of those dating apps and find a hottie here in Hawaii.

SABRINA

During babysitting duty for Theo? He’s not the troublemaker he was in high school anymore, but he’ll still be a handful. Your optimism truly knows no bounds.

Last question, and then I really need to get in the shower before I waste too much water—do you know if Theo has…an animal…problem?

SABRINA

*bulging eyes emoji* Was that autocorrect, or did you just ask me if Theo has an animal problem?

I haven’t seen him much in years, and I get the impression that he…likes…animals.

SABRINA

I’m breaking this door down.

NO! Do NOT cause problems for Emma. DO NOT! I just need to know if it’s normal for him to do things with animals everywhere he goes. Like, is this a project for his dad? Or is he just screwing with me to try to chase me out of here?

SABRINA

Laney. Theo has literally not ventured more than two hours from home for like four years. There is no “everywhere he goes.” And no, he does not DO THINGS WITH ANIMALS at home. What the HELL is going on in that room?

Never mind. I’m realizing just how stupid of a question that is. Theo’s screwing with me. He loves to screw with people. I’m sure it’s just the TV in the other room making weird noises.

SABRINA

Theo doesn’t screw with people.

Yes, he does.

SABRINA

No, he doesn’t. He has two main goals in life: Have fun and don’t get caught. He does not go out of his way, ever, to screw with people. Not like this.

Even people who have moved into his bungalow for his sister’s wedding week?

SABRINA

Tell me he has geckos in your room and not the feral GOATS that roam this island.

I swear on my reputation as a Kingston that he does not have goats in this room. And I think he’s screwing with me so that I get out of his way and leave him alone.

SABRINA

I’m going to chalk up that assumption to your long travel day. Go take a shower. I’m not letting Theo out of this room, and if he does come out, I promise to not murder him. For Emma’s sake. I don’t promise to not invade the room and figure out what the hell he’s doing in there, but I do promise to not murder him. Okay?

We need to talk in person soon instead of texting from ten feet apart.

SABRINA

Agreed. Go shower. I’ll be here.