The Search for Freedom

Alicia suddenly showed up by my side and said, "I know you're now thinking again about the guard you killed, but don't worry too much because I can help you forget him."

I faced her and asked, "How can you help me?"

"That's so easy, Kaila. You only need to make yourself busy."

"But how can I make myself busy?" I queried

I sensed that there was something she wanted me to do. As might be expected, she would only use me for her own benefit. But I wasn't sure yet.

"Do you remember what I mentioned about something you can do to break the curse?" She sat down on the concrete-hard chair at my right side.

Her words sounded interesting, especially since my sole aspiration was to get rid of the curse, which also came from her. I experienced a dilemma. She probably would not tell me anything without expecting an exchange, or she could also benefit from what she wanted me to do. But as long as I could do it, I would never waste an opportunity to find out what I needed to do in order to break the curse.

"Tell me what I should do to get rid of this," I ordered.

"I'm sure you can do this thing, but you need to be strong because it's not as simple as what you're thinking."

I replied, "I thought you knew me for a long time. I also thought that you knew my weaknesses and courage."

"Yeah, But this thing-I don't know if it would conquer you, your weakness or courage, because I observed that you were not showing your courage and weaknesses to each other."

"What do you mean? Can you just tell me directly?" I queried.

"I mean, you really need courage in doing this thing, but I also know you have your weaknesses because nobody doesn't have their weaknesses and that might lead them to misfortune. But whatever your decision will be, you still don't have any other choices if you want to get rid of it."

Though she had not mentioned what I needed to do. How could I understand what she meant if she would not tell me? Her speech was so long and twisted that I tried to calm myself, because I was hoping to find out something. Maybe what she was saying could help me to pass all the trials in doing the thing that she wanted me to do and would lead me to break the curse.

"Old Alicia, can you tell me about it directly?" I have been listening to you, but you have not told me what to do!" I exclaimed.

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"Okay. Just calm down, and stop calling me 'old Alicia' again, because I'm not as old as what you're thinking," she replied.

"Alicia, can you tell me how old you are?" I asked.

What kind of woman was she? Maybe she was escaping to answer my question about the curse. She didn't have any plans to answer it because she was changing our topic. But I knew it depended on her. If she wouldn't tell me, then I would not force her either. I also knew that I could not coerce her because she seemed to be a ghost to me. What I could only do was to wait to see when she would be willing to say something about it.

"I don't know my age. I never think about my age, because even if I'm dead, I can consider myself alive. But I know how old you are. You are sixteen and will turn seventeen next month, right?" "Can you tell me what will happen if I die?" I asked.

Alicia explained, "It's only your body that will be buried, but your spirit can be brought to a place where the spirits are staying."

A place of spirits? Was there really a place like that? It never crossed my mind that if I died, I could consider myself alive. Maybe it was interesting to die, because I could not feel anything just like Alicia; I would become air. But it also never crossed my mind to commit suicide, because I was afraid of dying, but how much more if Alicia wasn't telling the truth? Instead of a paradise place, I would be brought to an inferno where fire never ceased.

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The place of spirits might be magical and those people who died were brought there; that might be a place where someone couldn't feel boredom, loneliness, resentment, and most of all, pain. I was hoping that there would be a place where everyone had their freedom, where people could live without being tamed, but that was almost impossible. I was making an inference, but if that would happen if someone died, I would like to follow my parents there.

Our conversation would be just a waste of time because Alicia would not tell me more about anything, especially about the place of spirits. Instead of explaining something to me, she would make me baffled. I knew everyone had their own unique demeanor, and Alicia's demeanor was selfishness. Everything she was doing was only for herself. I knew her motto was to love herself without minding others. They would only become hindrances to her own interests. However, she might not be so selfish at all, because she considered my situation after doing things. However, there was one mistake she made and became the root of my misery: she did not consider me before taking an action; she did not consult me about what she wanted to do.

Meanwhile, I also made one mistake: I did not consider anything that might happen before accepting the pinkish cloud, which was not, to my knowledge, a curse. I became the fuel of my own misery. It means that we both made mistakes and should help each other fix what we did wrong.

"Is there something bothering you and you're lulled?" Alicia broke the silence. "If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me."

If she wouldn't ask, she didn't know I had prepared numerous questions for her, which I kept in my mind since last night for fear they might be lost. It was she who did not have any plans to answer them. But then an opportunity struck, so I should start with something important.

"Alicia, I have an important question, and I hope you will answer me honestly," I said, then winked at her.

"Tell me what it's called and I will answer you if I can."

"Do you really know who killed my parents?" I widened my eyes. "Please tell me who they are."