SWNOVELS Chapter 202
He had indeed lost weight.
He seemed even thinner than the last time she'd seen him.
"Oh," she muttered before lifting her cup of coffee and taking a sip.
"I thought I'd die during my time abroad," Melvin said with a casualness that belied the gravity of such a statement.
Jocelyn's heart skipped a beat, but she didn't take the bait. She knew agreeing to have lunch with him had been a mistake.
If it hadn't been for Quinta, she wouldn't have sat across from him at this table.
The awkwardness was almost suffocating.
Melvin watched her squirm and knew she was uncomfortable.
It was the same person sitting there, yet her demeanor towards him had totally shifted.
He had longed to openly be in her presence, to force a situation where she couldn't refuse to see him.
The call last night from Quinta's doctor had been his golden ticket. It was unethical to think in this way, but he was grateful for the chance.
Knowing she was back in town to visit Quinta, he had driven over without a second thought.
Layla had advised him not to meet Jocelyn again, yet he understood the paradox all too well. The less they saw each other, the more he yearned to be near her.
It was like nicotine addiction-without that one drag, restlessness would take over, leaving him on edge.
Melvin cracked a smile. "Thankfully I'm still alive."
Jocelyn was at a loss for words.
She didn't know what he had gone through those months, why he hadn't even called once.
But really, what was the point in rehashing it all? It wouldn't change the outcome.
"Jocelyn," Melvin called her name, a simple invocation that drew her gaze to him.
"Do you really not want me anymore?" His eyes never left her.
Jocelyn's heartbeat accelerated to an alarming pace, almost making her feel breathless. Thankfully, the waitress arrived in time to bring their food, giving Jocelyn a reprieve.
The table filled with dishes, but her appetite had vanished.
Melvin hadn't touched his food either, waiting on her response.
"Let's eat," Jocelyn said, picking up her fork to dodge the question.
She ate hurriedly, as if she was really hungry. Only she knew it was a feigned starvation to avoid conversation.
Melvin began to eat as well, but at a pace so slow it seemed deliberate as if by doing so, he could extend their time together.
After a few bites, Jocelyn put down her fork. But Melvin appeared to have just begun, savoring each bite.
It was customary to wait for your guest to finish before settling the bill.
Melvin had ordered four hearty dishes. After Jocelyn's few bites, much still remained.
He ate with the intention to clear the plates.
Jocelyn couldn't help but check the time, every second with him was torture.
Melvin pretended not to notice her eagerness to leave, acting as if he was relishing a feast of delicacies.
Eventually, they were the last table left.
No wine was drunk, yet the meal had stretched over three hours.
Jocelyn had sat through those three hours without a bite.
When the last morsel was finally picked up, she let out a silent sigh of relief.
Jocelyn signaled for the cheque, only to learn that Melvin had already paid.
Had he settled the bill during his trip to the restroom?
"This meal was on behalf of my cousin," Jocelyn fished out her wallet, "I'll have to reimburse her. How much do I owe you?"
"Do we really need to split it that clearly?" Melvin's disappointment was palpable.
"It should be as it must be," she insisted.
"When she's feeling better, she can treat me," Melvin replied, "I ate most of it, so it's only right that I pay."
Jocelyn dropped the subject at that.
She gathered her things. "Are you heading back or?"
"I'm staying here tonight," Melvin revealed.
"Then get some rest," Jocelyn said without lingering a moment longer, quickly walking out of the restaurant.
Melvin caught up and grabbed her wrist. "Is being with me that unbearable?"
Jocelyn looked down at his hand, her emotions surging beyond control.
She tried to break free, but he held on tighter.
His eyes were bloodshot, betraying his fatigue and restrained passion.
"Let go of me!" Jocelyn's voice was edged with anger.
"I won't!" Melvin's response came through clenched teeth.
They were at an impasse, each fueled by fury-one trying to escape, the other refusing to let go.
Jocelyn's wrist was reddening, but Melvin seemed oblivious.
He couldn't contain the turmoil inside him any longer. He wouldn't let her go. He wanted her close, like before, when she would nestle into his embrace. "You're hurting me!" Jocelyn frowned in pain.
"Does it hurt as much as here?" Melvin touched his chest, his voice hoarse with emotion, "Not a second goes by that I don't think of you. Have you ever thought of me?" Jocelyn bit her lip, her eyes misting over.
The streets were nearly deserted, a stark contrast to the bustling cities where the night was still young.
In the quiet of the small town, even a loud conversation felt intrusive.
She tried to stay calm. "Why are you doing this?"
"I just want you!" Melvin's breath was heavy, his gaze unwavering.
"You want my body? To play with for a lifetime?" Jocelyn's laugh lacked humor. "Did Dr. Layla tell you that this isn't love, just possessiveness gone awry?" Melvin took a deep breath. "I'm begging you."
Jocelyn was stunned.
Suddenly, Melvin pulled her into a tight embrace, his arms encircling her and holding her close. He whispered again in her ear, "Please, don't leave me..."
Jocelyn closed her eyes briefly. She didn't push him away or yell. She simply said softly, "Melvin, this really makes no sense. Even if we got back together, it wouldn't change the fact that we broke up."
"I won't break up with you," Melvin said through gritted teeth, "For a lifetime, I'll be yours."
Jocelyn inhaled deeply, her chest aching.
"I'm tired," Jocelyn's voice carried a hint of resignation, a testament to the truth that even the deepest love couldn't withstand endless disappointments.
Up to this very moment, Melvin still hadn't been totally honest with her.
Yes, he was sick.
And the reason?
Was the root cause of his ailment ever addressed?
No.
She didn't even know why he had such a fear of commitment.
Was she expected to play this game with him for a lifetime?
Jocelyn was no saint. She didn't want to end up at forty, desperately pairing up with just anyone to keep from being lonely in her twilight years.
While she was still young, she wanted someone who could offer her a sense of security.
She didn't believe that he was her only shot at love for the rest of her life.
"Can we start over?" Melvin's voice broke as he whispered close to her ear, "I can't live without you."
If this had been in the past, Jocelyn would've been moved to tears by such words, but now, she felt more sober than touched.
"Melvin, you're still in treatment. Don't you have any idea what situation you're in?" Jocelyn allowed him to hold her, "Don't cling to me. With your conditions, you could easily find someone more understanding than me to stand by your side. To be blunt, there are plenty of girls who'd want to be your girlfriend. Even if you're not into romance, that would still suit you just fine."
Hearing her words, Melvin felt an acute pain in his heart.
In her eyes, he was just someone who wanted to sleep with her.
"You know I'm sick and still, you want to leave me. Are you this cruel?" Melvin asked in a hoarse voice.
Jocelyn's heart clenched. His words had hit her hard.
Feeling her body stiffen, Melvin realized his words had touched a nerve of compassion within her.
He held her even tighter.
"Do you really not understand my heart? It's only you here," Melvin pressed her hand against his chest, "Four years, I'm not heartless, and it's not just your body I desire. As you said, with my options, I could have any woman. Why would I be fixated on only you?"
He rested his chin on her shoulder, like a homeless child clutching at a lifeline, unwilling to let go.
Jocelyn could tell there was some truth in his words, but even if they were completely true, she didn't want to be entangled with him anymore.
"I know," Jocelyn took a deep breath, feeling a twinge of pain in her heart, "But being with you, I won't be happy anymore."