The Unthinkable

'Lilie? Lils is that you?'

I emerge from the darkness finding a person I find so similar but I cannot identify them at all. They keep saying my name over and over, leaving me in confusion. How do they know me? How do I know them?

Blurs. More Blurs.

Their image fades and their voice muffles. I clutch my head in pain as it gets louder and louder. Somehow this all seemed so familiar but I've never had a nightmare like this before. It was all so strange but...not. It almost felt like deja vu.

The image changes and in front of me is...me.

I am standing in front of a small child who is kneeling by my feet. I heard pleading and screaming from a figure behind me but I can't see who they are exactly, however I know that its a girl with a voice I have heard before. The small child sheds a tear and then I watch as I pull out a knife a slam it into the child with extreme power and aggression.

I don't scream as the child falls limp. I just watch as blood flies everywhere and the girl rushes towards it clutching, whatever is left, in her arms. Inside my heart sinks with the guilt I now carry and as much as I want to scream and look away, I can't. All I see is the bloodied mess being cradled in the girls' arms as she shakes it, hopelessly trying to find life. All I see is myself standing over the two figures as if nothing ever happened. My face is emotionless and my eyes are so cold.

It is weird watching myself from the third person and not being able to speak, move or look away. I am just locked in one position as I watch the scene in front of me. This can't be me, can it?

It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. That isn't me.

I keep chanting it through my thoughts hoping it will help get rid of the guilt that is pulling me into this fictional scene. I try and rush forward or grab the knife out of my hand but nothing is working.

It's not real.

The monstrous version of me grips the knife tighter raising it over her head and flexing her muscles whilst the mourning girl raises her head with teary eyes and looks up at the killer before her. The bloodied child still sits on her lap and its eyes stay open to stare into mine, leaving its mark of revenge. I know what's going to happen so I try once more to move any of my limbs just to stop the screaming and the death. Once again I fail.

It's not real.

Everything starts to move slower as the knife lowers itself getting closer and closer to the girl. She stares it down pleading and begging for me to stop. Whispering muffled words. But it hardly fazes me. I go to scream at myself. I try to scream at the killer to stop.

It's not real.

The knife breaks the flesh. The body bleeds out. The screams ring and echo, but not mine. And this time I actually understand the words.

'ANNA! LEON! NO! LILIE YOU MONSTER! I TRUSTED YOU!'

That is me.

I am a monster.

And like all true monsters, I scream and roar till the image fades. I roar in pain and confusion. Or more like a realisation. I realise who I truly am. A monster. And that's all I will ever be.

Unknown POV

I can't beleive I found her. The excitement fills me as I realise how I will be rewarded greatly for finding Tanya and Auricks main target. I will finally be taken seriously and not as the weak link of the Venatores.

I drag her unconscious body back to my small camp along with the hare that she has already killed. This really is a great day.

I rest her up against a tree so I can keep an eye on her whilst I cook the hare over my small fire and whistle with the birds as they rush through the treetops.

If Tanya and Aurick weren't my group leaders and so powerful I would probably keep this girl. Her features were delicate and kind with pale skin and perfect light freckles that scatter her nose. Her hair is an interesting colour of caramel that glows golden blonde in the sunlight and is in huge wild curls that fall down her shoulder. I remember seeing her eyes but only for a split second before they closed. A bright green that I can imagine lighten up her pale face.

Not only her beauty stood out to me. She had muscle that is evident from the biceps that stick against her t-shirt. And she knew her survival skills from that spear and hare killing. No wonder the two leaders want her. She is perfect for the team. Maybe once I give her over I could earn my reward and run whilst they are busy with her. It would be the perfect distraction.

I have been wanting to leave for a while and maybe this could be the perfect time to do so. I could take a boat out of there whilst they question her in the main assembly area and I could get to the end of the river by sunset. Then I could hide in the mountains or the pine woods. That is where I was originally before-

The girl moved. She kicked out her leg mumbling words under her breath and I look up to watch her.

She kicks again. Mumbling. Her eyebrows are arched in confusion and distress.

I take the meat away from the fire placing it on the table top. Something about the girl's movements concerns me and intrigues me. She seemed so calm and peaceful. Now she's kicking furiously to escape.

The movements get more aggressive. More desperate. Her words get faster and louder but still, I don't understand them. I watch in horror at the scene before me not knowing quite what's happening or what to do. Sweat is dripping from her forehead and her hands are now in fists.

Then she screams.

'No! Anna! I'm sorry Anna! I'm so sorry!'

Wait... our prisoner Anna. The one that is apparently friends with her. I thought she was a monster. She was a killer. A threat. But by the girls pleads I can tell Anna is far from a killer or monster.

Before I know what I am doing I am sitting by the girl shaking her awake. I can't take her pleading any more. I shake her and shout at her with all of my strength.

I need to know the full story. Who is she? Why are they all said to be killers? Who is Anna really?

With one last scream, her eyes snap open revealing the bright green pools of fear. I stare back at them in awe and sympathy.

She sheds some tears and I back away to give her space. She stares straight back at me not moving an inch.

Then she asks the question I knew she would ask.

'Who are you?'

'I'm Ryo and by my guesses you are Lilie'