The Rules of Dating a Younger Man

It was late, only a few minutes until the end of visiting hours, but I couldn’t wait to show Landon the attachment I’d made for his prosthetic Spider-Man arm. Well, I might have made two attachments—one for myself as well—because you’re never too old for superpowers, and you never know when you might need to catch someone in your web.

I walked into Memorial Hospital and went straight to the volunteer coordinator’s office to speak to Liz. Last time I’d visited, I had to wear scrubs and a mask because Landon’s treatment had left his immune system compromised. Hopefully that wasn’t the case anymore, but I figured I’d double-check before going up to the ward. But Liz’s office door was closed. It was almost eight. She was most likely gone for the day, so I decided to check in with the nurses’ station upstairs, instead.

Peyton, a PA I’d met a few times, was behind the desk when I arrived. “Hey, Brayden. It’s been a while.”

I nodded. “Yeah. The house we’re building had some permit issues, so the project was put on hold for a few months, but things are full steam ahead again. I’m hoping we’ll be able to start booking families sometime next month.”

She smiled. “That’s great news.”

“But in the meantime, I came to deliver a new toy. Actually, it’s more of an add-on to something I already made.”

“You make the coolest stuff. Can I see what you have?”

I set the box down on the counter and took out one of the wrist attachments. Landon’s would connect to his prosthetic arm with a magnet so he could take it off and on easily. But mine strapped around my forearm. I wrapped it on and held my arm up. “This is how Spider-Man catches the bad guys.” I positioned my fingers into the usual Spidey stance—thumb, pinky, and forefinger pointed out—and used my other hand to press the button on my wrist. A net launched out of a concealed hole, shooting at least ten feet in front of me.

Peyton laughed. “I wish you could’ve seen your face when that net shot out. You’re really a big kid at heart, aren’t you?”

“What guy isn’t?”

She chuckled. “So who’s the lucky recipient of this gadget?”

“Landon Wilkes. I configured his so it attaches to the arm I already made him.”

Peyton’s face dropped.

I knew immediately that things hadn’t improved like I’d hoped. My stomach sank. “His immune system is still compromised?” I asked.

Peyton shook her head. “I’m sorry, Brayden. We should’ve called you. Landon passed away a week ago.”

My heart lurched to my throat. “What?”

She nodded. “I’m really sorry. He was very sick.”

“Peyton!” A nurse called from down the hall. “Can you give me a hand for a minute?”

Peyton patted my hand. “I’ll be right back.”

I bit back tears, unable to move as my eyes darted around the unit. To my left, a guy in a gray housekeeping uniform mopped the floor, whistling. He smiled when our eyes met. To my right, two kids who couldn’t have been more than nine or ten years old came down the hall laughing, pushing their IV poles. Peyton and the nurse who’d called her were a few feet away trying to figure something out on the computer they always rolled around on a cart. Everything seemed ordinary. Like any other time I’d visited.

Except it wasn’t. Landon was gone.

I looked around for a few more minutes. Life just kept rolling on. When I tasted salt in my throat, I decided I didn’t need to wait for Peyton to come back. There was nothing more to say or do. So I left the box on the counter—with my contraption and the one I’d made for my little buddy—and returned to the elevator.

***

“Brayden?”

I looked up, but not even finding Alex standing in the lobby of the hotel a day earlier than I’d expected could lighten my mood. “Hey.”

She frowned. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

I thumbed over my shoulder. “I just got back from the hospital. I made Landon this…” The words clogged in my throat, and the tears that had been threatening since I left the hospital spilled out.

Alex closed the distance between us and wrapped me in her arms. “Oh no.”

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t keep it together anymore. I cried like a damn baby as she held me.

“Let it out,” she whispered. “Holding it in doesn’t do us any good.”

Somehow we went from standing in the middle of the lobby to sitting on a couch in a quiet corner, yet I didn’t remember walking there. It had been a long time since I cried, and evidently all the tears I’d held back over the years had been waiting for their moment.

Alex rubbed her hand up and down my back. “I’m so sorry,” her voice cracked. “I’m so sorry, Brayden.”

Hearing her sadness might’ve been the only thing that stopped me from blubbering for hours. Once I knew Alex was in pain, a switch flipped. I went from self-pity to protective mode. “I’m okay.” I sniffled. But tears were now silently streaming down Alex’s cheeks. I wiped them away with my thumb. “Please don’t cry. I can’t bear to see you upset.”

She smiled sadly. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Like that’s ever going to happen.”

Alex rested her head on my shoulder and sighed. “You made his life brighter.”

“It’s not fair. He was just a kid.”

“I know. At least he’s not in pain anymore. He went through so much.”

I stared out into the lobby. People were coming and going, just like any other evening, the same way everyone had been at the hospital. “It just feels wrong that the world doesn’t stop, even for a moment, to grieve.”

Alex laced her fingers with mine. “We can grieve together.”

We stayed that way for a long time, sitting hand in hand in silence, stopping our lives in honor of Landon. Eventually, I took a deep breath and squeezed her fingers. “I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should. But now I’m glad I did.”

I nodded. “Me too.”

“I didn’t check in yet. I saw you when I was on my way to the reception desk. Did you eat dinner? I don’t think the hotel’s restaurant has closed.”

I shook my head. “I couldn’t possibly eat.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah. I understand. You should get some rest. Would you want to have breakfast in the morning?”

“I’d like that.”

She smiled. “Me, too.”

It seemed neither of us wanted to be the first to move, but when my phone buzzed with a call from Liz, I showed it to Alex. “It’s the volunteer coordinator at the hospital. Why don’t you go check in while I answer?”

“Okay. Good idea.”

Alex came back just as I’d ended the call.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

I nodded. “I left a box at the nurses’ station with something I’d made for Landon’s prosthetic arm—a Spider-Man web shooter. The PA must’ve called Liz at home to let her know I’d come by. She wanted to apologize for not calling me last week, and she asked if it would be okay to send what I’d made to his parents. Apparently his older brother has taken an interest in prosthetics, and she thought he might appreciate the add-on.”

“Oh, that’s really nice.”

“That’s how I became interested in the field, too, through my buddy Ryan.”

“The world may not stop, but it changes. Because of your friend Ryan, you’ve made the prosthetics industry a little better with your technology. Maybe Landon’s brother will do the same.”

“I hope so.”

Alex and I walked to the elevators together. Inside, I pushed the button for the fifth floor. “What floor?” I asked.

“I’m on five, too.”

We both turned right as we exited, and Alex stopped at room 519. I pointed to the door right next to hers. “Seriously? I’m right there, five twenty-one.”

She swiped her keycard. “It seems like the universe knew we might need each other today.”

I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying, I need you every day.

“Is eight okay for breakfast?” she asked.

“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

***

“Morning.” I was already on my third cup of coffee when Alex came downstairs at ten before eight the next morning. I’d also already finished my breakfast.

She looked at my empty plate. “Am I late? I thought we were meeting at eight?”

“We were. But I was up early and wanted to get on the road. Sorry. I thought about knocking since I know you’re an early riser, but I listened at your door and didn’t hear anything. I thought maybe you slept in.”

“I did. I had trouble falling asleep last night, so I slept until almost seven thirty. But if you want to get on the road, I don’t need to order anything for breakfast. I can just grab a cup of coffee to go. I always keep a protein bar in my purse.”

“Actually…I’m going to get on the road to Philly. That’s why I waited for you. I wanted to ask if you would mind running things for Ryan’s House today, in my absence.”

“Oh. Of course. But is everything okay?”

I wiped my mouth with my napkin. “Yeah. I just need to take a quick road trip to visit Ryan.”

“Ryan?” Alex’s nose scrunched up. “Your friend who…”

I nodded. “I go there sometimes to talk things out. That’s what Ryan and I were to each other—sounding boards. He might be gone, yet he’s oddly still here for me. I didn’t sleep so well last night, but I woke up with clarity this morning—I need to go visit him today. It’s been too long.”

“How far is the drive from here?”

“It’s a few hundred miles, should take about four-and-a-half hours. So I’ll be gone all day.”

“Do you want me to take the ride with you?”

I smiled. “It’s nice of you to offer, but it’s something I need to do on my own. Plus, I need someone to fill in for me at the house. I already typed up a list of things that need to be done, in case you didn’t mind. I can text it to you.”

Alex waved me off. “Alright. You should get going. Don’t worry about the project at all. I’ve got you covered.”

I stood and kissed Alex’s forehead. “Thank you.”

***

“Hey, buddy.” Later that day, I dusted some dirt off the top of Ryan’s headstone. “It’s been a while. Sorry about that.”

There was a heavy feeling in my chest, but Ryan’s gravesite could always make me smile. He’d made sure of that. After he passed, his dad had handed out letters he’d written to everyone important in his life. They all ended the same way. P.S. Don’t come to my grave empty handed. Bring me something to eat. It had seemed like a bizarre request at the time, but it was always fun to see what random things were here when I arrived. Usually I could guess the recent visitors by the snacks they’d brought. Like today, I could tell Ryan’s mom and Lala had both been here in the last few weeks. The potato that leaned against the gravestone had sprouts growing out of it. Mrs. Miller always brought a potato since Ryan’s favorite food had been her homemade mashed potatoes. The dude could eat five pounds by himself. Lala must’ve come more recently since the bag of fortune cookies sitting opposite the old potato wasn’t even dirty yet.

Ryan’s little sister was a few years younger than us and the smartest person I knew, but she’d also been the most gullible when we were kids. When Ryan was maybe ten and Lala probably eight, he’d convinced her that the fortunes in fortune cookies came true if you believed in them enough. For the longest time, he had replaced all the fortunes in her fortune cookies with ridiculous shit—

Girl with blond hair, must dye pink to live long life.

(Lala used red Kool-Aid to dye her hair pink the next day.)

Woman who speaks three languages solves world hunger.

(She’s fluent in Spanish and Mandarin to this day.)

Lala wasn’t much of a cook, so every time she came to visit, she brought the same thing—a bag of fortune cookies. It was their thing. Which reminded me… I reached into my pocket and took out the small bag of Oreos I’d brought. Ryan and I used to devour an entire package, along with a gallon of milk, while watching Saturday-morning cartoons together.

“Here you go, buddy. Enjoy.”

I took a seat on the grass and looked around for a long time. The cemetery was pretty empty this afternoon, but people wouldn’t have stopped me from talking to my friend anyway.

“I’m not sure if you met him yet, but I’d appreciate it if you could keep a lookout for my little friend Landon.” I pulled a few pieces of grass from the ground and shook my head as I threw them back at the Earth. “Fucking cancer. It’s still kicking people’s asses here. He was just a damn kid.” I didn’t like my visits with Ryan to be completely depressing, so I decided to tell him about my life. A lot had happened since I’d been here.

“So…I have some news. Are you sitting down? You might not believe me, but I met someone. Her name is Alex, and she’s freaking incredible.” I paused and smiled, picturing her beautiful face. “I know, I never thought I’d see the day either. But you’d like her. She’s warm and caring, smart and funny—and of course, smokin’ hot. I’m in love, man.” I took a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure she feels the same way about me, though she won’t admit it. There’s one hell of a crazy story behind why. Actually, before I tell you—let me clarify that this is Brayden speaking and not Holden. Because this shit is gonna sound like something Holden would’ve gotten his ass into—before the lovely Lala, of course.”

For the next half hour, I sat there spilling my guts. I told him the entire story about Caitlin, and even brought him up to date about Lacey. “I wanted to do it, but I just couldn’t. I felt like I was cheating, even though Alex and I weren’t together, and I hadn’t seen her in months. I’m not sure what to do, how to move past it. Maybe you could help me out, give me some guidance, because I have no damn idea which way to turn.”

I scanned the quiet cemetery, searching for some sort of sign from my friend. Finding nothing, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe there wasn’t an answer, and the best I could do was try to find peace within. But then suddenly, a gust of wind stirred, blowing something into my lap. I opened my eyes and looked down, finding the bag of fortune cookies Lala had left behind.

I smiled. “I’m not as gullible as your little sister was, but okay… I’ll give it a try.”

Unfurling the bag, I reached in, pulled out the top cookie, and snapped it in half. The tiny slip of paper had the familiar series of lucky numbers printed on the back, and I flipped it over to read my fortune.

Never let no be the end of your story. Make it a chapter in your journey to yes.

“Seriously?” I looked over at the headstone, a smile tugging at my lips. “How the hell did you do that?”

I wasn’t sure I’d ever get that answer, but Ryan had given me what I needed—a swift kick in the ass. The answer had been obvious the entire time, though, hadn’t it? I’d sat here telling Ryan I was in love, and I thought she loved me, too. Yet I couldn’t figure out what to do. Had my head been up my ass or something? Because the answer was so damn obvious now—never let no be the end of your story.

I climbed to my feet in a hurry, shoving the slip of paper into my pocket. “Thanks, buddy. I know what I need to do now.”

My heart raced as I climbed into my car and took out my phone. I debated calling Alex, but I didn’t want anything to mess up what I was about to do. So I went with a text and jumped right in without any preamble.

Brayden: I’m madly in love with you. Be ready at 8 tonight.

I hit send and then realized she might think I was drunk or be confused about what she was supposed to be ready for. So I tapped out another message.

Brayden: In case you’re wondering, I’m perfectly sober. And dinner is at eight. Wear something sexy.

I hit send again, but then reconsidered telling her how to dress. She was in upstate New York for a construction project. She probably didn’t have anything sexy with her. I’d have to fix that. Some overpriced store must deliver. But first, another text…

Brayden: Something will be delivered for you to wear.

I might’ve lost my mind, but excitement pumped through my veins, so I didn’t give two shits. And screw it—since Alex was likely going to think I’d hit my head on something, I might as well jump in with both feet.

Brayden: And don’t wear anything underneath.

The little dots started to bounce around. Oh shit. Alex was typing back. She might tell me no—which I wasn’t going to accept. So before she could do that, I quickly tapped out one last text.

Brayden: Also, I’m blocking you right now, so I won’t get any texts or messages. Sorry/not sorry. See you at 8, beautiful.