Chapter Chapter Fifty-Eight
I lived in ecstasy for almost an hour at the Prince’s side. Piece after piece came as if the players performed only for the two of us. And they played more than just the music of Griselda. The artists treated us to arias from the upcoming season no one had ever heard before, and my heart leaped for each of them.
In the pause between two pieces, as the room applauded and broke into conversation, I heard offense in someone’s mind. In a flash, I saw a lycan’s view of Duccio and Guccia seated at the back of the music salon. Duccio whispered in her ear, and she dropped her mask to release a salacious laugh.
From another’s mind, I saw the same. This time, disapproval bathed the image in hues of green. I turned around to find the pair with my own eyes and saw Duccio kiss Guccia on the cheek.
My heart rose to my throat.
Pay them no mind, son, Prince Adelchi told me in silence. I do not take offense. They are to be wed. Honor will be satisfied. I’m pleased if she’s changed her mind about him.
I didn’t have the wits about me to answer him. Surely, he must sense my jealousy. Perhaps the emotion seemed like outrage.
But the others, I answered.
My detractors, mostly. Both lycan and human alike. I hear all their thoughts, though most don’t realize I bear this gift. Almost none of them can hear my words to you now, so the extent of my abilities remains a secret.
Still, they should be more considerate, I said.
There will always be those who seek any opportunity to gain the advantage, he said and looked to smile at me. Don’t concern yourself with their childish games. They are nothing to us.
I sat through one more selection, a lovers’ aria from an as-yet-unseen tragedy, and I tried to calm my mind. I was desperate to keep my secret as much for my vanity as to keep Duccio’s ruse quiet. When the players finished, and we delivered our admiring applause, I reached for Prince Adelchi’s hand to kiss it again with gratitude.
“Enjoy yourself tonight, Esprit,” he returned, smiling again warmly before leaving the salon.
I wanted to go admonish Duccio somehow. I envisioned calling him out in front of his peers or throwing my drink at his feet—anything to embarrass him. But I only managed a few feet before my feelings stole my resolve and instead made my way for the front doors to leave.
I was determined not to cry during the gondola ride home. I wouldn’t give into my boyish weakness until I was home and behind closed doors. But in my room’s privacy, Pietro, the man I’d rescued earlier that night, distracted me from my sorrow.
He startled at the sound of my approach, trying to sit up though he could not.
“No, please,” I motioned. “Lay back and calm yourself.”
“Where is this?”
“You’re in my home, and you are safe.” I reached to light a candle so he could see my sincerity. His eyes seemed terrified, and I lowered my voice to calm him. “Those men won’t find you here.”
“They’re dead,” Pietro said, an urgent frenzy seizing his voice. “I saw them slain—I saw them each silenced.”
“I know nothing of that,” I lied. “My valet found you unconscious a few blocks from here and brought you to my care.”
Duccio had instructed that Pietro be allowed to sleep through the night, then moved to one of the guest rooms to recover, and I considered ringing for help now.
Pietro reached for my hand and drew it to his lips, though the act clearly hurt him. I no longer held the connection with his mind, either to feel his physical pain or hear his thoughts. But his shoulders trembled as he moved to reach for me, and I gave in only so that he might lie back and end the exertion of his movements.
“You’re safe here,” I promised. “We’ll move you to another room at daybreak and send for a doctor to tend to your wounds. Who should I let know? I’ll send them word at first light.”
Pietro shook his head. He lived alone. He had no family to speak of, at least none he would bother. I hadn’t expected his answer—that anyone in this world lived alone.
“But if you could send word to my neighbor to feed my cat,” he said. “I don’t want him to get loose.”
“Would you like me to have him brought to you? What’s his name? He can keep you company as you recover.”
Pietro met my proposal with such physical relief that I nodded to assure him I’d see it done. After assisting him to drink a cup of well water, I set him back to sleep and left him in possession of my room.
I wandered through the palazzo only for a few minutes, wanting to be alone, and found my way to Guccia’s bedroom. She had never slept here, but the room was almost fully furnished. Even her bed was in place, though the mattress bore no linens.
Laying down, I closed my eyes. I tried to hear the music again, to feel that sense of elation from the beautiful sounds, but my anger and frustration stained the whole. I didn’t know what to do. This night had been far too much, giving birth to a dozen incongruent emotions. I wished sleep would take me, though I knew it wouldn’t. My agitated mind would not be so kind, and I decided to rise to find a bottle of wine and tranquilize myself.
But then I heard him.
Duccio was down at the dock. He’d announced himself. Perhaps it was just to provoke my response and ensure I’d returned to the palazzo.
I felt his advance as he moved through the side street to the front door. The same young footman I’d woken twenty minutes earlier dragged himself from bed again to let in his master. At least no one else would bother the young man for the rest of the night.
Here, I called Duccio, not wanting him to disturb Pietro in search of me.
Upon arriving at Guccia’s door, he paused. “Why are you in here?”
“I was trying to sleep.”
“You couldn’t find another room?”
“What difference does it make? Did you plan to bring her home with you?”
Duccio passed through the threshold, and I at once smelled her perfume on him.
“Ah, there was no need,” I said. “You had her already? That makes more sense. Why would she leave her own party? Just a quick trip upstairs, then?”
With an impatient sigh, he sat down on the mattress beside me. I turned away from him onto my side, a petulant and embarrassing move that I immediately regretted. But he reached to pull my face back to him.
“We’ve discussed this,” he said. “I have duties. Do you still not understand?”
“It was your duty to sleep with her? Act like a pig with her in front of everyone, if you must. But why did you need to bed her?”
“They must believe it’s real, Esprit. Even you now have trouble accepting it’s not real, though you know in your heart it’s a lie.”
He ran his hand through my hair, but the moment of relief came with the price of misery, and I closed my eyes to fight the flood coming.
“Think about your jealousy,” he said, the frank honesty of his baritone inescapable. “That’s just your fear of losing me, and only the very young concern themselves with such fears. You don’t own me any more than I own you. I spend my time with you because it pleases me. I care for you—I adore you. But my adoration will never prevail to the exclusion of others. I’ll never stop caring for everyone in my life, and one day you’ll understand that you shouldn’t either.”
I looked to see the smallest glint from his eyes in the dark, and tears rushed down the sides of my face into my hair.
“But you’re all I have,” I whispered, defeated and broken.
He bent down to kiss me. Feeling his lips on mine was agony, but I desperately needed their warmth.
“In time, you’ll have so much more than just me to love,” Duccio answered.
Guccia didn’t send for me, but I arrived at the Palazzo Adelchi at noon the following day. It was a tremendous act of discipline that I didn’t drag her from bed at dawn, but I overcame my need to scream at her. I wanted only to know why she’d betrayed me.
“I did no such thing,” she said after dismissing her lady’s maid. “I did my duty, just as we agreed.”
“Laughing like a whore for all your guests to watch?”
For a moment, I saw the blow my angry words had struck in her eyes. She said nothing in response. I thought I saw her hands begin to tremble. When she regained her composure, Guccia rose from her seat to cross the room to me and slapped my face.
I took the sting without so much as a blink. I wanted her to see my hatred—to watch her fall apart as she deserved.
“You like that, don’t you?” she asked. Her whisper came with a tinge of venom. “You enjoy degrading me, just as your lover does. You know how humiliating it was to receive such disrespect in my home, in front of every eye that matters, and it delights you. Without casting Father into further scandal, I could do nothing to stop it. A petty jewel of satisfaction for you.”
“That’s so stupid—
“No, it must be true. You didn’t come to my father’s house unannounced to call me a whore because you were concerned about what I had to endure. You just wanted me to feel worse because your cowardly lover hurt your childish feelings.”
I turned away at a start. The conversation hadn’t gone the way I’d planned it. I’d wanted her to look me in the eye and tell me how she could’ve so easily betrayed me. How could she have taken him to her bed without the slightest concern for how it would injure me? But I’d not seen anything outside of my humiliated suffering. And now, I’d slipped a knife into the heart of my only real friend here.
I wanted to start the conversation over, but I said nothing.
“It wasn’t enough for you to abandon me when I needed you, that you ran off to… I don’t know what. Come to the aid of some human?” Guccia scowled as if the words left a sour taste in her mouth. “Don’t deny it. I sent my guard after you. He saw what you did. But then you show up at my house to steal Father’s attention and leave me alone to be taunted like some courtesan. Yes, I agree, I should apologize. It wasn’t enough that I let your vile lover use me like his whore. I should’ve also come to the front row and washed your feet with my hair. How could I have let you down so cruelly?”
I said nothing in response. In my shame, I wouldn’t even look at her. Heading back to the hall, I took my leave of Guccia without a word.