SWNOVELS The Secret Fiancée: Chapter 42
“Your drones have all undergone rigorous testing by Windsor Motors employees, and three interns were selected,” Lex says as he addresses our class.
A hush falls over the room, and Adam tenses in his seat next to mine. I know how badly he wants this internship, despite how much he dislikes Lex. He knows how life changing it would be to work for Windsor Motors.
“Raya… Lewis,” he says, grimacing like it causes him physical pain to say my maiden surname when he wants to call me Raya Windsor.
I smile at him, my somber mood lifted for a moment. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what Lex told me, and what it means for us. It explains so much — the way he wakes up earlier than everyone else, without fail. His reluctance to drink anything outside of the Windsor Estate if he didn’t open the bottle himself, the lack of human staff in his home, and even his need for alarm systems and thoroughly vetted personal security personnel. It took him weeks to start drinking my mother’s tea and join us for dinner, and I never noticed that he didn’t start eating with us until he began insisting on helping Mom cook, overseeing every single thing that went into our food.
I’ve never seen anyone as tormented as he was when he told me about Jill, and all I could do was hold him afterward, offering my quiet support. It didn’t feel like enough, and it hurts to know I can’t take away his torment. When he told me he wasn’t interested in love or relationships, it wasn’t because he wasn’t interested in me. It was because he isn’t capable of the kind of trust a relationship requires, and all this time, I had no idea he was suffering. I stood by his side, clueless and constantly wanting more than anyone should ever expect of him.
“Adam Lawson, and Emma Thomas. They were also the designers of the three chosen drones, and they’ve proven that they can execute their visions, too.”
It hurts to look at him now, to know how much pain he’s been through, how much was taken from him. The idea of him in restraints, begging for the release of someone he loved, only to find out they betrayed him? It’s given me a new sense of understanding of why he approached me the way he did, why he misled me.
“I’m so glad we get to work together,” Adam says, turning toward me. “It’s a bit strange though, to be wrapping up our master’s. I’m not sure I’m ready for real life.”
I force a smile, struggling to carry a conversation today. “It’s going to be fine,” I murmur. “You’ll excel at your internship, and you’ll be offered a permanent position afterwards. I just know it.”
He nods at me, his expression conflicted. “Will you be okay?” he asks. “I know we haven’t really spoken about it much, but I’m not blind, Raya. I know you still like him.”
I sigh and look away. “That would be putting it mildly,” I whisper. I’m helplessly and unconditionally in love with my husband, and it hurts. I love him so much that my heart aches at the thought of how hard he’s been trying to be a good husband to me, when it must’ve been so difficult to even let me into his life. All the while, I kept wanting more, not appreciating how much he was already giving me.
I rise from my seat when Lex walks out, ignoring Adam’s calls as I follow my husband. He looks up from where he’s standing when I walk into his office, his eyes widening. Lex looks exhausted, and I bite down on my lip, feeling guilty. Telling me about Jill seems to have brought back the nightmares that he had in the first few years after his abduction, and guilt weighs heavily on me. I’m the reason those awful memories resurfaced, and I don’t know how to make it right.
“Don’t look at me like that, little fairy,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want your pity, Raya. I only told you the truth because keeping it from you was hurting you and causing misunderstandings that I don’t want between us.”
I walk up to him and gently place my palm across his chest, his heart racing underneath. “I don’t pity you,” I tell him, my voice soft. “I just love you, Lex.”
His eyes sparkle every time I say the words, and though he hasn’t said it back, I know he likes hearing it. “Yeah?” he whispers, pulling me closer.
I nod. “So much. I’m grateful you told me the truth. You’re right. Hearing you say her name in your sleep made me misunderstand, and I was jealous. I thought that someone else had your heart, when I…”
“No,” he says, cupping my face. “There’s no one but you, Raya. I…”
I draw a shaky breath, reading the emotions in his eyes. “You don’t have to say it back,” I whisper. “My love for you isn’t transactional. It isn’t conditional.”
His eyes fall closed for a moment. “I once told you that you terrify me, and that’s even more true now. I’m scared this is all an act, Raya. No matter how hard I try to convince myself it isn’t, that my past is tainting my thoughts… I just can’t suppress my fears. I’m scared this is all an elaborate game, and you’ll betray me.”
“I won’t ever knowingly do anything that could hurt you, Lex. I swear it.”
He nods, his forehead dropping against mine. “I’m trying, you know? I won’t stop trying, Raya. You deserve the best of me, not just what’s left of me.”
I tilt my head, my lips brushing against his. “So long as you’re trying, that’s enough,” I whisper against his mouth. “I never expected marriage to be easy, Lex. I’ll walk with you every step of the way. So long as you’re willing to take a step forward, I’ll be there to meet your pace.”
He sighs, and then he kisses me, his touch tender, almost like he thinks this moment between us will break. “Raya Indira Windsor,” he whispers, pulling away. “I think you may well be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
I grin and lean back to look at him, my heart overflowing with tenderness. “Let’s see if you still feel that way when I drive you crazy at work. I’m looking forward to it, you know? Learning from the one and only Lexington Windsor.”
He chuckles and gently pushes my hair behind my ear. “I’m looking forward to it too, my little fairy. That’s what you do to me, you know? I just want to be around you every second of every day, and knowing I’ll get to see you at the office… I can’t fucking wait.”