The Tree of Knowledge

It’s dark before we finally leave Stone Works that night.

We made love two more times. Once with me on top on the pile of mats in front of 121, riding him until I came screaming. The third time we did it standing. Well, Jace was standing, holding me up, my legs wrapped around him and my back pressed against the cold wall of the silo. And we laughed together and cuddled and ate all the leftovers.

I cry when it’s time to go.

“I don’t want to go home.” I say.

“You won’t have to much longer.” he promises. “Maybe I can save up my money and buy you from Ryan. Or Ryan will die under mysterious circumstances and you can remarry.”

“He has a brother.” I point out.

“Okay, then we’ll run away to Switzerland.”

“Switzerland?” I ask, laughing. He scoops me up and spins me around.

“We’ll wear snow shoes and climb mountains! Learn to speak German and eat chocolate and have lots and lots of sex!”

“Sounds like a plan.” I say. “When do we leave?”

“Soon.” he assures me. “I love you Kit. We’re going to be together. I promise.”

We agree to tomorrow. Same time, same place. I’ll bring food.

When I get home, I’m so sure that Ryan and Rebecca will know everything just by looking at my face. But Ryan mostly just ignores me as usual and Rebecca starts once again positing that I must be pregnant. She noticed all the extra food I’ve been taking. She wants to give me extra portions at dinner again. Me having taken a broke lover doesn’t occur to her as a possibility.

I have a secret.

And praise merciful Jesus, Ryan sleeps in Rebecca’s room.

Sometime in the middle of the night it occurs to me that when I run away to Switzerland with Jace I’m going to miss Little Bird terribly. I spend some time with her at four AM when everyone else is asleep. I’m saying goodbye.

“You be good.” I tell her. “No, screw that. Don’t be good. Be happy. Be brilliant and crazy and make mistakes. You have every right to be happy and don’t you ever let them tell you different. You be brave. Be strong. Never, ever be good.”

I fall asleep sitting in the rocking chair, holding her.

I rush to Stone Works to see Jace the next day. I want to tell him, I’ve had an idea. Forget Switzerland. We should move to Santa Fe. The climbing is awesome, with all those lovely desert cliffs. The people are amazing; it’s this brilliant little colony of artists and poets. Good food too. They make blue corn everything there. You haven’t really lived until you try the blue corn crust pizza from The Rooftop Pizzeria. Plus it’s much more conveniently located, and we won’t have to learn to speak German.

And, we can sing that song from Rent.

I sing it to myself as I petal towards Stone Works.

“Let’s open up a restaurant in Santa Fe…Sunny Santa Fe would be nice…”

Jace beats me there this time. I rush over and kiss him, but he pushes me away.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him, confused.

“Kit,” he says, “We need to talk.”

He takes me by the hand.

“Sit down.”

With a sinking feeling settling into my gut, I sit down next to him.

“About what happened yesterday, Kit, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not.” I interject. He ignores me.

“I was weak. It’s just that I love you so much. But that’s exactly why I shouldn’t have given in. I should have protected you. You were upset. You weren’t thinking clearly and I took advantage of you.”

“That’s not what I remember happening.”

“Kit, I’m so sorry I wasn’t stronger for you.”

“What is this?! What the hell are you saying?!”

There’s tears on my face, but I’m more angry then I am sad. Jace is crying too.

“I had a moment of weakness.”

“Three moments of weakness.”

“…Three moments of weakness.” he concedes. “What we did was a sin. ‘If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman-’”

“‘-and the woman.’” I finish. “I don’t care!”

“No, no Kit you have to care. I don’t want you to go to Hell because of me.

I’m going to fix this.” he says, putting his arms around me. “It’s going to be okay.”

I push him away.

“Get off of me! What’s wrong with you?!”

“Kit, it’s okay. Don’t be scared. We just need to confess our sin and ask God for His forgiveness. And then after the execution we’ll both go the Heaven. Everything is going to be alright. Just, here, please, just pray with me, okay? We need to ask God to forgive us. It will probably be better if we did it before the Judges get involved.”

“No!” I shout at him. “I won’t ask forgiveness! I’m not sorry! I don’t regret one second of it!”

I take a deep breath, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“I’m going home!” I announce. “And then, you’re going to come to your damn senses and we’ll talk about this tomorrow!”

“Oh Kit…” Jace looks at me sadly. “Kit, it’s too late for that.”

The sinking feeling moves down from my stomach to somewhere in my toes.

“What do you mean it’s too late?” I ask slowly.

“I emailed Ryan.” he says. “It took me a while to find him, but you told me what company he works for. I just kept calling different departments until I convinced a secretary to give me his email address. I told him everything.”

I back away from him, shaking my head, terror filling my brain.

“No…you…you didn’t. You unimaginable idiot you didn’t…”

I turn and run out the door.

Jace calls after me, “Kit! Come back! Kit! You have to ask for forgiveness!”