The Villainess Won't Die

AS EXPECTED, NO ONE CAME IN. I thought someone would come, once I screamed when I woke up here, but I was wrong. Although it's not a surprise, because there were just a handful amount of people on my side. Valerian, of course, is who cares the most for me. After him, there's Asher and Sir Thorin Meelany, my disciple-brother and my swordsmanship master, respectively. Then it comes Katherine, my nanny and personal maid, who takes care of me as if she was my mother. Lastly, the head-butler Leon and the kitchen's head-chef, Yoostaf.

Oh, there's also my naive father, Grand Duke Gilbert, though he's a complicated matter. He does care for me, but not as much as he does for my siblings, besides, he's always manipulated by my mother, Grand Duchess Cleo, because she keeps using his love for her to let her do anything she wants to. And even knowing that I'm not his favorite neither close to that, just the fact that he loved me at least a little bit was always enough for me.

Stupid, isn't it? But he was always my model and inspiration, the strongest warrior of the Caspien Empire, best at fighting with both martial arts and magic. Which's one of the reasons why I was satisfied with that amount of affection, seeing that I had lost my magic and couldn't make him proud because of that.

Having my magic stolen from me destroyed my life in ways I can't even start to explain. I was just about to turn five years old when it happened, but no one spared me for that. Being the second born and oldest daughter of the Great Grand Duke of the Royal House Nicholai, made everybody have big expectations when it came to me, especially when I was born identical to my father.

The high society as a whole is cruel. And the peasants are just as cruel. It didn't matter if I was one of the Royal Princesses of the Empire, the moment they knew about my magicless condition, everybody felt superior to me. Especially when I was the first and only kid to have this condition, it made me their favorite target.

Of course, they never spoke ill of me when my father was around because that would be the same as asking to be executed, but that was the only exception. Even when Val was with me they didn't hold their tongues. Though they were particularly hostile to me when my mother, my twin or Octavian were on the surroundings.

They knew none of them would ever try to defend me. Worst, they would gladly agree with them and even bad-mouth me together. Although I didn't knew Dalilah used to do that too before, I know better now. She can be worst than my mother. And believe me, that's a big feat!

Mother is a good liar and very manipulative. She used to make me feel bad for not having magic, and always justified how she mistreated me by saying that I brought that to myself for being born like this. It can be said that Dalilah and my older brother both took their bad personality after her, while I and Val got it from our father.

Speaking of my father, thanks to all of his duties, he was rarely present, once he had to take care of the Imperial army, of the Grand Duchy, and also be the Emperor's right hand. Meaning that he obviously couldn't spend so much time at home. However, when he came, he would always spare a little time to be around me, even if just for an hour, more or half of it. Just me and he, and I used to be anxious for those moments.

Being with my dad was one of my favorite things in the world. We would play with swords, go on the woods horse riding or read a book together when we had more time to spend, and he would also give me some tips on martial arts. Although, regardless of our good moments, if any of my siblings or my mother showed up, he would forget about me and go with them.

It was hard to hide my feelings back then, especially when I was very little, but time made me an expert on doing that. Nevertheless, I was still hurt when I heard the Knights, the maids, or anyone else, talking about how my dad threw me aside and didn't love me as he loved all of my siblings. Still, there was nothing I could do about that.

And my mother knew how to take advantage of my dad not spending much time with me. Of course, she knew.

Every time he wasn't around and she got pissed by something or someone, - which used to happen constantly, thanks to her horrible temper - it didn't matter what I was doing, she would order me to stop and take me to the secret dungeon under the Grand Duchy or the one under our manor in the Imperial Capital, one that not even my dad knew about, then she would make me take off my clothes and beat me with a thick leash until her temper cooled down.

You must be questioning yourself about the reason why I never told anyone about what exactly happened inside that place, where my mom would lock just the both of us until she was satisfied. It's quite simple. She always used a strong incantation after she was finished, which made it impossible for me to ever talk about that and could only be broken if she died.

She probably got that incantation with uncle Conan Ludwick, her younger brother, back in the Ludwick Kingdom, her homeland. Taking into consideration that he's well-known for being the Prince of potions and incantations there. And well, every time I saw him he used to treat me like shit, also disgusted by my condition, carrying the same pride as anyone on my mom's family, something very characteristic from every Royal and Imperial family within the Padaman sphere. That's why I wouldn't be surprised if he was behind it.

Everybody, but my father, suspected that she used to do something bad to me, but they never had any proof, and I couldn't say anything, so it became a secret in our family. The incantation also enables people to see the scars on my body, and I can't escape from her when she asks for me to follow her there either. She probably prepared this very thoroughly.

So, yeah, my mother is one of the people I killed back in the first timeline, which's death I don't regret at all. Though I regret killing my father and Val. And Asher, who ended up dying that night too.

I never knew the reason why my sister wanted our mom dead because she has always been one of the people who know her evil actions and agreed with it and also encouraged her. But it doesn't matter anymore, anyways.

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Another bad habit of my mother is bothering Kate, my nanny. She always gives her a hard time, humiliating her just because she doesn't have a good background. Moreover, I think she does that because she can't stand the fact that Kate loves me in a way she will never be able to, seeing how just catching a glimpse of my face repulses her.

Sometimes I asked myself if she was also annoyed to look at my father because I resemble him more than anything in the world. And that might piss her even more because neither Dalilah nor Octavian took after him. Dalilah only took his hair color, because her eyes are like a dark yellow, far from a shining gold; and my older brother's identical to our mom.

And her obsession with messing with Kate might be the reason why she didn't barge into my chambers yet.

I looked over the fancy small table on the side of my bed, where there was a golden bell resting in it, which is often used to call for maids or anyone passing outside the room. Sighing, I looked away and got up again, and stared at myself in the mirror.

"Such a... innocent appearance," I mumbled to myself while pinching my cheeks.

Then I took my nightgown off and turned to see my back in the mirror. There were countless whip scars, many of them over older ones. Not a surprise, because mom started doing that to me when I was around 5 years old. And once she always target my back, it became the ugliest part of my body.

Biting my bottom lip, I kept glaring at it, "Now, this, isn't innocent-looking." I felt my eyes burn and wiped the tears before they fell, then I got back to staring at my scar-less face. "Let's not suffer that much this time, okay, Natasha?" And nodded to me.

"And don't you dare cry over any of those motherfuckers," I pinched my cheeks again, "Remember, a Princess doesn't cry! You are stronger than your nightmares and ghosts, girl. The invisible crown in your head may be heavy, but only you can carry the weight."

Heading towards the bath chambers, I took my time and enjoyed myself.

After all, it has been ages since I took a real bath and longer than that with clean water. I missed the feeling of not being covered in dirty and in my blood. Just as much as I missed eating food.

Speaking of food, my stomach growled loudly, "For Mikla's sake, I've never been so hungry in my whole existence!" I got out of the bathtub and covered my body with a magically warm towel. Those are very useful back in the north, where is always freezing. Even though I love cold.

When I entered my dressing room, the clothes I saw inside it made me sick out of my mind. I had never liked any of those, but my mother was the one who chose them and so I pretended to love it, afraid that if I said otherwise she would take me to her torture chamber.

I'm not even going to start with the decoration of my childhood room... A light pink that made it all look like a fucking extension of my damn hair. It's just too much information. Of course, it was also my mother's choice. While Dalilah's room has a lilac and gold decoration.

With lilac and gold being the colors of the House Nicholai, that alone means a lot.

Annoyed, I chose the least bad pair of clothes and got ready, using the warm towel to dry my hair, then braid it in a more delicate way than I'm used to. Trying to look younger than my soul actually is. Which's going to be quite the hard task, once my tastes aren't that of a thirteen-year-old teenager anymore.

Now that I'm back, I can't keep using those horrendous clothes just to please my mother. I don't want to please her at all. Even if this makes her torture me again, I don't give a damn, I've been through the worst, so it won't make much difference. I need to take advantage of my dad's presence and ask him to let me change all the decorations, buy new clothes, and giveaway those I have to the poor girls that need them.

Thankfully, this won't be difficult, because if we are in our manor at the Imperial Capital, it means that our father will be a little more present than normal. Which will be good for me.

But right now, I need to eat something and to see Valerian!