The Shadow Alpha

I stepped under the warm water and felt my tense muscles relax easily, I tried to figure out a way to comfort Devin, but I kept drawing a blank, nothing seemed adequate enough.

I could never know how he was truly feeling because despite all the hurt and deceit I had experienced, nothing compared to this. Realising that the shower wasn't helping at all I hurriedly got out and got dressed. I figured that Devin was still in the shower so I decided to grab us something to eat since we had missed dinner, going for our traditional grilled cheese and hot chocolate. I knew he could use the comfort of something familiar, the reminder that not everything had changed for the worst.

When I got back to my room Devin was sitting at the edge of my bed with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, he looked defeated and I hated it.

"Hey..." I said as I placed the tray down on the pedestal beside the bed and sunk to my knees in front of him, he looked up at me and my heart shattered at the broken look in his eyes. He was close to tears and despite what the world might say, crying doesn't make you weak, crying means you are strong enough to show your emotions and it helps you heal.

I engulfed him in a hug and held him close, he buried his head in my shoulder and sighed deeply, it was a tired sigh filled with tension and despair.

“It's okay to cry Devin. You're not weak; you're strong, so strong!” I whispered comfortingly. After a few moments of me stroking his head and hushing him he pulled away, I missed his warmth, but shoved the selfish thought down as fast as it came. I released him and watched as he stood up and ran his fingers through his dark brown locks; I lifted myself to sit on the bed and waited patiently for him to speak like I know he’s been dying to.

"Why me? Why is all of this happening to me?” he asked frustrated, I smiled at his annoyed look to which he returned with an incredulous one, probably wondering how I could be smiling at a time like this.

"Well darling, it's simple. There can't be a rainbow without a thunderstorm.” He gave me a sarcastic look.

“This is one hell of a long thunderstorm, my whole life long to be exact.” He deadpanned.

I sighed and patted the bed next to me; he eyed it for a moment, but sat down. I took his hand in mine and sucked in a deep breath, what I was about to tell him was something I had never breathed to another soul and even though he was my mate it was still hard to form the words

“Ever since that day when I was eight years old, I had constantly asked myself that question, why me? What did I do to deserve such punishment? Actually, for a long time I believed that I did deserve it. It wasn't until one day I woke up from a nightmare; the same one that had plagued my unconscious mind for many years prior, but somehow that time was different. I didn't just dream about losing my parents, I dreamt about all the years before and how much everything had changed since they were gone, how my life made a complete U-turn in a matter of a few days. In that moment I missed them more than ever, I missed their comfort, missed how I was loved when they were there. That day for the first time in six years I didn’t blame myself, why should I?

“Had I known the rogues would be there, I would never have asked them to take me out there, but what's to say they wouldn't have gotten to them another day? I mean, even at the age of fourteen I knew that the entire attack was planned. There was nothing I could do to stop it even if I tried, it wasn't my fault that my parents were taken, it wasn't my fault that the pack hated me.

“That night I learn that the way people treat you and the hurt they cause you, is not a reflection of your character, but rather their lack thereof. They did me wrong just as they did you and it hurts, it hurts a lot to think about it, all the lies and the deceit.

“Since the day I stepped foot onto the Blue Moon Territory I discovered the true meaning of why Spring comes after Winter. It shows that life can blossom from something seemingly dead. all it is, is perception.

“Forgiving someone without them asking after all the hurt they cause you isn't to benefit them, but rather yourself and the longer you try to figure out a person's reasons for doing to you what they did, the longer you'll be hurt by them.” he stared at me in awe, but there was a look of sadness and guilt in his eyes and I knew exactly why.

“No! Don't you dare feel guilty or sad for me, this isn't about me, the only reason I told you is because it is the only way I know to help you see the truth of the matter.” He sighed and nodded, but the look never left his eyes.

“Allison, you're the most amazing woman I've had the pleasure of knowing and you're so strong, I knew you'd survive whatever the world threw at you. I'm not that strong, I'm really not.” he said and I only smiled, if only he knew.

“How do you know that? How do you know you aren't as strong as you make me out to be, how do you know you're not stronger? Truth is you don't. You don't know that because you haven't tried. You haven't been in a position where being strong is the only choice you have till now.” He looked at me wide eyed and with a knowing look I continued,

“Devin, you did something most people in your position wouldn't bare to do, you trusted Mother Selene even when you knew it would hurt you more than anything. You led your pack alone for the past four years and most of all; you made the decision to protect the people who rely on you when they needed it most even though it meant turning your back on your parents. You may not think so, but the fact that you were able to stand by us today and do what you did shows how strong and how amazing you truly are.” for the first time since we started talking he looked at me with hope gleaming in his eyes.

“You really think so?” without hesitation I nodded and a spark of hope gleamed in his eyes.

“I know so. Look Devin, it's not going to be easy- it's not supposed to be, but I can promise you that in the end you'll understand, in the end it will all make sense, it would all be worthwhile.” I sent him an encouraging smile and he returned it with his own heart stopping smile.

“Have I ever told you that you're amazing?” he said flirtatiously causing me to smirk.

“You might have mentioned it once or twice.” I said with a teasing glint in my eye which caused him to chuckle.

“Just in case, I'm going to say it again. You. Are. Incredible.” He emphasised to which I beamed and kissed his cheek

"I think you're pretty damn incredible yourself.” He smirked cockily and without even having to say it I knew he meant “Il know I am.’

The light in his eyes told me that he felt a lot better, it wasn't perfect but it was definitely a start. Before I could hand him his now cold hot chocolate I turned to face him. “Devin, I think you need to talk to them.” he stared at me with curiosity and a slight accusation burning in his eyes, but no matter what he felt right now deep down even he knew it needed to be done and why not sooner rather than later? “I know you don’t want to, but trust me when I say that it has to be done. You have to speak to them, at least ask them why they did it. It's the only way for you or any of us to understand. We can sit around making assumptions forever, but no one will know for sure until it comes straight from the horse's mouth.” He sighed and looked at me defeated; he knew I was right so he simply nodded. I knew he would go whenever he was ready and I wasn't going to force him, I just hoped it would be soon

We grabbed our grilled cheese and “cold” chocolate neither complaining about the temperature of the food as we scarfed down the food into our grumbling bellies.