The Rules of Dating

Holden stood at the podium, readying to give his speech. The DJ held his hand up, prompting everyone to quiet down as Holden took the mic. I held my breath, unable to imagine my best man taking this seriously, and wondering whether I was about to get roasted.

Holden smirked at me, then began to speak. “Loyal…talented…stunningly handsome—the best friend anyone could ask for.” He paused. “But enough about me.”

Our guests roared with laughter.

“My name is Holden Catalano, and I’m here for the free food and booze.” He grinned as everyone laughed again. “Actually, much to his dismay, I’m Colby’s best man.” He looked over at me. “While I’d love to be able to say Colby chose me for this role, I’m standing here today because I drew from a hat a piece of paper with the words best man written on it. Our buddies Owen and Brayden, on the other hand, drew blanks and were relegated to mere ushers as a result.” He turned to me. “I want you to know, Colby, that I take this responsibility very seriously. I’ve even waited until after this speech to get shitfaced because I didn’t want to botch this up. Because let’s face it, I’m the worst man, not the best for this job. But alas, you’re stuck with me.” He sighed. “We all know that if Ryan were here, he would be the best man. Instead, he’s looking down on you right now, thinking… How the hell did you snag a woman as awesome as Billie?”

Laughter once again erupted throughout the ballroom. When it dissipated, he went on. “Colby and I, along with Owen, Brayden, and our late friend, Ryan, have been friends since childhood. Growing up, we called upon Colby as the oldest in our group to set an example for us.” Holden paused. “That explains why we’re all idiots.”

I clapped. Billie and I looked at each other as we cracked up.

“But honestly, I am the wrong man for this job, partly because Colby and I have always been like yin and yang. He went to the fancy schools and got the fancy jobs. Most of the jobs I manage to snag are of the blow variety.”

Billie placed her hands over Saylor’s ears. Thankfully, my daughter had no idea what that meant and seemed unfazed.

“And you certainly don’t need to go to a fancy school to be a drummer like me,” Holden continued. “That said, Colby doesn’t have a musical bone in his body. We used to take girls we were looking to let down easy to karaoke so they could hear Colby sing—they’d magically disappear.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

“And don’t even get me started on our styles. Couldn’t be more different. Colby wears three-piece suits on the regular. The last time I wore a three-piece suit, I was sitting next to my defense attorney in court after a barroom brawl.”

My shoulders shook. “True,” I mouthed to him.

“So if we’re so non-compatible…why the hell did I agree to this important task? Well, the answer is simple.” He paused. “I’m here for Billie.”

I looked over at my bride, who wiped a tear of laughter from her eye.

“I knew from the first time Billie worked on my body art that she had amazing taste. I thought she could do no wrong. Then I found out she was in love with Colby and realized…nobody’s perfect.”

Our guests were once again in stitches.

Holden scratched his chin. “So, yeah, Colby and I…we’re yin and yang. And I know this because earlier, I looked up the meaning of yin and yang for the first time in my life—to make sure I had it right.” He looked around the room. “It’s one of those things you always hear about but don’t fully understand. And in learning about it, I realized that even more yin and yang than Colby and me, are Colby and Billie.” Holden turned to us. “Listen to this: yin represents an energy that is feminine and dark.” He pointed to my bride. “That’s totally like badass Billie, right? And yang represents energy that is bright, masculine, and I shit you not…hot. You’re welcome, Colby.” He laughed. “Doesn’t that remind you of the two of them? Opposites that go so damn well together that it’s like they were made for each other, like the sun and the moon.” He looked over at us. “The most important realization in my research of yin and yang is that even though they’re opposites, they rely on each other to exist. Without night, there is no day. Without love, there is no grief—we all learned that the hard way when Ryan passed. And I think it’s safe to say, without Colby, there is no Billie. Without Billie, there is no Colby. They’ve become one today.” Holden flashed his megawatt smile. “And yes, I did manage to bring this speech to a sappy ending.”

My cheeks hurt from grinning.

He grabbed his champagne flute and lifted it. “So, to Billie and Colby, yin and yang. You inspire me to want to fall in love someday…when I’m sixty-five and can no longer get it up.” Amidst the laughter of the audience, he added, “Love you both! And Colby, man, if you didn’t like this speech, I suggest choosing someone else to be your best man the next time you get married.” He winked at me.

I gave him the finger and got up to give him a huge hug—those two gestures in quick succession pretty much summed up our relationship.

When I returned to my seat, Billie was beaming. “That was freaking awesome.”

“Only Holden,” I said.

Our wedding was a pretty grand affair held in the ballroom of a hotel downtown. Billie had insisted she wanted a smaller wedding, but I’d convinced her that after everything we’d been through, we deserved a massive party. Since Billie wasn’t really into the planning component, we gave my mother the gift of her life, letting her take full charge of making the arrangements. She, of course, met with Billie several times and took my gorgeous bride’s taste and style into consideration. We ended up with a colorful motif that was vibrant yet classy. Red and burgundy flowers with black feather accents. You could call it gothic chic.

My wife turned to me as they began to serve the cake. “I can’t believe how amazing this day turned out.”

I glanced down at her chest. “Almost as amazing as your tits in that corset. I nearly died when I saw you coming down the aisle on Deek’s arm.”

“Did you really think I’d have any other kind of top for my dress?”

Billie’s dress was nothing short of spectacular. It was two pieces: a satiny, white corset top and a massive ballgown bottom. Her black hair was styled half up, half down in loose curls. I’d always imagined I would cry when I saw her coming down the aisle, but my reaction surprised me. Of course, I was filled with emotion, but instead of crying, I wasn’t able to stop smiling. In fact, I’d yet to shed a tear at my own wedding, even during my father-daughter dance with Saylor. But the night was still young.

After the meal, everyone hit the dance floor. At one point, the DJ played a slower song, and I happened to look over and notice an interesting sight—Holden dancing with Ryan’s little sister, Laney, whom we all affectionately called Lala. Well, I say little, but she was definitely all grown up now. She’d been dancing with her fiancé just minutes before. But in this moment, her fiancé was nowhere to be found. Normally, there wouldn’t be anything notable about a girl dancing with a so-called friend of the family. Except I knew about Holden’s crush on her that went way back. The way he’d swooped in the first chance he got tonight made me wonder if he had an ulterior motive.

When the song ended, he bent to give her a kiss on the cheek. Then he walked away.

My eyes followed as he headed straight for the bar and ordered another drink. Then I looked back over at Laney and noticed her fiancé, Warren, reappearing on the dance floor next to her. It was like that little blip with Holden never even happened. My eyes wandered from Warren and Laney back to Holden, who now watched them from the bar.

Billie was off chatting with guests at one of the tables, so I took the opportunity to go over to where Holden was sitting.

I placed my hand on his shoulder. “Feel like getting some air with me? It’s a nice night.”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

I ordered a beer, and we walked out to the veranda.

“I saw you dancing with Lala.”

Holden’s longish hair blew in the breeze. “You mean the blink-and-you-missed-it dance?”

I smiled. “You took the opportunity the one moment Warren went to the bathroom, huh?”

He grimaced. “What does she see in him anyway?”

“He seems like a nice guy. Really smart—like her. Maybe that’s not what you want to hear.”

“Smart?” His eyes widened. “Why? Because he’s got some dorky science job?”

I glared at him. “Cancer researcher.”

“Details.” Holden sipped his beer. “Anyway… He’s still a fucking dork.”

“Well, so is Lala, sort of.” I laughed. “And I mean that in the nicest way. She’s a sweet, adorable nerd.”

“Yeah, she is,” he muttered, staring out.

“We can’t help who we’re drawn to, Holden. You said it yourself. Opposites attract. But I mean, even if she didn’t have the fiancé, do you think you’d be right for her at this stage in your life? Lala’s not the type of girl you cheat on.” I stared into his eyes. “You know?”

“Fuck no, she isn’t.” He looked down at the ground.

“So maybe it’s better that she’s with this guy, if he makes her happy and takes care of her. It’s what Ryan would’ve wanted.”

“Right. Ryan would not have wanted her with me. We all know that.” He laughed bitterly before taking another sip of his beer. He slammed the bottle down on a table. “Can we be done talking about this? It’s pointless.”

I regretted bringing it up. “Whatever you want, man.”

Holden then walked away, brushing past Billie on his way inside.

“There you are,” she said, looking over her shoulder. “Everything okay with Holden?”

I shook my head. “Not really. But he’ll be alright. I think he’s had a little too much to drink.”

A look of concern crossed her face. “Is this about Ryan’s sister?”

“You know about that? I didn’t think I’d ever mentioned it to you.”

“Have you ever heard that guy talk during a tattoo appointment? I’ve heard Holden’s entire life story ten times over. Plus, I saw him dancing with her. She’s really cute—and nice. Too bad Holden wasn’t…”

“Holden?”

“Yeah.” She smiled sadly.

I exhaled. “Has anyone seen my daughter lately?”

“Don’t worry. My mom is looking after her. Oddly, she actually enjoys my mother’s company. At least someone does.”

“Saylor loves everyone,” I said.

“I think my mom loves what a girly girl Saylor is, since she never got that from me.”

I laughed, wrapping my arm around her. “Hey—question. Has anyone ever left their own wedding to fuck in the bushes?”

Billie and I had decided to skip sex for a week before the event to make our wedding night even more intense.

“I said we could wait until the wedding, but I didn’t mean at the wedding,” she said.

I kissed her forehead. “I’d probably never be able to undo all those ties on your dress in time to get us back in there before the reception ended. So I guess I’ll have to wait.” I sighed, inhaling some of the night air. “It’s kind of nice to have this break, just the two of us, huh? I feel like I haven’t stopped to breathe all night.”

She brushed her fingers through my hair. “I know.”

“Listen…I wanted to mention something to you while we have a moment to ourselves.”

She tilted her head. “What?”

“After our dance, Saylor whispered in my ear, asking me if I thought she could call you Mom now that you and I were married.”

“Oh my God.” Billie placed her hand on her chest. “You know that’s something I want. I just never wanted to pressure her. I always figured it would happen when she felt ready, you know?”

“Yeah. Of course. I think she’s holding back because she needs to know that’s what you want.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I’m so glad you told me. To think she’s been afraid to…”

We heard the DJ call out for us, so we returned inside where Billie threw her bouquet. This woman who worked at my firm ended up catching it, nearly falling flat on her ass in the process. Soon after, I was surprised to see Billie head up to the DJ and ask him for the microphone.

She cleared her throat to get everyone’s attention. “Thank you, everyone, for coming tonight and celebrating the beginning of the rest of our lives with us. I just wanted to acknowledge how much I appreciate you all. This is the most important day of my life…” Her eyes searched for me on the dance floor. “Not only because I married the man of my dreams, but because of the beautiful little girl I get to spend my life with.” She looked down at Saylor standing next to me. “Saylor has accepted me with open arms from the moment we met. We became instant friends, but over time, we have become so much more. There’s only one thing I want more than to be Colby’s wife, and that’s to be Saylor’s mom.” She waved for Saylor to come join her.

I watched as my daughter walked slowly toward Billie.

Walking toward her mom for the first time.

Billie bent to embrace her. “I love you so much, sweetie.”

My daughter broke out into tears. “I love you, too, Mommy.”

My heart was fuller than it had ever been. This was the moment that brought everything we’d been through full circle. Because no matter what happened between Billie and me, agreeing to be someone’s mother was for life. It was the ultimate commitment, more than any wedding ceremony or legal paper. I knew Billie would always be there for Saylor. As much as I’d tried to be Saylor’s entire world, the one thing I could never be was her mother. I was grateful Saylor didn’t have to live her entire life without one.

As I looked over at my two angels hugging in their white dresses, for the first time on my wedding day I finally broke down and cried.