The She-Wolf Alpha (Book 1 She-Wolf Series)

When I awoke the next morning, Dr. Martin discharged me as she said she would. She told me to take it easy which I took to mean no strenuous exercise or heavy lifting. Emerick on the other hand, decided I couldn’t so much as lift a pencil on my own.

I took a moment to call Luke and my parents to tell them I was fine and that I was the victor. Apparently, Stephen had phoned my dad shortly after the challenge once I was stable in the med bay, but they were happy to hear it directly from me. I spared them many of the more gruesome details, but Luke was as excited as a kid on Christmas morning to hear every gory bit.

In the end, I decided to tell him about the broken ribs and the gnarly gash, but left out the losing consciousness and needing a blood transfusion. Dad and I decided it would be best if they stayed away for the time being while things settled down here.

The pack house remained on lockdown. I had insisted that some of the staff be allowed back so that they could work, and more importantly, so that I could start meeting them. Emerick voiced his displeasure, but I shut down his protests by reminding him I had an entire team of advisor positions I either needed to fill or keep in place. I knew that I had scared him so I gave him some grace, but by lunch time I was feeling suffocated.

“You know, I think it might be really good for me to get some fresh air,” I said standing up from the couch Emerick had insisted I “take a break” on. A break from what? I wasn’t sure since I hadn’t really done anything all day.

He jumped up, “Let’s have lunch on the back patio then. I know a great spot-”

I cut him off, “Em, I love that you want to take care of me, I do. But I’m actually fine, and I need some space for a little bit. A lot has happened over my last 48 hours and I just need to take a walk to process a little bit.”

He frowned, “I understand. I guess I’ve been a little… overbearing.”

I gave him a small smile, “It’s fine. Truly. I understand your concern, but I also need you to understand life is going to keep moving forward. Despite what happened yesterday, I am still trying to get my bearings as the alpha.”

He nodded, “You’re right. I will catch up on some paperwork. You… do your thing I guess.”

I giggled, “I’m just going to go sit by the pond I saw on my walk to the arena yesterday. I’ll call you if I need anything.”

I gave him a peck on the cheek and hurried out before he could say anymore. In the hallway, I leaned against the wall and took a breath then laughed at myself. I had been on my own for so long that I had forgotten what it was like to have someone doting on me. Thinking back, it was one of the major challenges I had had when Travis passed away. I went from a team of two, to just me. At first, the day to day tasks along with taking care of Luke had seemed insurmountable.

I pushed off of the wall and started walking away from Emerick’s office, trying to remember the way to the back doors. The pack house was huge, and unfortunately, I didn’t know a lot of people who I could stop and ask for directions.

They all knew me, though. Every person I passed stopped and bowed their head slightly. It was a little eerie. I was hoping to run into Jonathan or Jackson since they seemed to be my constant shadows, but alas, not when I needed them.

Figures.

Finally, I made it to the wall of windows I recognized as the rear of the building. Making my way to the staircase, I went down a flight so that I was on the first floor and found a door to exit. The outside air hit me like a welcome release. I breathed deep, closed my eyes and let the sun shine on my face.

After a moment, I scanned for the pond I had noticed the day before and picked my way over to it. Frogs croaked quietly and dragonflies hovered over the surface. Low branches hung with shaggy leaves, and the water stood glass-still.

It was beautiful. A perfect escape. One bench stood off to the side in the shade of one of the larger trees and I made my way over to it.

I sat still and closed my eyes for what felt like an eternity, just taking in the sounds and smells. I was still getting used to my heightened werewolf senses and had barely had a moment to truly appreciate it. Eventually, I heard someone approaching and assumed it to be Emerick coming to check on me. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see Stephen sitting down next to me.

“I see you found the best spot at the pack house,” he said with a smile.

I gave him a small smile back.

“Did I take your lunch spot?” I asked when I noticed he had a bag of what looked like takeout with him.

“Actually, I brought us both something. I figured you might need it,” he said, handing me a sub sandwich and taking one for himself. “I wasn’t sure what you might like, but I figured turkey and ham was a pretty safe bet. There’s chips and some lemonade for you also, if you like.”

“Thank you. That’s very thoughtful.”

He nodded but stayed quiet for a moment.

Eventually he said, “I’m very sorry for everything you have gone through the last two days. I understand that every bit of it is my fault, and I don’t know that I can ever make up for my mistakes.”

I stared at him but didn’t know what to say.

“When my father told me that I would be mating Emilia I was furious,” he continued, “I had already met your Aunt Jane and fallen for her. Back then it was all but unheard of for a future alpha to have a relationship with a human woman. My father gave me the ultimatum: mate Emilia or he would have Jane hunted down and he would ensure I would never be Alpha.

"Emilia was and is beautiful of course, and she comes from a very powerful werewolf family. She has several relatives who are also Alphas. It was a smart match, but I wanted no part of it. While I didn’t care much about being the alpha at the time, I would never provoke my father to hurt Jane.

“I mated Emilia. And I hated myself and her for it. She tried to make me happy, but it wasn’t about what she did. It was about who she wasn’t. We had William, and my world changed for the better. For a time, I made myself be the best husband and father I could be, but I never felt complete.

“Then I ran into Jane again while I was in town, and every feeling that I ever had for her came rushing back. We were teenagers in love again and I wanted everything she was and made me feel. I made the most terrible mistake of my life. I betrayed Emilia. The worst part was I couldn’t even find it in myself to feel bad about it."

He paused, lost in thought. I could see the torment on his face.

“When I got home, Emilia was a wreck. I didn’t realize she would know what was happening, that she would feel that I was with Jane. Infidelity is almost unheard of among werewolves. We mate for life, so this situation was rare to say the least. She threatened to leave the pack and take William with her. Or worse, tell my father and have him hunt Jane.

“I begged for her forgiveness and she told me the only way we would move forward is if I never spoke to Jane again and if we never spoke about my unfaithfulness with anyone, including each other. I agreed, of course. I didn’t think I had much of a choice and I certainly didn’t want to talk about it with anyone and have my father find out.

“I took over as alpha only a couple months later and threw myself into my work as a distraction. Emilia and I remained civil but there was a new coldness about her. I knew I had broken a part of her. Then one day I got a letter from Jane telling me she was pregnant.”

He stopped and I could see his eyes had tears. Again, I had no idea what to say. I had heard bits and pieces of the story, but I imagined he had never really sat and told anybody the full truth.

When he spoke again, his voice was lower and he fought for the right words, “I didn’t know what to do. There is no undoing a mating bond, so one way or another, Emilia and I were stuck with one another. I was a brand new alpha finding my footing in the pack. Above all else, I knew my duty to them was bigger than myself. So… I wrote her back and told her to end it.”

He rubbed a hand over his face before continuing, “Obviously, she refused - said she couldn’t imagine how I could be so heartless. How I could abandon her and reject our child. I hated myself for it, but I was trying to protect her also. Even though my father was no longer the alpha, he still held tremendous power within the pack. In the end, Jane sent the baby, your father, to live with her sister and brother-in-law - the people you know as your grandparents.

“I prayed everyday he wouldn’t be a werewolf. Your grandparents raised him into a fine young man, and he was thriving. But as his sixteenth birthday grew closer, I could feel that he would shift.

“I finally gave Emilia the whole truth, and told her about Elias. She was absolutely furious, but at that point there was not much she could do. To me at least. I told her I was bringing your father to live with us, and she accepted it with as much dignity as I suppose a person can. I told William as well. He was twenty at the time and felt betrayed. In a different way though. He had always wanted a sibling and felt he had been robbed of the opportunity.”

He sighed, “As you can imagine, Emilia did not make life easy for Elias. She felt that every success he had was an affront to her directly, and a threat to her son as heir to the alpha call. He wanted no part of being Alpha and tried desperately to fit in, but she never let him feel welcome. Any affection or positive word I spoke about him ensured she would make him pay for it. When he turned eighteen, he told me he was leaving, and I couldn’t blame him.”

Staring out at the water, I absorbed what he was saying. Part of me wondered why he was telling me at all.

Reading my mind he started again, “I want you to know the whole truth - my whole truth - for two reasons. The first is that I want you to understand why Emilia is the way she is towards you and your family. When you make a decision about whether or not to seek retribution, remember she is a product of my misgivings. While I don’t condone her actions, as her mate I ask you for mercy.”

I hadn’t even thought about what to do with Emilia. To be honest, I hadn’t considered that I could do anything to her. Emerick had told me that my word was law among my pack, but I hadn’t fully comprehended what that meant at the time. Now, as I listened to Stephen ask me for mercy, I understood that I could punish those who had conspired against me, including the former Luna.

Needing more time to process that conundrum, I asked, “What’s the second reason?”

He took a breath before saying, “The second reason is that you need to understand you can never trust her.”

I turned to meet his eyes and found his face serious.

“Emilia punished a child for the sins of his father without a second thought. She has spent decades despising Elias and his entire family. I fear had I not sworn her to leave him alone with the threat of her own life, she would’ve had him killed long ago.

“I should’ve done more to protect your father and make sure he felt welcomed here as part of the pack. Instead, I let Emilia run him off because I was ashamed of my own faults. It was easier to allow her to be the way she is than stand up to her and face her wrath. I fear giving her that power without consequence has led her to believe I will allow it to continue.”

“So what are you telling me to do then, Stephen?” I asked, “Because I will not live in fear that she will make a move against me or my family. I will protect my son above all else. Asking me for mercy and then telling me without action she will keep coming after us seems like a mixed message.”

“I can’t tell you what to do,” he said, quietly, “What I can tell you is that I regret everyday not fighting for my son. I failed to make sure he knew I would protect him and that he was safe.”

I stayed quiet thinking of my dad, about the same age as Luke was now, trying to start a new life among werewolves he had never met. It had to have been terrifying to constantly live in fear of what Emilia would do or say to him. I was starting to understand why he left and kept me away for so long.

“Thank you for your candor,” I finally told him. “You have given me a lot to consider, and I want you to know I won’t make my next move lightly.”

Stephen gave me a sad smile, “Thank you, Samantha. One more piece of unsolicited advice if you don’t mind?”

I nodded, giving him the go ahead.

“I’m sure you have been warned that males will come sniffing around for what they feel you can offer them. I believe that to be true. If you find a man who you care about, who you believe to be genuine in his feelings for you as well, you should strongly consider that having a mate offers you some level of protection.”

We sat and silently ate our lunch for a while. Both of us were lost in thought and enjoying the peace our bench by the pond provided.

Eventually, I said my goodbyes and headed back up to the pack house. It was time I started my day as the alpha. I was called to take charge, and I refused to let myself continue being a bystander as others decided what I needed.

I was so lost in thought as I pushed through the pack house door that I ran straight into a woman carrying an overflowing basket. Its contents went flying as the basket skittered across the floor.

“Oh my goddess! I’m so sorry,” she exclaimed. When she looked up and saw me she bowed her head. “Alpha Paulson! My apologies, I was running around without watching where I was going.”

I took in the woman’s appearance. Tall and slender, maybe five-ten, with shiny blond hair that fell almost to her waist in soft curls and almond-shaped, topaz colored eyes. Full pink lips rested below a pert nose. She was beautiful.

“No need to apologize,” I told her, “I was lost in thought.”

She smiled warmly, “I’m Cassandra Stevens.”

We shook hands and then I bent down to help her pick up her scattered belongings. There were a couple binders full of what appeared to be event planning materials as well as fabric swatches and catering menus.

“Are you planning a wedding or something?” I asked.

“Umm no,” she said and seemed to be working through her explanation. “I’m actually the lead event coordinator for the pack and I was starting to plan your alpha ceremony.” She frowned, her lips pouting. “The whole ‘challenge thing’ put a kibosh on the welcome party I had planned, so I felt the Alpha Ceremony needed to be a little bit extra-“

“There’s going to be an alpha ceremony?” I interrupted.

“Oh. Yeah. I mean, I hope so. Usually the ceremony is a time for the previous alpha to formally hand over the pack to the new alpha. With Alpha Christian Redding being… gone I thought it would be a good time for the pack to meet you and celebrate under less violent circumstances.”

It made sense and I should’ve been appreciative of a whole ceremony being thrown in my honor. After the past couple days, the prospect just seemed exhausting. However, Emerick had warned me the alpha role came with being in the spotlight and it was important to me that I get the opportunity to show the pack who I was on a personal level.

“That sounds great,” I lied, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

She smiled brightly, “Actually, I would love to get to know you a little better. It would help set up the feel of the ceremony. Could we maybe get together this evening? My husband makes a mean bruschetta and I have a great wine stash I would love to break into.”

I felt a little bombarded, but she was so excited and warm. It would be nice to make a friend.

“Sure, that sounds great,” I told her with a genuine smile. “I could use a glass of wine after the last couple days.”

“Oh fantastic!” She said, smiling and clasping her hands together under her chin. “And feel free to bring Emerick. I know security is still a little on edge, so they might feel better knowing you have some extra protection. He knows where we live, also. Should we say sixish?”

Although she didn’t come out and say it, I considered that my relationship with Emerick could be less of a secret than I thought.

“We will be there,” I told her.

“Fabulous,” she gave my hand a squeeze. “I have a feeling we are going to be really good friends.”

That seemed like an odd thing to say, but I smiled and gave her hand a return squeeze before she bounced off down the hall. I looked around trying to get my bearings as I watched Jackson round the corner of the hallway and head towards me.

“Hey Jackson,” I greeted him.

“Alpha Paulson,” he answered with a tilt of his head.

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked, “Is there somewhere I can read up on pack law and maybe some history?”

“I can take you to the archives if you’d like?”

“That sounds great. Lead the way,” I said, taking his arm.

He stiffened at the contact, but started walking without pulling away. I smiled inwardly. The brothers were so serious and stoic. I knew it probably came with the job, but I was going to try and break at least one of their icy exteriors.

Jackson and I made our way to a large open room. The walls were filled with books two stories high, and there were several wooden tables at the center. Large stained glass windows depicting wolves shed rainbow colored light onto the floor. It reminded me of a castle library from a fairytale.

“Wow,” I breathed, taking it all in.

“I think what you’re looking for will be in this section,” Jackson said, all business. He led me over to some shelves with thick tomes that appeared to have dates as well as names on them. “This is the official history of the pack under each alpha. They go back since the establishment of the Redclaw Pack about 400 years ago.”

“400 years?” I asked, surprised.

He nodded, “Our ancestors came over on the Mayflower and established a pack shortly there after. Werewolves were being persecuted in Europe much like the Salem witch trials in the United States a few years later.”

“I guess I have a lot to learn,” I admitted and grabbed a couple books from the shelves.