THE S CLUB

Madge managed to upchuck shortly before breakfast the next morning. Pale and sad-eyed but with a gleeful heart, she was ordered back to bed. There she would sleep late, watch television and eat only pretzels and toast until dinnertime.

I, on the other hand, having eaten only a few sweets woke up with a slight hypoglycemic hangover. Reluctantly, I trudged into the day. I had a haunting penchant that all my teachers were going to spring surprise quiz after surprise quiz.

Already I heard the didactic rhetoric that would follow; Junior High School, High School, College and Real Life were like surprise quizzes. “Got to make sure that I suffer,” I gasped to myself. Lethargically, I walked to the bus stop. Farley was there where she told me that Neil and Chris were able to upchuck as well.

It was just so gross,” she said,” they showed me how to do it and everything.”

“Well, not only are they sick mentally,” I said like true pseudo sophisticate, “they are sick physically too.”

“I know,” said Farley, ”Those three really stick together. They have sex shows and get sick at the same time. Now that’s real unity.”

“Farley,” I said exasperated, ”Who cares?”

“I care.”

“But Farley, they don’t even like you.”

“That’s not the point,” she said. ”I just want to belong.”

“To that?”

“Yes to that,” she declared. ”I am sick. I am sick of being alone. I wish I were fully-grown with a lot of money and a driver’s license. I’d have a pink little apartment on Park Avenue. And I’d divide my time between going out on dates and going to the beauty parlor.”

“Really.”

“Oh yes, I’d have hundred of boyfriends. They would take me to the movies, get me drunk and everything. But I’d only kiss them goodnight. Even if it was my fiancée,”

“Why your fiancée?’”

“Especially my fiancée,” she said. She smiled with a hussy’s savvy. “I would be saving the best for marriage.”

“Then you are not really S Club material,” I noted.

“Oh don’t be so stupid,” she said. ”I can still have fun can’t I? I mean, it’s not like I am going to marry any of you, guys. ”

The elementary school bus rumbled around the bend. Farley squeezed her books closer to her chest. A moment of apprehension passed through her, she wondered if she would ever fit into a world where everybody’s parents fought bitterly but stayed together.