Chapter Unspoken Fears
Sarah
"What happened?" I asked Alex. My heart pounded in my chest, and I tasted the salt of my tears as they streamed down my face.
Alex placed a comforting hand on my shoulder before continuing, sending a shock through my very core. "Madam Cornell," he began, his voice low and somber, "she... she took her own life in prison this afternoon." A gasp escaped my lips as my hand flew to my mouth. My mind went blank.
"W-what?" I stammered, my mouth agape.
"That's why, Madam Sarah... Please... the Boss needs you now more than ever."
A thousand questions raced through my mind for Alex, many things to say, but I chose to keep them to myself. Taking a deep, shaky breath, I steeled myself and entered the imposing building. Inside, I found Philip. In his hand was a crystal tumbler, half-filled with his favorite 30-year-old scotch. The amber liquid cast a warm glow, starkly contrasting the cold tension that filled the room. "Philip, I was also shocked that Josh did that to me. Please, you have to believe me..." The fear of rejection, of being cast out like before when my mother-in-law framed me, clawed at my insides. Philip lifted his gaze to me. His eyes, filled with pain, met mine.
"Sarah, I can't... I can't lose you. I... I just can't." Philip's body trembled, and I could hear the fear in his voice.
Crossing the room with cautious but determined steps, I gently took his free hand, feeling the slight tremor in his fingers.
"Philip, you should know by now that I am always choosing you," I paused to sob.
Philip gently pulled me closer, wrapping me in his arms. I felt his heart beating rapidly, and I caught the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with the aroma of scotch.
"Ever since I woke up from the coma, I realized and felt a unique understanding between you and Josh that I couldn't grasp. It's like he knows parts of you that I can't reach, that you can share things with him you can't with me. I was jealous of your relationship but kept it to myself because I didn't want to ruin what we have..."
His grip tightened slightly.
"I keep asking myself if I have the right to feel this way. To want to claim you, to own you... Do I have the right to be jealous?" His voice broke. "When I saw you outside, late at night, having a deep conversation with Josh, I was terrified, Sarah. I... I can't lose you. I just can't."
As he spoke, I felt the dam of his emotions break. His body shook with silent sobs, and I felt the warm wetness of his tears on my shoulder.
"As each day passes, Philip, I find myself falling deeper in love with you," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. "I can't imagine a life without you anymore."
Maybe if we had discussed this during the first few weeks Philip and I met, my answer would have been different-I wouldn't have accepted Philip. But here I am now, my feelings for him deepening even more. He's shown me he deserves my love.
Philip's thumb gently caressed my cheek, wiping away a stray tear. He leaned in, pressing his lips to mine in a tender kiss. The saltiness of his tears mingled with the sweetness of his lips, creating a bittersweet moment that spoke volumes. "I love you, Sarah..." he murmured against my lips, his eyes tightly shut as if to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He was hurting deeply.
Without warning, Philip scooped me up in his arms, cradling me against his chest as he carried me to the bedroom. He laid me down gently on the bed before lying beside me, his face mere inches from my stomach. I understood his need for closeness, for the comfort of holding each other in this intimate space.
I ran my fingers through Philip's dark locks as his hand found its way to my swollen belly, fingers splaying protectively over our unborn child.
"About Josh," I began hesitantly, "he's a psychiatrist... If you've noticed that I often confide in him, it's because I've been consulting with him professionally. Josh has been a great help to me since we met. He helped me through my panic attacks naturally, without relying on medication that could harm me."
Philip lifted his gaze to mine. "But you can't deny that he fell for you, Sarah."
"There's nothing I can do about it..."
But I blame myself for not realizing Josh's feelings sooner... I never imagined he could love anyone other than Megan. Philip's hand tightened slightly on my belly.
"When I saw Josh kiss you, I felt this intense fear grip me... my anxiety is overwhelming me right now," he murmured.
"I heard about your mother..." I said gently, trying to gauge his reaction.
"I can't believe she would do that. It's like she realized there was no way out of prison and chose... self-exit." He swallowed hard. "I feel so embarrassed and hurt, Sarah. Even in her final moments, she was selfish. It's... it's hard to process." Philip's voice was low and pained as he continued, "My parents never had a great relationship. My dad saw my mom as little more than a prop in his carefully constructed image of paternal success. While my mom, She was deeply manipulative. My father saw that as an asset in the ruthless business world. Many business partners favored my mom, like Madam Olsen..."
His eyes met mine, filled with regret and a desperate need for understanding.
"I grew up surrounded by that toxicity, never knowing what real love looked like. That's why I couldn't give you the time and attention you deserved when we first got married. I mistook you for my mother, influenced by her portrayal of you as a user..."
Philip's words made me clench my fists.
"I'm truly sorry, my love..." Philip whispered, his lips brushing against my belly in a tender kiss. "I should have known better. Should have trusted my heart instead of the poison my mother fed me."
Silence enveloped us; Philip's hand continued its gentle caress of my rounded stomach while my fingers threaded through his hair, offering comfort in the quiet intimacy of touch.
***
During the video call with Amir, he was astounded by my plans. Although I hadn't mentioned what transpired between Philip and me, I did bring up Madam Cornell's passing.
"I'm saddened by Philip losing his mother, but honestly, I'm frustrated, brother! I haven't discussed this with my husband yet because the timing isn't right. For now, I'm letting Philip have his space to mourn." Amir's expression darkened further, his thick eyebrows knitting together.
"I understand your conflicted feelings, Sarah, but I can't wrap my head around you giving Philip access to some of your accounts and shares. Have you completely lost your mind?" His voice rose. "I don't trust that man!" His irritation was evident on the screen.
Anticipating his reaction, all I could do was explain. "I know what I'm doing, brother! Right now, Emily is among the people I trust, but she's relocating to Henderson. The secretaries you've recommended are fine, but Emily is different. Though we've only known each other briefly, I feel a deep sense of comfort and trust with her. I can't think of anyone else besides Philip who could handle some of these intricate business transactions."
"Sarah, listen to yourself! Have you considered even a moment that Philip might be plotting revenge? He's betrayed you once. Who's to say he won't do it again? Think about it: his mother just passed away.
"Do you really expect Philip to not harbor ill intentions toward you? Are you certain about his feelings for you? Remember, you nearly lost your life because of Philip before! From where I stand, Philip will always prioritize his mother's love over anything else, including you!"
Amir's point gave me pause. I understood his concern, but surely, I won't let Philip hurt me a second time. I've grown, I've learned, and I'm stronger now! Right?