SWNOVELS Chapter 142 To Protect Them
A.N: The chapter may contain some triggering content – Skyla hits a very low point.
SKYLA.
My eyes snap open and they’re blazing purple, an arm is draped over my waist, and I turn to see Kataleyà next to me, her eyes
open as she looks at me with concern.
“Hey, afternoon, Sky.” She whispers.
I can smell Royce’s scent lingering in this room. I look down at the shirt I’m wearing. I don’t know how, but I know he put this on
What the hell happened?
My body feels as if it’s been hit by a damn rhinoceros.
The events of what happened suddenly rush back to my mind and my stomach twists as the influx of memories and emotions
make it hard to breathe.
I tried to kill Dad...
I hurt Royce.
Again.
I tried to kill him...
That’s all I ever do, cause him pain...
I hurt him, mentally and physically.
He’s too fucking good for me.
“Skyla?”
I turn my back on her. The overwhelming guilt of what happened is suffocating me.
It’s better if I’m dead. This time they were able to stop me... but what if next time they can’t?
Why aren’t they locking me up?
Why are they allowing me to fucking do this shit?!
When will they realise I am a monster? When someone is dead? 1
“Sky, come on, let’s go to your room, “
Kataleya says, I turn and look at her, she’s standing there, a smile on her face, her long hair in a messy plait over her shoulder
as she holds her hand out to me. “Come on Sky, let’s go.”
‘Come on Kat, let’s go play! I got you!’ 1
For a moment, I’m hit with a wave of nostalgia. It feels like Déjà vu, only this time, the roles are reversed.
I was there for Kat when she began to close in on herself, not wanting to go out as she thought about the Little Boy Hook who
had left. Who had gone through so much?
But the difference is even at her lowest point, she didn’t try to kill anyone... I did. 1
I take her hand distractedly, allowing her to lead me out of this room and down to my room.
The guilt inside of me is growing in my mind.
I remember screaming at Leo that I’ll kill him first...
Accusing Royce of raping me!
Fuck!
“Sky... Your heartbeat...” Kataleya’s soft voice is faint as I simply stare at the ground in front of me.
I don’t care if I fought it; it wasn’t enough, I still hurt them, I still hurt my baby.
Every single fucking time...
“Oh, hey! Morning!” Delsanra says, smiling from where she stands by my cushion.
I step into my room and suddenly feel a gentle wave of lightness overcome me.
Magic?
But it does nothing for the feeling of drowning that is overcoming me from within.
Azura is standing by the closet, carrying Phoenix but the way her and Delsanra are here...
They’re up to something!
Are they ransacking my room or some shit trying to find more poison or something?
My vials!
Ripping free from Kataleya’s gentle hold I cross the room and push past Azura, pulling open my drawers.
My heart thunders as I realise they’re gone.
They’re all gone...
Anger begins to boil inside of me, and the urge to rip everything to shreds overcomes
I can take Azura and Kataleya!
I spin around, my eyes falling on Phoenix.
That’ll hurt Azura!
My eyes flash as I raise my hands, ready to snatch her from Azura’s hold, the urge to kill overpowering me.
My heart thunders as Azura tenses.
“Sky...” she says, almost ready to step back, and it hits me what I was about to do...
I’m...
I’m a monster.
I lower one hand and slowly caress
Phoenix’s cheek with the other.
I am an abomination.
I’m so sorry little gremlin... 2
She stares at me with those wide blue eyes
while my own blur with tears – and – although this time it was easier to stop myself the vile thought had crossed my mind.
“Leave,” I command.
“Skyla, it’s ok, you aren’t yourself and we’re here for you,” Azura says firmly. “Look, even this little Chibi demon is rooting for you.
I was telling Delsanra earlier that I want to dress her up as a little kitten or a voodoo doll on Halloween. What do you think?”
“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!” I snarl,
making Phoenix’s lips droop before she bursts into tears.
My command rages off me, and I glare at Delsanra.
“Leave.” I spit. In a flash I’m in front of her, grabbing her by the neck.
Her eyes blaze red, and she pushes me back with a blast of power.
I feel Kat’s aura swirl around her. “Sky... calm down.” She warns me softly. 2
“Get out then!” I scream.
Mama and Dad appear at the door, but I shake my head.
“Leave me the fuck alone! I want to be alone! I’m safer alone!” I snap, my heart skipping a beat.
Did I say that out loud? 4
A glimmer of a smile crosses Mama’s lips as she enters the room and cups my face. 1
“You’re fighting this.” She whispers gently. The confidence in her eyes is messed up. I don’t fucking deserve this confidence from
her.
A part of me wants to rip her heart out to show them I’m not playing, the thought makes my stomach churn and instead I settle
for shoving her away.
Terrified that I might hurt her
I know I hurt her because I used force. Dad catches her, but her face hides the pain I’m sure that push must have given her.
“We’ll give you a little time.” She says instead.
“It’s alright Sky-”
“Stop it! Just leave!” I scream. I might hurt him again, fuck what if I hurt him again!
They walk to the door and I stand there, my heart pounding. Alessandra lets Malevolent in the room before the door shuts, and I
know they’re probably still watching...
They have cameras, right?
I scoff. How pathetic.
I drop onto the bed, staring at the ground. If they know who I really am... what my thoughts are, they’d hate me.
I even pushed my own mother. Thought to tear her heart out. What a lovely daughter I
I’m alone, even Malevolent seems wary of
She approaches me carefully, nudging her head against my leg. Warmth fills me, but with it the self-doubt and hatred that I once
used to feel returns tenfold. 1
I gasp, trying to come out of the depths of my mind. I’m going down a dark train of thought...
But even as I try, it’s still dark, it’s still painful... even out here...
“Come here,” I whisper. Reaching down I lift her into my arms and hug her tightly, unable to stop the sudden tears that fill my
eyes as I rock myself on the bed, trying not to let a sound escape me as tears spill down my cheeks.
My heart hurts.
‘Fight it.’
Bastet?
‘Never doubt yourself.’1
But what I said to Royce...
‘Don’t think about that... you are almost there.... You are your father’s daughter, you are the one that the King wants. You.
After what I said and did to him? I don’t deserve him!
The voices are echoing in my mind, the things I said, the things I’ve done. The crimes I’ve committed...
I was never meant to be a Lycan!
Making me a Lycan was dangerous.
I am dangerous.
I remember the time I lost control and Dante pinned me down during a game of hide and seek when I had newly shifted... I
almost ripped another kid’s throat out...
That was the first time... and far from the last
The training I was given wasn’t enough.
I had to learn how to control my Lycan, but how do you control something that just wants to kill?
Or is that the real me?
A killer?
I gasp, quickly putting Malevolent down and backing away.
I’ll hurt her next...
My head continues to pound as I back up towards the bathroom.
I can smell blood.
I can see blood.
Images of last night flash before my eyes, blinding me and I hit my leg on something. Turning, I push Malevolent, who is trying to
get close to me, away.
My heart is breaking for her.
“Stay away!”
Leo... he’s the one behind the cameras...
I can hear them coming, trying to use all my willpower to calm down.
Everything I’ve done can never be forgiven...
I grab a towel blindly and some clothes, but I have no intention of having a shower. I just. want to be alone!
The door opens and I stare at Leo and Royce.
That hatred within me is surfacing as my full attention turns to my ice god.
Kill him.
“GET OUT!” I scream.
Leo glances at the towel in my hand before he motions for Royce to move back.
I force myself to look at Royce again, the concern in his eyes...
Why?
I’ve never done anything for him... just used him...
“What are you looking at?” I ask instead.
“The most beautiful woman in the world.”
He responds.
Only she’s not a woman, but a monster.
“Well, don’t, I need to shower. Stay away!” I
lie, turning my back on them and storm to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.
I hear movement in the bedroom, hear the heartbeat coming closer...
Someone’s listening outside the door.
I take my clothes off. If they have cameras in here, they’ll be watching... I step into the shower, turning it on.
Who will I hurt next?
Stop.
No one.
I won’t hurt anyone else.
Because I won’t let myself.
But I can’t control myself...
I should die.
Everyone will be happier without me. And Royce?, he’ll find a beautiful she-wolf who will treat him like the god he is... not a
fucking psychotic, twisted monster who can’t even control herself.
Who accuses the person they love of rape?
My eyes burn with tears as I stand there under the water.
Me.
Horrible people like me.
I wanted to hurt a baby, kill my father... kill my Reign...
They’re all better off without me.
So much better off without me.
All I’ve ever done is cause them problems.
Even my brother doesn’t like me. 2
He was right, I’ll destroy Royce...
I slide to the floor of the shower, curling up into a foetal position, not caring that water is going into my ear and up my nose.
That’s why the goddess gave me Aleric as a mate... because we’re alike, we are both scum.
I’m no queen, not like the women of my family. Mama Red, Mama, Mama Mari... Ri, Del, Zu... they’re all so much better...
That’s why they got good mates... because they’re good people. 1
If I die.... it should hurt Aleric to some extent
I marked him after all....
That’s better.
Yes.
I can help them like this.
Make it easier....
I sit up, crawl out of the shower and grab the sink. I pull myself to my feet, staring at my reflection in the mirror.
If I die, they won’t have to deal with this...
I don’t deserve to be on this planet.
I am a waste of fucking space.
Kill them!
No.
I will do the one thing that will keep them safe.
They’ll...
I look in the mirror. Extracting my claws, I dig them into my neck, as tears stream down my bloodshot eyes.
Be...
Pain erupts through me as I sink my fingers deeper into my neck. A choking sound escapes me, but I clamp my mouth shut.
Happier...
I try to take a deep breath, but I’m gagging.
When I’m gone.
Papa Raf... will you take care of me? 19
I open my eyes and, with every ounce of willpower in my body; I rip into my throat.
Blood squirts everywhere, squirting from my neck, before I fall to my knees, hitting my head on the sink.
And then...
Then everything goes silent.
I think... I succeeded...
Goodbye...
Moonlight Muse Author
Hope everyone had the tissues handy!