The Wild Beasts of Anthony Mannis

Borgesians who have not had the chance to be formally educated in the CDF (Citadel Defense Force) may streamline the promotional process by enlisting in the Ranger Corps. Rangers are assigned the virtuous task of patrolling the roads of Forest Zone, and are on call at any moment for dispatch by any higher-ranking officer.

- Information Available to Borges Citizens, Pamphlet II

It began raining on the third day.

The trail had turned to sucking mud that made for miserable travel. Philip grimaced, exasperated after one particularly rambunctious pocket of mud refused to give up hold of his left boot.

“We need to stop. This is horrible, we should wait it out.”

Anthony was drenched to the bone, and his nose was running, probably— he couldn’t tell. He gestured irritably at the swath of grey clouds above them and sniffled. “Wait it out? Does it look like it’s going to clear up soon?”

“We should build a shelter,” Philip ignored him. He shuffled out of his sopping backpack and began to gather sticks, then stopped.

“Do you know how to build a shelter?”

“No, I don’t. This is the worst!” Anthony kicked soggily at a nearby pile of hay.

“What about invoking? Maybe a beast that is shaped like a tent or something?”

“Yea, I guess I could try…”

“What about that hay?” Philip interrupted, “we could, I dunno, use it for a roof. Grab some of it.”

“If you touch me, I’ll break your arms,” the hay pile said. Then it turned into a human.

Before Anthony could raise his hands to summon a monster, the hay-pile human had brought a quarterstaff smashing down on his forehead and he sat on the ground, his ears ringing. Philip dropped his hand to the pistol in his belt, but two quick raps of the staff into his stomach dropped him clutching his belly. The hay-pile human, with remarkable agility, twirled the staff back around and pointed it at Anthony’s chin. Anthony stared up at his attacker. It was not a weird monster made out of hay, it was an actual person wearing a straw rain-jacket.

“You’re a girl!” he gasped.

“No duh. I’m also going to take everything you have. If you move, I’ll break your arms.” She glanced back at Philip, who was also staring—not as incredulously as Anthony—at her.

“What you staring at, Specs?”

“Nothing, miss. That’s an ingenious jacket.”

“Not really. You are both stupid. I don’t know how you survived so long in Forest Zone, knowing as little as you do. How do you not know how to make a shelter? Those aren’t even the right sticks. They’re too short.” She used her staff to scatter the small pile of sticks that Philip had collected, amidst his protests. “And honestly, how did you see a pile of hay in the middle of the frickin’ forest and not think anything suspicious? By the way, nice scarf, jaggo; did your momma make it?’”

Anthony scowled. “Hey, you scarecrow! If you’re so good at surviving in the wild, why did you decide to be a pile of hay in the forest in the first place? Isn’t that, you know, bad camouflage?”

The girl stuttered, her gangly arms shaking momentarily.

“Ah, uh, well, I wasn’t really expecting anyone to be out right now…wait, why do I gotta tell you two anythin’? Jagg-offs.”

She sniffed defensively, water dripping off the straws that made up the hood. She likes to talk, Anthony noted, she doesn’t want to leak out any information but I don’t think she can hold it in…

“Besides,” she blurted, “ if I really didn’t want to be found, you wouldn’t have seen me. The hay get-up was a lure, yea, you know? A lure. Robbers use it all the time to catch unsuspecting travelers like you jaggin’ fools.”

Anthony laughed. “Now you’re just making stuff up.”

“Am not! I’m serious! And it totally worked, and now you’re going to pay for it. I’m robbing you. And I’m going to break your arms.”

Anthony stood up, grinning, and looked her straight in the eye. “I’m gonna bet something here. I’m gonna bet that you’ve never robbed anyone before and this is your first time trying to.”

The girl took a step back. “I…shut up! I’ll get you for that!”

“No you won’t,” Philip said. He aimed the pistol at her and held his breath. Why isn’t she moving? Why is she just glaring at me? Is she laughing? She’s laughing!

“The safety is on, jaggo. I can see it from here.”

“Oh.” Philip blushed. “Okay.”

He didn’t move.

She sighed. “It’s on the side of the gun, right there.”

“Ah.”

He clicked the safety off, inadvertently turning the barrel away from her.

Quicker than the two could follow, the girl dropped to the ground, became a pile of straw, and shot the staff out like a striking snake. It hit Philip squarely on the wrist, and he reflexively fired a round off into the sky, a resounding thunderbolt that echoed among the trees. The girl used the staff to flip the pistol towards her and simultaneously smacked Anthony on the head while kicking Philip solidly in the stomach.

“You IDIOTS. Were you really going to shoot me?” she berated Philip, who cowered under both her verbal and physical onslaught. “You point a gun at someone, you’d better be willing to pull the trigger—bluffing doesn’t play in these parts. And way to sound off! Vicks and Ryker forty-fours make a distinct noise when they pop. Every ranger within a mile is going to recognize it, rain or no rain.”

“Lecture much? We’ve dealt with rangers before,” Anthony was still scowling, upset that she had gotten two clean hits on him and he hadn’t been able to move.

“Oh yea? By sitting on your muddy butt and hoping your farts scare them away?”

She was rummaging through Philip’s pack, having already boosted his recently boosted weapons.

“Look sister, we can get along just fine. I can—”

He stopped himself when he saw Philip shaking his head frantically at him.

She moved closer, suspicious. “You can what?”

“Nothing, I can— nothing. I can make a fire,” his voice cracked.

She squinted at him, her thin face inches from his. Her eyes are piercing, Anthony noticed. Gold, like a hawk’s.

Her nose was extremely pointy, and she had an enormous amount of freckles. Her hair was trimmed close to her head. She kind of looks like a bird.

“You guys don’t have anything! What the hell is this?”

She overturned Philip’s bag, dropping two bruised apples, a dried onion, a map, and some books into the mud. “You don’t even have any money. What were you going to do when you got to the next town, as far away as it is? And what are you going to eat tomorrow? That stupid scarf? These things?”

She glared disapprovingly at them as she held up the soaked Introduction to Mechanical Engineering and a muddy copy of Tales and Myths of the Old World. “Do you even know anything useful? Do you know the name of the next town on this trail?”

Anthony shrugged and turned to Philip, who stared at the mud sheepishly. “I-I don’t recall the name, but it’s on the map…we’ve got quite a few towns to go through, the journey will take a few days, I can’t be expected to remember them all…”’

The girl sighed. “This is so unendurably pitiful I think I might just leave. This is worse than when I adopted that jaggo kitten. You guys are worse than a jaggo kitten.”

She threw the pack back at Philip. “Good luck with your lives, idiots. And by the way, the next town is Lanaya. Don’t die. Not that I would care.” And with that, she leapt up into the trees and disappeared.

Philip brushed himself off with an insulted air. “I knew it was called Lanaya.”

Anthony gazed up at the trees where she had gone. “How did she jump that high with all that hay on?”

“It’s not like it’s heavy or anything, I imagine…” Philip sighed, “she was kind of cute, wasn’t she?”

Anthony’s eye twitched. “Why do you care? She just tried to rob us, beat the crap out of you, and she called my scarf stupid. Unforgivable.”

“Beat the crap out of me? She also beat the crap out of you, or did you forget that already?”

“Who beat the crap out of you?” a gruff voice asked, as four rangers materialized out of the rain. Their maroon cloaks were muddy and soaked, which somewhat ruined their otherwise dramatic entrance.

“Yup this is them,” one of them said, “These are the guys who attacked East First Patrol. They tried to get me, but I got away.”

He grinned at Anthony with a mouth of missing teeth.