The Things We Fear

Marcus had no idea how he made it home. All he remembered was watching James fall to the floor. The cries that came out of him would haunt Marcus’ nightmares for years to come. He had never seen his old friend broken like that. Crumpling in on himself as the sobs and screams kept coming. Zoe had tried to comfort him, but he’d been non-responsive. Broken. It had been painful to watch. The tears had tracked down Marcus’ cheeks in sympathy.

He’d always liked Lara. she was fun, he remembered how back when they were younger she had always gone to lengths to include him. Even after James had stopped being his friend and the others abandoned him, she had remained kind, nodding in the hallway and sharing a smile when she saw him.

Marcus was surprised to learn she had been in a different pack to James, but then maybe packs were only family members? He’d read they weren’t but it wasn’t exactly like the wolves were open about who was connected to who. Even online when everyone was faceless and nameless, the shifters kept tight-lipped about a great deal of things.

It hurt to think she was gone. That he wouldn’t see her big smile and boundless personality that shone out from within her ever again. That the still statue that despite how beautiful she was had rips of skin and dried blood caking her dress. Her body had looked odd as well. Like her bones were not quite sitting at the right angle within her flesh. Marcus was aware that wolves had advanced healing. Whatever had happened to Lara, she had begun to heal from it before she died.

Like Rob, he couldn’t help thinking. It wasn’t the event that killed them, but something else. Remembering the cloying fear he had experienced in the bathroom, it didn’t seem so irrational to think that it wasn’t always a person’s fear which killed them. He feared the dark. But it was more what lived in the dark than the lack of light itself. Marcus wondered if this was what saved him in the end, that the dark was scary, but in the void, he had started becoming one with it. Started melding with the absence.

In death, the vacuum, that place, Marcus had been more troubled by the lack of sound than the dark itself. But whatever the creature was, it could not replicate the shadows. His shadows. It felt like a living form of irony that he feared the dark because of the beast connected to them, and yet when he had been in the darkest place he could have ever imagined, it was their absence which tore apart the false reality. Marcus was quickly burying the way he’d almost missed them. Some thoughts were better left repressed. Deep in his subconscious.

His breath caught as the lifeless look of terror flashed before his eyes once more. It wasn’t much of a leap to assume Lara’s death had been the result of the same thing which had attacked him and the others, but even if he had doubted, the look frozen on her face would have quickly dissuaded any doubts. The way her eyes had been glassy and wide. Her mouth open, curled in a silent scream. Her eyes crinkle like she didn’t want to see, but couldn’t afford to look away. The bruises painting her skin. He’d read enough police reports to know lividity wouldn’t have set in yet, and her blood would slowly start pooling down with gravity now there was no longer a heartbeat to keep it pumping. He suspected at the point of death her cheeks would have been flush, but the blood had likely already begun pooling in her lower extremities.

It was one thing to know someone you knew had died. Whether friend or acquaintance, like with Rob. But it was quite another to have physically looked upon their lifeless body. Especially so soon after the death. This wasn’t a primped body that a mortician had done their best to make beautiful, this was the agony and anguish of a violent death. The evidence of her pains and struggles still present across her body.

Marcus hated how, from now on, whenever he thought of Lara, his memories of her would be tainted by that final scene. When he thought of her smile, he would see that soundless scream. When he thought of her bouncing around in excitement, he would see her frozen corpse. When he thought about the way her eyes would shine playfully, as though forever whispering they had a secret and you were the one she wanted to share it with, he would see how dull they had become in death. Marcus hated everything about this situation.

Lying in bed, he absently thought Theo’s mom would probably be worried, he’d barely spent a night at his own home since Marcus’ birthday, and now this weekend would be spent among the vampires. If that was even still happening. With a newly dead body (not Lara, he couldn’t keep thinking of it as Lara) and potential fresh leads, the coven would likely be more concerned with catching the killer than a newly turned vampire. Either way, he would figure something out. Theo’s safety was more important than his pride.

So much had happened in such a short space of time. His hand dropped to the stone still caged around his neck. He had yet to try and remove it, but he suspected it would be fruitless no matter how much he struggled. Cassius enjoyed being honest where it would frustrate others more. Tomorrow. He’d agreed to go and see the man tomorrow. He could ask more about La–the dead body then. And if Cassius had any knowledge on how to help Theo. He did not trust the man, but anything he might share could probably be fact-checked online. He’d have Theo message Abigail in the morning as well. Clear up whatever the plan may be.

He’d have to talk to his dad too. First, to tell him he wouldn’t be going to the park with them, but also because his dad was a deputy, one of the few in the know, and the man couldn’t do his job if he didn’t have all the facts. Cassius had stopped him from saying anything at the meeting, but it did not extend to what he chose to do in his own home. Resolved, he decided he would be having several key conversations once the sun rose again.

He was grateful that Theo hadn’t commented about leaving the big light on tonight. He had never confirmed if he was aware of Marcus’ fear of the dark, but after saying he’d nearly been swallowed whole by darkness, the guy had been more than understanding about keeping the big bulb on. Even the shadows had seen sense to give him a break. Their noises barely above a whisper from the corner of the room.

As he turned on his side, closing his eyes to the day, he could hear James’ cries of anguish again. There had been nothing he could do. No words would help. He couldn’t have gotten close when his mother and brother had been holding him from both sides, squishing him between them like they were the only things keeping his body from breaking apart the way his emotions were. Marcus wasn’t sure he would have dared or been welcome either way.

He never would have thought heartbreak had a sound, but the pitches of the sobbing wolf had resonated so deeply within Marcus’ body that it was as though his own heart was shattering with how the sound waves hit him over and over. It hurt to watch. It was crushing to hear. He’d wanted to reach out, but his hands refused to move. He’d wanted to comfort him, but had no idea how to. It wasn’t his place. He wasn’t welcome. He should stay away. The voices of doubt had wormed their way through his mind.

James might have spent most of the night glued to his side, but that did not mean he wanted Marcus close now. It did not mean he wanted Marcus close during his moment of such vulnerability. During this weakness. If he hadn’t known Lara was as lesbian as she was smiley, he’d have thought this was the heartbreak of a lover. There wasn’t much he could do. He’d never felt this impotent.

He squeezed his eyes closed. Trying to block out the memory. Trying to silence the cries. Taking a deep breath he rolled onto his opposite side. Maintaining steady breaths until he finally fell asleep.

The next day came too soon. His dreams were filled with screams and dead eyes. It felt like he had barely slipped into the land of dreams before his mom called him down for breakfast.

“Are you coming to the park with us today?” She asked, pouring him a cup of coffee.

It sucked. The only day both his parents had off this month and he would be spending it with a man he barely wanted to acknowledge existed.

“I can’t.”

When his answer wasn’t enough, her eyebrow enquiring silently why he was not able to join them.

“Cassius has, in no uncertain terms, demanded I see him today. Something to do with heritage.”

His mother knew nothing about witchcraft, but she did know her ex-husband was wealthy and rich people probably did things like this. Paperwork and accounts that the children might one day become responsible for. Cassius was going to outlive them all, so he was not betting on inheriting anything, but his mother didn’t need to know this.

The way she beamed at the news like she was genuinely happy he would be spending time with the man, made him want to throw up a little.

“That’s a shame,” his dad interjected, he sounded genuine, but the deputy knew what his mother didn’t and he could hear the concern below the disappointment.

A nod between the two said they’d talk whilst his mother was out of the room. The second she went to shower his dad was on him, demanding an explanation. He looked awkwardly to where Theo and Brody were watching tv.

“Theo got bitten by a rogue vampire. There’s some mystery creature going around killing supernaturals, that’s what got Rod and last night it nearly got me,” it fell out his mouth all at once.