SWNOVELS The Secret Fiancée: Chapter 16
My steps are measured as I walk through the Windsor Residences lobby, my heart in my throat. I’d been just as nervous the last time I walked into this building, but for vastly different reasons. Unease makes my stomach twist as I head toward the elevator Lex and I took up to his penthouse last time, only for a uniformed member of staff to stop me.
“Unfortunately, we can’t allow anyone access beyond this point,” the same security guard from last time says, his tone firm.
I stand rooted in place, uncertain what to do. Before I can even explain that I’m here because I was invited, a familiar voice sounds from behind me.
“It’s fine. She’s my future wife.”
My eyes widen, and I look over my shoulder to find Lex standing a few paces away, his expression unreadable. The three-piece charcoal suit he’s wearing makes him look unapproachable, unattainable, yet here he stands, proclaiming me to be his.
Lex studies me for a moment, his eyes roaming over my face, countless unspoken words hanging in the air between us. He lowers his gaze and walks up to me, his hand settling on my lower back. The security guard nods politely and steps back to press the elevator button for us, and I wordlessly let Lex guide me forward.
His hand stays in place as the elevator rises, warmth seeping into my skin, even through the fabric of my black dress. From the moment I found out, I’ve imagined countless versions of the same conversation that I know we must have, yet now that the time has come, I’m speechless.
Lex draws a shaky breath as the doors open, and I follow him into the penthouse that I didn’t think I’d ever step foot in again, seeing it through fresh eyes.
“Did you know?” I ask, my gaze roaming over the photos in the hallway. He told me that I’d meet the girls soon enough, and I thought he was just flirting with me.
“When you asked me if my mom would teach you her biryani recipe, and you told me you’d thank my dad for teaching me how to dance the foxtrot. When you kissed me, Lexington, and then told me you’d wait for as long as I needed you to. Did you know then?”
He looks at me with clear guilt in his eyes. “Yes.”
I smile wryly as my heart wrenches, a sense of betrayal rushing through me. “So every single time I asked you to tell me the truth, you told me white lies.” I run a hand through my hair, my eyes stinging. “You know, I thought it was a crazy coincidence when I ran into you like that. Then you showed up as my professor, and I thought that perhaps, it was fate.” I laugh humorlessly, feeling like a complete fool. “What did you hope to accomplish, Lexington?”
He walks up to me, regret marring his features. “Raya,” he says, his hands wrapping around my shoulders. “Please, will you let me explain?”
Bitterness makes me want to step back, out of his reach. Instead, I nod reluctantly. “Give me the full truth this time.”
“The full truth,” he repeats, looking down at his feet. “I was concerned I’d never truly get to know you if the first time we met was after we got engaged. You’d put up a front, acting the way you’d think is expected of you, and I’d be left trying to figure out what’s real and what isn’t.” He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I needed to know what kind of person you are, without the weight of our families’ expectations and the merger bearing down on us. I’d never let just anyone into my home and near my family. My grandmother may have vetted you, but I needed to check for myself.”
I stare at him in disbelief, my heart aching. “Funny, how you went out of your way to dig into who I am, but in doing so, you did exactly what you worried I’d put you through. You crafted a facade, acted the way the situation called for, and led me on.” He looks away, his expression conflicted. “Was any of it real?” I ask, my voice breaking.
“Of course,” he says, his voice soft. “I meant it when I said I was genuinely having a great time with you. I didn’t expect to like you as much as I do, Raya.”
I step back, out of his reach, a chill running down my spine. “Is that supposed to make me feel better, Lexington?” I ask, incredulous. My jaws snap shut, hurt turning into fury.
I wrap my arms around myself, my stomach turning. I’ve never felt so manipulated, and every memory we created instantly becomes tainted as I begin to analyze everything he’s ever said to me, every interaction. When he told me he had no interest in falling in love, he was warning me, telling me not to expect certain things from him during our marriage. It’s the reason I walked away, only to find out walking away was never an option.
“Raya,” he says, his tone pleading. “Please know that I didn’t have any bad intentions. It was an opportunity to find out how you’d treat me if we met by chance, and I just couldn’t pass that up. I knew I wouldn’t have a choice when it came to the woman I married, but at the very least, I wanted to meet you on my own terms. So much of what we do in the next couple of years will be dictated by our families, and more than once, we’ll find ourselves putting up an act, behaving a certain way for the press or our social circle. Our obligations will change everything.”
He looks tormented, desperate, and I feel myself waver. “It’s not that I don’t understand why you did it, Lex. I get it, but that doesn’t make it okay. You deceived me. You approached me knowing that our lives would inextricably entwine from that moment onwards, and instead of telling me the truth, you played with my feelings.” I pull a hand through my hair, frustrated. “And now I’m supposed to marry you? I can’t even trust you to be honest with me.”
“I’m sorry, Raya,” he says, but it doesn’t ring true — it doesn’t sound sincere.
“Your apology makes no difference,” I tell him, my voice breaking. “You could lie to me every single day for the entire duration of our marriage and there isn’t a single thing I could do about it. It’s not like I can just walk away, and we both know it.”
Something cracks in his expression, and he takes my hand. “I wouldn’t do that to you,” he says, pressing my palm flat against his chest before covering it with his own hand. “I won’t mislead you again, and though you may not be inclined to believe me right now, I have every intention of being a good husband. We’re not getting married by choice, but I’ll do what I can to make sure you won’t regret becoming my wife. Just because this isn’t what either of us wants doesn’t mean I won’t do the right thing.”
“How could I not regret marrying you, when the only thing I’ve ever wanted out of my marriage is the one thing you’ll never give me?”
His face falls, and he sighs as he tightens his grip on my hand. “Please don’t ask me to make you false promises.”
I pull my hand out of his grip and study him, unsure what to make of him. I’ve seen so many facets of Lex, but I still don’t have a complete picture. “Look, I didn’t come here to argue with you,” I tell him, my shoulders slumping. Ultimately, this is a business deal, and that’s something I can’t ever forget. “I came here today to tell you that I have some terms of my own.”
He raises a brow and nods, indicating for me to proceed.
“I don’t want anyone knowing about our marriage, especially not while you’re my professor. I’ve had to work incredibly hard to get into Astor College, and I don’t want to be assailed with rumors that’ll impact my education or my career.”
His expression hardens, and he reaches for my hair, pushing it out of my face with a cold look in his eyes. “I’ll agree to that, so long as we’re clear on one thing: you’re mine as much as I’m yours, and I do not share. You can hide our marriage as much as you want, but it doesn’t make it any less real.”
The possessiveness in his gaze makes my stomach tighten, and my heart begins to beat a little wilder. From the moment I found out who I’d marry, I’ve wondered whether any of what we shared was real, whether he truly wants me, or whether it was all an act, a role he was playing. I doubt he’s faking this. He may not be happy about the way we’re being forced into this, but he wants me — and he doesn’t seem particularly pleased about it.
I run a hand through my hair and nod. “No lies,” I add. “Tell me the full truth at all times and trust me to handle it. Don’t sugarcoat things for me and don’t treat me as anything but your equal.”
Lex nods. “Done.”
“No favoritism or nepotism. I don’t want to feel like I haven’t earned something I have, or like I deprived someone more deserving of an opportunity.”
“Of course.” He steps closer to me and cups my face, his thumb brushing over the edge of my mouth. “I’ve seen your drone design, Raya. You don’t need my favor.”
My heart wrenches, and I just about keep myself from replying that I do, or we wouldn’t be getting married. “One more thing, Lex.”
He raises his brow and nods. “Tell me.”
I take a deep breath and square my shoulders. “Three years from now, I want a divorce.”
His eyes flash with something akin to anger, and he steps closer to me, his shirt brushing against my dress, his jaws set.
“I fully respect your choices and your boundaries, Lexington. You made it abundantly clear that you have no interest in love or relationships, but someday, that’s exactly what I want for myself. I understand that it won’t be with you, and I won’t push for things you won’t give. All I ask is that you let me go eventually, so I can find someone who’ll love me like you won’t.”
His expression hardens, and his hand slides into my hair, his grip tightening. “We’ll see about that,” he growls.
I smile up at him humorlessly. “It wasn’t a suggestion. It’s a demand.”