The Rules of Dating

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

I checked my phone for the hundredth time on Tuesday morning. Apparently, I was counting down the minutes until the hour of doom.

Colby’s sham ceremony was scheduled for just before 4 PM this afternoon. Five hours left until my boyfriend would marry someone else. I knew it wasn’t as simple as that—it wasn’t a “real” wedding—but it still hurt like a motherfucker. As much as I hated that it had come to this, I was happy he’d decided to bite the bullet. This meant one step closer to the nightmare being over.

Saylor.

Saylor.

Saylor.

This is all for Saylor, I reminded myself.

I kept trying to dive into work today because I had no choice. But my brain and hands just couldn’t communicate with one another. I’d had one other bad workday like this—right after Maya showed up. But today took the cake. And to make matters worse, I was fully booked, so I’d have multiple opportunities to fuck something up.

Deek had been watching me crash and burn all morning: dropping tools, forgetting where things were, asking a client to repeat the details of the ink they wanted more than once. The only thing I hadn’t done was screw up a design. That was one thing I’d never done, and I didn’t want to start today.

After my second client left, Deek went to the front of the shop, changed the sign on the door from open to closed, and pulled down the shades on the windows.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m shutting us down for the day,” he explained.

“Why?”

“You’re not in your right mind. I’ve got Justine calling all of the remaining clients to reschedule.”

I looked over at Justine, who had the phone to her ear. She waved at me. This felt like an ambush.

“Clients are counting on me.” I looked around frantically. “You can’t just make that call to close down. This is my shop!”

“What are you gonna do? Fire me?” He laughed as he walked over to the door. “Come on, butterfingers. Let’s get out of here.”

After a few seconds of standing in a huff with my arms crossed, I conceded and grabbed my purse. I waved to Justine, who still had the phone to her ear. “You’ll lock up?” I asked her.

She nodded and gave me a thumbs up.

“Where are we going?” I asked Deek.

“Anywhere and everywhere, my friend. I am going to occupy every second of this day so you’re not suffering, thinking about you know what. We are going to make the time pass in the least painful ways possible.”

We headed out the door together, and I followed Deek down the sidewalks of New York, secretly relieved that he’d absolved me of the struggle to remain professional today.

For our first stop, Deek led me into a candy store, of all places—the kind where you grab a bag and fill it to your heart’s content.

“Why are we going here?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Because I’m making this up as I go along? You once told me that when you were younger, you’d fill up one of these bags and go to town when you were sad about something. I thought it’d be nostalgic. Plus, I had a hankering for some chocolate.”

I’d never been one to turn down candy. I grabbed a bag and went after all of my favorites—Sour Patch Kids, Skittles, gummy worms, and SweeTARTS. Deek filled his mostly with chocolate.

Ten minutes of picking out junk had definitely managed to take my mind off things, until I got to one of the last bins.

The sign atop the Jordan Almonds read: Perfect for wedding favors! Suddenly all of my thoughts about the impending ceremony came flooding back.

Deek must have noticed me frozen in front of the white almonds. “Aw, shit,” he said behind me.

“Perfect day for a wedding, isn’t it, Deek?” I rolled my eyes.

“Those candy-coated almonds suck. Nearly broke my tooth on one when I was a kid.” He dragged me by the arm. “Come on. Let’s check out.”

After he paid for our candy, we once again roamed the streets.

“Where are we going now?” I asked, chewing on a blue-and-red gummy worm.

“If I tell you, you’re gonna nix it. So just go with the flow.”

He hailed a cab and directed the driver to take us to Times Square. The next thing I knew, we were in front of Madame Tussauds. My jaw dropped. “You’re taking me to the wax museum?”

“You said you’d never been.”

“That’s true. But there’s a reason for that. I have no interest.”

“Come on. It’ll be fun,” he said, helping me out of the cab.

Honestly? He was right. Deek and I had a blast posing for pictures with the wax figures and chatting them up. We discussed politics with Barack Obama and let Britney Spears know how relieved we were for the end of her conservatorship. We inserted ourselves as additional members of the British royal family and the Kardashians. I blended in pretty well with the latter. With my long, black hair, I was like the long-lost tattooed sister. We also danced with Beyoncé—that had to be my favorite part.

The fun ended, however, when we came upon a display featuring The Beatles. There was nothing wrong with it per se, aside from the fact that John Lennon made me think of Colby Lennon, which sent me down the rabbit hole. Ugh.

My eyes were fixed on John when Deek came up behind me. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Yoko?”

I continued to stare at the figure. “You know Colby’s last name is Lennon, right? After today it’s going to be Maya’s last name, too.”

“For fuck’s sake.” Deek sighed. “Another change of pace needed, stat! Let’s get the hell outta here and find something to eat.”

We left Madame Tussauds and hit Katz’s Deli for my favorite pastrami sandwich. Then we hopped on the subway and went to Central Park to have our lunch on a bench. We’d just finished eating when I spotted a couple approaching. She wore a wedding gown and held up the bottom of her veil so it didn’t drag on the ground. They were about to say their vows in the middle of the park. Then a horse and carriage appeared, waiting to whisk them away after.

When Deek saw them, he hung his head in defeat. The poor guy had tried like hell to distract me, and the universe dealt him quite a blow.

“Someone up there just doesn’t want me to forget, Deek.”

“First of all, look at her dress. It’s horrendous. And not a tat on her. Boring as hell.” He sighed and stood up. “Okay, you know what? I was thinking we could get through this day without alcohol, but doesn’t look like that’s going to be the case. Let’s find a bar.”

“It’s five o’clock somewhere.” I hopped up from the bench. “Lead the way.”

We went back out to the street, and Deek searched down the block for the nearest bar. Once he found it, we headed inside, took a corner seat, and settled in to spend the afternoon.

I was already on my second beer when my phone rang. Colby. It was nearly 3 PM, which meant “it” hadn’t happened yet. I picked up and tried to sound cheery. “Hey.”

He, on the other hand, sounded out of breath. “Where are you? I’m at the shop, and it’s closed.”

Oh no. “Crap, really? I’m at a bar with Deek.”

“Why?”

I didn’t want to lie. “Okay…I might have had some trouble focusing this morning. And Deek made the executive decision to close down after the first couple of clients today. We’ve been wandering around the city.”

“Which bar are you at?”

I didn’t even know. “What’s the name of this place?” I asked Deek.

“Sammie’s.”

“Sammie’s. It’s somewhere near the Park.”

“Shit. That’s far. I needed to see you and figured maybe you’d have time for a quick visit if I stopped by before I had to head to the courthouse.”

I felt terrible. “That wasn’t the plan, Colby. You said you were going there straight from work. I wish I’d known.”

“I know.” He sighed. “I just…needed to make sure you were okay. I didn’t feel like I could go through with this if you weren’t. And admittedly, I wanted to see you. I just…” His words trailed off. “I don’t know. I’m not okay right now.”

My chest constricted. “I’m not really okay, either. But that doesn’t matter. Because you marrying her will never feel okay. Feeling okay is not what it’s about. Nothing is going to make it feel okay for either of us, you know? We just have to accept that.”

“I don’t have to go through with it,” he said in an urgent tone.

“Yes, you do.” I sighed deeply. “You know you do.”

There was a long pause where all I could hear was his breathing. I wished I didn’t have alcohol in me because it made me more emotional than I wanted to be at this moment. Tears stung my eyes.

“Let me talk to Deek,” he finally said.

I handed the phone to my friend. “Colby wants to talk to you.”

“Yo,” Deek said as he took the call. He listened, and then he nodded. “Yeah. No worries.” He paused. “Take care of yourself, man. I’ve got it covered.” Deek handed the phone back to me.

“Hey,” I said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you,” Colby said. “But I’m glad you’re with Deek.”

“It’s probably better that we missed each other. Seeing me would bring out all the emotions. You shouldn’t be emotional going into this. It’s a business transaction.”

“Of the worst kind, yeah. Pretty sure I’d rather be meeting with the mafia right now.”

I looked at the time. He had less than an hour. “You’d better go. The courthouse is on the other side of town. You don’t want to be late.”

“Yes, I do want to be late. I’d like to get married to her at a half past never.”

I put on my big-girl panties for a moment. “Colby, it’ll be okay. You got this.” Exhaling, I said, “Call me when it’s over, okay?”

“Okay.”

Then I hung up before he could say anything else. I could tell he wasn’t going to be the first to hang up. I immediately regretted ending the call, but I couldn’t bear it if he’d said something that made me cry. I didn’t want to turn into a blubbering mess in this bar. That wouldn’t have been good for him or me.

“What did he say to you?” I asked Deek.

“He thanked me for looking out for you today. That’s all. He’s really worried about you.”

I ran my finger along the condensation on the beer bottle and became lost in my thoughts. A few minutes later, I looked up and noticed someone waving as he walked toward us. It was…Owen?

“Fancy meeting you here.” He grinned.

He was dressed in a navy three-piece suit. His shiny watch gleamed. Everything was on point.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

He clasped hands with Deek. “This bar is not far from my office. Figured I’d come for a little happy hour.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Really…”

Owen sat down with us and signaled for the waitress before ordering a beer. “What’s new with you guys?” he asked.

“Nothing much. Just trying to forget the fact that Colby is getting married in the next hour.” I took a long sip.

Owen played dumb. “Oh, is that today?”

“Come on, Owen. You knew it was today.”

His expression darkened. “Yeah, I did. He just texted me to come by and check on you. He knew Deek was with you, but I think Colby wanted some representation from his side to make sure you were okay. If he couldn’t be here, I was the next best thing.”

“Well…thank you. But that’s totally unnecessary,” I said.

“Anything I can do to make this day easier for Colby, I’m gonna do it.”

“This is a rarity, though. You left the office before four PM?” I teased.

“I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I left work early.”

A little while later, Brayden walked toward our table in the corner with a big smile on his face.

“Not you, too?” I said.

“What?” He shrugged. “I’m just here for a drink.” He winked and looked over at Deek. “’Sup, man?” Then Brayden gave me a look like he felt sorry for me. “How are you doing?”

“Jesus Christ. Nobody died,” I shouted. “Why is everyone acting like someone died?”

Brayden patted my shoulder. “If you’re okay, then we’re okay.”

“I heard there was a party!” another voice yelled.

Holden. I shook my head and laughed. “I should’ve known this was going to be a trifecta.”

Holden bent to kiss my cheek. “Hey, Billie. Looking amazing as always.” He nodded toward Deek. “Hey, man. I saw your Instagram. What the hell were you guys doing with the Kardashians today?”

“You’re not serious, are you?” Deek cackled.

Holden winked as he sat down. “So what are we drinkin’?”

I lifted my bottle. “Beer.”

“Sounds good to me.” He grabbed a menu. “Let me see what they have on tap.” Holden lifted his hand to flag down the server.

“How is it that all three of you have the time to babysit me today?”

“It’s simple,” Holden said. “When one of us needs something, we drop everything. And there’s nothing more important to Colby today than making sure you’re okay. So of course, I had to come look out for you. I’m his best friend.”

Brayden and Owen whipped their heads toward Holden at the same time.

“Who the fuck crowned you Colby’s best friend?” Owen snapped.

“Yeah.” Brayden agreed. “Who died and made you the best friend?”

“Who died? Uh, Ryan, dumbass,” Holden answered.

The table went quiet.

Then Holden pointed at them. “Anyway, did you offer to marry Maya last night so Colby didn’t have to?”

“No,” Brayden squinted.

Holden flashed a smug grin. “That’s right. You didn’t. Cuz you’re not the best friend. I am. A best friend would have offered to marry her.”

I blinked. “Wait… Come again, Holden? What did you do?”

“That’s what all the chicks say to me.” He winked. “Come again.”

“Seriously, Holden,” Deek interjected. “You offered to marry Maya?”

Holden took a long swig of his beer and shrugged. “Yeah. I mean…I went to Colby’s late last night and offered to do the deed so he wouldn’t have to, so she would leave him alone. I was dead serious. I would’ve absolutely married her.”

“That was really sweet of you, Holden, but totally nuts,” I said. “Nuts only because I know it was more than just an offer. You would have gone through with it.”

“That’s right. Why is that so crazy? I don’t have a girlfriend like Colby does. No skin off my back. Nobody’s gonna be hurt. But he thought it would be too complicated because of Saylor and the attorneys and stuff. Wish I had thought of it sooner. I was totally willing to pretend to be in love with the bitch just to get her out of his hair. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for that guy. If there’s one thing Ryan’s death taught me, it’s that your true friends are the most important thing in your life. Even more important than family sometimes, depending on who your family is.”

Deek placed his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t I know it. This chick is my lifeline. When times are tough, I know I can count on her. And her on me. That’s why I’ve been dragging her ass around the city today to try to get her mind off shit.” He lifted his finger. “I didn’t, however, agree to marry Maya. So, Holden, you’re a better man than I am.”

Everyone laughed.

I was one lucky girl to have all these guys by my side today.

“Billie, are you ready to laugh your ass off?” Owen asked.

“Sure. Lay it on me.”

He looked over at Holden. “Have you ever heard of someone accidentally getting a Prince Albert?”

Owen then proceeded with a dramatic retelling of Holden’s crazy story of the blowjob that nearly gave him a cock piercing. They actually managed to make me laugh. But at a certain point, my attention drifted away as they continued to joke around. Everything at our table faded into the background once I glanced over at the clock.

Quarter to 4 PM. Colby was marrying Maya at this very moment, or close to it. At that point, I totally zoned out.

Then my phone chimed. It was a simple message. But a profound one.

Colby: I love you.

My heart broke. Because I just knew. He’d texted me that because it was about to happen. And he loved me.