The Town of Winchester

The memories flood my brain so quickly that it causes me to begin to break down. I lean into her shoulder and uncontrollable sobs ring out. My arms wrap around her tightly, my chest thumps heavily, my eyes burn from tears, and I feel her squeeze me back. Her pressure is reassuring and makes me instantly feel safe and secure and that despite the confusion we’re faced with right now, everything is going to be okay. It’s in the moment that I remember how her touch always did that to me, always made me feel secure. Whether it was her hand touching my shoulder or an accidental brush up against me, just being in her presence had always been more than enough for me. That’s how I knew that I loved her. I glance up slowly to meet her gaze, she looks deep into my eyes, and gently brushes my tears away.

“Kay.” Gaby displays a soft smile and tilts her head slightly. “You were always so beautiful, even when you cried.”

I take a deep breath and fear the question I am about to ask, but I know that it needs to be said.

“Gaby… your parents, did they—”

“I don’t want to believe it, but I think so. I never thought they would ever be capable of something this monumental. I always thought they would love me no matter what I did, choices and mistakes I’ve made, and who I loved, but I guess I was wrong. They always told me how much they loved me, day in and day out, but when it came down to it, I guess they only showed their love for me when it was convenient for them.” The tone in Gaby’s voice isn’t sad anymore, but just honest and pure, as if she is finally relieved to get her feelings off her chest without the possibility of judgment or backlash.

Gaby never confronted nor did she ever tell her parents how she felt. I witnessed it myself one night when I was over. Gaby had tried telling her parents that she didn’t want to go to med school after we graduated, and a terrible fight filled with verbal hits always followed. I could hear Gaby’s cries underneath the sound of her parents making her feel terrible, like if she didn’t pursue medical school it would make her less of a person. She tried telling them that her heart just wasn’t in it, that photography was her passion, but they insisted that she would never amount to anything in photography and that medicine was her true path. The only way that they would pay for school would be if she did what they wanted her to do. The amount of persuasion was overwhelming, and Gaby ended up applying to numerous schools that of course had excellent medical programs. Her true passions were never encouraged, as it was all about the how the family looked and followed tradition. Gaby had to pursue medicine, marry a man her parents picked, and engulf herself in religion. All of these never appealed to her, however, and it took its toll on her relationship with her parents. Over time, the relationship grew fainter and tensions increased as Gaby started to rebel. Well, in their eyes it was rebelling, but in reality Gaby was just living her life the way she wanted to. She stopped going to church and practicing a religion she had no interest in, stopped bringing guys around, and started staying out late with friends.

Gaby and her parents had a love hate relationship, as they would yell and be on the brink of verbal abuse, and then proceed to have a good quant conversation at dinner 15 minutes later. I had never seen anything like it. The amount of dysfunction was saddening to see. All Gaby ever wanted was her parents support, and their support being in something she was passionate about, not something that they were passionate about for her. They never understood her and didn’t even want to try. I knew that sooner or later, though, that there would be the straw that broke the camel’s back… and I was that straw.

“We’re going to figure this out… I promise. No matter what happens through all of this I’ll always be there for you, just know that.” My tone was serious and real. My hands were tightly wrapped around Gaby’s and my stare was deep into her eyes. Every word that I said to her, I meant it, and she knew that.

“I guess I’m more or less just scared now. The only thing we really know right now is that our parents didn’t want us to be together, and they are clearly willing to do whatever it takes for it to be stopped. I had no idea that your parents were capable of this either, Kay…”

Gaby had a point. We had been so focused on her parents that we had completely disregarded mine. Sure, my parents were not nearly as strict as Gaby’s, but they still had views and strong beliefs. I had friends who were lesbians in middle school, and they did not hold back about how they felt about their “lifestyle.” They never said anything around them, but they didn’t attempt to keep their voices down when they spoke about their feelings in the living room after they would leave our house. Come to think of it, I’m, surprised that they even let them come over. I guess they were mature enough to realize that it wouldn’t have an effect on me, but not mature enough to leave well enough alone regarding discussions.

Growing up I had a close relationship with my parents. It was not the type of relationship where I told them everything, but it was the kind where I obeyed the rules and did as I was told. We would go out every once and a while and do family things together, like dinner, mini golf or ice cream. I was an only child just like Gaby, so fighting for my parent’s attention was never an issue or worry. It was just us. That was both a blessing and a curse because this meant that I was the only child on the radar. I was never too much to worry about, though, as I never went to parities or did drugs and I was always an honor roll student in school. I played sports and was considered a jock. I enjoyed high school, but I always knew that something about me was different.

I had boyfriends, went on dates, kissed, did everything that you are “supposed” to do as a teenager, but I never felt anything with any of them. We had a great connection, but it always just seemed like more of friendship than a relationship. I always hoped that it just meant I hadn’t found the right guy and that he would come along eventually, and everything would fall into place. I spent so many nights wondering when it would happen, when I would fall in love, be happy, feel passion, find the right guy, but then I met Gaby.

The first moment I saw Gaby my eyes widened, and my heartbeat intensified. I tried for the longest time to fight the feeling, but deep down I knew what it meant. I knew I was, and would inevitably, fall in love with her. She was beautiful, inside and out. I never told her how I felt because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we had. She was my best friend, and I wasn’t about to go out on a limb, telling her how I felt, and lose what we had. I had always thought that she felt something with me too, but I wasn’t sure if my feelings for her were creating a false reality of possibly intimacy. I knew how her parents felt about same sex relationships, my parents’ feelings were not far off from that, and everything was just too difficult for me to risk a possible relationship with Gaby. I couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason her parents disowned her or never spoke to her again. The guilt associated with it would slowly eat at my soul and I wouldn’t be able survive it. I kept quiet for years. My love remained silent, as did my true self. I still brought guys home, for my parents’ approval of course, and continued to have a relationship with them based off of a fake me. Being the real me would have been harder than being the fake me.

“Wait.” I say, as something flashes to the forefront of my mind. “What about that picture of the man on our phones? That has to mean something or tie into this somehow.”

Gaby and I both take out of phones and stare at the man. After only a few seconds we both flash a sudden look at one another and freeze. We both know what it means, because we both know who this man is.