The Wanted Alpha

Ethan

9 months later

In the last rays of the late September sun, the light caught the red hues of the autumnal forests outside the pack house as I returned home after a full day of training. It was what I focused on each day. I trained myself and my pack, I performed my duties till I felt my eyes droop, then I went to sleep.

I used to love this time of year, seeing the mix of reds in the tree line…now, I can barely look at it. The vivid colour only reminded me of one thing, April. But everything reminded me of her. She occupied my thoughts virtually every minute of every day.

Jude and Carrick watched me like a hawk for months, expecting me to fall back into old habits. But I refused. I made a promise to her and I would honour that no matter what…no matter how hard it was.

Ezra was all but silent in my mind these days. His instincts were as sharp as ever, but he never voiced his thoughts anymore. He simply curled in a ball in mind, pining for his lost mate, not too dissimilar from myself.

It had almost been a full year since I first met her. I had wasted those precious first two months being a foolish coward…the guilt sliced at my skin like a whip, cutting deeper each time I thought of it. And like a soothing balm, her words would sound in my mind…

“Don’t lose yourself”

Everything I felt seemed to melt away at those words…but as ever, the reality slipped back in that she was gone every morning I woke up to an empty, cold bed.

I will myself to get up.

I make myself stand.

I remind myself to breathe.

I force myself to shower, to brush my teeth.

I pull my clothes on with heavy limbs, the fabric feeling like glass against my skin.

I choke the tasteless food down my throat.

This was my routine every day, keeping to the promise I made to her.

I keep my head and push the demons aside.

As much as I want to fall apart, I don’t. As much as I want to drink till I can’t remember what reality I’m in, I don’t.

Every time the demons started to claw at my insides, her voice rang in my ears like the most beautiful sound to exist…

“Don’t lose yourself”

Every time I hear it, it’s as though her lips are just at my cheek. Her scent suddenly encompasses me and I feel a warmth spread through my chest that only ever came with her touch. Each time it happens, I can’t help the small smile on my lips, feeling as though she’s still here with me.

Telling Lillian and Nina…that had almost broken me all over again. It felt like I was phoning April’s parents to tell them I had killed their child. They had thought they’d lost her, to then be told she was safe and well and visiting them as soon as possible, to then be told she was gone forever. I had offered to cover their travel to come to the pack if they wanted, to pay their final respects…but they never took me up on it. Whether they were too distraught to look at me or face the place where she had passed, I wasn’t sure.

As for Kevin…he had been transferred out of the pack to a high security psychiatric facility, fully independent of any pack that was specifically for werewolves. It had been a request of his parents and after I had approved it, they had moved to be close to him. He would never be able to return to the pack, he held no more details of our affairs or dealings but the damage he’d caused was irrevocable. He would only ever be released on my say so and a close eye would be kept on both his and his family’s whereabouts at all times.

Even though our packs were hundreds of miles apart, Hunter and I had become incredibly close friends. Our bond had been forged over the shared pain of losing a mate. His pack was still a little unstable, he still had no permanent Beta or Gamma. The temporary wolves he had filled within those positions just weren’t cut out to continue permanently. His father’s Beta and the Beta’s son had fought alongside Nicholas and had been killed. Hunter’s Gamma had stood beside him in the battle, but like others, he had lost his life in the fight. He had also changed the name of the pack as one of his first acts, to White Leaf Moon, in honour of April. And true to his words, he had released all of her pack’s assets to me. I had used them to help settle the new members from her old pack into White Tree, making sure they had everything they needed for a comfortable life without wanting for anything. A few had chosen to remain behind, accepting Hunter as their Alpha. He had shielded them from his father’s oppressive rule for years, so they had felt a deep loyalty to the man. There was only one thing I could think of to help him out and repay the debt I owed…find his mate, Taylor.

“Did you get my email?” I asked Hunter over the phone.

“Yeah, it’s just come through now. Thank you so much for this Ethan…I can’t even tell you how much it means” he replied, sounding happier than I had ever heard.

The same program that I had used to track April down, I used to track Hunter’s mate. Unfortunately, Taylor’s description of hazel eyes and dark blond hair was somewhat generic and there wasn’t a single account or cell phone registered in their name for the past five years. It had taken a lot of sifting through potential stills of CCTV footage to find them. It was a location from just under two weeks ago and there was a pack nearby, so maybe they’d be of some help to Hunter.

“It’s no problem, man. I’ll keep a tab on any movements I find and give you updates. I really hope you can convince them to come back” I said earnestly.

Their bond may have been broken but with any luck, it could be remade.

“I can only try…after what I said to Taylor, I don’t even know if I’ll get a chance to explain…” he trailed off.

I understood his fears. I remembered them as my own a year ago, but if he didn’t give it a go he’d spend the rest of his life wondering.

After a few more words I hung up, leaning back in my seat with a sigh. I wish I had gotten the name of the rogue that had helped April, but she had been interrupted before she gave me it and the battle had taken precedence. And a description of a huge werewolf wasn’t exactly narrowing the field down. I could only hope that wherever the wolf was, he knew that his efforts were worthwhile. Maybe one day, fate would cross our paths and I could tell him for April. The thought caused yet another painful twist to my heart that a stranger had protected her better than I had…I looked out of the window with a sigh, there was usually only one place I went when I felt like this…

I stopped by the pond by the pack house regularly. Where I had spread her ashes. I had only ever brought her here the once, but she loved it all the same. I just wished I could have brought her in summer, when the flowers were out in bloom…like in the dream we had shared.

———-

9 months later

18 months, that was how long it had been without her…and I had felt every second of her absence.

The full moon of the Summer Solstice shone high above in the clear night sky. Not only was it a full moon, I could also feel how close it was with the sensation our wolf spirits had at feeling that little bit stronger twice a day. A full moon on a solstice was always a time to celebrate. A party was in full swing at the pack house, not that I cared much for gatherings anymore.

Even though I sought out solitude, the loneliness I felt was almost crippling. There was only one person’s warmth, one person’s presence that I wanted. But it was one thing I would never have again.

“Don’t lose yourself”

Had that request come from anyone else, it would have been broken long ago…but it had come from her and was the only thing of hers I could cling to anymore. Her scent had faded and all but disappeared, though it was never gone completely from my memory. The touch of her lips and the softness of her skin that were once so ingrained in my mind, that if I closed my eyes I could almost feel it.

But for the last few weeks it just felt as though she was slipping from me, that voice I would hear that called me away from my demons pulling me into their clutches, seemed quieter, barely a whisper…but I still clung to it.

Sat by the lily pond, with its surface in full bloom and the moon high above, there was a quiet tranquillity tonight. I had never gotten to bring April here to see this place at its best, but she had loved its blanket of snow…this was where I told her I loved her…she had loved me.

I still loved her. I couldn’t ever envision a day where I wouldn’t.

That scar in my soul twisted painfully. I could feel it growing, wanting to split me in two. Each day that passed threatening to overwhelm me with grief, her words would float into my mind as though she was stood by my side still…the only thing keeping some form of my sanity in check and it was all fading, no matter how much I grasped onto it…to keep it, it was fading.

…She was fading…

This place seemed to be increasingly calling me lately.

The more she seemed to fade, the more this pond felt like the place I should be. And tonight was no exception.

There was only one time I felt like this…the day April approached my territory, that feeling of restlessness had been growing since I sat on the bank by the water.

‘She’s coming…’ Ezra’s voice rang out in my mind for the first time in months, standing rigidly.

My heart began to feel warmth for the first time since it was broken in two as my eyes trained on the water’s surface. The scent of a warm meadow exploded in my senses as the water’s surface broke, violently, as a feminine figure with a mass of red hair flowing behind it.

‘MATE!’ my wolf howled so loudly, it almost deafened me.

I stood, stupefied, not believing what I was seeing…this wasn’t possible…this was a hallucination…my sanity had actually broken…

My daze lasted all but a split second, as I leapt into the water, wading desperately to the red headed figure.

As soon as my fingertips grasped her skin, the tingles from the mate bond exploded throughout me with so much vigour it almost knocked the breath from my body. Holding her to my chest, my hand slipped around her jaw bringing her face to meet mine.

Those glacial eyes that I thought I would never see again stared back at me in bewilderment, as if not knowing who I was, who she was, where she was. As she looked into my eyes, her own softened. That beautiful smile that I wanted to see every second of every day, spread on her equally beautiful lips.

“I know you…” she whispered, as her delicate hand came up to trace my jaw.

My vision blurred as I struggled with the marvel before me.

“…April?” my voice croaked out as it started to fail, overwhelmed by the mate bond that had burst back into existence…a bond that I never thought I’d feel ever again.

“Ethan…that was your name?”

I nodded, feeling myself come undone as the tears flowed freely down my face. Not out of abject despair, but sheer euphoria.

…If this was a dream, or my imagination…I don’t think I could take reality ever again.

I nuzzled my face against hers, needing to feel every part of her to make sure she was real.

“I’ve missed you so much” I breathed out between my gasps for air, feeling so entirely overwhelmed.

I don’t know what miracle this was, how any of this was possible…but I didn’t care…this was my April, my sweet.

“I went away…? Where did I go?” she asked quietly, her voice sending shivers down my spine that I welcomed with open arms.

“I don’t know” I sniffled, tears still flowing down my face “but you came back to me…that’s all I care about.”