The Rules of Dating

“Alright, are we all in agreement?” Owen looked around the table. “We’re going to upgrade the HVAC system with the money we have in the account, and put off doing the roof until next year?”

I raised my beer. “Agreed.”

Owen turned to Holden and Brayden. “What about you guys?”

They both shrugged, as was typical. They tended to go along with the group consensus.

“Works for me,” Holden said.

“Same,” Brayden added.

Owen leaned forward and held his beer over the middle of the table in a toast. “Then this month’s board meeting is officially over. Let the real drinking begin.”

We all clanked beer bottles.

On the second Friday of every month, the four of us got together to discuss the building and make decisions. Technically, our meetings were considered shareholder board meetings since we were a corporation, but considering we held them in a bar and had to yell over the band playing, it was more like a night out with the guys.

Holden stood. He cupped his hands around his mouth to talk over the music. “What are we doing tonight, boys? Tequila or whiskey?”

I preferred beer, but it wasn’t worth the ball-busting I’d get if I didn’t participate. The other guys all said tequila, so I shrugged. “Tequila it is.”

As usual, we took turns going up to the bar for a round of shots and picking up the tab. By the fourth one, I was glad there weren’t five of us, because I was already feeling no pain.

Holden pointed to the band. “I’m friends with these guys. When I talked to them earlier, they invited me to sit in with them for a song. I think I’m gonna take them up on it.” He motioned to a table of four women who had come in a little while ago and were sitting near the stage. “I’ll make us some friends, too.”

Making friends with women was never a problem for Holden. On his way up to join the band, he stopped by the ladies’ table, and within a minute, he had them all smiling and laughing.

When he finally left their table, he spoke to the band, and then the drummer got up. Holden took a seat at the drum set and grabbed the microphone. He twirled a stick in his other hand before pointing it at the ladies he’d just chatted with and flashing his signature lazy smile. “This next song is dedicated to my new friend, Nikki.”

I chuckled when they started playing the old Van Halen song “Hot for Teacher” and leaned over to Owen. “I guess we know what Nikki does for a living.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He shook his head. “Dude’s got a song to get in any girl’s pants.”

A minute later, Owen’s phone buzzed. He looked down at it and frowned. “It’s the office. I’m going outside so I can hear.”

“Alright.” I nodded.

Owen came back ten minutes later, just as Holden returned to the table.

“Sorry, guys, I gotta run. I have an emergency at the office,” Owen said.

“What? We just got here.” Holden pointed to the table of four women. “Those ladies just asked us to join them and bought us all a round of shots. There’re four of them. You can’t go, dude.”

Owen patted Holden’s shoulder. “I have faith that you can handle two, buddy.”

I wasn’t really in the mood to hang out with the ladies, but I didn’t want to be a drag, so I walked over with the guys. I’d just have a beer and call it a night.

But then it turned out the women were all super nice—a few years younger than us, but pretty and outgoing. Oddly, the four of them had been friends since they were kids like we had, which was kind of cool. Nikki, the blonde Holden was cozying up to, was a teacher and had received tenure today, so they were out celebrating. After a half hour or so, Brayden said he had to get going, and so did one of the ladies, so I figured it was the perfect time to make my exit, too. But just as I was about to do that, Nikki suggested the remaining five of us go back to her place.

“I think I’m just going to call it a night,” I said. “I have a daughter. She’s with my parents tonight, but I gotta get up early tomorrow and get her.”

“You told your parents ten o’clock. I was there when they picked her up, remember?” Holden said. “And they told you to take your time. Come on…don’t be such a wuss.”

“My apartment is just around the corner,” Nikki said. She tilted her head. “Come for one drink.”

Four years ago, I would have been the one begging my wingman not to ditch. And the only reason I didn’t feel like going was because of some sort of loyalty to Billie—a woman who didn’t want to date me. Though, lately, I got the feeling she was starting to come around, and I didn’t want to fuck that up.

Holden put his arm around my shoulder. “One drink. She lives around the corner.”

I gave in. “Alright, just one drink.”

***

This scene was starting to look too much like my college days, at least the parts I didn’t see in double right now. Nikki lived in a typical, small New York City apartment, where the kitchen was only five feet from the living room couch. She and Holden were currently sucking face at the kitchen counter, her legs wrapped around his waist. Meanwhile, the other two ladies and I were on the couch, awkwardly trying not to notice him rounding to second base. At least I thought it was awkward.

I slapped my knees. “Welp. I should get going.”

Erika, the redhead sitting on my right, laid her hand on the inside of my thigh. “Don’t go.” She looked at her friend and smiled. “Melissa and I don’t mind…sharing, if you’re cool with that.”

Melissa put her hand high on my other thigh and rubbed back and forth.

Fuck. I closed my eyes. This shit never happened to me anymore.

I looked at Erika, then Melissa. Both were attractive with great figures, and it had been a while since I’d been with anyone. Not to mention, how many offers of a threesome did a man get in life, particularly with women who looked like these two? Not very many. Yet I had a nagging feeling in my gut.

“I think I might’ve had too much to drink,” I said. “Would you excuse me a minute? I’m going to hit the head and splash some cold water on my face.”

“Sure, of course,” Erika said. “Take your time.”

I needed to remove myself from the situation in order to think clearly. But after locking the bathroom door, I really did splash some water on my face. Then I had a heart to heart with the guy in the mirror.

“Two beautiful women—why aren’t you jumping at this opportunity, Lennon?”

I hung my head. Because neither one of them is Billie, that’s fucking why.

I looked up again. “It’s just sex. A threesome, for Christ’s sake. They don’t want to marry you, jackass.”

I shut my eyes. But how will you look Billie in the eyes after that?

Then again…Billie had told me flat out that she wasn’t interested, on more than one occasion.

She’s.

Not.

Interested.

In.

You.

Get that shit through your thick skull already, Lennon.

I spent the next five minutes alternating between looking in the mirror and talking myself into a threesome, and hanging my head in shame for even considering it. But all I managed to accomplish was making myself feel nauseous from the motion of my head going up and down. When the room started to spin, I sat down on the floor next to the toilet bowl. That turned out to be a good thing, because thirty seconds later, my head was in it as I retched up every last drink I’d had in my stomach.

***

Ugh. Light from a window beamed in and landed straight in my eyes. I lifted my head and tried to get some spit in my mouth so I could swallow, but all my tongue found was more of the same horrible taste. Did something die in my mouth last night? I looked around. And where the hell am I?

This was definitely not my bathroom.

I stared at the closed door until bits and pieces came back to me.

The ladies from last night.

That’s right… We’d gone back to someone’s apartment after the bar. It was supposed to be for one drink, but there had been several more rounds of shots. I was a little fuzzy about what happened after that. While I gave my brain a chance to fire up, I dug my phone out of my pocket to check the time. Shit. It was already eight thirty, and I’d missed a bunch of messages. I scrolled to the first unread one, which had come in at one in the morning.

Holden: Dude, what are you doing in there? Come join the party.

The next one had come in at a few minutes before eight this morning.

Billie: Hey. I have a ten o’clock appointment today. If you have time, stop in. I should be there in a little while. I want to talk to you about something.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. Fuck.

The next message had come in ten minutes ago from my mother. When I opened it, a photo popped up. My daughter was sitting at my parents’ kitchen table, her little tongue peeking out to the side like she was concentrating. On the tray in front of her, she had formed the letter D out of Cheerios.

Mom: She told me D was for Dad and did that all on her own!

I smiled, but moving my face actually hurt. Right now, that D stood for dickhead. I needed two aspirin, a toothbrush, and a shower, pronto. And I needed someone to bring them to me while I sat on the floor. I absolutely did not feel like moving at the moment, but I didn’t have much of a choice since I couldn’t pick up my daughter in this condition. She was only four, but she was observant and would definitely notice me still wearing the clothes I’d had on last night. So I dragged myself up and rummaged through the medicine cabinet for some toothpaste, then used my finger to do a quick brush before bending over and guzzling a full glass of water straight from the faucet.

That would have to hold me until I got home. I took a quick look in the mirror. My hair was sticking up all over the place, and dried drool was pasted to the side of my cheek.

Fuck it. I’ll fix it later.

I had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side of the door. For all I knew, the women might not even remember I was in the bathroom, and I’d wake them and scare the shit out of them. So I creaked the door open as quietly as I could and tiptoed out.

The place was quiet, with no bodies in sight, so I made my way toward the door. But when I reached the hallway, I made the mistake of looking into the bedroom.

Holden was face up, spread eagle across the bed, his junk on full display. And he wasn’t alone. All three of the women from last night were naked, too. One was curled up on his right side with her head resting on his chest, and the other two were on his left side spooning together while snuggled up against him. I shook my head before walking out.

Only fucking Holden.

Outside on the street, the sun was way too bright. I squinted as I started to walk. Luckily our building was only a few blocks away. People were coming and going on the sidewalk, all clean and dressed for the day, while I kept my head down during my walk of shame.

Which is exactly the position I was in when I turned the corner onto our block and walked straight into someone.

“Shit, sorr—” My words got caught in my throat when I looked up at the person I’d crashed into.

“Colby?”

“Billie, what are you doing here?”

She smiled. “Ummm…I work here, remember? A few buildings down. I was just heading to the deli to get my coffee.”

“Yeah, uh, of course. Sorry. Not sure what I was thinking.”

Her smile wilted as she looked me up and down. “Are you…just getting home from last night?”

My first inclination was to lie and say no, I’d run out for something. But she looked into my eyes, waiting for an answer, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Yeah, I, uh, went out with the guys last night. I had a little too much to drink and, uh, fell asleep, I guess.”

“At one of the guys’ apartments?”

I frowned, and the look of disappointment on Billie’s face felt like a kick in the stomach. She shook her head and put up two hands. “Sorry. I don’t want to know the details. I have to go anyway.”

She started around me, but I stopped her.

“Billie, wait…”

She wouldn’t even look at me. “It’s fine, Colby. You don’t owe me any explanation. You’re a single guy. I get it.”

I shook my head. “It’s not what it looks like.”

“No? So you didn’t just leave a woman’s apartment after spending the night?”

“I did, but nothing happened.”

She pursed her lips. “It’s none of my business. And I really need to go get my coffee before my client gets here.”

“Just give me one minute so I can explain.”

She took a deep breath and exhaled without saying anything. But she wasn’t walking away anymore, so I figured I should get talking.

“The guys and I went out for our monthly meeting about the building, and then we had a couple of drinks. There were these four women, and Holden wanted to go back to their apartment. He gave me shit about being his wingman, so I went.”

She nodded. “Oh, I see. That clears it all up.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. So you spent the night to make your friend happy.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, I hope you used a condom at least.”

She tried to walk away again, but I stopped her. “I didn’t need to.”

She rolled her eyes. “Great.”

“I mean because I didn’t sleep with anyone. In fact, I slept alone in the bathroom, even though I could have had a threesome.”

The minute the word threesome came out of my mouth, I knew it was dumb.

Billie’s cheeks heated. “You should’ve stopped talking while you were ahead, Colby.” She started walking again.

This time I grabbed her arm. “Wait. I don’t want to leave you upset.”

She frowned as she stared down at the cement. “I’m not.”

“Billie, look at me.”

Taking a deep breath, she lifted her eyes to meet mine. What I saw made my chest tight. She looked so damn hurt.

“Nothing happened. I swear.”

She looked at my hand on her arm and then back up to me. Her eyes filled with tears. “Please let go of me.”

I immediately released her and stepped back, raising my hands. “Sorry. I’ll call you later?”

“Sure.”

She walked away and never looked back.

Fuck. This is not good.

***

“Daddy, look what I made!” Back at our place, Saylor removed drawing after drawing from her backpack.

“Wow, that’s beautiful, baby. Is it a giraffe?”

My daughter giggled. “No, Daddy. It’s you!”

I squinted at the paper. “What are those things on my head?”

“It’s the party hats you wore on my birthday.”

“Oooohhh.” I nodded. That made sense now. When we sang happy birthday to her, I’d been wearing two of those cardboard hats with elastic strings on top of my head.

Saylor clasped her hands behind her back and rocked back and forth. “I made it with the markers Billie gave me for my birthday.”

Hearing that name from my daughter’s mouth made my heart sink. I’d called Billie three times today. The first two times it rang and rang before going to voicemail. The third time it rang once and went to the recording immediately—like she’d hit ignore on her phone. Which gave me an idea. I looked at the time on my cell. It was only about five. She might still be working.

“How would you like to stop by Billie’s shop downstairs and show her what you made?”

Saylor jumped up and down. “Yes! Yes!”

I smiled. “Go grab your shoes.”

Justine was at the desk when we walked in. She smiled. “Hey, Saylor. How are you?”

“Good.”

I motioned toward the back. “Is Billie still here?”

“Yep. She just finished up her last customer. You can go on back. It’s just her and Deek cleaning up for the day.”

“Thanks.”

Billie was washing the mirror at her workstation. Her face fell when she saw me in the reflection.

Shit. It’s even worse than I thought. Like a coward, I nudged my daughter to walk into the room first. “Hey. We just stopped by to show you the picture Saylor made with the markers you got her.”

Deek looked over at me and folded his arms across his chest.

Damn…she told him, too. I lifted my chin anyway. “What’s up, Deek?”

His answer was to shoot daggers at me. After an awkward couple of seconds, Billie and Deek exchanged glances before she took a deep breath and walked over to us. She knelt in front of Saylor and put on a smile. “Let me see what you made, honey.”

Saylor handed her the construction paper.

“Wow, good job. It looks just like your dad.”

My brows shot up. “How did you know it was me?”

She pointed to the paper. “The party hats.”

I smiled. “Guess that’s why I’m an architect and not an artist.” Shoving my hands into my pockets, I rocked back and forth on my heels. “How was your day?”

She glanced up at me and pursed her lips. “Saylor, sweetheart, why don’t you show your beautiful artwork to Deek.” Turning to her employee, her tone didn’t leave much room for options. “Deek, would you mind taking Saylor up front to look at her drawing? I think Amazon delivered a few cases of snacks earlier. I’m sure you can find one she’d like.”

He nodded. “No problem, boss.”

When he walked past, he hit me with a warning glare. “I’ll be right out there.”

As soon as Deek closed the door behind them, Billie poked her finger into my chest. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

I raised both my hands in question. “Do what?”

“Use your sweet, innocent daughter to try to get back into my good graces.”

I sighed. “How else was I supposed to talk to you? I tried to call you three times.”

“Do you not know how to take a hint? I didn’t feel like talking to you, Colby.”

“Today or forever?”

“I don’t know.”

She wasn’t looking at me, so I crouched down so our eyes were aligned. “I swear to God, Billie, nothing happened. I went as Holden’s wingman. There were three women. Holden was hooking up with one, and I had too much to drink and passed out in the bathroom after puking. When I got up this morning, all four of them were in bed naked.”

Billie’s lip curled in disgust. “Please don’t tell me any more.”

“I’m sorry. But it’s the truth. Nothing happened with me and any of the women. Do you believe me?”

She took a deep breath and sighed. “It doesn’t matter, Colby.”

“Of course it does.”

“No, it doesn’t. In fact, you don’t owe me any explanation, and there’s nothing to apologize about since there’s nothing going on between us.”

“Give me a break, Billie. Of course there is. We might not be having sex or dating, but there’s something going on between us.”

She looked away. “There isn’t. I’m sorry if I led you to believe there was.”

I could handle her being mad at me. I could even handle if she didn’t believe what I said. But I couldn’t handle her pretending nothing was going on between us anymore. Because I knew what I felt wasn’t one-sided. At least I had before I’d gone and fucked everything up.

I crossed my arms. “You know what? Keep telling yourself that. Maybe eventually, you’ll start to believe it.” I shook my head. “And you’re right. I shouldn’t have come with my daughter. Not once in four years have I used her like that, not for anything. It may have been wrong, but that should tell you that what’s going on between us is pretty damn real…at least for me.” I paused. “I’ll see you around.”