SWNOVELS The Temporary Wife: Chapter 19
I scroll through my emails on my phone as I walk into the office, my heart sinking. Twenty-six job application rejections, and all of them came in at once. There’s only one way this could have happened considering my qualifications. Luca blacklisted me.
I gave him everything for years, and this is how he repays me? Is he ever going to stop playing with my feelings, with my life? He knows we can’t be together, and I don’t even think he truly wants me, yet he won’t let me go on a date. He’s marrying someone else, but he refuses to even let me leave this job. Why does he hold on to me so tightly when he has no right to? Why does he continue to hurt me?
My mood is somber as I step into the private elevator that leads straight to the office’s top floor. Once again, I’m dressed in red, but today it’s for an entirely different reason than yesterday. My mind involuntarily drifts back to Luca’s words last night.
I hate that you’re wearing red for him.
How did he know? For years, I was certain I wasn’t even on Luca’s radar, so how could he have known that I wear red whenever I need a dose of courage and good luck? How did he know about the YouTube food channels and the novels Sierra and I read?
I pause by my desk and stare at it for a moment, a profound sense of loss washing over me. Eight years. It isn’t just Luca I’m walking away from. It’s the company and the people that shaped me. It’s Grandma Windsor, and to some extent, Sierra, Raven, and Alanna too. This environment raised me, taught me everything I know. I’ve spent countless moments in the bathroom on this floor, crying my heart out because one of my superiors scolded me, or because I felt like I didn’t measure up amongst all the highly educated and talented people here. It took eight years, but I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.
I glance at Luca’s office, my heart heavy. A thousand conflicting feelings rush through me, but each of them tells me the same thing. I need to cut every tie between us.
I inhale deeply as I knock on Luca’s door before walking in, my chest aching in a way it never has before. He looks up, his expression as pained as I know mine is.
“Valentina.”
The way he says my name has always been different. I used to think his tone carried a hint of disdain, but it sounds a lot more like reverence to me today. Luca’s eyes roam over the red suit I’m wearing, and he looks down at his desk in resignation.
“We need to talk.”
He nods and lifts his head, his eyes filled with reluctance. The way he looks at me undoes me. It takes all of me to stand my ground, to not waver.
“Blacklisting me isn’t going to keep me from leaving, Luca. I fully acknowledge that I wouldn’t be who I am without you and your support, but I also firmly believe that I’ve repaid you for what you’ve done for me by giving you my all for eight years. I’ve stood by you, Luca. I’ve worked harder than anyone else, harder than anyone could reasonably expect. How much more will you take? How much longer will you punish me for trying to put myself first? I once heard you say that we should normalize walking away from toxic situations, isn’t that right? So let me walk away, Luca. Let me go. I’m begging you. Can’t you see that you’re hurting me?”
“I can’t do that,” he murmurs. He rubs his face and looks away. “I’ll do anything you ask of me, Valentina, but letting you go is the one thing I won’t do.”
“Why?” I ask, my voice breaking. “You’re getting married to Natalia in six months, and she should be your focus.”
He looks at me with such helplessness that I struggle to stand my ground. I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. “Maybe it’s just the fact that our time together is coming to an end, or maybe it’s some pent-up frustration between us. I don’t know what last night was, but it can’t happen again. I’m not someone you can casually hook up with before your wedding, and certainly not after it.”
Luca rises to his feet and walks around his desk. It takes all of me to stay where I am when my entire body responds to his presence. I can’t tell if I want to walk up to him and be closer to him, or if I want to take several steps away.
“You could never be just another hook-up to me, Valentina,” he murmurs.
“How could I ever be more when you’re marrying someone else?”
He runs a hand through his hair and stares up at the ceiling for a moment. “I don’t want to marry her. I’ve only seen her once since we got engaged — that day she came to the office. I saw her then, and later that evening for dinner. That’s it. I have no feelings for her. She means nothing to me.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I snap. “She’s your fiancée. And I? Well, soon I’ll be nothing to you. Until then, we need some boundaries. If we have to work together for six more months—’
Luca laughs humorlessly, cutting me off. “You’re still under the illusion that I’ll let you go, huh? Give your notice, Valentina. Do what you must. When your six months are up, you’ll stay right where you’ve always been. Next to me.”
I stare at him and shake my head. “I can’t do this anymore. You and I… last night never should’ve happened. For eight years, we worked together so perfectly. What changed, Luca? You didn’t want me until you realized that you lost me. I’m not one of your belongings. I’m not an acquisition. The first time you only touched me because of Joshua, and now it’s because I quit. I won’t play this game with you.”
Luca walks up to me and raises his hand, the tips of his fingers brushing over my temple. He wraps my hair around his finger and twirls it around, his expression pensive. “You made it so I had nothing left to lose,” he says, his voice soft. “That’s what changed.”
The back of his hand brushes over my cheek, and my eyes flutter closed for a moment. “I’d already fucked up at Ares and Raven’s wedding, and we barely recovered from it. There’s no way I’d risk doing anything that could result in me losing you permanently. But then you quit, and my first instinct was to do everything in my power to make you stay.” He chuckles and pulls away. “I thought to myself… if I’m going to lose you regardless of what I do, then why must I continue wondering? Why should I continue suppressing the thoughts I have about you? Why bother lying to both myself and you?”
I bite down on my lip, unsure how to reply. “Luca, I can’t stay, and this thing between us? We can’t give into it. Your engagement might mean nothing to you, but I’m not that kind of woman. Do you have any idea how guilty I feel about that kiss last night? I never should have… I’m not…”
He runs a hand through his hair and nods. “I know, and I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight, and for once, I just wanted to give in and take what I craved so desperately. It won’t happen again, so please don’t leave me. Don’t leave this firm. Don’t throw away everything we’ve fought for. Windsor Finance wouldn’t be what it is without you, Valentina. Can you truly walk away from everything we’ve built?”
I look into his eyes and try my hardest to fight the instinct to give in. “What happens if I stay? There’s no further career growth for me here, and you know it. If I stay, it’d be for you… and how is that the right thing to do when you’re getting married soon? How is it the right decision for me? This job is all I’ve ever known, but how much longer can I stay in this role? For how much longer can I continue working the hours I do? If I stay, I’ll continue to sacrifice my life for you while you’ll be building a life with your wife. I’m not getting any younger, Luca. I want a life of my own, too. I want to find out what happiness feels like. It isn’t about finding love or finding a man to spend my life with — I’m not that romantic. But finding a hobby or two and traveling? I’d love to do that, at least.”
He stares at me with such despondency in his eyes that my own heart begins to ache. Part of me wishes he never touched me at all. If he hadn’t, could we have been friends after I left?
“You and I… we need to return to what we used to be. We have to forget everything that’s happened in the last couple of months, everything that’s been said between us. For six more months, let’s go back to who we used to be. Let’s end this on a good note, Luca.”
He inhales deeply, and then he shakes his head. “Don’t think I won’t put up a fight. Personal feelings aside, you’re Windsor Finance’s best employee. I’m not letting you go.”
I walk toward the door and turn back to look at him, my heart wavering. “I’m not giving you a choice,” I tell him, before walking out.