The Rules of Dating

“I spoke to Richard Weber a little while ago,” my attorney told Maya and me as we sat in his office the following week. “I usually give the investigator a courtesy call to let them know if I’ll be joining a client at a Stokes hearing.”

“How’d that go?” I asked.

He frowned. “Unfortunately, he didn’t think the home visit went as well as you guys did.”

Shit. I looked over at Maya. “Did he mention why?”

“Something about a drawing on the refrigerator that showed you holding hands with the babysitter.”

I closed my eyes. I’d noticed Saylor’s artwork the morning after the investigator’s surprise visit when I’d grabbed the milk out of the fridge. But I’d chosen to allow myself to believe he hadn’t seen it, since both Billie and I thought the visit had gone well. I also didn’t have the heart to take away the positivity Billie was feeling after she’d jumped into the role of babysitter without even a warning.

Maya glared at me. “Your stupid little girlfriend is going to ruin this for both of us.”

The hair on the back of my neck rose. “First of all, don’t call Billie my stupid little girlfriend. She deserves a hell of a lot more respect than that, especially from you, considering she’s taken on the responsibility of being the woman in Saylor’s life when you shrugged your role off like it was nothing. And second of all, the only one capable of ruining anything here is you, because you dragged us all into this mess.”

“Well, if you wouldn’t have—” Maya began, but my attorney interrupted her.

“Alright, alright.” He motioned with his hands for us to lower our voices. “Why don’t we settle down. Pointing fingers isn’t going to help this situation at all.” He looked back and forth between us and sighed. “You two need to be on the same page and find a way to get along. Things have become serious now. The investigator also mentioned that he plans to seek criminal charges if the Stokes hearing doesn’t convince him your marriage is legitimate.”

I got up from my chair to pace back and forth in front of Adam’s desk. “Jesus Christ. I can’t go to prison.” I buried my hands in my hair and pulled as I walked. “I have a four-year-old who needs me. What the hell are we going to do? Can we withdraw the petition, maybe tell the investigator we’re getting a divorce because Maya cheated on me or something?”

Maya calmly examined her manicure and rolled her eyes. “Men are far more likely to cheat than women…”

Adam shook his head. “We can withdraw the petition, but that won’t necessarily stop a prosecution. I’ve had cases where the couple didn’t attend the Stokes hearing, yet the investigator still went after them.”

“Fuck. What do we do now?”

“You don’t have much of a choice here, Colby. You need to pass the Stokes with flying colors.”

“We couldn’t even pass a joint interview that lasted an hour, and now this guy is out for blood. How the hell are we going to pass an eight-hour interrogation?”

“You want my advice?”

“Of course.”

“You have two weeks before the hearing. Move in together. You’ll learn everything about each other and then some. Trust me, I’ve been married for twelve years and didn’t live with my wife before the wedding. There’s a lot of truth to the old adage that you don’t really know someone until you live with them.”

I shook my head. “No fucking way.”

“Don’t be a stubborn mule,” Maya said. “We don’t have a choice, Colby.”

“I’d rather rot in prison than spend two weeks cooped up with you.”

Maya rolled her eyes again.

I stopped pacing and stood with my hands on my hips as I spoke to my attorney. “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”

Adam shook his head. “I don’t think so. You know what you’re in for at the hearing.”

“Fine. Then I’m leaving.” I walked toward the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Maya shouted.

“As far as possible away from you.”

The office was two blocks away from my subway line. But just as I was about to descend the stairs, I noticed a bar a few doors down. My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest, so I decided to have a quick shot or two to take the edge off. Inside, the bar was dark, with only a few old men sitting around. I sidled up to an empty spot near the door and ordered a double shot of tequila. Luckily the bartender didn’t want to talk and just took my money in exchange for the alcohol and a lime. I knocked it back and skipped the fruit, wanting the burn to last for as long as possible. Then I raised my hand to call the bartender back. “One more, please.”

He nodded. “You got it.”

The second double shot went down easier than the first, and I probably could have kept going. But I didn’t want to get shitfaced. So I tossed two twenties on the bar to close out my bill. As I did, my phone buzzed with an incoming text. Maya’s name flashed in preview, making my teeth clench. I was just about to stuff my cell back in my pocket and ignore the message, but then I remembered Billie was coming over later, and I didn’t want Maya blowing up my phone. So I swiped to read the text, never loosening my jaw.

Maya: We need to move in together or you will go to jail.

I immediately typed back.

Colby: Go fuck yourself.

A few seconds later, another text came in. Except this time, it was a voice text. I hit play, expecting to hear Maya’s righteous tone, but instead my own voice came through.

“I’m only marrying you so you can stay in this country and will leave my daughter alone. After it’s done, don’t contact me. I’m pretending this sham of a marriage never happened.”

That bitch must’ve recorded me at our second meeting at the coffee shop. Before I could figure out what the hell she was trying to prove by sending it to me now, another text arrived.

Maya: I’ll be at your apartment with my stuff Saturday morning. If you don’t let me in, this recording is going to the investigator.

***

“Oh no.” Billie frowned the second she caught a glimpse of me, even though I’d forced a smile.

I shook my head as I stepped aside to let her in. “How do you always know when I had a shitty day before I say a word?”

Billie stopped in front of me as she passed and pushed up on her tiptoes. She pressed her lips to mine and mussed my hair. “This. It’s a dead giveaway.”

“My hair?”

She smiled and nodded. “You yank at it when you’re stressed, and then it sticks up in a thousand directions.”

I closed the door. “No wonder I’m going to prison; I can’t hide anything. I didn’t even know I did that.”

Billie pointed to the half-empty bottle of wine on the dining room table. “I get the feeling I’m going to need one of those.”

I nodded and motioned to the living room. “Go sit down. I’ll pour you one and refill mine. Or maybe I’ll just chug from the bottle.”

After I fixed us each a full glass, we settled onto the couch.

“What happened?” she asked.

“The investigator saw the picture Saylor drew of you and me holding hands.”

“The one on the refrigerator? I didn’t think he went into the kitchen.” Her shoulders slumped. “I guess it must’ve been when I went into Saylor’s room with her. I’m so sorry I didn’t hide that, Colby.”

“You have zero to apologize for. You handled that surprise visit like a champ. I definitely would have fucked it up if I’d answered.”

Billie sipped her wine. “So what happens next?”

“We’re supposed to go to the hearing in two weeks. If we don’t pass, the investigator plans on filing criminal charges.”

Billie’s eyes widened. “You said we’re supposed to. Does that mean you’re not planning on attending?”

“I’m thinking about going to the investigator and telling him the truth, that the marriage was a fraud, but I was blackmailed into it.” I shrugged. “He mentioned he has a kid. Maybe he’ll have compassion when I tell him why I did it and just let me pay a big fine.”

Billie shook her head. “I don’t know, Colby. What if he doesn’t care that you’re the sole caretaker of your daughter and you did it to protect her? Then you’ve just admitted you committed fraud to an immigration investigator. Maybe you should take your chances at the hearing and see how it goes?”

I shook my head. “We’re never going to pass that interview. He already knows it’s a fraud, and he’s going to be all over us with every question.”

“But at least you have a chance. If you go to him and admit what you’ve done, you have zero chance.”

I gulped my wine. “I have zero chance anyway. Maya recorded me saying I’m only marrying her so she can stay in this country and the entire marriage is a sham. She says if I don’t do exactly what she wants, she’s turning the recording over to the investigator.”

Billie’s forehead wrinkled. “I don’t understand. You’re already doing exactly what she wants.”

I shook my head. “It’s never enough with her. Now she’s demanding we move in together until the hearing. My attorney suggested it so we could get to know each other and have a better shot at answering questions.”

Billie blinked a few times. “Oh…wow. I guess if you live like a married couple, it would give you a chance to get to know each other on a different level.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m not doing it.”

“Well, then let’s go back to your plan and play it out. Let’s say you go to the investigator and admit what you did and he’s sympathetic and only hits you with a fine and doesn’t press for jail time. What happens then? Even if that works, the only other way for Maya to stay in this country is to apply as the mother of her child who is a US citizen, right? So you’re back to square one.”

I shook my head. “Not if she’s locked up for immigration fraud.”

“Okay, let’s say she gets some jail time. We have to assume when she gets out she’s going to want to stay in the US. Might you just be prolonging the inevitable? Or what if she also gets fined and then applies for custody immediately?”

“Jesus, Billie. Whose side are you on?”

“I’m on your side, Colby, of course. That’s why I don’t want you to make any rash decisions. You need to think this through, look at it from all angles, and play out all possible outcomes.”

My head felt like it was spinning. “I don’t feel so great. Would you mind if we talked about this later? Right now, I just really need to hold you.”

Billie’s face softened. “Sure.”

For the next half hour, I sat with my arms wrapped around my girl. She leaned her back to my chest, and I rested my chin on the top of her head. It felt good, but even that wasn’t enough to shake the feeling of impending doom. Since she’d come after her late night at work, it was soon almost ten o’clock.

“You want to watch some TV before we go to bed?” I asked.

Billie turned to face me. She put a hand on my chest. “Actually, I think I’m going to head home.”

“What? Why?”

“You need some time to think, and I do too.”

I didn’t like it one bit, but I couldn’t argue if space was something Billie needed. So I nodded and tried not to pout. “Okay. Whatever you want. But I’m calling you an Uber.”

Unfortunately, when I hit confirm on the app, the car was only three minutes away, and she still had to get downstairs on the slow-as-shit elevator. “It’s going to be here by the time you get outside.”

Billie nodded, and I walked her to the door. Before I opened it, I took her face in my hands. “I love you. I’m so sorry I’m putting you through this shit.”

“I love you, too.”

“Can I see you tomorrow night?”

“I have a busy afternoon at the shop. Can I let you know?”

A heaviness settled into my chest, yet I nodded. “Sure. Get some sleep.”

“You, too.”

***

The following day, it took every bit of my willpower not to text Billie until the afternoon. I managed to make it until three o’clock.

Colby: Hey, beautiful. Can I make you dinner tonight?

It took almost an hour for her to text back.

Billie: My last appointment is at five. Could we talk for a bit right after I get off, before the babysitter goes home?

I got the feeling that meant she wasn’t planning on staying over again, but I was desperate and would take whatever I could get.

Colby: Sure. I’ll see if she can stay a little later, too.

Billie: See you soon.

When I walked into the shop after work, Deek’s face told me I hadn’t been the only one unable to stop thinking about things today. He laid a hand on my shoulder. “Keep strong, man.”

I nodded and walked over to Billie, who was in the back stocking her portable cart.

“Hey.” I brushed my lips with hers.

Her smile was sad. “I’ll be done in a few minutes.”

“Take your time. The sitter can stay until whenever I need her to.”

“Okay.”

We were both silent until she finished and grabbed her purse. “Do you want to go for a walk, maybe?”

“Sure.” I shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

We walked to a park a few blocks from the shop and got hot dogs from the truck that was always parked at the entrance. Then we sat down on a bench inside and made awkward small talk while we ate. After, I wiped my mouth and lifted a knee up on the bench so I could look at her while I spoke.

“I would give anything for an easy way to fix this so we could go back to the way things are supposed to be, Billie.”

She touched my cheek. “I know you would, Colby, and that’s part of what makes you a special person. You’re willing to sacrifice whatever it takes for the people you love, including your own happiness.” She paused and took a deep breath. “And that’s why I also know that when I ask you to do something for me, you will.”

My brows drew together. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

Billie held my eyes. “I need you to let Maya move in.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

She shook her head. “I’m very serious, Colby. I was up all night thinking about things. It’s the only real solution we have. You need to redeem yourself as a married couple during this second interview, and the only chance you have to do that is if you spend time with each other. You need to know things you can’t study for, like your morning routines and habits, and you only have two weeks to learn it all.”

I shook my head. “I can’t do that, Billie. I can’t do that to us.”

“You wouldn’t be doing it to us. You’d be doing it for us. I see you, me, and Saylor as a team, and this team needs to do what is best for Saylor, regardless of how we personally feel.” Billie’s eyes filled with tears. “I love Saylor, too. I’ll never be able to live with myself if my selfishness—not wanting you to live with another woman for a few weeks—got her hurt. So I’m not taking no for an answer. Maya is moving in, and you two are going to spend every waking moment together getting to know each other.”

I had to swallow the giant lump in my throat to be able to speak. “It means the world to me how much you care about Saylor.”

She sniffled. “Well, that’s good, because that’s what we both need to focus on for the next couple of weeks.”

I leaned my forehead to Billie’s and lost the battle to hold back my own tears. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened in my life.”

Tears began to stream down her face, too. “So it’s settled, then. Maya is moving in.”

It felt wrong in my heart, but my head couldn’t deny it was probably the best shot I had at getting through the hearing. So I nodded.

Billie took a deep breath. “There’s just one more thing I need you to do for me.”

“Anything.”

“I can’t see you for a while.”

I froze. “What do you mean?”

“My heart will be with you, but it will be too painful to deal with seeing you when you’ll be going home to another woman. And you need to spend all of your spare time on getting to know Maya, not hanging out with me.”

“But…”

Billie held her finger to my lips and shook her head. “I need you to do this for me,

Colby. Please.”