The Unwanted Wolf

It was just Mark and me in the room with the incessant beeping. Before the beeping was reassuring, letting me know Mark was still alive. Now with everyone gone, it was the most prevalent noise. Beep. Beep. Beep. Mark was still asleep. I felt a deep longing for him. The beeping was just a constant reminder he still wasn’t awake.

I moved to Mark’s bedside and sat on the bed with him. My fingers brushed his cheek, and his skin was cool. It wasn’t as cold as it was when we were outside, but it was still too cold. It wasn’t the warmth I had fallen asleep to many nights ago. It had been much too long since I had been surrounded by Mark’s warmth, and my body ached for that feeling again.

I stroked his hair back out of his sunken eyes. He still had a bruise above his cheekbone and a split l*p. Those wounds should be healed by now. If Mark hadn’t come after me, he would have been fine. If I hadn’t willingly gone with Theron, maybe we would have been able to fight him off with more wolves around.

I pressed my lips against Mark’s forehead and felt a small spark prickle my lips. I touched my lips with my fingers and still felt a small tingle. My eyes lowered to Mark’s neck, and I felt my mouth start to water. I imagined what it would be like to mark him, to feel his skin against mine. My body started feeling heated.

I pulled back and swallowed hard. Marking him would help him heal faster. I would be able to see him again soon and surround myself with his warmth again. But I didn’t want to do it like this. I wanted to tell Mark how sorry I was for everything I put him through. I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be with him and that it shouldn’t have taken so long for me to realize all of this.

I took a deep breath. I would just have to be patient. Mark waited for me, so now it was my turn to wait for him. He would wake soon enough. At least I hoped it would be sooner rather than later.

“Are you going to do it?”

The voice startled me, and when I turned around, I saw Jori standing in the doorway. I hadn’t heard him come in.

I got off the bed with Mark. “Do what?”

Jori scoffed and looked to the side. “Mark him. Claim him as yours.”

My throat suddenly tightened, and I felt like I had done something wrong. “I… I’m not going to mark him, yet. Why would you ask that?”

“I know everything going on in my pack house. I know if you claim him as your mate, it’ll help him heal.” Jori shut the door and leaned against the wall. He still wasn’t looking at me.

“I know, but I’m not going to do it.” I moved away from Mark’s bed, somehow feeling like I was betraying Jori by being so close to another man.

“Yet.” Jori threw my word back at me. “But you plan to.” This wasn’t a question.

I didn’t respond right away. I looked down at the ground. I wasn’t ready for this conversation, but I felt it coming.

“You’re picking him over me.” Jori took a step towards me, and there was a slight growl in his voice.

My body tensed as Jori took another step closer. My breath grew shallow and my eyes finally met his. His eyes were darker, just like in the field. His unspoken words were just bubbling beneath the surface.

“I saw it in your eyes when you saw Mark on that field. The pure desperation to save his life, the devastation that came out of you when you thought he died.” Jori looked me up and down. “I wonder if you would have looked at me if I had been the one at death’s door.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if the roles were reversed how I would act. I would care if Jori died. I think a part of me would break with him. But I didn’t know if I would be devastated.

“Say something,” Jori said. He took another step forward.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Tell me I’m wrong,” Jori pleaded. He was now directly in front of me, looking down at me. “Tell me I’m the one you want, and you just didn’t want Mark to die because you didn’t want to feel responsible for his death.”

I licked my lips, trying to bring moisture back to my mouth. I wasn’t ready to have this conversation. I wanted Mark to wake up first. Or maybe I wanted to avoid rejecting someone after being rejected so many times. I knew what it was to be unwanted, and I was terrified of the idea of making another person feel that way.

“Adira.” Jori’s eyes softened for a moment, and then a hunger burned in them. They brightened and his l*p twitched. He grabbed my arms and pulled him close to me. “Don’t just stand there saying something. I deserve better than for you to ignore me.”

My tears started welling up. “You’re hurting me.”

Jori’s grip got tighter. “Tell me the truth.”

“It’s not that easy!” I tried to push Jori away, but he wouldn’t let go of me.

“Just tell me you don’t want me. Tell me the truth.” Jori shook me.

I could feel the bruises on my arms, and the tears started streaming down my face. “You’re hurting me.”

“Just answer me!” Jori snapped and his eyes went almost black.

“No!” I snapped. “If this is how you are going to treat me, why would I want to be with you?”

Jori pulled back, dropping his arms to his side. “When your mate wakes up, I want all of you out of this pack house.”

“Jori-” I reached for him, but he stormed out of the room.

The pressure in my chest grew, and the next thing I knew, I was doubled over, dry heaving. That conversation was much worse than I had even imagined, and I was having a hard time calming down. I pressed my hands into my knees and tried to take deep breaths, but it felt like my nervous system was on fire. Is this what it felt like to be rejected by your mate?

I had heard rumors about what it felt like to be rejected by a mate. People said being rejected was the worst pain a werewolf could feel. Some wolves suffered severe depression or even died from the rejection. I hadn’t known any personally, since the pack I had grown up in was so small. Maybe it was better this way. Jori rejected me, putting me in pain and not him. He made the decision, which likely saved him some suffering. I was the one who deserved to suffer.

After a few moments, my breath normalized, and I was able to stand up straight. My chest ached still, and I wasn’t sure if it was from all of the dry heaving or if it was because part of my soul was breaking.

“Are you there, Moon?” I waited for her to respond, but my head was silent. I hoped she was okay, but I wasn’t sure how rejection of a soulmate affected a familiar. I needed to know so much more about my unknown nature. I needed to go see Claire’s friend.

I looked back at Mark and his stillness. My body moved to him before I could even think about it. I sat on the bed and touched his hand. I tried to warm his cool skin with my hands, but it was difficult when my own hands were shaking.

My eyes started feeling heavy, and my body was exhausted. I hadn’t rested since the fight. I pulled my legs onto the bed and lay down next to Mark. I made myself as small as possible and did my best not to touch him. He was still healing, and I was afraid to bump his injuries and delay any healing. I couldn’t bring myself to leave though.

My body quickly succumbed to sleep, and that was the first time I hadn’t dreamed in weeks. It was dark and quiet. The calm was almost peaceful, but something felt off about it. I had become used to Moon and Shadow visiting in my dreams.

When I woke up, my body felt heavy. The silence from the night left me feeling unrested, which didn’t make sense to me. It was uninterrupted sleep, so I should feel better than before. I sat up, a little disoriented. The beeping from the machine hooked up to Mark brought me back to the moment. I looked over at the body next to me.

Mark had a little more color to his skin now compared to before. I pushed myself up, so I could get a better look at him. I reached my hand up and stroked his cheek. His cheek was pink, almost like a blush. Touching his skin warmed something inside of me, bringing back some of the energy that seemed to be missing.

“Mark, please wake up.” My voice was no more than a whisper. “I will wait as long as you need me to, but please don’t make me wait too long, okay?”

Mark reached up and grabbed my hand on his cheek. He curled his fingers around mine and squeezed. My heart was racing as I stared at his fingers. Slowly, my eyes moved from his hand to his face. His piercing blue eyes met mine, leaving me breathless once again.

“You don’t have to wait any longer, Adira.”