The Search for Freedom

Kaila

I didn't know why the boy named Nick visited me yesterday. He came just to say hello and left before nightfall without saying goodbye. He talked a lot about his family. He told me that his parents wanted to negotiate with me. But I didn't believe him. They might only cheat me and plunder the wealth I inherited from my ancestors. I needed time to think things through. Maybe I needed to meet his parents to know if he was telling the truth.

Many things were messing with my mind. I had woken up, and I remembered the dream I had. It had been many days since the last time I had a dream, but just last night I dreamed again about the place where there was nothing but emptiness. I didn't even know what kind of place it was. I didn't even know why I was dreaming about that place. Maybe it was an indication, but an indication of what? Did that indicate emptiness? Maybe it indicated that I would be empty, that nobody would be left behind.

"Nick nock nick nock," the steady, recurrent ticking sound of the clock. I remembered the boy who introduced himself to me as Nick. Did we really know each other? Or was he just making a monkey of me?

Though everything was difficult to believe, I could not deny that he had a point in every word he said, and he was also serious while saying them. He might have been my playmate when I was young because he looked wealthy, and he also told me that his parents owned vast land. It wasn't that our ages were the same and he knew many things about me.

I shook my head. I didn't know why I was thinking about the boy who had no connection with me. He wasn't even my acquaintance. I remembered the words he said: he was always dreaming of my appearance and beautiful face. It was impossible for him to sketch my appearance in his mind, for he'd mentioned that the last time he saw me was when we were six years old. He seemed to be not serious at all.

I rolled myself on the bed and snuggled to find a comfortable position. There seemed to be something spinning me around, making me crazier. The clock suddenly chimed. Even with its chime, what I could hear was the name of that boy. I sprang out of my bed, donned my pinkish sneakers, got out of my room and shut the door. Taking the winding stairs to go down What kind of boy was he that even my footsteps were telling his name?

Everything around me was screaming "Nick!" But I could not smell any memories of him. I could see him in the paintings on the wall, on the glossy floor, on the antiquated mirror, and on the door.

The memories of my parents have been replaced by those of that boy, who wasn't even my acquaintance. But inside my heart, nobody could replace the love of my parents and my love for them. And if that happened, I would make sure that the person who wanted to replace them was worthy.

"Good morning, Kaila," Amara greeted me in a cheerful manner. "It's too early, but you're frowning again. Is there something wrong?"

I shook my head and faked a smile without saying a word. I hauled myself to the upholstered couch and sat down. Amara walked towards me and took a seat by my side.

"Do you know that boy named Nick South?" I queried, pretending to be curious so that I could avoid the obvious reason why I asked.

"Nick?" Amara responded. "Sorry, but I never heard that name before, only from you." She shrugged slightly. "Why did you ask me anyway?"

"You know, he just suddenly appeared here yesterday," I replied.

"Appeared here? Yesterday? But why didn't I see him?"

"You didn't because we were inside the library."

"I hope to see him to find out what makes you curious."

"I'm just confused because he told me that he was one of my playmates when I was young. Perhaps you didn't know him, because it wasn't that long since you started working here," I explained.

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"Kaila, I'm not threatening you, but you must beware of those people whom you've met, because you don't know what they want from you. You might be in danger, especially since you are the only one who can see that boy you mentioned. Maybe he's a ghost."

"A ghost? That's impossible! He looked so handsome to be a ghost."

"Handsome?" She emphasized the word, then showed a taunting smile at me. "Maybe that's the reason why you're thinking too much about him because he's handsome."

"Can you stop leading me? You don't know the whole story."

"Um, would you tell me the whole story about the handsome boy?" She sneered.

Because she was insistent, I told Amara the whole story: how and where I saw Nick, what he told me, and what happened. I told her that he came from a wealthy family and that his parents were partners in business before. Amara became more confused, but she was fighting against the confusion and made a funny face.

She looked at me and asked, "Is there no other thing that happened?"

"What do you mean?" I inquired, though I knew what she wanted to say. "No, there was nothing else that happened other than that."

"Are you sure?" She gave a taunting tone of voice again. "There was nothing happening between you and that boy?"

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"Nothing, he only looked at my eyes with a flirty smile and told me that he was always dreaming of my beautiful face," I explained.

Sometimes I tell the truth to prove myself and to make everything favorable to me, and I sometimes lie for the same reason.

"Did he not kiss you?" The words totally came out of Amara's lips.

"Huh? Of course not!" I replied, looking for a way to get rid of the things that didn't favor me. I was avoiding the words, which made me uncomfortable. I knew that Amara would be more confused if she saw that I was dazed. She removed her attention from the thing and said, "Good, now you may forget about him. You should go to the dining room and eat your breakfast." She stood up and walked towards the door.

"Hey, where are you going? Don't you want to join me?"

"Don't worry. Nick is there; he will join you!" Amara half-shouted.

I turned my attention to other things, but what came to my mind was also a problem. I knew that my problem with Nick South would be gone soon. But I knew that my other problem was difficult to fix, especially since I could not understand what it really meant. I didn't know how to expel it. For many nights, I could not sleep well. The kind of nightmares that would not set me free, because every time I would close my eyes, it would begin to show.

Maybe I was lucky that day because I didn't have a bad dream, especially about the place of emptiness. I would forget about that place. Perhaps it was normal to have a dream about it, because everything would be fine.

Other people told me that what they dreamed about was the opposite of reality. Maybe the meaning of the emptiness would create the opposite result in my life, or maybe the emptiness itself wasn't empty, there might be a lot of hidden things within it. Maybe it was full of something, something I didn't know, and that must be buried in oblivion.